Chapter 154: The Insignificance of Reason

[Translator – Aren]

I decided to shorten “the parallel world of 2038” and call it Korea-38.

The pastor and I headed north along the tracks from Yeonghwa Station toward central Seoul, prioritizing facilities where people were likely to be. The electricity and water were still working, so while we had precious daylight, scouting the surface made far more sense than searching the gloomy underground.

As we went, my theory started looking more and more correct.

The farther north we followed the tracks, the more everything vanished, not just the monsters, but even the swarms of parasites that had been splashing around in those shallow puddles. That didn’t mean we could relax. If anything, the unease only grew more oppressive with time. There were no people, no monsters, not even animals, so of course it did.

Not even insects like cockroaches or millipedes showed themselves. After what I’d seen happen to the Han River in our world in 2028, that was enough to make my lips go dry. Just as the Han River had become an abyss, could there be some place here swallowing living things and using them for nourishment?

-Huuuff…

Aside from the occasional sound of breathing through our gas masks, the pastor and I had both become incredibly tense before we knew it. Even the crunch of broken concrete beneath our combat boots got on our nerves, so we started setting our heels down first and treading as slowly and softly as possible. The more careful our steps became, the more oppressive the silence and echoes of the subway tunnel seemed to grow.

-Crrrrrunch.

In the midst of all that, I stepped on a piece of plastic. I felt both the pastor and me flinch slightly, but neither of us could take our attention off of the guns in our hands, so we kept walking in silence. Not long after, however, a truly horrifying problem arose.

Something that needed to be dealt with immediately.

I raised my left hand and stopped instantly. The pastor, following on my right, kept watch behind us and asked what was going on.

"A monster?"

"No. My eye itches.”

"For the love of—.”

It itches like hell. If it had been my perfectly healthy left eye, I could’ve just shrugged it off, but my dead right eye was itching like crazy.

Did I somehow get some sort of allergy without me knowing, or is it corpse poison? Pointless delusions immediately started bubbling up as various concerns appeared, but after an absurd thought always came a rational rebuttal.

No. My eye is perfectly clean. No way.

I tucked my rifle under my right arm and pulled up my gas mask first. Wow. This was driving me insane. It was itchy enough that dunking my eye in hydrochloric acid and melting it away sounded incredibly satisfying. My left hand trembled with the urge to rub the hell out of it, but I gritted my teeth and resisted. Everyone knows rubbing your eyes with filthy hands was a terrible idea.

Still, it itched so badly that even my eyelid was twitching, leading me to shift from one foot to the other for some time.

Eventually, I turned my head, opened my right eye, and decided to rinse it out by pouring bottled water over it with my left hand. My, Baek Jemin’s, greatest strength was probably how uselessly healthy I was, so I couldn’t help wondering why my right eye was suddenly itching when I never even got eye infections.

And the moment I opened my right eyelid.

Something unimaginable happened.

"Huh?"

"You’re making a fuss again, huh?”

"No…I can see out of this eye.”

"?"

It was still just as itchy, so I took one of the 500 ml water bottles I’d stuffed into my pants pocket, opened it, and trickled the water over my eye. Aah, that felt good. One rinse with cold water and the itching disappeared completely.

The problem was that vision was returning to my right eye.

I opened only my right eye and looked around. The view that should’ve been completely black was faintly visible. My dead eye had come back to life. It seemed to be healing quickly as well. The world had been nothing but a blur at first, but it gradually came into focus, its outlines sharpening.

At best, my vision was probably still around 0.1, but even so, this was obviously impossible.

Part of me thought this was actually a good thing, but for some reason the Great Archmage’s reason inside of me, much weaker than usual, was getting flustered and yelled. Having two perfectly functioning eyes was obviously much better than being one-eyed. Any normal person would choose two good eyes over one.

And yet Great Archmage Baek Jemin roared at me.

Hey, Baek Jemin! Get a fucking grip! This isn’t a good thing! You’re losing your magic!!!

But I, Baek Jemin, possessor of normal reason and common sense, could only react to the Great Archmage’s rebuke with indifference.

Why learn magic in the first place? It just hurts, demands a price, and lures you into dangerous places. Truly smart people learn just enough to gain an irreplaceable ability, then retreat to the rear and live the easy life.

Come to think of it, I'm no Great Archmage. I’m just a fucking lunatic. I already sent my parents to America, and I’ve gotten insane privileges. There’s no reason to keep pushing myself to go hunt monsters anymore. If I bolt to America too, that’s it. Korea’s fucked anyway. What difference does one less person make?

Think. Think, you damn psycho calling yourself a Great Archmage. How long are you going to keep up this act? Grow the hell up already and get out of Korea.

After that little question-and-answer session with myself, only peaceful silence remained. At long last, reason had defeated madness. In the newfound peace inside my mind that followed, I felt my vision rapidly returning and shared the happy news with the pastor.

"Pastor, my right eye’s healed.”

The pastor gave me a suspicious look through the lenses of his gas mask, then raised his left hand and flipped me off.

"Look with just your right eye. What does this look like?”

"Fuck, why are you flipping me off?”

"It’s true!”

I’d nearly overlooked one important fact. My right eye had originally been turned into remains, and a magic symbol had been engraved into it. Normally, anyone without Eyes-branch magic should’ve wanted to puke just from looking at it. Since the pastor was perfectly fine, it seemed the magic symbol in my right eye had disappeared as well.

My body was rapidly returning to normal. Of course, the scars on my left and right hand from where I cut them were still there, but hey, at least my right eye was going back to normal.

On top of that, my mind, which was normally so sensitive and irritable, felt unusually calm, cool, and crystal clear today.

This was a change I could really feel after the worst memory of my life disappeared. Once my mind, steeped in madness and inferiority, was set free, the world looked even more beautiful.

Right. What mattered to people were their relationships and having the heart to look back and decide for themselves what they truly valued.

All people were equal and deserved respect. It was that pathetic urge to claw your way up by trampling everyone else that turned the world into hell. What I’d truly wanted was recognition from others.

Maybe the pastor noticed the positive change in me too, because even in this bleak situation, he managed a strained but genuine smile.

"Well, look at you. Baek Jemin, your face looks a lot better. You acted like you didn’t care, but I guess losing your right eye really did bother you.”

"Of course I did.”

I was never paying that kind of price to use magic again.

I put my gas mask back on, tightened the chin strap, grabbed my AR15, and started walking again.

The pastor and I exchanged congratulations and gave thanks for this unexpected good news as we continued along the tracks. I didn't even need to keep my right eye closed anymore. Now that it had recovered, there was no reason to insist on the one-eyed shooting technique. I’d never realized how wonderful it was to walk around with both eyes open.

We continued north with much lighter hearts until a sign above the cables along the tunnel wall told us which station we were at.

Shinbundang Line,World Cup Stadium.

When we stopped in front of the World Cup Stadium Station platform, the pastor raised his rifle while watching our rear and spoke quietly.

"Monsters?”

"Give me a second."

Hah…Fuck.

I really don't want to use magic. Now that I’d gotten my eye back, I hated it even more. Eyes-branch magic put me at risk of going blind and made my eyes feel like they were being smashed apart, while Ears-branch magic forced me to hear things I never wanted to hear. What kind of sane person would actually want to use this shit? Definitely not me.

If my life weren’t in danger, I never would've used it again.

I hesitated and grumbled but still activated Ears-branch, Stage 2 [Hearing Monster Voices]. A sound reached me like a pen tapping against thick paper. It was unreal enough to sound like something you’d hear while half-asleep in a dream, which actually made it easy to distinguish.

The problem was…

"Baek Jemin?”

I couldn't tell how many there were or what kind. I could only sense that something was there. My eyes darted around as I realized that something was wrong. Though calling it ‘wrong’ wasn’t quite right either. This was only natural.

Aptitude for Ears-branch magic came from certainty in one’s fate. 

My fate was still hidden in hazy fog, undecided and therefore free. If anything, I was lucky I didn’t have to hear those disgusting voices anymore.

"There are monsters.”

"How many? What kind?”

"We’re going to have to shoot them dead anyway, no matter how many there are, so let’s just go.”

"Tsk."

I hopped up onto the platform, and the pastor climbed the ladder after me with an uneasy expression on his face.

It was the same here. There were only signs that people had once been here, with no living people left. Instead, on the opposite platform, a single Amalgam stood there motionlessly.

It looked like it had devoured six or seven people. Quite a few limp bodies dangled from it. On the mass of crushed heads fused into one, flowing eyeballs overlapped and separated again and again, while the mouths joined together spat out their final cries.

"No matter what I do, I’m going to die! I don’t want to!” “Please let me live…” “Aaagh! I’ll believe in anyone, so please just save me!” “Is anyone there?! Please call 119…!”

The pastor and I naturally stopped moving.

We checked the location of the stairs first, along with any other possible approaches. Fortunately, the stairs were in the center of the platform, and there was no way to reach us directly from the tracks except through the narrow passage beside the screen door at the end of the platform. Not unless something smashed through or opened the screen doors.

In other words, even if a monster suddenly came at us from the stairs or the tracks, we’d at least have a little time to spot it and react first.

We couldn’t recklessly close the distance. If possible, the best option was to disable the Amalgam with aimed fire while keeping our distance. The biggest problem was that we were outside the fog.

By default, every monster was far stronger outside the fog. Not just physically, but mentally as well.

Amalgams were no exception. I remembered a theory the pastor had brought up before.

Monsters seemed to steal parts of human nature through magic symbols, and Amalgams were thought to steal human intelligence, the Hands-branch magic symbol. In a way, that made what should’ve been one of the weakest trash mobs one of the most dangerous as well.

It would make active use of all the bodies dangling from its single head, so if possible, we needed to concentrate our fire and keep the engagement as short as possible.

Variables created by intelligence only became more dangerous in a prolonged battle. That much was obvious.

Even so, hesitation crept into one corner of my mind.

Magic...

I really, really fucking didn't want to use it. But if I had no choice in order to survive, I would. Even then, I needed to limit what magic I used as much as possible. My right eye had finally come back to life. I was absolutely not going to do something as stupid as losing it again with [Cognitive Impoisiton].

Paying a price by mutilating my own body was nothing but self-harm.

If you had a gun, shooting the gun was what a smart, rational modern person did.

"Pastor. It’s got a huge head, so let’s shoot it there and bleed it out fast.”

"Uh, alright…I’m ready. Amen. If you’re scared, you say "Amen" too.”

"Amen."

The pastor and I both settled into kneeling, firing positions. We already had a plan, I’d fire first and provoke it with an aimed shot, then we’d keep shooting rounds into the Amalgam together. The moment it reached the stairs, I’d stop it with Eyes-branch, Stage 2 [Cognitive Distortion], and we’d dump the rest of our ammunition into it.

I had the True-Body Sarira prayer beads around my left arm, so they should reduce the backlash somewhat.

-Click.

As I raised my rifle, its familiar weight and grip welcomed me. The custom AR-15 prepared specifically for me once again had that reassuring solid feel to it. My shooting had been improving day by day lately, so a distance like this was nothing.

Align the sights. Breath. Rest my index finger gently on the trigger. Brace for the recoil. Shoulder the rifle firmly. Even the appearance of the monster I’d seen so many times I was sick of it.

-Huuff—.

The sound of my breathing through the gas mask filter gradually died down. Even the movement caused by my breathing was completely under control.

Then I pulled the trigger without any hesitation.

A single gunshot rang out.

I saw disgusting bloody pus burst from it in the distance. Naturally, it didn’t die. The monster that had devoured around 7 people streamed bloody pus as it threshed its dangling bodies around and turned toward the source of the gunshot.

That single shot marked the start of the gunfight.

-Bang, bababang….

The pastor pulled the trigger just as hard as I did. But even with luck on his side, his shooting apparently had its limits. His shots weren’t burrowing into the target the way mine were.

The Amalgam’s response was bizarre.

It simply stood there and took our furious gunfire for about 3 seconds. Sobs spilled from these stolen vocal cords, but its clustered eyes were staring straight at us, so I didn’t entertain any pointless delusions.

If I were the kind of idiot who’d stop pulling the trigger out of some pathetic hope that the human consciousness inside the Amalgam had overcome its body, I might as well stick the barrel in my own mouth and fire.

Fortunately, that thought only crossed my mind for the shortest of moments.

At the far end of the platform opposite us, I tried to read the emotion in the clustered eyes of the lone Amalgam, and a chill ran down my spine.

Curiosity.

Bullets were punching into it, bursting bloody puss from its head and spraying blood from its dangling bodies, but it didn't care. If anything, every time another round struck, an eerily vivid gleam appeared in the Amalgam’s dull, dead eyes.

At that moment, my instincts sounded the alarm.

This had nothing to do with some Great Archmage’s intuition, magical resonance, inspiration, or whatever.

It was the instinct of a living creature. The ingrained nature of a fragile human who had once been prey before a predator made me grab the pastor by the shoulder.

"What? What the hell are you…?!”

There wasn’t even time to explain.

I yanked the pastor with me and jumped, accepting the risk of an accidental discharge. The instant we ducked behind a pillar, my eyes met the Amalgam’s for a split second. What it did next convinced me that I’d made the right call.

Before I’d even noticed, the victims’ death cries spilling from the Amalgam had turned into mocking laughter.

"Uhuhuhuk, huhuhuk…!” “Lalala~.” “Lululu.” Aagh! Aaaagh!”

-Thuuud—.

Something fell. I would’ve liked to think it was dying from our bullets, but that was absolutely not it. With the madness of magic gone and only the reason of a modern person and my human survival instinct remaining, I didn't even dare try to figure out what kind of sign it was.

Then something came flying over with a thud.

Something scraped across the platform and dropped near the passage at the edge where we had been kneeling and firing just moments ago. Naturally, I took a look. If nothing else, I needed to know what the hell had just happened.

It was a corpse. Leftovers after the Amalgam had eaten its head.

Or so I thought.

That was until I saw the tiny remnant of its lower jaw above the throat twitching, like a piece of candy bitten down until only the base remained, and the body spread across the floor pushed itself back upright. It had practically no head, yet it somehow moved. Even its tongue had been scraped away and fallen off, but the body stood up on its own and swayed unsteadily.

With its skin stripped away, exposing bone, muscle, and even its writhing internal organs, it was a living, breathing human anatomy model.

The pastor froze the instant he peeked at it.

I was the only one who realized.

The heart.

Shoot the heart and kill it.

My instinct took over. I aimed for the center of its chest and fired immediately. Fortunately, if you had to name the tool best suited to killing something in this world, the answer was a gun. The heart alone might not be enough, so I also intended to sever the tendons in its arms and legs so it couldn't move properly.

-Bang, bababang…

The sudden volley finished off that revolting life. The swaying headless corpse staggered backward, then leaned against the platform screen door and slid down before finally going completely still.

But the danger wasn’t over.

Across the tracks, the Amalgam’s death cries had now become cackling laughter so obvious that anyone could recognize it.

Ahaha, ahaha…Uhuhu…Ohoho, ahaha…

"Listen to that fucking laugh.”

What made it worse was that the Amalgam wasn’t even being serious here. It was nothing like the hyperactive Amalgams we’d encountered while crossing the Han River Bridge. This one wasn't rushing at us, desperate to pour everything it had into an attack.

It was far more relaxed, far more intelligent…and far more sadistic because of it.

The pastor seemed to have noticed as well. He swallowed hard and looked at me.

"That thing…doesn’t it feel like it’s giving us time to run away?”

"...."

"We have to kill it here. Baek Jemin, stop it with magic.”

"......"

-Clench.

I gripped my rifle tightly.

Otherwise, he would’ve noticed that the hand holding it was trembling, that beneath my gas mask my lips had gone blue and my teeth were chattering.

My heart pounded.

My breathing quickened.

Fear. Terror.

It wasn’t only the truth about eternity that terrified me. Of course, that was the greatest fear I had, but there was another fear now, one that left my palms damp with cold sweat.

"Baek Jemin?”

"Huff, huff, huff, huff.”

"Baek Jemin…”

Finally, the tears burst out.

My vision blurred.

With dizziness rising until my head spun, I forced my trembling legs to not collapse under me, but in the end, I couldn’t hold back. I started crying. I knew how powerful magic was, but  my body rejected it first.

"I can’t."

Humans can’t help but surrender to pain.

Up to Stage 1, I could manage because I had the True-Body Sarira prayer beads, because they reduced the backlash… Ears-branch magic only made me hear things I didn’t want to hear, but physical pain was different.

I tried to endure it. I really tried to grit my teeth and endure it.

"I can’t……”

Like a corpse collapsing after being shot, I slid down the pillar until I was sitting on the floor.

My hands were shaking. Tears were pouring out. Just the thought that I had to use magic made my heart pound and cold sweat break out all over me. I couldn’t take it.

"..."

"I can’t do it..."

I don’t want to lose my eye again.

I don’t want to go through that pain again…!

This is normal.

Once you get your eye back, of course you don’t want to lose it again. That was what being human meant!

"Uhuhuhuhul, Uhul. Uhuhuhuhuk…”

With the Amalgam’s laughter spreading around us, I sat there and sobbed.

Only when I felt powerful force dragging me along did I finally manage to move my feet.

"First, first let’s get out of here. That monster bastard’s giving us time.”

"Uuugh, uhugh. Sob…Mom…”

I was human.

I felt it all over again, down to my bones.

A human…who could do nothing but surrender to pain.