Will of chaos

Chapter 90: The way to go

Pov Érica:

Things have been hectic lately, the special mission Diana participated in, the auction Kira will participate in, the mansion Diana will buy, the master sharing Diana’s senses to save her, etc.

While so many things have happened I could only stay here at the camp training my magic, because of my race the master doesn’t let me out to help as he does with Diana and Kira.

But now that Kira has brought me this book with demonic spells I can start learning human transformation magic, with this being the status concealment item Kira bought I can finally be of some use to the master.

Today is the day Kira is heading back to Valen City to get information, I accompanied her to the gate along with Ibuki as the master still can’t stand up.

After she left I go to the master to try to convince him to stop reading and studying all these books so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, I thought it would be difficult to convince him, but for the peace of my mind, it was just the opposite.

“You don’t need to worry Érica, I’m just going to rest and reflect on a few things today.” (Zenos)

“Promise not to read many books and just rest?” (I)

“Yes.” (Zenos)

“Thankfully, I thought I’d spend a lot of time trying to reason with you as you’re not letting your mind rest.” (I)

“I know I have a bad habit of overworking myself, but that’s why I want to be strong and capable enough to protect you.” (Zenos)

“I know that all you do is think about me and the others, but none of that matters if you get that way from overworking yourself.” (I)

“I thought that since you couldn’t even stand up, you would finally rest, but instead spend your days studying these books from the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep.” (I)

“This time I’m serious, I know I need some rest, so I’ll leave it to continue reading my books tomorrow.” (Zenos)

“So since I can be more relaxed with you resting I can concentrate on my training to learn human transformation magic.” (I)

“Kira brought the book?” (Zenos)

“Yes, I’ll spend the morning reading and leave it to practice for the afternoon.” (I)

“I wish you luck in your training.” (Zenos)

“Thank you, master.” (I)

After leaving the master’s room I leave the cabin and sit under a tree to read the book.

————

I spent the entire morning reading the book, just the part about the magic of human transformation.

I found that magic is not difficult to learn, in fact, all it does is suppress the demonic bloodline and change the color of skin, hair, and eyes, then use a retraction spell to turn the horns, wings, and tail into energy and retract to the body.

This spell is only possible because a Demon’s body is already integrated with its Mana, that’s why Demons are better at using magic, it’s also why Strengthening spells are stronger on them.

Because of the suppression of the demonic bloodline caused by this spell, the Fiends are much weaker when using it, but now that I know how to use it I see it’s not difficult, the spell’s effect doesn’t last but will consume my Mana every three hours, nothing that will bother me with my current Mana and Mana regeneration.

All I need now is practice, but I’m going to get ahead of the food first, Ibuki and I found a bird’s nest yesterday, so we’re going to have hard-boiled eggs today.

————-

Zenos Pov:

All I want today is to rest, I need to relax a little and go over everything I’ve learned since I came to this world.

It’s not enough just to force me to keep going, sometimes to take a real step forward you have to contemplate your way to where you are, to know what to do and where to go.

There’s a saying in my old world that you have to know where you came from, to know where you’re going.

This is the time for me to know where I came from, I chose to do this now not only because I’m unable to get up from my nest of lines, but because more and more I realize how much I’m changing.

I had already realized that I have no hesitation in killing, at first I thought it was because I didn’t care about the death of criminals, I thought so because the only people I killed in this world were bandits.

But little by little I realized that I was discarding monsters as intelligent beings, an example of this is Ibuki who was my first companion.

I saw how the Goblins used one of their own as bait, I saw how they trained their children and I saw how they treated women, it was because I denied their actions as intelligent beings, which in my view was unforgivable that I felt nothing when killing them.

But it was different for the adventurer who attacked Diana from behind, he wasn’t evil, he was just a desperate coward, he didn’t attack Diana out of prejudice and knew that what he was doing was wrong, his decision to do that came purely from the mind of someone who gave in to fear and despair.

I didn’t need to have killed him, but I don’t regret it either, if I had to do it all over again I would still have killed him, regardless of whether I understood what he was going through or not, the fact that he hurt Diana and left her for dead is unforgivable for me.

Just the thought of killing someone in cold blood without feeling anything and knowing I would do it again with no regrets made me realize I’d changed.

Now I realized that along the way it wasn’t just my body and monster instincts that were changing me, but every decision I made and everything I did shape my mind and personality.

I’m no longer the frail orphan, I’m no longer the invalid man trapped in a hospital bed, I’m no longer the confused and desperate Leech, I’m no longer a human either, I didn’t even realize that along my path I kept drifting away. more than what was left of my humanity, that’s not bad, I have to free myself from the way I thought, that I learned from a peaceful world to find out how I’m going to live in this dangerous world.

Érica and Diana have already told me that it is normal for adventurers and soldiers to kill bandits, Kira told me that it is normal for small villages to suffer from hunger or epidemics, because of Kira’s story, it is also possible to realize that corruption in this world is not as simple as stealing money of the government, many lives are ruined as in the case of Kira and her old village.

In this world, the weak are at the mercy of those who are stronger or those who have more authority, if I keep myself stuck in old ways of thinking I would only be putting myself and the girls in danger.

What I have to do now that I’ve realized what I’ve become is find out what I want to become, I have to figure out how not to let me change beyond what is necessary to not stop being myself and become a monster like the Outsiders who reincarnate like monsters and went mad.

I have to have a clear line in my mind of what I consider right and wrong, I have to think how far I can go without becoming a real monster.

Maybe when I go to live in the city and see how people in this world live, it will be easier for me to adapt to this world.

Sigh

I miss seeing the starry sky, I’m only a short time in this state, but in this world, the first truly beautiful thing and the one that most impressed me was the starry sky.

Seeing this dark sky full of stars with two moons of different colors left a big impression on me, before I found Ibuki it was looking at this sky every night that made me realize how insignificant my problems are, it was looking at this sky that made me see that not everything in this world is ugly and violent, it was this sky full of stars that helped me to stay calm.

Every night since I was born in this world I’ve watched this sky, made it a habit to never forget that it’s not all about fighting and surviving, none of that matters if you don’t have a reason to live.

It was looking at this sky that I decided to live to see all that this life has to show me, that’s when I took my first step on my journey, I may not see this sky for a few days but I will keep its image in my mind until my last day.

I took this day to contemplate everything I’ve been through in this world and think about what I should do from now on, the first part was okay, I was able to see everything I went through from a different perspective and see how much I’ve changed so far.

But even now I can’t see the way ahead of me, I don’t know what to expect or do.

When I close my eyes I can see myself standing on a path, behind me I can see images of everything I’ve experienced so far when I look up all I see is the starry skies and the two different colored moons, when I look straight ahead I don’t I can see nothing, I see neither the path nor the starry sky, all I see in front of me is darkness, it always scared me, not knowing where to go or what to do, but now that I’ve looked back and contemplated on everything I went through I could finally see what was beside me.

Now when I look to my sides I see the girls there with me, somehow it gives me the courage to keep walking through this darkness, if there is no path in front of me I just have to build it with each step.

“Master, why are you crying?” (Ibuki)

“..” (I)

At some point, Ibuki entered the room while his eyes were closed.

“Is the master sad?” (Ibuki)

“Master doesn’t need to be sad, Ibuki is here with Master.” (Ibuki)

Ibuki runs to me and throws himself into my arms, she hugs me tightly, I hug her back and pat her head smiling.

“I’m not sad Ibuki.” (I)

“Then why are you crying? Ibuki doesn’t like to see the master crying.” (Ibuki)

“I’m crying with happiness, I just realized something that made me very happy.” (I)

“Ibuki doesn’t understand.” (Ibuki)

“One day you will understand.” (I)

“Why did you come?” (I)

“Érica asked Ibuki to see if the master is hungry.” (Ibuki)

“Yes I am, can you get me some food?” (I)

“Yes, Ibuki will be right back.” (Ibuki)

Ibuki gets up and runs out of the room.

“One day I hope you understand how happy I am to have you walking this path by my side.” (I)