Will of chaos

Pov Vecna:

“(All your memories and decisions in your memory were about you, but do you know who they are~?)” (????)

“(My parents are pretty obvious, the woman would be a wife and the child would be… my son…?)” (me)

A couple, a woman showing off a wedding bracelet and a baby, I don’t remember any of them, but they’re strangely familiar, so the most obvious answer would be that.

But I can’t help but think that I don’t remember these figures, even though they’re familiar. I can’t remember their faces, I also can’t remember their voices, or any memories with these figures.

This realization triggered an unconscious search in my mind, a search for holes in my memory, but this wasn’t easy to accomplish, especially for memories so old.

“(Are you lying to me or to yourself~?)” (????)

“(For neither of you, I’m fully aware of what I’m saying and about these assumptions.)” (me)

“(As for you, I don’t see myself being able to hide anything from you; any kind of lie is useless.)” (me)

“(But you wouldn’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer.)” (me)

“(You’re starting to understand.)” (????)

Suddenly, someone appeared in front of me among the unfamiliar figures. It was someone wearing a large, hooded cloak. This cloak was very old and frayed at the edges, pieces of it falling apart as new pieces grew to take their place. The sleeves were longer than the arms and very wide. The inside of the hood had nothing that could be mistaken for a face. What was inside was a mass of different universes occupying the same space in a way that should have been impossible. My conscience ached just trying to look at it.

This thing wore such loose clothing that I couldn’t see anything of its body. I didn’t even know if it had feet or a tail dragging it. I wasn’t even sure yet if it was a woman or if it was pretending to be one. But as if it were an answer to these doubts it read in my mind, it held a delicate hand covered in strips of ethereal silver bandages that covered even its wrists and the part of its arm I could see. Thanks to this, I couldn’t see its real body as it ran its hand over the couple’s obscured face, its voice still coming from every corner.

“(You’re as arrogant as ever, you didn’t even try to think of an answer, you just said the first thing you thought of…)” (????)

“(Now tell me, do you remember who took you to school? Who gave you your clothes? Do you even remember the house you grew up in~?)” (????)

“(…)” (me)

“(!!)” (me)

That thing suddenly disappears and reappears beside me. I was motionless as the bandage strip stretched out across my body, caressing it like a hand. I felt my consciousness tremble with just that light touch.

“(Those aren’t your parents, they’re your neighbors. They took care of you when your parents died, but you don’t even remember the faces of the creatures who treated you more kindly~.)” (????)

“(That was a long time ago…)” (me)

“(No, that’s not the reason.)” (????)

She suddenly disappeared again. I was able to move and speak, my eyes darting toward the unfamiliar woman being embraced by that strange figure.

“(This isn’t your wife either, she’s the image of your ideal wife, an image you dreamed of from the age of 13 until you were 28, an image that grew old with you about what you hoped to have by your side… isn’t she beautiful~~?)” (????)

“(A childhood dream, thank goodness I forgot her.)” (me)

I’m not sure if what she’s saying is true. I’ve checked my memory and there seem to be a lot of dark spots, especially in the life I led before Ascending for the first time.

Aside from work and school, I remember almost nothing about my personal life, family, or even my home beyond my simple bedroom.

“(So foolish… do you even understand? She’s a mix of all the most important girls in your life: your mother, your neighbor who adopted you, the first girl who made your heart beat as a child, your young and intelligent teacher, your college classmate, and how could we forget, Mavor’s sister~…)” (????)

“(Of course there were other women. You refined the image of the perfect woman in your mind daily and automatically whenever you saw something you liked in a woman during your daily life. That kind of habit doesn’t just disappear by will. Even if you didn’t think about that image, you kept remaking it in your mind.)” (????)

“(Who cares about a young man’s delusions? That was a long time ago, I can’t even remember it anymore.)” (me)

She seems to be much more interested in this imaginary woman than in the previous couple. Honestly, this is all ridiculous. I never imagined I was so foolish in my youth.

“(Are you so arrogant that you want to deny what you now consider foolish?)” (????)

“(But what would you do if I told you that in your childhood, all the adjustments to this beautiful lady were made based on love, a way to satisfy your need for the mother you lost…?)” (????)

“(In your adolescence, all the adjustments were physical, trying to make her the woman capable of carrying your ideal of beauty.)” (????)

“(In your college years, your interest became increasingly academic, you matured more, and with that, your tastes became more intellectual. You began to imagine this beautiful girl as more intelligent, analytical, and wise…)” (????)

“(This kind of habit never disappears; it adapts over time. In the years of your research before becoming an Ascendant, your desires for this ideal woman faded, but your genius mind still thought of her unconsciously out of habit or mental routine. At that time, your tastes were calm, patience, and creativity, as well as an unshakable conviction—things you forced himself to continue with that research.)” (????)

“(Where are you going with this…?)” (me)

In my mind, a few possibilities were forming, one of them would be about this Entity, but there’s another possibility that almost makes me lose my cool if it’s true.

“(After your Ascension, your tastes changed even more. You craved control, balance, power, and your newly created Ascendant Laws. These desires were also placed in that ideal woman who had always been in your mind, that is… until that figure was no longer just in your mind~~…)” (????)

“(No, that’s impossible. A single person couldn’t create a God!)” (me)

“(But you didn’t create her, you just gave her an image and personality. She herself was born from the Essence of the Law, garlic that you still can’t accept exists.)” (????)

I really didn’t like hearing this. She’s not trying to teach me a lesson or make me reflect on things. Now I’m sure of it. She’s humiliating me, making me contemplate every wrongdoing I’ve ever done, wanting to rub every one of my flaws in my face and make me look at what I left behind. She wants to step on me.

I can’t understand what she gains from this and why she only appears now, I also can’t know when she appeared, even so I didn’t let myself lose my reason, I needed a calm mind to analyze her, only through knowledge can I try to get out of this situation, but if I lose myself in anger I wouldn’t even have the chance to try.

“(What’s next?)” (me)

“(How hasty, you want to know more about this beautiful child so badly~?)” (????)

I could hear the mockery in her distorted voice as the image of that damned Goddess shattered like a shattering window, then this time the thing slowly moved toward the baby, who still seemed to be trying to reach something higher.

She once again showed that hand, the bandages covering the entire skin, but it was clear that those bandages were made of real energy; those bandages were the ones connected to me.

“(Did you really think this was your child~?)” (????)

“(A random answer just to play along, so silly of you~.)” (????)

That hand descended like a delicate claw, grasping the child by the clothes, pulling them upwards where they finally became partially visible.

He looked more like a baby than many others, his body small, too fragile, and completely useless. His head was completely obscured, but the outfit he wore was just a basic yellow jumpsuit with black stripes, with a single number written on the front, 89.

“(How can something so pure and fragile be used in such brutal experiments…?)” (????)

“(To be so deformed that this cuteness will one day become so repulsive and grotesque~?)” (????)

“(Experiment No. 89… yes, now I remember, he comes from the Dawn Project…)” (me)

I didn’t quite remember this project or how many of these children we used. It was part of the final testing stage, the crucial step in creating the Ascendant Laws. No. 89 was the first to succeed, a weapon of the greatest masterpieces I created, and paved the way for the Ascension of the three of us to the path that brought us here.

“(You know, you were right in a way… this is your son, your creation~…)” (????)

“(One of the 40 children you used as an experiment and the only one who survived.)” (????)

The Dawn Project was created in a laboratory. There were 100 children using our genetic code: 30 of my children with 30 different women, 30 of Mavor’s children with different women, 20 of Urak’s children with different men, 10 of my children with Urak, and 10 of Mavor’s children with Urak.

We needed to test the theoretical effect of the Ascendant Laws within our bodies; we needed a guinea pig with our genetic code for that.

“(Experiment 89 was and always will be the best of our creations; it was truly an incredible process in which everything seemed to fit together like a puzzle…)” (me)

Suddenly, I notice the bandages pulling something out of the child’s mouth, something I knew what it was but couldn’t remember, a round nucleus that looked more like a translucent, egg-shaped bubble.

“(I wonder why this is so successful~~…)” (????)