Chapter 937 - 937: Trauma Coping Mechanism

For several seconds, a series of overlays appears, indicating that the system is searching through its database.

***

[ACCESSING VISUAL MEMORY DATABASE...]

[QUERY: NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER 15, 2018]

[SEARCHING RECORDED VISUAL DATA...]

[PRIMARY MEMORY STREAM: AVAILABLE]

[SECONDARY MEMORY STREAM: INCOMPLETE]

[UNREGISTERED VISUAL DATA DETECTED]

[ATTEMPTING RECONSTRUCTION...]

[WARNING: MEMORY INTEGRITY 31%]

[WARNING: VISUAL SEQUENCE CORRUPTED]

[RECONSTRUCTION IN PROGRESS...]

***

The screen suddenly changes into something resembling a malfunctioning television. Static flickers across the display before a blurred image gradually emerges.

Ryoma sees himself leaning toward Reika before the image abruptly disappears into complete darkness.

Another fragment appears. This time, it is narrow, dim, and difficult to distinguish, but Ryoma recognizes an apartment door.

His perspective moves closer. A hand rises toward the doorbell, but again, the screen goes black and the display freezes before disappearing entirely.

Ryoma's jaw tightens. In the end, the system can only display the same fragment that has already surfaced in his memory since he learned about Hayashida Muneyaki's death.

"Is there really no other data?" Ryoma asks. "I was clearly with Reika that night. She wasn't lying. I left her for a while, so maybe I really did visit that apartment. Where did all those memories go?"

His voice grows increasingly tense. "Shouldn't you have recorded everything my eyes captured? Where is the data?"

***

[CORRECTION: VISUAL INPUT IS NOT CONTINUOUSLY RECORDED.]

[ONLY VISUAL INFORMATION REGISTERED DURING THE HOST'S CONSCIOUS STATE IS ACCESSIBLE.]

[DREAM-STATE VISUALIZATION IS NOT AVAILABLE TO THE SYSTEM, EVEN WHEN THE HOST RETAINS PARTIAL OR COMPLETE RECALL OF THE EXPERIENCE.]

[THE SAME LIMITATION APPLIES DURING BLACKOUT STATES, LOSS OF CONSCIOUSNESS, AND WHITE-FLASH PHENOMENA EXPERIENCED DURING COMBAT.]

[NO VISUAL DATA CAN BE RETRIEVED FROM THESE STATES UNLESS CONSCIOUS PERCEPTION IS RESTORED.]

***

Ryoma clicks his tongue, his face flushing as he struggles to contain the anger rising inside him. His trust in the system's honesty has already weakened over the years, but what can he actually do?

This is not a person he can corner with intimidation or force. There is nothing he can grab, threaten, or strike until it gives him the answer he wants.

A moment later, Ryoma feels his balance shift slightly. There is a pressure building inside his head, and he suspects his blood pressure may be rising with his anger.

He exhales and reaches for the chair behind his desk. He drops into it, closes his eyes, and regulates his breathing, forcing himself to regain control.

Then, for the first time in a while, the Speech Assistance Mode speaks. But its tone is no longer as irritating as usual.

<< Maybe you did kill him. >>

Ryoma immediately opens his eyes. "What?"

<< You heard me. >>

Ryoma's expression tightens. "You don't know that."

<< Neither do you. >>

"Stop fucking with my mind, bitch!"

<< Watch your language, brat. I'm not joking this time. >>

<< You are currently in a poor mental state to think clearly. >>

<< I'm trying to give you a second opinion here, something you should be able to understand if your mental state were normal. >>

<< Maybe you did kill Hayashida Muneyaki. Or maybe you didn't. >>

<< But if you did, there's a pretty obvious reason you can't remember it. >>

"A reason? What the hell are you talking about now?"

<< I know you're quite familiar with the Trauma Coping Mechanism. Everything I know comes from you. But you're so shaken that you can't use all that knowledge to understand your own condition. >>

Ryoma falls silent. The concept is hardly unfamiliar to him. Yet hearing it from the voice inside his head makes something colder begin crawling down his spine.

<< It's something that happens when your brain experiences something it can't tolerate. So, in order to protect you from breaking down, it buries the memory. >>

"You're saying I killed someone? And I couldn't bear it... so much that my brain erased it?"

His voice trembles with anger. "What is this? Another way of calling me a coward? A weakling?"

<< I said you might have experienced that phenomenon. Or maybe not. >>

"That's not an answer."

<< It's the only honest answer I have. After all, you're not exactly famous for being mentally sturdy. >>

"Fuck you!"

<< See? Defensive reaction. Very healthy. >>

Ryoma can no longer find anything to say. The harder he tries to deny it, the more his own reaction seems to undermine the denial.

No matter how much he hates the Speech Assistance Mode, he cannot deny one uncomfortable fact. That voice knows him better than anyone. Perhaps better than even his own mother.

<< I'm not accusing you of being a murderer. But think about it again, with a clearer mind. >>

<< You suffered severe physical trauma that night. You were exhausted. You experienced an unusually intense emotional reaction to what happened to Ryohei. >>

<< Your brain may have decided that remembering whatever happened next wasn't particularly safe. >>

Ryoma falls silent as the memory of leaving Ryohei's apartment gradually returns to him. His physical condition had already been terrible, his balance unstable, and his thoughts barely coherent.

Yet he had forced himself to visit Ryohei anyway, driven by guilt and anger that had already begun overwhelming his ability to think rationally.

After their brief exchange, he remembers leaving Ryohei's house consumed by rage. He had struggled even to climb into the van.

Once he was behind the wheel, he remembers gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his fingers began to tremble. His anger had not been directed solely at what happened to Ryohei, but at the person responsible for destroying his career.

He had already suspected that Muneyaki might be connected to Hugo Ramirez, possibly another person sent to prevent him from continuing his rise.

Now those feelings return with disturbing clarity. The resentment, hatred, paranoia, and growing conviction that someone was still trying to destroy what he had built all converge around the same possibility.

He had believed he needed to do something before Muneyaki could strike again.

"No…"

Ryoma slowly raises his trembling hand, staring at his fingers as the possibility he has desperately rejected finally begins to feel disturbingly real.

"I killed Muneyaki."

The system responds without hesitation.

[NO DATA.]

But the voice inside his head says something else.

<< Maybe. >>