Villain Cultivator

"A slave? What are you doing here?"

The old farmer's tone was arrogant and unfriendly. It raised Xu Miao's brows since she was a commoner without a cultivation strength while he was a 2nd-stage cultivator.

Still, Xu Miao swallowed his frustration and tried to be polite once more.

"This junior has tagged along with my master. Although it's unofficial, I'm staying here as a guest of the Myriad Cauldron Sect."

"Oh? A guest?" The old woman's face got softer, "The contribution hall is very far away. Why don't you use one of our transportation arrays? It will be a lot faster than walking there."

"Is there such as array?"

"Of course. Or else, how would I visit the hall and report for my work every morning?"

As Xu Miao got his hopes up, his right eyebrow suddenly twitched. This unknown instinct warned him about a potential crisis again.

As soon as he felt the twitch, Xu Miao looked around, getting paranoid that something might fall from the sky and kill him.

"What's wrong, young man?"

"Err, nothing. I just don't feel good today."

"Are you sick? Do you want me to take you to a nearby doctor?"

The eyebrow twitched three times in a row after the old woman offered help. Xu Miao furrowed his brows as he started to feel unsafe around this grandma.

"I'm sorry. I think I want to explore the city some more. Please excuse me."

Xu Miao declined the old lady's help as he didn't want to repeat the mistakes. The trust issues he had developed during the early days slowly changed his nature.

.

The old woman stared at the leaving young slave. After Xu Miao left her sight, she clicked her tongue and scratched her head.

"Odd. My disguise is perfect. I even hid my aura and cultivation base. Why did he refuse?"

The old woman took off her skin mask, revealing her real appearance.

The old lady was actually a tanned young girl with luster black curly hair. She appeared to be in her early teen, but her demeanor was not something of a young maiden.

"Old Han, are you tricking an innocent man again?"

A young female voice was audible from behind. OLD HAN turned around to a wrinkled white-haired old woman, who was trembling as she was walking.

"Old Ju, don't interrupt me when I'm fishing for the new guy. Good men are hard to come by these days!"

"Pfft. Oh, please. Why did you try to trick that slave? He doesn't even have the VIRGIN air."

"What do you know? I sensed domineering yin essence from that man's dantian. If he joins my garden, I can his semen indefinitely! His seeds will be a fine yang catalyst ingredient for my current pills!"

"Bitch. Stop acting like a succubus. You and your garden's bitches are the reason all good men in our sect are afraid of women!"

"I'm doing them a favor. Since they are so determined to be virgins forever, I just taught them the REAL pleasure of having REAL sexual intercourses with women!"

"By shoving dildos up their asses? I don't think that's proper sexual intercourse! Do you know how many innocent men have developed gynophobia because of you?"

"That's none of your business! Sex is supposed to be equal. If they can shove their dicks into our pussies, why can't we shove something up their asses!?"

Unbeknownst to Xu Miao, the two old masters were bickering behind his back. He also didn't know that he had just avoided another crisis.

…

After Xu Miao turned down Old Han's offer, he explored the sect's city some more.

All streets and roads reminded him of public streets in European countries. They were paved with stone blocks in an orderly fashion. Yet, the stones shone whenever Xu Miao stepped on them. He could even feel that a couple strands of Qi entered his body automatically.

The bricks were not even spirit stones, but the streets provided free Qi for everyone.

The architecture of surrounding buildings resembled something from the Renaissance Era, a combination of bricks, marbles, and wood. Every material leaked the dense air of Qi, which was refreshing for nearby cultivators.

Still, Xu Miao's eyebrows arched again. As he had just talked to ordinary people without a cultivation base, he questioned if the sect was friendly toward commoners. Or…

'I just talked to a dangerous bitch, didn't I?'

If the streets and buildings provided Qi to every cultivator, the old woman shouldn't be able to live here. Then, she might be a master who could hide her cultivation base.

Realizing the close call, Xu Miao broke a sweat. He rubbed his right eyebrow, the lucky charm that always warned him about oncoming disasters.

'Woo! That was close. Okay, I should think carefully this time. First off, there are a bunch of 3D women-hating nerds, so there must be a reason for that. Secondly, this sect only supports cultivators, so no such thing as commoners exist here. Thirdly, this may relate to the first clue. Since there's a dangerous bitch around here, there might be more crazy bitches like Xu Xiuying.'

Xu Miao covered his mouth with both hands and hyper-ventilated. Anxiety filled his mind, but he steeled his heart.

Life in this world was never easy for Xu Miao. Therefore, he resolved himself to never rely on others, especially antagonists, villains, or random organizations.

But at the moment, Xu Miao needed help. He looked around, planning to ask for a direction again.

This time, Xu Miao found a middle-aged shirtless cultivator, who was sweeping the floor in front of a pill shop. His cultivation strength was 5th-stage, far stronger than Xu Miao. His brown skin, bald head, 3-line scars on his face as if he was clawed by a bear, bulk chest muscle, biceps and triceps bigger than his head, visible veins under his skin, perfect 6-packs, and various tattoos on every part of his body reminded Xu Miao of African-American muscle builders on steroid.

In normal circumstances, Xu Miao would never approach someone like that without a backup. However, he noticed something odd behind his back.

At the door of his pill shop, it was decorated with a large poster of a cute 2D 6th-grader girl in a one-piece swimsuit. It even had a title, Magical Girl Yuan Hua.

Xu Miao recalled the conversation when he got here. Several weebs back then mentioned something about Goddess Yuan Hua.

Taking a deep breath, Xu Miao mustered his courage and walked toward the burly cultivator. As soon as he got close, he could see the threatening stoic face of that brown man clearly.

"Excuse me, sir."

"Wutchu want?"

As expected, the brown man had a threatening air around him. With only his glare, Xu Miao's back was already drenched in sweat.

"Are you also a worshiper of Goddess Yuan Hua?"

Instead of asking for directions, Xu Miao broke the ice by questioning him about his hobby. He also hinted that he might have the same taste.

"Ah, a cultured guest! So, you're her vessel as well. Welcome!" The brown man revealed a friendly smile, but it was still scary for Xu Miao, "It's rare for a non-disciple like you to understand our Dao Goddess. By chance, are you also a fellow vessel?"

"Umm, no. I'm only interested in her grace and her natural charm."

Xu Miao avoided the topic since it could potentially screw his future cultivation if he ended up as someone else's dao vessel.

The brown man nodded in approval, "It's understandable why you fall in love with her. We all do, actually. She's the perfect existence that every man should dream of! Now, let's chant the magic word together to praise her!"

"Magic word?" Xu Miao had a bad feeling about this.

"WET BANANAS, SHORT BANANAS, BLACK BANANAS, ARISE!!"

"…"

Xu Miao was at a loss for words. He didn't know what he had just heard.

"What are you doing? Repeat after me! WET BANANAS, ARISE!!"

"Err… Wet bananas, arise."

"Good. Again! SHORT BANANAS, ARISE!"

"S-Short bananas, arise."

"BLACK BANANAS, ARISE!"

"… Black bananas, arise."

"Good! Put your heart into it and chant it loudly! Don't be afraid since everyone is doing it every morning!"

"Everyone - what?"

"Here goes! WET BANANAS, SHORT BANANAS, BLACK BANANAS, ARISE!!"

Xu Miao inwardly sighed. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. He abandoned his shame and chanted.

"WET BANANAS, SHORT BANANAS, BLACK BANANAS, ARISE!!"

"Hahaha! Well done! That's the spirit!"

As soon as Xu Miao finished chanting, the system began spamming messages.

[[The Goddess of Magical Banana, Yuan Hua, has noticed your existence.]]

[[The Goddess of Magical Banana is delighted by the loud chant.]]

[[The Goddess of Magical Banana has gifted you a magical wet banana as a sample of her Dao. The item has been transferred to your system inventory.]]

[[The system shop has been updated. You can buy magical wet bananas with yin essences.]]

[[If you volunteer to be The Goddess of Magical Banana's vessel permanently, you can obtain 1,000 magical wet bananas for free every day.]]

Xu Miao had many questions about this [Yuan Hua]'s existence and her Dao. Curious, he checked the new item in his inventory and the description in the system shop.

The item's icon and appearance were the same as the modern world's banana. However, it was disturbingly moist, slimy, and sticky. It was as if someone had poured lubricant lotion on it and used it to do something lewd.

_

[Magical Wet Banana]

Magical Wet Bananas were first created when Yuan Hua's divine-grade dildo was broken and she couldn't find a replacement. After using a raw banana in THERE, she had enlightenment, resulted in the ultimate creation.

Magical Wet Bananas contains magical properties and Yuan Hua's energy, capable of boosting your Yin and Yang energy acquisition rate by 100 folds for 24 hours. After the first effect wears out, the consumer's dantian will expand by 1% permanently. The effects stack if multiple MWBs are consumed.

After consuming 1,000 of these bananas, you will be eligible to practice Virgin Sage Way, the ultimate cultivation technique for virgin men.

Also, this fruit can be used as a catalyst ingredient for heaven-grade pills. Magical Wet Banana peels can also be used as an ingredient, which can replace any Yin-attribute herb. The extractable lotion is also a potent aphrodisiac for men.

Warning

- Magical Wet Banana's taste is random. They can be fishy, salty, bitter, iron-like, rotten, or sour.

- Do not plant a magical wet banana at any spiritual farm without a professional herbalist's guidance.

_

Xu Miao slowly closed the system menus and his eyes. His hands covered his face, double-facepalming.

The first time was Xu Xiuying's dirty Blood Essence. Now, a random goddess had just given him a used dildo as a reward for chanting a silly anime line.

'What the fuck did I just read!?'