Chapter 216: Terrible Vows

She heard herself rambling and winced slightly.

Dorian looked at the officiant. "What she means is we were drunk."

Naomi turned to him eyes widening.

"There’s no dignified version of this story." he shrugged in response.

The officiant looked between them, visibly amused.

Naomi sighed. "See? Quite happily married."

The officiant gave a faint smile before asking, "Did you pay for a recording?"

She immediately looked at Dorian.

Husband and wife stared at each other. They had no idea.

"We have no idea," Dorian answered.

"Absolutely none."

The officiant thought about it for a moment. "I honestly do not remember you, but you can check with the clerk if you paid for a recording of the vows. Just give him your names."

Naomi’s shoulders dropped slightly.

That wasn’t exactly the breakthrough she had hoped for.

"Right. Thank you."

They stepped away, and Naomi sighed in disappointment almost immediately.

Dorian glanced at her. "What?"

"I thought he would remember us."

"This is Las Vegas, love. You realise we were probably one of five accidental marriages he performed that week."

"I would like to believe we were memorable."

They returned to the clerk anyway and gave him their names.

Naomi remained highly doubtful that a recording would exist. Neither of them remembered ordering one, and considering they couldn’t even remember exchanging vows, expecting their drunken past selves to have thoughtfully arranged video documentation seemed optimistic.

Still, the clerk searched.

Dorian leaned against the counter while Naomi stood beside him, trying not to look as hopeful as she felt.

Thirty minutes later, against all expectations, they had an answer. There was a recording. A link was sent to them containing a downloadable copy labelled with their names.

Naomi and Dorian Heathcliffe Wedding Vows.

They thanked the clerk and practically hurried back toward their hotel.

Dorian shut the door as soon as they entered their room while Naomi kicked off her shoes and headed straight toward the television.

Naomi downloaded the video, then spent several minutes fighting with the television until Dorian took the phone from her.

Dorian cast the video to the television before handing her phone back.

Naomi settled beside him.

Both of them became quiet. The screen went black. The moment it began, they knew immediately there was no way this would be shown to anyone.

It became painfully obvious within the first few seconds that neither of them had known what the hell they were doing that night.

Dorian was wearing his shirt, technically, but every button had been left undone, exposing his entire chest.

Naomi looked even worse. Her hair had reached a peak level of chaos. Strands stuck out in different directions, the style so hopeless that she looked like birds had tried to build a nest in it. She stared at the television in horror. "Why would they marry people looking like that?"

Dorian said nothing. He was too busy experiencing his own private nightmare.

Naomi tilted her head, squinting at the screen as her drunken past self swayed beside him.

Then her eyes widened.

"I think I see my nipple. Oh Jesus..." She slapped her palm over her face.

"That’s not me. I reject him." Dorian was deeply disappointed by his former self.

The man on the screen was definitely him, but Dorian preferred not to acknowledge that fact. His shirt was open, and there was a smug, drunken smile on his face.

"How do we tell our kids?" Naomi asked.

Dorian slowly turned his head toward her. "You’re thinking too far ahead. How do we tell anyone this? This is our wedding video? It looks like evidence of poor judgment."

"What the hell did we drink?"

Dorian frowned thoughtfully, trying to piece together whatever fragments of memory still existed from that night. "At some point, we were sort of mixing it all together."

"You know, for a man who normally remembers every detail, you are impressively useless here."

"Why do you look like a pigeon attacked your head."

She grabbed a cushion and hit him with it. "I hate you."

They turned back toward the screen as their drunken selves began reciting the vows. They had laughed through almost every phrase because none of it seemed remotely believable.

At that point in their lives, they barely knew each other. Every sentence seemed more ridiculous than the last when they were clearly one movement away from passing out.

Still, beneath all the laughter, it was strange watching it.

They had no idea what would come after.

Then the officiant on the screen announced, "You may now kiss the bride."

On-screen Dorian pulled Naomi close.

Naomi placed a hand against his bare chest and looked up at him with a surprisingly serious expression considering she could barely stand straight. "Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, you are an incredible fuck but... I think I am going to throw up." Her drunken self gagged at the end of the sentence.

Dorian’s past self nodded solemnly. "Me too."

The video showed both of them immediately turning away from each other and hurrying in opposite directions, desperately searching for somewhere to retch.

The video ended. Neither of them moved. For what felt like an eternity, Dorian and Naomi sat side by side on the bed staring at the blank television screen.

Seconds passed before Naomi finally inhaled.

"Oh my Lord..."

Dorian was still staring straight ahead. "That is the single most embarrassing moment of my entire life."

Naomi pressed a hand to her chest. "Oh my Lord..."

Dorian slowly turned toward her. "Are you going to say anything else?"

"I don’t know if I can."

"Good, because I want a redo."

"You can’t have a redo. We are already married."

"I’m not keeping that!" His eyes went wide as he pointed at the television. "What the fuck?" He looked genuinely distressed.

Maybe one day, years from now, he would find the entire thing hilarious. Maybe they would sit together when they were old and replay it just to laugh at how spectacularly unqualified their younger selves had been to make a lifelong decision.

At the moment, however, Dorian was appalled. What he had with Naomi was special. That much he knew.

Somehow, against every reasonable expectation, this marriage had become the one thing in his life he refused to treat casually.

Naomi was different.

They were different. Their wedding should have reflected at least one ounce of seriousness.

Romantic history had not exactly been made with that footage.

"We can’t delete it, if that’s what you’re saying," Naomi said.