Chapter 485 The Fear of Losing Her

Chapter 485: Chapter 485 The Fear of Losing Her

Her words sliced through the silence of the late-night bedroom, exposing everything he’d tried to keep hidden.

Ryan went still.

Slowly, the distant look in his lowered eyes sharpened.

This wasn’t a dream.

It was real.

Perhaps because he’d been having similar dreams over the past few nights, he’d lost track of where the dreams ended and reality began. He’d simply acted on instinct, pulling her closer.

He wanted to hold her so tightly that there would be no distance between them.

But he’d forgotten one crucial thing.

This was real life. He couldn’t do whatever he wanted and expect there to be no consequences.

His long lashes fluttered as he lifted his eyes to meet Rose’s in the moonlight.

Her eyes were red from the way he’d teased her, but her gaze was startlingly clear.

Rose studied him for a moment.

“When did you remember?”

She was certain now. “You wouldn’t have called me RoRo otherwise.”

During their first year of marriage, Ryan had often called her RoRo, just like her grandfather did. He especially liked using the nickname when they were alone together.

After losing his memory, Ryan had had no idea what the nickname meant. No one had told him about it, either.

That left only one explanation.

He’d remembered.

Ryan didn’t deny it.

He’d believed he was still trapped in an illusory dream, which was why he’d let the familiar nickname slip.

It was the first time he’d made such a mistake.

“Not long,” he admitted, his voice slightly hoarse.

He turned his face away but kept her close.

“Are you angry?”

Rose was momentarily speechless.

She wasn’t sure she was angry, exactly. She’d been hoping he would recover his memory all along, but now that he had, he’d kept it a secret from her.

“Why did you hide it from me? Why keep pretending you still had amnesia?”

“Because I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

He answered without hesitation. His voice was low and deep, with a faint note of self-mockery.

There it was.

He really was that pathetic.

He was afraid, too—afraid that everything he was experiencing was nothing more than a fleeting dream. That once he fully recovered, Rose’s tenderness and patience would disappear along with it.

He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her again. The mere possibility was enough to drive him to the brink.

So he would rather remain the man who remembered nothing.

At least then, he could forget everything else and stay by her side without worrying about the past.

Rose’s eyes widened slightly.

Even Ryan, with all his pride, could humble himself to this extent.

She felt no satisfaction at seeing him so vulnerable. Instead, her chest tightened, and a bitter ache spread through her heart.

“I never said things would have to change between us once you got your memory back,” she said, taking a deep breath.

“But you never answered my question. Once my memory returns, will I still be allowed to stay by your side like this?”

Ryan released her and slowly sat up. He gently pulled down her nightgown, which had ridden up, smoothing the fabric back into place inch by inch.

Rose stared at him, momentarily at a loss.

“So when you asked me that question, you were testing me.”

Ryan made no attempt to deny it.

“I can’t afford to act confident around you. I had to resort to a trick like that to find out whether I still have a chance with you.”

He lowered his eyes and reached for her hand, brushing his fingers against hers.

When she didn’t pull away, he carefully slipped his fingers between hers, one by one.

“Think about it,” he whispered. “I can’t go through the agony of watching you leave me again.”

When he and Rose had been forced into marriage, he’d hated the Knight family for manipulating them. Yet beneath that hatred, he’d also felt a sense of relief—almost as though fate had given him a second chance.

It was a feeling he hadn’t even dared to acknowledge.

Despite everything the Knight family had done, Rose had ended up by his side.

At the time, he’d wanted to make them pay for what they’d done. But he’d also wanted to build a happy marriage with Rose. He’d wanted to give her a loving home and the kind of love that might finally help her move beyond the pain of her childhood.

But fate had other plans.

He fell ill.

And suddenly, there was no way out.

He couldn’t give Rose the life she deserved. He couldn’t selfishly tie her to him for the rest of her life, forcing her to watch him suffer and eventually die from his illness.

No matter how much he loved her, he couldn’t bear to make her endure that.

So, despite the pain it caused him, he chose to let her go.

He could only watch as she drifted farther and farther away.

Watch as their marriage fell apart.

Watch as she walked away without looking back.

And through it all, he couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye.

It hadn’t been a single moment of heartbreak. It had been seven long years of torment, regret, and longing.

He couldn’t survive that kind of pain a second time.

That was why he was afraid.

He hadn’t been afraid when his own family had schemed against him, no matter how vicious their methods.

He hadn’t been afraid when his own father had kidnapped him and tried to kill him.

But he was terrified of one thing.

That there would no longer be a place for him in Rose’s life.

Rose sat up and studied him in the moonlight. For once, she had no idea what to say.

“I’m a terrible person, Rose. I’m dark and selfish, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get what I want. I’ve spent my entire life trapped in a world without light, ever since I was a kid. I don’t even know how to love you properly.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

When he finally raised his eyes, Rose caught a glimpse of tears gathering in them.

She froze.

Ryan leaned forward until his forehead rested against her shoulder.

“RoRo, tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

His voice was so quiet that she could barely hear him.

Thud.

Something warm and faint struck her leg.

The touch was featherlight, yet it felt as though it had landed directly on her heart, threatening to break something inside her.

Rose looked down.

A small, wet patch was spreading across her pajama pants.

His tears.

She stared at the stain for a long moment before lifting her head and closing her eyes briefly.

“I never said I’d cut you out of my life or refuse to speak to you once you got your memory back.”

“Then what happens to us?” he asked.

He took her hand again, clinging to the hope that she might finally give him an answer.

He wanted clarity. More than that, he wanted certainty.

Rose parted her lips.

But the words wouldn’t come.

In the end, she simply rolled onto her side, pulled the blanket over herself, and turned her back to him.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. It’s late, and I want to sleep. Stop bothering me.”

Ryan watched her curled-up figure.

After a moment, he lay down behind her and moved closer, pressing himself gently against her back.

“All right. I’ll ask you again tomorrow.”

Rose said nothing.

She hadn’t slept particularly well that night.

The second half of her dream had been filled with memories of everything that had happened between them over the years.

She remembered all the times Ryan had gone out of his way to help her, even when she’d had no idea what he was doing for her.

She even remembered what the people at the trust company had told her.

After his death, they would transfer a substantial sum of money to her every year, without fail.

Every memory, every sacrifice, every quiet act of love had become another brick in a fortress around her heart.

And now she couldn’t find a way out.

The next morning, Rose opened her eyes to find that Ryan was already up.

After getting ready, she went downstairs to the dining room, where he was sitting at the table.

He turned toward her.

His eyes were naturally beautiful, and the moment his gaze met hers, she felt as though he’d seen straight through her.

Even though his vision hadn’t returned, he seemed to know exactly where she was, his attention fixed entirely on her.

Looking at those eyes, it was hard to imagine that they had ever been so indifferent—or that they’d once shed tears for her.

“How did you sleep?” he asked.

Rose stopped in her tracks.

“Pretty well.”

Ryan pulled out a chair for her and poured her a glass of milk.

Then, as though he were asking about the weather, he looked at her and said, “So, what am I to you now? And what exactly is our relationship going to look like from here on out?”

Rose nearly choked on her milk.

What kind of person woke up in the morning and immediately started interrogating someone about their relationship?

She shot him an exasperated look.

“Eat your breakfast.”

With that, she turned and walked away, moving so quickly that she might as well have been trying to outrun him.

Ryan didn’t try to stop her. Instead, the corners of his mouth lifted into a faint smile.

He knew his RoRo better than anyone.

His gaze fell on the piece of toast she’d abandoned after taking just one bite. He picked it up and calmly finished eating it.

By the time James arrived, Ryan was still at the table.

James took the seat across from him.

“If you don’t get your memory back soon, the company is going to fall apart.”

He was practically counting the seconds until Ryan got back on his feet and took over again.

Ryan set down his fork.

“Owen will bring over a few contracts in a little while. Just sign them.”

James frowned.

“What?”

Ryan didn’t bother to explain.

Owen arrived shortly afterward, accompanied by several men in suits.

“Mr. Knight, our legal team prepared these documents, and they’ve already been notarized,” he said, stepping forward with a stack of papers.

Ryan took the documents and slid them across the table toward James.

“Look them over. If everything’s in order, sign them.”

James frowned as he flipped through the paperwork.

At first, he looked merely puzzled. But as he read on, his expression grew increasingly serious.

By the time he reached the last page, he looked downright stunned.

“Ryan, have you lost your mind?”