Chapter 61: Her Nonsense Saved Her Again

Chapter 61: Chapter 61: Her Nonsense Saved Her Again

Azura felt like she was floating in the middle of the galaxy, spinning through the vacuum of space while trying to figure out how to answer this question without imploding.

She had successfully avoided admitting she was little Selena—the exiled child. She had dodged that bullet like Neo in The Matrix. But now? Now she had to explain why the witch she supposedly saved wanted to wear her skin as a winter coat.

Damn it. I shouldn’t have been so honest about Mara hating me. I should’ve said we were close. That we braid each other’s hair and do synchronized dances in the town square. Which—okay, technically we DID dance in the middle of the shopping district, but that was because of my genius plan to distract her while—

Focus, Azura!

She realized, with dawning horror, that honesty had betrayed her. Now she had to spin something. Something golden. Something so ridiculous it would distract them from asking further questions.

If Naruto had Talk no Jutsu, she had Random Nonsense no Jutsu.

The sacred technique of mixing truth and lies, seasoned with absurdity, and served with a side of chaos.

She let her mouth take the wheel.

Cold sweat trickled down her temple as she raised both hands to her chest and formed a heart shape with her fingers.

"Of course, it’s all because of L.O.V.E. Love." She nodded. "You see, there’s a whole drama behind all this!"

Caelus’s eyebrow twitched.

In his head, Vander’s voice echoed with the energy of someone watching their favorite train wreck.

’Our mate is going to say something stupid again. But Goddess help me, it makes her anything but boring.’

’Please just be quiet, Vander.’

Caesar, who had already sensed the incoming storm, snatched a bag of chips from the table—Wilson’s snack—and tore it open with the ferocity of a man preparing for a natural disaster.

Ryder, his wolf, had long since given up protesting that Azura was their mate. Now he just provided sarcastic commentary.

’Ooh... here we go. Our lovely and smart mate is going to say something beautiful again. Truly, the Goddess has blessed us with mate of wisdom.’

Caesar shoved a handful of chips into his mouth.

Caelian’s mouth twitched. He was already entertained, and she hadn’t even started yet. The heart gesture alone had him leaning forward like he was watching his favorite drama.

Leander, however, let out a long, tired sigh.

’I need a vacation.’

Kyler leaned back in his chair, arms crossed. He wasn’t watching for entertainment. He was watching because he genuinely hoped—against all logic and evidence—that whatever came out of her mouth would be acceptable.

Zephyr, his wolf, remained silent.

If Zephyr had a human body, he would already be reaching for a bottle of aspirin.

Even Wilson, who had been nursing a broken heart after Caesar stole his chips, straightened up with the dignity of a soldier preparing for battle. He reached into his pants pocket, pulled out a bag of peanuts, and tore it open with a crisp crrrrrrunch.

He was ready for storytime.

Azura, completely unaware that half the room had now acquired snacks specifically to watch her impending verbal train wreck, finally opened her mouth.

"Just so you all know," she began, "at first, that witch was okay with me. Like, okay okay. Not bestie material, but not ’I want to turn your bones into soup’ either."

She held up a finger.

"See, with her personality, she didn’t really care who saved her. It could’ve been a pigeon and she would’ve been like, ’Yes, this bird is my spiritual savior.’ So, what mattered for her was—" Azura made mystical jazz hands, "—a spiritual connection. Unfortunately, she felt that she and I didn’t vibe. We were like oil and water. Like pineapple and pizza. Like me and common sense."

She nodded sagely.

"But, BUT, BUT—" she raised three fingers for emphasis, "—that all changed after she met my sibling!"

She let the word hang in the air like a dramatic plot twist.

"They immediately clicked! Boom! Spiritual connection! Soulmate energy! Besties forever! The witch decided then and there to become my sibling’s personal protector!"

Azura’s eyes glinted with the brilliance of a woman who had just discovered the ancient art of vague wording. Since the male leads had concluded from their investigation that Selena—the female lead—was dead, Azura deliberately used the word "sibling." It was ambiguous enough to mean either Selena or Jonathan.

Let them assume it was Jonathan. Sacrifice the big brother. It’s what siblings are for.

---

Meanwhile, in the Crimson Crest pack house, Jonathan was pacing back and forth like a man possessed.

"You’re telling me, Alpha... my sister said she was going to the Amazon rainforest to find a gift for you??! The AMAZON??! She could be fighting jaguars by now! She could be trying to befriend a tribe of cannibals! She could be—"

Jonathan stopped mid-sentence.

A strange shiver ran down his spine. A deep, primordial sense of betrayal.

He felt... sacrificed.

Like someone had just used his name in a ritual. A sacrifice ritual.

Slowly, he turned to Adrian.

"...Actually," he said, his voice flat, "I think she’s fine. Let her roam free in the wild. She’ll come back when she runs out of stupidity."

Adrian stared at him. "You just wanted to fly to Brazil twenty minutes ago."

"The feeling passed. She’s a cockroach. She’ll survive."

---

Back in the room, Azura was now standing. She had one foot on the table.

She had completely forgotten that this was supposed to be an explanation that could land her in the basement.

Her mouth was on autopilot.

"And you guys NEED to know!!" Azura slammed her hands on the table, her eyes blazing with the intensity of a televangelist who had just seen the light. "This witch is OBSESSED with my sibling! Like, completely unhinged! Protective beyond reason! She may be tiny, but she has the energy of a rabid Chihuahua who thinks she’s a Doberman!"

She took a dramatic breath.

"Just so you know—when a RHINOCEROS was about to charge at my sibling, SHE fought it off! A RHINO! With her bare hands! Or magic! Whatever! The point is, she won!"

"Then, when they had to cross a deep river, SHE SWAM while carrying my sibling until they reached the other side! Like a magical Uber! No boat! No bridge! Just a tiny witch doing the breaststroke with a full-grown adult on her shoulders!"

"And THEN—" she raised her voice for maximum impact, "—when they were stranded at the peak of a snowy mountain, right as an avalanche was about to swallow them whole, she WILLINGLY became a snowboard! My sibling literally stepped on her body and surfed down the mountain to safety!"

Azura threw her hands in the air like she had just finished a TED Talk.

"They survived! Because of her! The end!"

"...."

Silence.

Absolute, deafening silence.

Caesar, who had been mid-chew on his chips, suddenly choked.

"Cough—wheeze—what—"

He pounded his chest as if trying to dislodge not just the chip, but also the sheer absurdity of what he had just heard.

Caelian, who had been sitting comfortably next to Azura, slowly, very slowly, scooted his butt a few inches away from her. His smile had frozen on his face, but his eyes were screaming.

Did I just hear a curse? Is she cursed? Am I gonna catch the crazy?

Caelus’s face remained stone-cold, but inside, his brain was buffering like an old computer trying to load a 4K video.

Kyler didn’t move a muscle. But his eyes glazed over as he replayed her words in his mind, trying to find the logic.

Tiny witch. Fought a rhinoceros. Carried her sibling across a river. Became a snowboard.

They had seen Jonathan’s photo in their investigation files. Tall. Broad-shouldered. Built like a brick wall with legs. Beta of the Crimson Crest Pack. Second-in-command.

And this tiny witch apparently had to carry him across rivers. Fight rhinos for him. Be his personal snowboard.

The mental image formed against their will: a tiny witch with bulging, veiny muscles, hugging Jonathan’s massive frame while swimming across a raging river. A tiny witch with Popeye forearms, throwing a rhinoceros over her shoulder. A tiny witch lying flat on the snow while Jonathan—a grown man, a beta—stood on her back and yelled, "Wheee!"

Caesar broke the silence first.

"...This witch," he said, his voice hoarse, "must be really muscular, right?"

Caelian nodded slowly. "If she’s tiny, she must be... y’know... dense. Muscle-wise. Like a bodybuilder compressed into a doll’s body."

Caelus pinched the bridge of his nose. "How did they encounter a random rhinoceros?"

Another pause.

"And a river without a bridge?"

"And a snowy mountain with an avalanche?"

Caelian turned to his brothers. "Is this witch being abused? Is that why she follows him everywhere? Is she trapped in an unhealthy codependent relationship with Jonathan?"

"...Are you sure this witch okay?" Caesar asked slowly. "Like... mentally? Emotionally? Does she need help? Do we need to call... witch protective services?"

Kyler uncrossed his arms. His expression was unreadable.

"...I have questions."

But Azura wasn’t listening. She was in the zone. The story zone. The zone where common sense goes to die and nonsense is king.

"Then! THEN! THEN!" She slapped the table with each word, her voice rising to preacher-level decibels. "The reason she wanted to SKIN ME ALIVE?!"

She paused, scanning the room like a prosecutor delivering closing arguments.

"Of COURSE it’s because she’s JEALOUS!! She’s jealous that my sibling is nice to ME! That my sibling gave ME a gift—even if it was just some tattered, ugly accessory that looked like it came from a dumpster behind a thrift store!! When she found out my sibling gave it to me, she flew into a RAGE! Full yandere mode! Red eyes! Twitching smile!! She wanted to destroy that gift—and me along with it! She didn’t even care that we were SIBLINGS! BLOOD! RELATED!!!"

Azura clutched her chest, feigning a traumatized gasp.

"She would’ve KILLED me if my sibling hadn’t stopped her and I hadn’t used my elite survival skills to ESCAPE!!"

She leaned forward, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

"And THAT’S why my sibling is still single to this day. No fated mate. No chosen mate. NOTHING. Maybe they were secretly killed by her—who knows?! It might even be in her room!! You know, the kind of room that doesn’t just have photos of my sibling, but also... used straws... underwears..."

Her eyes went wide.

"...maybe even the SEVERED HEADS of everyone who ever liked my sibling!! Because so many of my sibling’s fans have gone MISSING!!"

"..."

Silence.

Thick. Heavy. Uncomfortable silence.

The men sat frozen, their brains struggling to process the genre shift. They had started this story thinking it was a fantasy adventure. Then it became a survival tale. Then a bodyguard romance. Now it was... horror? Thriller? True crime documentary?

Caesar’s chip hung limply from his open mouth, forgotten.

Caelian had stopped scooting away. He was now fully pressed against the armrest, as far from Azura as physically possible without leaving the room.

Caelus’s eye twitched. Just once.

Kyler stared at her like she had just told him the sky was actually made of cheese and the moon was a slice of pepperoni.

Even Wilson had stopped eating his peanuts. He clutched the bag to his chest, looking to his Alpha for guidance, his eyes screaming:

What do I do with this information? Where do I file this? Is there a department for this?

Caesar finally swallowed his chip with visible effort.

"Forget witch protection services," he said, his voice hollow. "I think we need... beta protection services."

The men who had initially felt pity for the tiny witch now felt... concerned. For themselves. For Jonathan. For the world.

And just like that—by the sheer power of her own insane rambling—Azura had successfully diverted all suspicion away from her connection to the exiled child and the witch. Her nonsense had saved her again.

---

Meanwhile, deep in the Crimson Crest Pack, inside a dimly lit room filled with bubbling potions and candles...

Mara sneezed.

Then she felt it. A strange, ominous sensation.Like somewhere, someone had just wronged her. Really, really wronged her.

She paused mid-stir, staring at her cauldron with narrowed eyes.

"...What the heck happened..?"

If only she knew that Azura was currently painting her as a muscular, feral, yandere gremlin of a witch who simped for her brother like a lovesick hyena. A tiny bodybuilder who carried grown men across rivers, surfed down mountains on her own spine, and collected the severed heads of her romantic rivals.

If she knew...

She would absolutely skin Azura alive.

Even if Selena begged her not to.