41 – Before the Trial

“Master!” Jianglong shouted, rushing after him.

He couldn’t understand his master’s decision. But most importantly, a terrible premonition had been clawing at his chest ever since the Abbot announced the trial. Yet no matter how fast he moved, his master seemed to stay just out of reach. That if he is unable to make him stop, if he cannot grab the hem of his sleeves, he will be gone forever.

“Master!” He shouts again and again it is unheeded. Then as always anger rose to the limit and Jianglong’s temper finally exploded. “Wait DAMN YOU!”

Only then did Abbot Zhàoshì stop. Jianglong caught up, breathing heavily.

“Jianglong…” His master’s voice was calm as always, yet there was a faint trace of haste beneath it. “I thought I had taught you better.”

“Who cares about that!” Jianglong grabbed a fistful of his master’s sleeve, refusing to let go.

“What are you trying to do? Why are you doing this?” He asked. No, demanded.

Abbot Zhaoshi’s face remains unreadable, “You will understand in the future.”

“Then you are making a mistake!” Abbot Zhaoshi’s face hardens for the first time

“Just send me.” Jianglong’s voice cracked with desperation. His tone is soft and pleading.

“I am the one that keeps making mistakes here. If you really want to kill him, just send me. And if that is a mistake that will cost me my life, then it is just another mistake I made.”

Abbot Zhaoshi pulled his sleeve free. For a brief moment, Jianglong saw something heavy in his master’s eyes before he turned away. Once again, he had disappointed him. It is nothing new. But he had hoped for his master to trust him better.

The air trembled as Jianglong clenched his fists, teeth grinding together. He forced himself to chant the Tranquil Heart Sutra, barely keeping his emotions in check. He is always like this. Even as a child. Too loud, too angry, too simple. Only his master’s stubborn decision to take him in had ever won.

Jianglong exhales a heavy sigh. Times like this he wished he was smarter. He always has trouble understanding what his master is trying to teach him. He understands the sect’s weak position right now. The shared grudge. Even the death looming over the sect. 

There is a reason why the question on why this Danxing is adopted twice. To gauge the response of Xuan Xuechen after they killed Danxing. If even the miniscule of what he has heard of Xuechen is true, then he won’t care if Danxing is dead. But… if it is true that he has changed and turned to another path like he claimed after the war, a claim that almost nobody believed, that he saved and adopted Danxing from the kindness of his heart, then the sect being destroyed is almost a certain possibility. The surrounding sects have essentially used Lingshan Temple as a canary to determine which is true. Or that the destruction of Lingshan temple is worth the price of the death of a Xuan. But his master’s decision felt deeply personal.

Then Jianglong heard whispers. Jianglong frowned and followed the sound. Before he won’t even care. But now, he felt that the temple felt colder and emptier than usual. What the Abbot had decided quickly spread to other monks no doubt. His attempt to be sneaky and subtle fails miserably. Changsheng and three other monks immediately stop talking as they notice him from the middle of the hallway. He swears this was so much easier when he was young.

“Elder brother.” Changsheng greeted with his usual gentle smile. “What do you need?”

Jianglong always hated Changsheng’s smile. He reminded him of the disgusting noble children that are always pretending. The smile that is always mocking. But Changsheng’s reputation and action is always impeccable so he keeps this opinion to himself. 

“Just passing by.” he grunted, abandoning any attempt at subtlety. “What are you whispering about?”

“Oh, nothing unusual. Just what kind of trial will await our guest.” Jianglong catches the other two monks trying to cover the third fat one that is almost listless. “You know how sensitive the topic is.”

“I see no need for whispers.” Jianglong comes closer. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Huātiān (花天|Auspicious Sky/Heaven)? He just made a mistake as usual.” Changsheng turned towards the fat monk. “Right?”

This caught Huatian in surprise. looked pale and covered in cold sweat. But he came forward and bowed to Jianglong. Jianglong remembered him. Some fourth son of a noble family. He has good talent but a weak heart. His older brothers forbid him to enter better sects to exclude him from his inheritance.

“Eldest brother, thank you for your concern. But I am fine.” he said awkwardly. “I just remembered I have something to take care of.” Then he ran like being chased.

Jianglong questioned how things can become so bad so quickly. All of these exude a sense of wrongness he never saw before.

“Changsheng,” Jianglong said, staring hard at his junior brother. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing you need to be worried about.” Changsheng answered with the same polite smile. “If that’s all, we will be passing by too.” 

He and the other two monks following him bowed and left.

—

“If you apologize one more time I’m going to hit your face.” I shove my fist to Fumo’s face.

“But still,” Fumo followed closely as I walked back toward the guest grounds. “None of this would happen if I didn’t invite you here.”

“Well, doing anything is better than doing nothing.” I replied, trying to remember the correct path, hoping I didn’t get ambushed along the way. 

“Besides, even the wisest cannot see all ends.” I speak in a sagely tone referring to the Gray Wizard.

Fumo looked at me seriously. “That’s… true.”

“I am being pretentious.” I admitted with a grin. “Just like your master did.”

Fumo frowns. “Please retract your words.”

“Well, he doesn’t exactly give me the best impression.”

“My master is never like this.” Fumo defended quietly. “He’s always…”

“Upright and just?” I finished his words. “No one is infallible. At least, not in my experience.”

Fumo fell silent again. It seemed the Abbot acting out of character troubled him more than his own punishment. Looking back at how everyone behaved in the hall, this was probably shocking for the entire temple. If this Abbot is the center of everything in this temple then me pushing and antagonizing him might not be a good idea in a hindsight. Who knows what these monks might do.

“Do you know why your master is keen on killing me?” I try to ask. “My old man was supposed to explain everything after my mission, but here we are. So I need to at least know something.”

“It’s like this…” Along the way, Fumo explains to me the precarious position my arrival has put the temple in. The shared grudge of the surrounding sects and the Lingshan temple themselves against my father because of what happened in the previous war. 

“The old man did what!?” I exclaimed.

“He cleaved the entire mountain range where the previous temple stood,” Fumo repeated. “Leaving only flat mountaintops.”

Damn. No wonder they didn’t appreciate my compliment. It would seem like the old man needs some explaining to do once I get back. If I get back. 

“You said your master is the only survivor? So one here was present during the war back then?”

“That is correct.”

“What’s it like? The Lingshan Temple before this?” I asked as we reached the arch leading to the guest grounds. Fumo stopped and didn’t follow me inside. So I turned back to Fumo.

“I do not know much.” He said softly, his expression saddened. “Even Master doesn’t speak of it often and we can’t bring ourselves to ask more.” 

“I see.” I nodded. “I think I understand why he’s doing this.”

“You mean… it’s purely personal grudge?” Fumo asked uncertainly.

“A part of it, yes. But not everything.”

“Would you tell me?” he asked sincerely.

“You will understand later.” I give him a cheeky grin. 

Fumo fights back to cringe seeing my grin then frowns heavily.

“Just kidding.” I joked again. I was tempted to give cryptic answers as payback for how the people in this world speak but personally I hate it if it is done to me. So I wasn’t going to do the same to him.

“It is the kind of problem that can happen to any devoted adherent to any faith, ideology, or principle.” Fumo leans forward to hear clearly. “It's that you can do everything right, follow every rule, but fail in the end or something very bad happens. It is not some kind of test from the divine or anything. It just… happens.”

Fumo’s frowns deepened. “But then, what about karma and…”

“Oh, what is karma really? Do you call it karma when bad people get their comeuppance but call it bad luck when good people are struck by calamity? Or you call it karma when good people find good fortune but call it trickery and scheme when bad people evade their just punishment?”

“Your faith doesn’t believe in karma either?” Fumo looked thoughtful and realized.

“Not really. We know what it is. But don't count on it or rely on it. Now, I’m sure it has different importance here and what I say might be blasphemous. But but that’s how it is where I come from.”

“Your faith is unreasonable.” Fumo concludes.

“And your faith depends too much on reason.” I replied.

We both paused, then nodded at each other. Both of us realize that while we hold the same virtues, our faith works very differently. There might be a way to reconcile this difference. But now is not the time.

“Brother Danxing,” Fumo called out as I turned to leave. His voice dropped to a whisper. “Why don’t you just… run away?”

“No.” In fact, the thought doesn’t cross my mind.

“Why?” he asked, genuine concern in his eyes.

I placed a hand on his shoulder. “I did this for you. It might sound like I’m blaming you, but I’m not.”

I’m sure both of us understand what I did to rattled the Abbot. With the Abbot being the foundation of this Lingshan temple, I have rattled the very core of their sect. Should I run away, they will undoubtedly find someone else to blame.

“I can take it!” Fumo answers with absolute certainty.

“I know you can,” I chuckled. “You might even enjoy it. But I can’t leave.”

“Why?” He asks once more.

“Outside of my old man and his other disciples, you are the first to call me brother. Without any obligation and… you look up to me in some way. It means something.” I let go of his shoulder and went back in.

Leaving Fumo with his thoughts. Truthfully, it is a more selfish thing really. If I run away, he will be forever blamed for this and I loathe the idea. But if I stay, he will feel guilty that bringing me here will cause my death. I don’t know which one is preferable. But at the very least, I personally can do something against the latter. And for that, I need to pass this trial. Then I stopped. I realized I am an idiot so I turned back. Fortunately Fumo is still there.

“I know this is embarrassing after I left with a high note. But uh, what’s the trial going to be about?"

Fumo broke away from his thoughts. Letting out a chuckle. Then turning into a proper laugh. Well, I’m sure have dashed whatever high impression he has on me.

“The trial consists of three different tests. I cannot tell you more than you will be tested against the three poisons. Lobha, which is Greed or Attachment. Dvesha, which is Hatred or Aversion. Then Moha, which is ignorance or delusion.” Then he paused. “At the third and last test, my master will test you himself.”

I nod. Giving him a thumbs up. “Thank you.”

I turn away and leave properly now. 

As soon as Yinrui saw me, she jumped away from the purple robed old man’s lap. Jumping up towards me. I caught her as usual. Chuckling as I am already used to this.

“Papa is okay? Papa will not die?” She asked immediately.

“We’ll see in three days.” Her ears dropped a little so I patted her head. “Don’t worry too much.”

“You’re certain you’ll take the trial?” The old man looked at me and asked. 

I noticed that there’s what looks like a finished board game beside him. Like reversi but there’s more grids. Then back to the old man.

“Yes.” I went to him and projected the reclined chair again. “How is it? Want to switch chairs?”

He took a deep breath, then stood up. “Just this once.”

We sat down at the same time. The old man sank into the memory foam with a satisfied sigh while the rocking chair expanded to fit my size and began rocking gently on its own.

“Magic rocking chair!”

“This is nice.”

For a moment, we simply enjoyed our respective chairs in peaceful silence.

“I know it's a bit rude but I never asked your name.”

“Just call me Zichen.” He paused. “And… I know who you are.”

“You do?”

He didn’t elaborate. But at least he didn’t seem interested in killing me because of my old man.

So that was nice.