Chapter 1747 - 242 - Shredica and Leon (6)

I was standing outside the hospital where I had been taken for first aid, but at that moment, I couldn't bring myself to care about the injuries I had received or whether I was actually feeling better.

The only thing occupying my mind was Tsubasa-kun.

Unfortunately, it didn't seem like he had made it.

I still couldn't believe it.

Just earlier, I had been staying at his apartment, talking to him like we normally would, and now, he was gone as if everything that happened between then and now had somehow been a terrible dream.

"It's my fault..."

The words came out quietly, almost like I was afraid that saying them too loudly would somehow make everything feel even more real.

It was all my fault.

Why did it have to happen this way?

Why had everything gone so horribly wrong?

I kept asking myself those questions, but there wasn't any answer waiting for me.

I couldn't believe that someone could be alive one moment and then suddenly be gone the next, especially when that person had been standing right in front of me only a short while ago.

Even mourning him didn't feel right to me.

How could I possibly mourn him when I was the reason he had died?

I felt like I had no right to cry over him, because whatever grief I was feeling couldn't change the fact that Tsubasa-kun had died while saving me.

If anything, I felt like I should have been the one lying there instead.

Yet even after telling myself all of that, I still couldn't accept what had happened.

Tsubasa-kun had just died.

Right in front of me.

The thought kept repeating itself inside my head, and no matter how many times I tried to process it, my mind simply refused to accept it as reality.

It happened because I had been stupid enough to leave my apartment in the middle of such heavy rain, and somehow, I hadn't even noticed what was happening around me until it was already too late.

I hadn't looked ahead properly.

I hadn't checked to the side.

I had simply been careless.

Because of that one stupid mistake, Tsubasa-kun had pushed me out of the way, and he was the one who paid for my mistake with his life.

I couldn't stop thinking about how unfair that was.

When I finally walked out of the hospital, I saw Asada-san nearby, looking completely devastated as she cried in the arms of someone I assumed was her mother.

Asada-san and Tsubasa-kun had been friends since childhood, so it wasn't surprising that she had already heard about what happened.

She was crying so hard that she could barely catch her breath, and the person holding her was doing their best to comfort her despite clearly having difficulty holding themselves together as well.

I simply stood there and watched them for a while, feeling like an outsider who had no idea whether I even deserved to approach them.

What was I supposed to say to her?

Should I apologize?

Should I tell her that I was sorry?

Would saying those words even mean anything anymore?

I couldn't come up with anything.

While I was still looking at them, someone suddenly called my name.

"Akane."

I turned around and saw my father standing there.

"Come here. Let's go home," he said quietly.

I didn't argue with him.

I simply followed him toward the car and got inside without saying anything, but before I completely turned away, I looked back toward Asada-san.

She was still crying.

I watched her for another moment before finally looking away.

I was so shocked by everything that had happened that I felt like I had become completely numb.

My body was sitting inside the car, but my mind still seemed to be somewhere else entirely.

"I know what I said while I was drunk probably pushed you away like that, but you shouldn't have done something like that," my father said as he started the car. "I feel terrible for that kid, but I'm still grateful that he saved you and that you're safe and alive."

My teeth clenched when I heard him say that.

"Why are you grateful?" I asked him. "If I had just gone and died right there, wouldn't that have been better for you? I mean, you're having doubts about whether I'm actually your child, right? If I had died, then you wouldn't have any responsibility for me anymore."

After I said that, he looked at me through the rear-view mirror.

"Did I say that?" he asked.

Apparently, he had forgotten.

He had been so drunk that he probably didn't even remember what had come out of his mouth that night.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"You keep apologizing, even though you don't even know what you're apologizing for," I replied. "How many times are we going to keep doing this?"

"That's exactly why I'm apologizing," he said. "Is it wrong for me to apologize to my daughter when I've done something wrong?"

"I feel like we've already gone around in circles," I said. "Even if you apologize now, you're eventually going to go right back to how you were before. You're still going to drink anyway. If you're going to keep apologizing without actually changing anything, then don't apologize at all."

"I see..." he said quietly.

There was a brief silence inside the car before he continued speaking again.

"You think I'm not your father now, don't you? If I said something really horrible while I was drunk, something that I didn't truly mean and shouldn't have said in the first place, then I still have to apologize for saying it. And if you're asking yourself whether I'm really your father, then yes, I am. Nothing is going to change that."

"If you're really doubting it, then why don't you just get it tested?" I asked him. "We could have a DNA test done."

"I'm afraid," he said.

"Afraid of what?" I asked him.

"I'm afraid that if I do it, and it turns out that I'm not your father, then I feel like I'll completely fall into despair," he admitted.

After hearing those words, I couldn't think of anything to say.

I simply fell silent.

I turned my head toward the window and watched the scenery constantly changing as the car continued moving down the road.

Buildings passed by one after another, followed by trees, signs, parked vehicles, and people walking along the streets as though this were just another ordinary day.

Everything outside continued moving as usual.

The world hadn't stopped just because mine had suddenly become completely different.

I kept staring through the window without saying another word, trying to hold myself together even though I could still feel everything that had happened weighing heavily inside my chest.

Then, without me even realizing it, a single tear slipped quietly from my eye and rolled down my cheek.