Chapter 186

I'd barely made it back to the guild when an ashen-faced Suho came running.

I'd calmed down considerably on the way, but the skin around my eyes was still throbbing unpleasantly.

But the moment Suho's small hand touched my eyes and that warm, gentle healing mana seeped in, the stabbing needle-pain slowly began to ease.

My blurred vision came back into focus, too.

Haah… I really am made of glass, aren't I.

Watching a fight between rankers up close, and my eyes couldn't even handle it.

Swallowing an inward sigh at my pathetic durability, I forced a brave smile for the kids hovering worriedly around me.

"I'm okay now. Thanks, Suho."

I gave Suho a light pat on the head — he'd worked hard.

Only then did the tension go out of the kid's face, relief taking its place.

Looking around, I saw the little ones — who'd come out to welcome us back — clustered around the older kids, clinging.

"Unnie! Did the gate go okay?"

"Mm, it was fine. When you're older, we'll go together."

Sea-ah was fussing fondly over her younger siblings, and Suho was carefully checking Cha Yul and Sihyeok over for any injuries.

I was smiling at the peaceful scene when a thought crossed my mind and I lifted my head.

"Oh right — how'd the gate go? Nobody hurt?"

Between Julia and Leo turning up out of nowhere, it had slipped my mind completely.

At my question, Cha Yul answered offhandedly.

"Not even a warm-up. Honestly, guild training's more of a rush than that."

"That's a relief. Nobody hurt, cleared it fine — that's…"

Just as I was letting out a breath of relief, I paused, a strange sense of wrongness catching me.

"…Come to think of it, where's Inho?"

"…"

"He went in with you, didn't he? Why is it just you kids and Number Two I've been seeing?"

Under my questioning, the kids — placid a moment ago — started sneaking sidelong glances at one another.

"What is it? Don't tell me he didn't make it out of the gate?!"

Going pale, I pressed, and Sea-ah let out a small sigh and mumbled.

"Well… he didn't actually go into the gate with us."

"What? He didn't go in with you?"

Thrown, I asked again, and Sea-ah hurriedly spilled the story.

"Right before we went in, a bunch of hunters came up and just hauled Mr. Inho off. They looked like people from his old guild… they told us to wait a minute, and he went with them, you know?"

"And?"

"We waited and waited and he never came back… so we just went in without him."

"You went in without him?"

I pressed my forehead and said, voice hard.

"No matter how late he was, you can't just plunge into a gate without a guardian. Low-rank or not, inside a gate anything can happen."

At the firm scolding, even the older kids — cocky a moment ago — quietly looked away.

Sea-ah glanced up warily, working her mouth open.

"But Director — even academy students go into low-rank gates on their own. And we're way stronger than they are."

"That's not the point. Rules are rules, and we agreed to the gate on the condition that a veteran hunter went with you."

At that, Cha Yul — who'd been listening in silence — let out a plain, open sneer.

"Rules like that only apply to non-Awakened. How many times do I have to say it."

The cold line he was drawing hit hard, but I forced myself back to composure and answered.

"…Technically I'm an Awakened now too. You know that. If you keep breaking the rules and doing whatever you want, next time I'll have no choice but to come along myself."

"What?! You yourself, Director?!"

"N-no way! Direektuh! It'sh dangerous!"

Through the uproar, Cha Yul cut in, eyes gone colder still, and shut the exchange down.

"Awakened, my ass."

The voice was firm, and sharp.

"Can't even use his ability right — what kind of Awakened is that."

…!

"If you're weak, just sit quiet in the guild. Don't try to step up 'cause you scraped together some half-baked ability. Honestly, all you'd be is dead weight. We're the ones who'd have to protect you — some guardian."

The air froze in a heartbeat.

"Oppa!"

"Hyung! That's going way too far!"

Startled, Sea-ah and Suho scolded Cha Yul sharply.

Only then did Cha Yul seem to register that his words had gone a bit far — he flinched — but his tightly pressed lips didn't part.

And…

Taking that venom straight to the chest, I froze where I stood.

Somewhere inside me, a dull impact spread, like something cracking.

"That — I wasn't trying to step up, I just… didn't want you kids to get hurt…"

I forced the words out, but the tail end trembled, just barely.

"That'sh not true, Direektuh! We don't think that!"

The little ones dove into my arms, tearing up — but the warmer their touch got, the colder my head went.

Am I… no use to these kids anymore?

My head knew it, really.

Now that they'd escaped the horrific abuse at the institute, a mere non-Awakened like me was of no real help to kids with talents as brilliant as theirs.

Which was why, when I'd belatedly learned I was an Awakened, one corner of my heart had been a little bit glad, a little bit relieved.

But reality was cold.

The slightest push and my eyes and arm start giving out — and I still don't even know what my own ability is.

Tied up in that net on the ship, forced to just watch as the kids got hurt.

Trapped inside Sea-ah's illusion, powerless as she suffered.

At the overload gate, unable to protect a single kid properly.

Moments of that terrible helplessness flashed past like a slideshow.

I'd held on tight to the belief that I was these kids' guardian, but by now maybe they didn't need my help at all.

A quiet, cutting self-loathing tightened around my throat.

I couldn't stay here any longer.

I couldn't look the kids in the eye.

"…Just — just let me rest for a bit."

"Direektuh!"

"You're right. You don't need me to protect you. Yeah… first I've got to go find Inho—"

As I staggered around to leave, Number Three — silent until now — came up soundlessly and caught my arm.

"We'll go find Inho. Please rest. Today's been too much."

"But…"

At my faint pushback, Kang Taemin, uncharacteristically firm, drove the point home.

"Push yourself any harder and your eyes will go again."

The hard tone shut me up.

I couldn't put Suho through more strain over my flimsy body.

In the end, I lost the will to resist and turned my back, resigned.

"Yeah… okay."

The restless press of the kids' worry rolled against my back, but I couldn't make myself turn around.

Fighting down the urge to look back, I dragged out the warmest voice I could muster.

"See you tomorrow, kids. You've all had a long day — go get some rest."

Leaving the kids fretting behind me, unable to catch hold of me, I hurried off like I was fleeing.

Down the corridor I trudged, a long, heavy silence trailing sadly after me.

"Aaargh!! I really hate you, oppa!!"

Thud! Thud! Whish—!

A sudden storm broke over the Sunshine Room.

Starting with the teddy bear, then colorful jewel toys, lollipops — even a small plastic flowerpot.

Every kind of junk in the room went flying at Cha Yul, merciless.

"Direektuh got hurt 'cause of you, oppa! Why you talk sho mean!"

"I hate hyung! I'm staying by the Director!"

Thoroughly furious, the little ones — fat tears welling at the corners of their eyes — burst into a full "Waaaaah!"

Cha Yul didn't dodge the incoming toys; he silently took them.

On the surface he kept his usual mask of indifference, but the awkward half-braced stance gave his fluster away completely.

Sea-ah, watching him quietly, let out an exasperated ugh and clicked her tongue.

"You went too far this time, oppa. You know how quietly happy the Director was when he found out he'd awakened — you know that."

Under Sea-ah's sharp jab, Cha Yul bit hard at his lip and spat his real feelings out, curt.

"…That's exactly why."

"What?"

"He gets excited over some half-formed ability and pushes himself again — then what? What if he ends up taking a hit for us again, like last time?"

He'd tossed it off flat, but a thick fear ran under it.

Even back when he'd thought he was a non-Awakened, this was a man who'd throw himself in the way to protect the kids.

Yul hated that reckless tenderness — it terrified him.

Sea-ah, having none of it, planted her hands on her hips.

"Then just say that from the start! Say 'I'm scared he'll get hurt'! You always act like a grown-up, like you're all mature… but stuff like this makes it obvious you're still a kid."

Nailed dead center, Cha Yul clamped his mouth shut with nothing to come back with.

That was when.

"Huh? What's the mood in here?"

Click — the door opened, and in walked Ari with a bag over her shoulder.

Bored being left on her own while the others trained, she'd talked her grandma round and, recently, had started attending a non-Awakened school in District Two.

Ari, home from a full day capped off with after-school classes, blinked her round eyes at the strange atmosphere in the room.

"This has an oddly familiar vibe."

"Ari-unnie!"

The little ones scurried into Ari's arms and started tattling on Cha Yul's atrocities down to the last detail.

Once she'd gotten the whole story, Ari fixed Cha Yul with a flat, cool look.

"Why'd you do that. Mister's got a softer heart than he lets on, you know."

Cha Yul whipped his head away, and Sea-ah brought things to a firm conclusion.

"So what are you going to do? Just leave the Director on his own like that?"

"No! I don't wanna leave the Director alone!"

"We broke the rules first, so let's all go apologize together. Oppa, you go apologize too."

Sea-ah pushed, but Cha Yul stubbornly shook his head.

"No. I'm not apologizing."

"Oppa!!!"

"Yeah, I know I went too hard — but until he drops that ridiculous stubbornness of his, I'm not apologizing either. And I wasn't even wrong."

At Cha Yul's absolutely unyielding mule streak, the little ones finally blew up.

"Aaargh…! If oppa doesn't shay shorry to the Direektuh, we're never playing with oppa ever again!!!"

The little ones' sharp declaration — cutting ties, done.

This was the opening act of what the guild would later record as the First Sunshine Room Cold War.

Holed up alone in my room, I was tearing at my hair over a head gone hopelessly tangled.

…Honestly, Yul isn't wrong.

Awakened I might technically be, but with no idea what my ability was and no way to use it, I was basically a non-Awakened all the same.

The more coolly I faced facts, the more bitterness welled up.

Now that they'd escaped the horrific abuse from the original, the kids had real guardians at their side — Teacher Kim Sunja, Han Jewoon.

My presence in their lives was fading by the day.

Really useless, aren't I. Ha ha…

A dry, hollow laugh slipped out.

But I couldn't just sink endlessly into the gloom.

Slap! Slap!

I slapped both cheeks hard and forced myself back into gear.

No need to sulk. If the kids are safer under better guardians, that's actually a good thing!

Time had flown by, and it was already the tail end of winter.

The time I had left was under six months now.

I hauled my sinking heart back up to the surface by force.

Just focus on what I need to do. I don't know my ability, but I'm still an Awakened, plain and simple — the moment I can use it properly, I'll definitely be some help to the kids. First things first: pin down what my awakening ability actually is.

Just as I steadied myself and rose from the chair —

Knock, knock—

A careful knock.

Thinking the kids might have come to apologize, I hurried to open it — but the person standing outside was the last one I'd expected.

"…Inho?"

The Inho who'd supposedly vanished into thin air right before the gate.

And he looked like hell.

His clothes were caked in dust and torn in places, his face full of scrapes.

Like a man who'd just been through the wringer somewhere rough.

"Whoa, what the — what happened to you?!"

Dumbstruck, I pressed him, but he stood there with his mouth shut, face stiff.

Lips scabbed with dried blood. Eyes staring blank into space.

"Deputy Guild Master."

"Who the hell did this to—"

"I… want to leave Nest Guild."