Chapter 210: Asuka Decides to Stop Being Human

It’s over, it’s over, it’s all over. I have no face left to show anyone.

The room was pitch black. A human-shaped giant maggot was rolling back and forth on the bed. Asuka had originally wanted to hide inside Unit-02 for the rest of her life, but Unit-02 had unceremoniously ejected her. She could clearly feel her mother’s anger.

‘I know running away like this is disgraceful, but I really just couldn’t take it anymore.’

Asuka covered her face, feeling her cheeks still burning hot. The problem was too severe. Everyone knew that she had always used German to mask her inner thoughts—it was the most intuitive manifestation of her tsundere nature. And yet, Shinji told her today that he had been able to understand her from the very beginning.

Hasn’t a disaster happened because of this?!

How could that idiot Shinji understand? How could he understand? I said so many things I shouldn’t have; I revealed inner thoughts I shouldn’t have exposed. Doesn’t that make me look like a total clown?

‘Remember, I must remember this harshly.’

She instinctively climbed up, ready to add a heavy, dark stroke to her “Book of Hatred,” but her movements stiffened, and soon she flopped back onto the bed.

‘In order to make sure he couldn’t understand, I wrote everything in German. What was the point of that now? If he saw it, wouldn’t it be even more embarrassing?’

Facts proved that when Asuka, who loved speaking German, finally cleared up the misunderstanding, her mental state was bound to explode. However, after the completion, her mental state was much more stable, and she didn’t spiral into thoughts like “Shinji looks down on me” or “he’s intentionally embarrassing me.”

But it was still embarrassing! How could I, being so clever and sharp, have never noticed it? It was fortunate that because Rei Ayanami understood German, she had restrained herself quite a bit recently—a blessing in disguise, one could say.

‘No, that blockhead seemed to know about it and intentionally didn’t remind me.’

Asuka twisted around again. Just then, she heard the sound of a door opening. Her body trembled, and she covered her head with the quilt, faintly discovering a desire hidden deep within her heart.

Unlike a certain autistic boy who would roam the city when his mental state cracked, she had returned home, clearly waiting for someone to comfort her.

‘Right, he knew German but didn’t say anything—that’s his fault. If he had said it earlier, I wouldn’t have performed like a clown for so long.’

She was already very familiar with Shinji’s footsteps. As the sound of his steps approached, her heartbeat accelerated, but she waited for a while and never heard a knock on the door.

‘You, hurry up! Don’t tell me you’re feeling guilty now.’

Of course, Shinji didn’t feel guilty. He had never had the intention of laughing at Asuka. It was just that this “glass cannon” of a girl was too fragile; he feared that if he had told her the truth earlier, she would have shattered into pieces.

As for after the completion, he had wanted to say something, but Rei Ayanami had stopped him, citing that it would be “troublesome.” Now that he thought about it, the blue-haired girl was indeed dark-hearted on the inside.

Shinji stood in front of the desk, looking at the envelope on it. A lot had happened today, including Kaworu Nagisa’s departure. The boy had only stayed in Tokyo-3 for half a month, yet they had come to understand each other better.

Initially, he had let Kaworu come as a reward for his loyalty. Later, he discovered that this person was indeed incredibly loyal and an indispensable part of the entire Final Solution. As for personal feelings, the boy also made him feel quite comfortable.

When it came to being understanding, no one was better than Kaworu. Rei Ayanami would occasionally show some small emotions, but Kaworu never did. Even more impressive was that he understood Shinji very well, just like this letter of farewell.

There was no excessive sentimentality, only thanks for the hospitality from Shinji and the others. He was very polite to everyone, even to Asuka, who usually targeted him.

[A short parting is for an eternal meeting. Thank you, Shinji-kun, for letting me experience the most beautiful human emotions. This period has been the happiest time since I was born.]

[Chatting together, going to school together, tasting delicious food together—I envy Rei Ayanami and the others; they have no shackles and are free because of you.]

[Perhaps we will be enemies when we meet again, but I believe that after the brief pain, there will be a dreamlike tomorrow.]

[So Shinji-kun, will you accept me then?]

Shinji read the letter, which had a slightly literary tone. As expected, Kaworu was full of comfort, and even Shinji felt a bit of anticipation.

‘Is it sincere?’

From initial suspicion to the frankness after getting to know him, Shinji understood that Kaworu had never used any tricks, and the phrase “born because of you” was completely without falsehood.

‘But who among those around me isn’t treating me with sincerity? For instance, this Asuka-classmate who speaks nothing but German.’

He turned his head slightly and could see a silent black shadow in the dim corridor. Asuka was clearly waiting until she reached her limit; this idiot didn’t come to find her and apologize, instead staying outside reading that stalker’s letter. Did he even hold me in his eyes at all?

She was truly a bit angry, but Shinji was not the kind of person who was delicate enough to go up and coax a girl when he saw she was angry.

The boy remained indifferent, half-turning his head: “You came out so quickly? I was just about to go find you.”

‘That actually counts as a human sentence.’

Asuka nodded with satisfaction, hands behind her back, walking out from the corner. She stopped five meters away, looking full of anticipation: “Are you preparing to apologize to me?”

“Why should I apologize to you?” Shinji looked puzzled, thinking Asuka was quite brave and full of momentum right now.

“You caused me to be so embarrassed, shouldn’t you apologize?” Asuka raised her fist, preparing to talk things through properly with this blockhead.

“First of all, I never deceived you. Secondly, most of what you hid behind German weren’t exactly nice things, right?” Shinji maintained his unwavering demeanor, counting on his fingers: “You scolded me as a blockhead five times, said I lacked grace three times, and even used ‘damn it’—such a low-quality description—twice…”

“Alright, alright, I’m afraid of you. Let’s call it even, okay?” Asuka quickly waved her hand. How could this account ever be settled clearly?

This was Shinji’s method of convincing people with reason. Whether it was physics or “lip-jutsu,” no one was his opponent. But the logic was simple: you scolded me so many times, it was already enough that I didn’t hold you accountable when the truth came out. And yet, you actually dared to hold me accountable?

‘This blockhead is truly impenetrable by knives, bullets, water, or fire.’

Asuka gritted her teeth. She had been embarrassed once, and then she was held accountable. Didn’t that mean she had lost twice?

‘Damn it, why does my Great Germanic winning theory fail against this guy?’

“Still not convinced?”

“I… this… it’s pissing me off!” Asuka felt a mouthful of old blood stuck in her throat, unable to swallow it or spit it out.

‘I’m the one who was embarrassed, I’m the one whose mental state exploded. Fine, I admit I wanted to use this as an excuse to get some comfort, so how did it end up with me owing you?’

But there was no way to refute Shinji’s words. She did indeed love to scold him in German. Thinking back to how she had been smug, thinking this guy was uncultured, she was now ashamed to the point of madness.

Asuka went crazy, walking quickly toward Shinji. Seeing him raise his fist, she closed her eyes.

“Don’t hit me, don’t throw me out, or I’ll smash my head against the wall!”

Shinji lowered his hand. He would bet that Asuka didn’t have the courage to commit suicide, let alone the motivation. But how to put it? The girl’s mental state had already reached a dangerous point, and plus, she had just been contaminated by mental pollution a few hours ago; he couldn’t continue to stimulate her.

‘What? You ask why I didn’t have a better attitude just now? That was expounding the truth. Astartes are very good at reasoning.’

Every time she launched an attack, she was inevitably thrown out with a shoulder throw, but this time, Asuka, filled with shame and anger, ignored everything and charged head-on.

‘Huh?’

She crashed into a hard chest and blinked, feeling somewhat unbelievable.

Right, even living under the same roof with the blockhead Shinji every day, it was impossible to get close to him. Several times she had snuck up from behind, wanting to wrap her arms around his neck to annoy Rei Ayanami, but each time she was sent flying immediately.

“Why didn’t you throw me this time?” She raised her head, only then noticing that the blockhead Shinji was quite tall, a head taller than her. His poker face was slightly lowered, and a flicker of something unusual passed through his eyes.

‘Is this what a hug feels like? Asuka is so soft, so light, and there is a special fragrance.’

Shinji was learning, but he was quickly reminded by Asuka, who placed her hands directly on his shoulders.

“As you wish.”

“No, no, no, I was just saying that!” Asuka jumped up, wrapping her legs around Shinji’s waist, hugging her arms around his chest like an octopus, refusing to let go. These two were always capable of turning romantic things into something bizarre. She had heard of ambiguous hugs between men and women, but had never seen this kind of “octagonal cage” style hug. But Asuka was truly afraid; the last time on the bed, she had hurt for two whole days before recovering.

Shinji lowered his hands again. It was difficult to throw her out with this kind of counter-throw, but having a warm girl hanging on him made him feel a bit strange.

“Then let go! Why are you hugging me so tightly?”

“I won’t! Otherwise, how would I know if you’ll take the opportunity to mess with me?” Asuka hugged him even tighter, like a koala. In her heart, she sighed that this blockhead was truly hard, like a steel plate; it wasn’t comfortable at all.

Shinji was helpless against this child-like act of playing the rascal, so he had to use his trump card: “You look so disgraceful like this, aren’t you afraid of being seen by Rei?”

Asuka cared about her image the most. Before the completion, it was like her life; without dignity and without being needed, she couldn’t even pilot the EVA, which was why she seemed exceptionally awkward. But after the completion, she became much stronger. With Unit-02 and the “Book of Hatred” supporting her, her skin was getting thicker and thicker.

But this was her core persona. Hearing those words, she instinctively let go, but then hugged even tighter.

“What are you doing? You’re actually braver than I imagined.” Shinji was also a bit startled. Looking down, he could only see soft orange hair. “Didn’t you often say that a person lives for their face? Let me remind you again: Rei is right next door.”

“I’ve already been embarrassed enough; I’m already immune to words like that!” Asuka closed her eyes and shouted, not knowing if this counted as being “super brave” or just giving up.

Asuka, who loved to speak German, had taken a critical hit today. At this moment, she had figured it out: what embarrassment could surpass this? Since her face had been shredded by Shinji, she might as well just get rid of it entirely.

‘At least, today I can blame the Angel, and I won’t be afraid of being held accountable later.’

The witty Asuka-classmate raised her head, her deep blue eyes seemingly filled with fire. At this moment, she was invincible.

“Since humans have limits, then I choose to stop being human!”

Asuka had attained enlightenment.

It was precisely because she cared too much about her face that she had stopped advancing and was often persecuted by these blockheads. But self-esteem was something carved into her marrow, and even after the completion, she couldn’t discard it. But today was different. A misunderstanding that had been buried since the first time they met had finally erupted, shattering her and almost making her autistic. Whether it was the charge at Shinji or this octopus-like hug, both were a rebound from extreme shame.

As the saying goes, when you are at the bottom of the valley, any way you walk is an ascent. Thus, today’s Asuka’s hear” was shattered; no matter what she did, it wouldn’t get any worse.

‘Right, I don’t even have pride anymore, so what do I need self-esteem for?’

Carrying a sense of self-abandonment, at least until she returned to Unit-02 for a reset, the current Asuka became brave upon brave—”super brave,” one might say—clinging firmly to him and even forgetting to be shy.

But she also forgot that Ikari Shinji was a man who did not play by the rules.

An ordinary boy encountering this situation would either pity the girl whose mental state had exploded, feel guilty, or at the very least remain silent, allowing Asuka to vent her emotions thoroughly.

The boy lowered his head. His cold gaze made Asuka’s scalp tingle. This was not the same as she had imagined.

‘Does he really not care about me at all in his heart?’

Just as the girl felt bone-chilling cold, the boy finally spoke.

“You’re not being human? Can I take that as a declaration of rebellion?”

‘Damn it, you’re still hung up on that!’

Asuka hugged Shinji even tighter, using almost all her strength as if to strangle this non-earthling to death, but the boy’s expression remained unchanged.

“Attempting to murder an Astartes is a crime compounded.”

“Then just kill me! I have no face to live anymore anyway, hurry up and do it!”

This time it was Shinji’s turn to be stunned. Thinking for a moment, he asked in a low voice: “You weren’t thinking of rebelling?”

“Nonsense! I was just using a metaphor. I was human to begin with; even if I wanted to change species, I couldn’t.”

“Sorry, I mixed up the two worlds again. In the Empire, there are indeed too many ways to stop being human, so your thought was dangerous.”

“Please, this is Earth! Earth!”

“Holy Terra is also called Earth.”

“You!”

Asuka suddenly felt that she wasn’t that angry anymore. This had nothing to do with venting or comfort; it was just that talking to this blockhead always went off-track, and she also felt a bit tired.

“Hurry up and hold me.”

“If you’re tired, let go.”

“No, I’m absolutely not coming down today.”

‘Is this some kind of powerful grappling technique that makes me unable to escape?’

Shinji extended his hands and held Asuka’s slender waist, only to hear a “Hmm” sound. The girl in his arms turned bright red again. Through her thin shirt, he could feel two soft protrusions and her intense heartbeat.

“Shinji, is this the first time you’ve held someone?”

“If you’re asking about this posture, then it’s the second time.”

“Who was the first!?” Asuka’s eyes suddenly became sharp.

“A Slaanesh filth. It jumped into my arms; the posture was about the same. Before it could use its proboscis to pierce the gap in my power armor, I squeezed it into meat paste.”

‘Ah?’

Hearing it wasn’t Rei Ayanami, Asuka was first ecstatic, then upon thinking of that bloody scene, she moved her body, but she didn’t fly away as she usually would.

“You won’t squeeze me into meat paste, will you?”

“You are my precious partner; how could I do that?” Shinji didn’t want to answer such an idiotic question. Suddenly, he asked: “Why did you make a strange sound just now?”

The girl’s cheeks turned even redder. In that instant, she could clearly feel the strong forearm sweeping across her buttocks and then hugging her waist. She couldn’t help but slightly open her mouth. But this comfort of being embraced by a lover was a high-end emotion; she didn’t know how to explain it to Shinji.

“It… it was the feeling of being electrocuted. My heartbeat accelerated all at once, and my muscles relaxed.”

‘The feeling of being electrocuted? I didn’t use psychic lightning. Besides, if you’re hit by lightning, shouldn’t your whole body tense up and your heartbeat stop?’

Shinji was indeed unable to understand, so he only asked: “You like this feeling?”

“Don’t ask a girl so directly!” Asuka raised her fist, but then nodded imperceptibly.

‘Who wouldn’t like it?

Hahaha, this time I definitely won, right? That filth thing certainly doesn’t count. I am absolute first place! However, this guy is quite comfortable to hug. Although he is hard all over, he has great strength; he doesn’t even shake.’

‘Hiss, does Asuka actually have this hobby? Her emotions were too intense today; do I need to use the lowest power psychic lightning to let her vent? But even at the lowest power, she would be incontinent, right?’

The dark room fell into silence again. Both were thinking, but clearly, their thoughts were not on the same frequency. Perhaps this was what is known as “each harboring their own thoughts.”

I don’t know how long it had been, but a faint voice finally sounded in the room.

“How, how do you see today’s events?” Asuka let go of her hands. She was tired, entrusting her full weight to the hands Shinji had wrapped around her waist.

“Facing the problem head-on; you were indeed surprisingly brave today.” Shinji cast an approving look. This was indeed beyond expectations. In the past, this kind of critical hit would have made Asuka autistic for at least a dozen days.

“It was trivial. Although your attack using German was discovered by me, that little bit of damage is not enough for me to punish you.”

“You only remember me scolding you, right?”

Asuka gritted her teeth, and her emotions became intense again. Why is talking to this blockhead so difficult? Sure enough, self-esteem is my biggest obstacle.

Shinji wasn’t pretending to be ignorant, nor was his intelligence too low; it was just that for the same thing, the angle from which he thought was very bizarre, so a direct attack was needed.

‘Do not say ambiguous things, and do not let Shinji-kun guess. Tell him what is in your heart. But Asuka, can you do it?’

In Asuka’s mind, the image of a certain bad woman appeared. That questioning expression made people’s teeth itch with hatred. Of course, usually she would agree completely, but when the time came, her tongue would get tangled.

‘But today’s me is different. I’m not even acting like a human anymore!’

“Hurry up and think—what did I say in German besides scolding you?”

“Hmm, some inner thoughts. Are you sure you want me to repeat them?”

“Say it! I want to hear it one more time!” Asuka shouted loudly, but her head was already buried in Shinji’s chest to cover her already burning face.

Directness had never been her style. If she really said everything, how could she still be a tsundere?

“Alright. On October 17th, you once said in German: ‘I like you just a little bit, just a little bit, it’s impossible to be any more than that.’ On November 28th, at the school festival, you said: ‘I just want to take a photo alone with you.’ On January 3rd, the New Year’s festival…”

Like an on-site execution, Shinji recited all of Asuka’s bold words. In the past, perhaps the moment the first word left his lips, the girl would have covered her ears with both hands and fled like a gust of wind. Without the person’s strong request, Shinji wouldn’t have said these things either.

‘Giving Asuka psychological counseling is truly very troublesome.’

But Asuka didn’t interrupt today. Like an ostrich, she buried her head in Shinji’s chest. One could see her bright red earlobes between her hanging orange hair.

‘So shameful. Have I really said so many heartfelt things?’

As the saying goes, a broken pot is a broken pot—her pot was almost turned into powder. What kind of masochistic request was this, having Shinji rehearse the social death scene? She felt like she could die.

But as she listened, she felt something was wrong.

‘Why does this blockhead remember so clearly? He can be specific to a certain year and day???’

She looked up in astonishment. Even she could only remember that she seemed to have said it, but Shinji could actually recount it word-for-word.

“You remember everything?”

“I have a very good memory, and your inner thoughts are quite interesting.” Shinji had originally wanted to say, “Unlike you, who writes everything down in a notebook,” but thinking that Asuka was already unpredictable today, he decided it was better not to stimulate her.

“Quite interesting? What kind of metaphor is that?”

“It just means it’s very interesting. You’re different from Rei. She is too pure, while you are too contradictory and complex.” The corner of Shinji’s mouth curved in a smile. He had never been bored with Asuka. To be honest, having such a girl by his side was indeed very interesting.

Asuka moved her mouth, very much wanting to ask questions like “Will I annoy people?” or “Which is better, pure white or contradictory?” But the words reached her lips, and she felt it didn’t make much sense anymore.

“Shinji, look at me.”

“I have been watching you the whole time.”

“I know. Can you have a bit of a sense of romance? Never mind, I’m too lazy to bicker with you today.” Asuka took a deep breath. There was no tsundere, no tough-talking. She was as soft and hot as her current body, holding her head high, filled with confident charm.

“Since you know my heart, what is your answer? First, let’s make it clear: no refusing, no changing the topic. Just like you did in that what’s-it-called, the Valbruna battle—straight to the point, facing my heart!”

‘Since you said it like that, then I understand.’

Perhaps it was fate; her sentence was exactly the same as Rei Ayanami’s confession. It was the metaphor Shinji could understand best. After just a moment, he knew what Asuka’s request was, so he looked into those deep blue eyes filled with anticipation.

There was no romance, nor much of the deep, soulful gaze from books. The steel-like boy hugged the confident girl and nodded heavily.

“From beginning to end, I have never refused your request.”

‘Hmm?’

Asuka blinked. This was still different from the patterns, but after understanding, she was both shy and happy.

‘This is already very good for the blockhead Shinji. Wait, he didn’t refuse my request, which means I succeeded in my confession before?’

What exactly happened between the blockhead Rei Ayanami and the idiot Shinji in the lounge suddenly became unimportant. She grinned, raised her hands, and hugged the boy’s neck, throwing herself onto him like a koala.

‘Hahaha, win!’