Chapter 143 175: You Ought to Be Envious.

Since he wasn't particularly skilled at preaching, there was no need to preach; he would let the Angel of Free Will find the answers himself.

Shinji's mind cleared instantly. Aside from maintaining strict surveillance, he would carry on with his own affairs. There was absolutely no reason to waste energy on the Angel of Free Will.

Consequently, an even stranger phenomenon occurred: while Shinji tasted cake in a shop, drinking cloying milk tea and chatting with his friends about holiday plans, a youth with gray hair and red eyes watched silently from a rooftop across the street. When Asuka caught a glimpse of him by chance, a shiver ran down her spine.

At first glance, this Kaworu Nagisa looked handsome, but it turned out he was a stalker. How disgusting! Fortunately, Shinji didn't give him the time of day.

Her distaste for this mysterious Fourth Children immediately hit its limit. Strictly speaking, it wasn't a misunderstanding; Kaworu truly acted like a stalker, carefully maintaining his distance, observing Shinji's life, and then attempting to comprehend the logic within it on his own.

'Clearly bearing such a heavy destiny, yet it does not affect his daily life.

Clearly covered in blood and as cold as iron, yet he is never short of friends.

His will has never wavered, as if his convictions were set in stone from the very beginning, skipping the entire process of searching?'

Every night, Kaworu would return to Lake Ashi and silently record the day's observations. The more he observed, the more bewildered he became. How could such a Lilin exist in this world?

He had seen many brave souls, but without exception, they all bore heavy psychological burdens. Kaworu understood better than anyone that what drove an EVA was the AT Field—the "Wall of the Heart."

Yet Shinji had no issues in that regard. True, his personality was a bit eccentric, but unlike other Lilin, he didn't wear a mask. He opened his heart completely, and within it, one saw no negative emotions.

'Is it not exhausting to carry such a heavy fate? Is it not terrifying to pilot an EVA and fight Angels? Why is he still so confident?'

That was one thing, but what was most precious was that Shinji was not only flawless himself; he acted like a sun, dispersing the gloom surrounding others—the most representative examples being the First and Second Children.

Kaworu recognized Rei Ayanami's identity and had perused the records of Asuka's past. For people like them, distortion was the norm; enjoying life like a normal person was the true anomaly.

'Strange. How can a fourteen-year-old Lilin be so perfect and still manage to clear the clouds from those around him?'

Kaworu felt a mix of longing and confusion; this was exactly what he craved.

To be clear about one's own value, to be confident and resolute about the future, and to freely embrace destiny.

"Is it because of Him?"

His red eyes turned toward a thick stack of files. Through his observations these past days, he discovered that the person Shinji liked to mention most was a deity called "The Emperor." For this reason, he had specifically asked SEELE to send over investigation reports—specifically, the ones originally submitted by the Security Department.

Shinji never hid it; he had told the world the answer long ago, but these mortals simply didn't believe him.

'Everything is the Emperor's guidance? Everything is the Emperor's great power?'

Kaworu stared at the high-frequency word "Emperor" and remained silent for a long time, gently biting his finger.

'Could this deity named "The Emperor" actually exist?'

After thinking for a long time, this seemed to be the only answer. Otherwise, there was no explaining why a fourteen-year-old Lilin was so perfect. In a sense, Kaworu himself was a god; unlike Ritsuko, he didn't feel the need to lean on science for everything.

'Could the consciousness drifting intermittently from the Negative Universe be the Emperor?'

A wild thought occurred to Kaworu. As a vessel for Adam's soul, he had no memories of the First Angel, but as an Angel, he was inherently linked to the Negative Universe and could feel its increasingly intense consciousness.

'No. That consciousness is, in a sense, full of malice toward the Lilin, whereas the Emperor in Shinji-kun's mouth is the protector of humanity. They are complete opposites.'

He didn't quite understand the meaning behind it. Soon, his expression shifted slightly.

'If I also believed in the Emperor, could I become friends with Shinji-kun?'

"There seems to be some feasibility. My origin never had guidance, but Shinji-kun, as the Emperor's spokesperson, has given me many inspirations instead."

A thought of loyalty sprouted. He tilted his head back, his crimson eyes gleaming as he looked directly at the five monoliths that suddenly appeared around him.

"Nagisa-kun, the appointed time is approaching. Do you have any results?"

Chairman Keel asked in a low, displeased voice. He had agreed to the deal with the Angel of Free Will, risking the exposure of the Lilith lie, but not so he could go to Tokyo-3 to contemplate life.

'If you want to contemplate life, you could have done it in the basement of the First Branch. Why run off here?'

"None. The people of NERV remain loyal, still fighting with all their might for the future of the Lilin."

One sentence from Kaworu rendered the old men silent.

'Whether they are loyal or not, do we not already know?'

Coming from an Angel's mouth, those words sounded strange no matter how you heard them.

"You haven't even made contact with the Third Children. A complete waste of time."

Monolith 02 spoke sharply. They were also very interested in Shinji and were worried this Angel might lead the Third Children astray.

"In fact, I did make contact, but he is unwilling to be my friend."

"And so you act as a stalker every day? Listen, we don't have time to play 'making friends' with you. The Thirteenth Angel could attack at any moment; how do you guarantee your stance then?"

"Didn't you prepare this thing?"

Kaworu pointed to the collar on his neck and said softly, "You can just blow up this physical body."

"Who knows if that will work? If you play tricks and two Angels storm NERV headquarters, what then?"

"In all these years, have I ever broken a promise? Besides, if you fail your roles, Shinji-kun will act. I cannot defeat him."

The youth looked around; Shinji-kun had not forgotten him and was constantly making battle preparations.

The moment he decided to act, Kaworu would be dead. Of course, Kaworu didn't care, nor would he interfere.

"The EVA is not suited for combat against you."

Chairman Keel didn't know that Shinji could fight an Angel in the flesh. His tone grew heavy: "The day of the covenant has arrived. You must return. This is non-negotiable."

Kaworu pursed his lips, recalling his observations from this period. The image of a red-haired girl appeared in his mind, and he suddenly smiled: "I refuse. Until I have my answer, I will not return. If you annihilate this vessel, I will let my soul die freely."

Indeed, he had observed more than just Shinji; he had also watched the Second Children and learned a certain skill.

"Do not act like a child throwing a tantrum."

"I am not yet fifteen. In terms of Lilin lifespan, am I not a child?"

The old men went silent. When Kaworu was being reasonable, they could use conspiracies to manipulate him; but now that he was being unreasonable, they had no leverage at all.

"Exactly how much time do you need?"

"Soon. When the Thirteenth Angel descends, Shinji-kun will surely resolve me. Before that, I want to have one proper conversation with him."

Kaworu looked up at the lakeside road. A business van was speeding past, the window half-open. A red-haired girl with a wide, toothy grin happened to look over.

The youth took a deep breath, his expression full of envy.

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"Look, the stalker!"

Asuka, who was listening to Chihaya Rin tell a joke, reached out and pointed at Kaworu on the small island in the lake.

"There aren't even any boats; how did he get onto the island? Is he stuck?"

From the passenger seat, Shinji also took a look. He knew how it was done; one could simply walk on the water.

In that regard, Kaworu and Rei were indeed different. The former was a true psychic capable of projecting an AT Field individually; the latter was no different from an ordinary girl, never showing a trace of supernatural power.

"Is it really okay to leave him here?"

Misato looked over warily and lowered her voice: "The encirclement of Lake Ashi is complete, and the Positron Cannon's field of fire has been adjusted. When do you plan to act?"

When Shinji said "ignore him," he didn't mean he was being careless. Battle preparations hadn't stopped for a second to ensure a complete ambush before the first move was made.

"No rush. He just finished a transmission with SEELE and still hasn't breathed a word about my activities."

Shinji controlled everything. If SEELE received intelligence, it was equivalent to him receiving intelligence.

"I really don't understand what this Angel of Free Will is doing. Did he really come to Tokyo-3 just to be a stalker?"

"To be precise, to observe me, hoping to get an answer from me."

"So you're just letting him observe?"

"Well, I'm not much of a talker. I don't really know how to influence a nearly perfect Angel. Let him find the answer himself."

Misato's mouth twitched. She thought to herself, 'When you're preaching, you can go two hours without repeating a phrase, and you call yourself a poor talker?' But she didn't know that Shinji's eloquence was reserved for his own people, like a Chaplain; for enemies, he only used physical persuasion.

'Whatever. This guy is as devious as they come; it'll be fine in his hands.'

Misato didn't ask further. On the surface, they were letting the Angel observe, but in reality, there was an emergency entrance by the shore. If Kaworu made a move, they could reach the underground first.

"This 'Empty Fort Strategy' is well played. If he really is an Angel intending to fulfill his mission, he'll be a turtle in a jar."

"Yes. The Angel of Free Will relies on nothing more than a personal AT Field, and since the target is tiny, the EVAs aren't suited to handle him. But once he enters Terminal Dogma, he won't have a chance to escape, and SEELE won't be alerted either."

Shinji spoke calmly. That was the best outcome, but he didn't think Kaworu would do it. Just now, he had read the emotion in the other's eyes.

'Envy?'

He looked back. Nine people were sitting in the van as if they were on a spring outing. Hikari Horaki was organizing everyone to play a new game called "Werewolf." Everyone was laughing unrestrainedly; even Rei Ayanami had forgotten there was a kindred spirit standing not far away.

Children who understood the cruelty of fate better than anyone were enjoying their daily life, venting the vitality appropriate for their age. Shinji retracted his gaze, glanced at the lonely youth in the distance, and closed the car window.

'Yes. You ought to be envious.'

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