The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism
Chapter 458 | A Brief Period of Uncomplicated Physics
Chapter 458: 458 | A Brief Period of Uncomplicated Physics
Felicity had her head on my shoulder when Camille went to the bathroom, and I let it stay there because I had stopped pretending that removing Felicity Hardy from my personal space was a thing my body wanted to do.
The evening had loosened something in my chest that I hadn’t realized was cinched tight. Four hours ago I’d been standing in a visitor lot watching a black sedan carry away six pages of federal cover and the memory of my dead mother, and now I sat cross-legged on my own bed with Cards Against Humanity fanned across the sheets and a girl whose vanilla shampoo had become as familiar as coffee in the morning.
Felicity’s fingers traced idle patterns on the back of my hand while she sorted through her remaining white cards with her other hand, her brow furrowed in concentration that she would have denied was genuine because admitting she took a party game seriously would have contradicted her entire brand.
"You’re holding the Genghis Khan card," I said.
"How do you know that."
It wasn’t a question. Her tone carried the specific flatness of someone who had already accepted they’d been caught but hadn’t decided whether to be impressed or annoyed about it yet.
"You keep touching it and putting it back," I said. "You’ve done it four times in the last three minutes. You’re saving it for the perfect black card, and you’re going to be disappointed because perfect never comes when you’re waiting for it. That’s not how this game works."
Felicity lifted her head from my shoulder just enough to look at me with those vivid blue eyes, freckles catching the lamplight in a way that made her look younger than eighteen and somehow older at the same time. Her expression held the particular quality of someone who had been seen through and found the experience more thrilling than invasive, which was a distinctly Felicity Hardy response to being read and one I’d started to recognize as her specific brand of wanting.
She placed the Genghis Khan card face-down on the bed between us with the kind of theatrical precision that suggested this was a concession she was granting under protest. Then she covered it with her palm like it was evidence at a crime scene and she was the defense attorney deciding whether to enter it into the record.
"You’re annoying," she said, and her voice had dropped into the lower register that I’d learned to recognize in the dark of a campus cinema three days ago, the one that meant she’d stopped performing ease and started feeling something she hadn’t scheduled time for in her evening. "You’re genuinely, structurally annoying, and I want you to know that I am keeping score of this."
"Of what?"
"Of every time you read my mind without asking first. The running total is currently at forty-seven separate incidents and I am billing you for emotional damages at the end of the semester. I’m thinking five hundred per violation. That’s twenty-three thousand five hundred dollars, bestie. I accept Venmo."
Her mouth was doing that thing where it tried to stay serious while the corners kept pulling upward against her will, which meant she was approximately three seconds from breaking.
I grinned and stole the card from under her hand in a movement fast enough that she didn’t have time to close her fingers, and she gasped like I’d committed an actual felony and lunged for it with the kind of whole-body commitment that suggested she’d forgotten we were on a bed with limited square footage. We ended up tangled sideways across the mattress with her elbow in my ribs and her hair in my face and my hand holding the card just out of her reach while she made a noise of pure competitive outrage and tried to climb over me to get it back.
Her laugh vibrated through my chest where she’d ended up half on top of me, warm and bright and completely unguarded in a way that made something in my sternum feel too tight and too loose at the same time.
For maybe ten full seconds I was just a guy on a bed with a girl who made him laugh. No System running probability calculations in the corner of my vision. No gauges tracking attachment levels like a stock market ticker. No federal documentation held together with favors and French and a dead woman’s six-page testimony. Just this. Just her weight against my ribs and the smell of vanilla shampoo and the way her fingers dug into my shoulder while she tried to steal back a card that neither of us actually cared about anymore.
Then the bathroom door opened and the moment ended like someone had cut the power.
The bathroom door was still closed. The faucet had been running for longer than any reasonable bathroom visit required.
I noticed this the way I noticed everything now, with the passive efficiency of a hundred Intelligence processing ambient sound without conscious direction. Camille Ortega had been in my bathroom for two minutes and fourteen seconds, which was approximately one minute and forty-four seconds longer than it took to wash hands and check for visible weaknesses in the emotional armor she wore like a second skin.
Felicity noticed too. I caught the flicker of her eyes toward the closed door, the fraction of a second where her easy smile thinned before she reconstructed it.
"She’s plotting," Felicity murmured against my collarbone.
"She’s always plotting."
"This is different plotting. This is bathroom-mirror plotting. This is the kind of plotting where a girl looks at her own face and makes a decision that someone in the next room is going to have opinions about."
I should have been concerned. The tactically intelligent version of me, the one who maintained cover stories and managed federal exposure and kissed Petra Lang in conference rooms while she murmured structural analysis in French, would have started building contingency plans. But that version of me had been running the show for three straight weeks and he was exhausted and slightly drunk on the sparkling beverage Felicity had smuggled into student housing, and the version currently in charge was the one who had spent the day eating funnel cake with five guys who wanted nothing from me except my company and possibly my wallet.
I felt good. Genuinely, honestly, dangerously good.
Felicity shifted so she sat facing me with her legs folded beneath her, the pink shorts riding high enough that the Ecchi Logic trait hummed with passive satisfaction at the probability field it had engineered around my existence. Her white cropped top had ridden up on the left side during our card-grab wrestling match, revealing a strip of tan stomach and the shadow of a hip bone that my enhanced visual processing catalogued with the same ruthless efficiency it applied to combat positioning. She caught me looking and did not adjust the fabric.
"Hey," she said, softer now. "You’re doing the thing."
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