Novel Full Chapter 439 - I Loved You, But That Broke You.
"Lexi, I'm sorry."
Upon hearing those words that the old Lexi had been longing to hear, it made her unconsciously swallow. She felt his apologies… she felt it as it came out straight from his heart.
Staring at the pair of well-defined eyes before her, Lexi could see her own reflection through his emotional orbs. Actually, for some reason, it felt that it was her first time meeting them; these very eyes that she once loved was now nothing but a pair of eyes whom someone her heart recognized as a… stranger.
"I'm sorry…" Repeating it for the third time, Morris Liu paused before a light scoff followed it. "It's not enough, right? For all the pain I've caused you, words will never be enough for you… and I." His brows slightly creased as he tightened his jaw, suppressing that rage that accumulated inside him.
The grudge he held for himself.
There were thousands of reasons why he should apologize to her. However, it was too many that only the words "I'm sorry," were the only ones he managed to say.
Will she even go back to him if he says sorry? Never.
Indeed, until today, Morris Liu could not forgive himself. Until now, he remained shackled by the strong chains of their past. It was hard… and painful. Yet, bearing this wounded heart made him only neglect himself and despised his whole being even more.
After all, how dare he feel these angsts if, in the first place, it was his own fault.
He caused this… everything that happened between them; it was him to blame.
"No…" Shaking her head, Lexi gently murmured. Her eyes could not help but sting and yet, her heart was certain that the reason, why it felt like it was being clenched by someone, was not because she still loved him.
It was because she didn't anymore. Hence, she was emphatic, for he hadn't moved on yet.
"I…" Lexi paused. She wanted to say it was alright, that everything was all in the past. Alas, will that even make him feel a little better? She guessed not.
Because obviously, Morris Liu was not just regretting his decision from the past, but also the outcome of those today.
"Huh," Averting his eyes away from hers, Morris Liu looked down on her linked hands. She wasn't wearing any ring, but still, he could sense the invisible red string attached to her finger that connected her to Ethan Lu, her husband.
"If only I was more honest, if only I told you back then that someone had his knife pointing at my throat... if only I didn't neglect your capabilities and treated you vulnerable that should I should protect… if only I took the risk and didn't cower," Still staring at her hands that he had been yearning to hold, Morris Liu murmured.
"Do you hear me? I have tons of 'what ifs' but, no matter how I wish I can turn back the time, I couldn't. So, I'm sorry." Slowly, Morris Liu raised his head. When his gaze met hers again, his eyes softened.
In just one glance, no matter how mature Lexi had grown and how she blossomed to her best version, at this very moment, in his eyes, she was still the same crybaby.
"I shouldn't have lied. I shouldn't have pushed you away until I broke your heart to pieces — you never deserved that. I should have loved, cherished you better because that is what you deserved." Balling his hand into a tight fist, Morris Liu restrained himself from having any physical contact with her.
He missed her, yes. He longed for her, her scent, the gentle touch of her hand, the moist of her lips, her smile that was for him; he missed every little detail about her. God knows how much he wanted to just pull her frail figure to his embrace.
However, it was not that he couldn't, but he shouldn't. Because if he does, he might not let her go and if that happened, he would only hurt her, again.
She had experienced enough pain from him and if her happiness would bring him pain, then, he'd just embrace being a masochist.
"Brother Mo… I'm sorry," Lexi gritted her teeth as her words cracked, which made her lower her head. His words... the emotions attached to every word were just too heavy and overwhelming.
When was the last time he felt so warm? Seven, eight years ago? Lexi could not remember. Hence, her heart knew that everything he was saying was nothing but the truth.
Morris Liu, for the first time, was laying himself open, regardless if he would appear vulnerable and helpless.
"Silly. You don't have to apologize — no, you shouldn't be sorry. You would have been married to me, and maybe, we already have our own kid or kids. Maybe, we could say we were happy and in love… but, I ruined our plans — I ruined everything. So, you shouldn't be sorry because you fought for us even if it meant losing yourself in the process." Morris Liu's hand lifted to pat her head. However, he stopped inches away from her and retrieved it away.
"I loved you, but that broke you. But Ethan, his love mended yours. Part of me regrets, the man that holds your heart right now should have been me." Taking a step back, Morris Liu forced a smile on his lips. "But the other part of me was relieved, that the man you married was him and not me. Because his love brought the best in you while mine reeled out your worst."
At this point, whatever sentiments Lexi practiced in the past, she could not deliver everything. Lexi could only bite her lower lip as little tears fell from her eyes.
All the questions: "Did you ever love me?""Why did you lie?""Why didn't trust me?" and so on gradually vanished into thin air. Because even without asking, even without detailing what happened, Lexi finally got her answers.
It was all because of his love for her. Sadly, it was a kind of love that she could only endure for a span of time, but not for a lifetime.