The Rise of the White Lotus

Lexi watched him eat in silence. After his unnecessary attempt to humor her, he kept his silence so to prolong his death sentence. 

"What happened?" Seeing that he was almost done eating, Lexi's eyes were still glued on him as she examined his every facial movement. 

Clearing his throat, Ethan Lu hardly swallowed the food down before he took a mouthful of water to clear his esophagus. Raising his gaze to meet Lexi's pair of unreadable eyes, he breathed in and out. 

"Av— She and I— she's my first girlfriend. I actually don't know where to begin." Changing the pace of his tone, Ethan Lu mildly scratched his temple as he was having a hard time as to where he should begin. 

"Did you love her?" Slightly, Lexi nodded her head in acknowledgment before she asked the most important question—for her— that answer was already obvious. 

"No!" Without blinking an eye, Ethan Lu instantly answered as if he was disgusted by the question itself. "Never! She's my first girlfriend but not my first love." Nearly rolling his eyes, Ethan Lu added to his claims. 

"Then, why did you sleep with her?" Seeing how he put up his defenses, Lexi arched brows before realizing that her question was quite stupid. "Scratch that— it's stupid to even ask." Shaking her head, Lexi mildly waved her hand off as a gesture that she doesn't need the answer... or rather, she doesn't want to hear it. 

"Love..." Frowning, Ethan Lu was not entirely surprised by Lexi's abrupt inquiry. After all, they had successfully avoided this discussion for the last year and several months together. However, he knew that if they didn't settle it tonight, it would just build up and Lexi might just explode one of these days. 

"I'm sorry. I was young and reckless, not to mention, heartless at that time. Back then, sleeping with my girlfriend just felt right and legal because we're lovers. But, I swear to God and all deities out there that after Her— I never bedded anyone else. Ever." Sighing heavily, Ethan Lu stretched his arms and held onto her knuckles above the table. 

"That woman— she taught me a very good lesson, the very reason why I was so afraid to have intimate, physical contact with other women." His eyes softened, as his tone pleaded for the trust he needed at this moment. 

"If only I would have known that one day, there will come a day that there will be a woman who will not only capture my eyes but heart— I would have reserved my dating history and kept it clean. I'm sorry it is now coming back on me, well not just to me but to you as well." Once again, a deep sigh escaped his mouth as he looked down. He was also distressed when he heard that Avah Tong arrived in the country again and seemed she had come with ill intentions. 

"Why? What happened between you two?" Watching him just break all of the defenses around her and melted her heart. Still, Lexi also took all of the key points from the words he spatted. Hence, her curiosity rose. 

"Hmm...?" Lifting his head again and had seen that Lexi's eyes slightly softened from its original coldness, Ethan Lu was a little relieved. "Because, it turns out she's crazy— No, I made her like that." Contemplating on the most accurate and honest answer, Ethan Lu retrieved his hand away from her as he leaned his back against the chair followed by another sigh. 

"As I said, I was young, reckless, and heartless. In simple words, a jerk, a monster. She voluntarily offered herself to me knowing I wouldn't be able to return it. Still, she willingly gave me her whole heart without a question, and I, as a heartless opportunist took it all. I thought money was enough as an exchange for her feelings, but I was wrong." Forcing a smile on his lips, Ethan Lu slightly shook his head as he mocked his former self for the wrongs he had done in his first ever relationship. 

First, for believing that Avah Tong's voluntary act to warm his bed and be his release outlet, so they could be called lovers, wouldn't do any harm to the both of them. And second, for being so stupid that it nearly ruined his life. 

"As time goes by, I, in the process of retaliation to our Lu family rules, she was there for me. But, her presence was not helping anymore and as the selfish bastard as I am— I always scared her away. I said some careless words to her which hurt her feelings but I didn't care because in the first place, in my thoughts back then, it was her fault because it was her who wanted this relationship." Massaging his temples, Ethan Lu was quite nervous the more he delved into the matter. 

Now that he was laying this out in the open, one of the most despised pieces of his history on the table, what would Lexi think of him? After all, he wasn't any better at that time than Morris Liu when he was hurting Lexi. Hence, doesn't it appear that he was a shameless hypocrite? Their only difference was that he never loved Avah Tong and their set up was purely because the said woman proposed it— while 'not asking anything in return'. 

"But, I was wrong in many ways. Being cold most of the days with her and showing a bit of care sometimes, perhaps, that confusion is what led her to be the person I never knew she would be." Once again, Ethan Lu heavily sighed in distress. He could not bear to look straight at Lexi's eyes, afraid of what kind of gaze that would be cast on him. 

"One day, out of the blue, when I finally decided that we should just split because I can never love her or, anyone in this lifetime, she told me she's pregnant."

"What?" Knitting her brows together, Lexi felt her heart race for some unknown reason. Was this the time that Ethan Lu would admit he actually has an illegitimate child? With Avah Tong?

"Mhmm... I am thrice as shocked as you." Chuckling in mockery, Ethan Lu briefly closed his eyes as he recalled that unforgettable phase of his life. Although he could not see Lexi's reaction, he could clearly guess how surprised she was just with her tone. 

*****

[Flashback: VIP lounge of Scarlet Night Club.]

"Avah, just stop. This, Us? I tried but, it's not and will never work. I'm sorry." Running his fingers through his unruly hair, Ethan Lu spoke in distress. 

At this time, it was clearly evident on how much of a delinquent he appeared to be on the surface. Unlike the flashy and yet classy casanova, and the decent and dashing businessman he was now, this phase of his life speaks volumes of his rebellion against his family. 

"Babe," Smiling, Avah Tong moved her seat near Ethan Lu as her hands attempted to caress the back of his. Alas, just as her hand was about to land on his, he moved it away— obviously avoiding her touch. 

"Stop."Casting her an emotionless gaze, Ethan Lu slightly shook his head. He knew that everything he would say would hurt the woman. Hence, he tried to keep it short and precise. 

"No, we can't." Looking down, Avah Tong fiddled her fingers as she pursed her lips into a thin line. Of course, upon hearing her soft refusal, Ethan Lu snapped his tongue in annoyance as he scratched the back of his head. 

"*sigh* Look, I am wrong to give you false hope that I might fall for you. But, I don't think I can or to be exact, I am certain that I will never know what love really is. I'm sorry." After a heavy, deep sigh, Ethan Lu managed his breathing as he toned down his voice so he could calmly end his relationship with her. Little did he know, what lies ahead was shocking news. 

"Hate me, slap me, I deserve that but, I can't pretend that everything is okay just to satiate my libido." Blunt and harsh as he may sound, however, Ethan Lu thought that even sugarcoated words wouldn't lessen the pain. Hence, he, as always, chose honesty. 

"No, Ethan." This time, Avah Tong wasn't showing pain or hatred in her face and eyes. Rather, it was more of a distinguished firmness. "We can't because I'm pregnant." Pursing her lips, she witnessed how his eyes slowly widened as his complexion slightly paled. 

"What?!"

"Yes, I am pregnant with your child." Nodding her head once, Avah Tong's hands that were on her lap tightened, creasing her dress into many crumpled lines. 

For a moment, Ethan Lu heard the world explode—as loud, resounding claps of gigantic bells rang in front of his ear, momentarily deafening him. Her last remarks played in repeat inside his head while his blood lowered in counts. 

"Ho— how? We used protection! There's no way you can get pregnant." Stuttering, Ethan Lu recalled all his nights spent with her and every time, he was certain he used protection not to let her recklessly bear an unwanted child. Hence, how did this happen?

"I don't know! I don't want it either because I know one of these days you will leave me, but Ethan, I am!"

"Are you sure it's mine?" Suddenly, due to the abrupt shock of the news, Ethan Lu's insensitivity overwhelmed and took over which caused the already gloomy atmosphere across the room to turn even more sullen. 

For a moment, the room fell into an awkward silence as neither of them talked; Avah Tong was shocked to hear his last remarks while Ethan Lu realized what he had just said.

"I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." After some time, when Ethan Lu recovered and calmed his bursting nerves, he apologized. 

"Ethan? Do you really think I am that kind of woman? Sleeping around with different men?" On the verge of crying, Avah Tong's voice cracked as if she could not believe that she would hear that personally from him. 

"You can just say that you don't want to be responsible for it if you don't want to, but how can you say such hurtful things? Don't you really, even just a tiny bit care about me?" Containing the tempting tears that formed a marginalized group in the corner of her eyes, Avah Tong bit her lower lip as hard as she could before she abruptly stood from her seat and was about to leave. 

However, just as she took two hurried strides, his hand suddenly wrapped around her wrist as he stopped her from leaving. "I'm sorry. I am shocked." 

"Avah, if you're pregnant then I will take responsibility." Seeing that she wasn't turning around, Ethan Lu heavily sighed once again in distress. "I don't know if I can be a good partner but, I won't let another child in this world be fatherless." Guiding her to face him, he looked at her straight in the eyes to convey his sincerity to become a father to 'their' unborn child.