Chapter 62: Still Here

Lila was already in the dorm when Ethan got back.

She sat on the couch with one of her legs folded under her, her uniform jacket discarded and her eyes on the screen of her phone as she idly scrolled through. She didn’t look up when the door shut. That alone made Ethan furrow his brows as he walked in.

Ethan stopped inside the dorm and stayed silent for a moment, thinking of what he should say before he finally spoke:

"Can we talk?"

Lila’s thumb paused on the screen. "About what?"

"About this morning. About everything." He exhaled. "I should’ve said something about this yesterday. I’m starting it now."

That got her attention. She set the phone face down and waited. Even though she didn’t look at him, that in itself was enough of a permission for him to keep talking.

Ethan stayed on his feet. He didn’t bother trying to move over and sit. Sitting meant assuming that the worst part was over...

"I met her outside after class because not meeting her would’ve turned it into another story," he said truthfully. There was no point in trying to sugarcoat anything.

"She asked for observation rights on my training. Just to watch me train, command the undead and all that. I set boundaries though— not to get too close, not to touch the corpses, and we did one session on the east grounds. That’s what happened."

Lila’s voice stayed silent for a moment, and when Ethan thought that she wasn’t going to say anything else, she spoke. "Look, I’m not angry because someone else thinks you’re interesting, Ethan. I’m angry because I keep getting the quiet version of you while everyone else just hovers around you without knowing. They don’t know about the Ethan who nearly died to a devil in a dungeon. They don’t know about the Ethan who carried the burden of being a restricted class. They just care about the Ethan who cleared four chambers, killed an alpha wolf and brought back a sac of Brimstone." A pause. "I told you I was worried about the pattern. Then you agreed to scheduled visits right after like it doesn’t register as one."

Her jaw tightened. She was finally going to let go of what has been bothering her.

"I held a Devil off you while you bled and I sat in this dorm listening to you breathe. I can fight monsters. But I can’t keep watching people collect you while you act like the only problem is whether or not you can still train."

The room went quiet enough to hear the ticking of the wall clock.

The quiet itself was almost suffocating, as if all the oxygen was was flushed out of the room.

He wasn’t used to this. He had never been this close to someone to have this kind of thing happen to him.

But he knew that if he didn’t act now, he might spend the rest of his life regretting it...

He already regretted a decision once. He wasn’t sure he could bare it again.

Ethan moved then... He walked towards the couch and sat.

He reached for her hand, took it, and placed his fingers in between the gaps. In his old life, this was the part where he either apologized or shut down completely. Neither had ever fixed anything with Sophia. Neither would fix this.

Lila’s eyes widened before he spoke.

"I uh... don’t know the correct line for this," he said, awkwardness plain in the air. "Where I’m from, people didn’t usually need me present hard enough to get hurt by my absence. I’m not using that as an excuse. I’m saying when I default to looking at things that way, it’s because that used to be the only place I was useful."

Lila’s eyes met his, some of her anger melting that moment.

"You’re not... that’s not—"

"I know. I’m late saying it." He forced the next part out before he could rearrange it into something a little more sensible. "You’re the person I’ll come back to. Not the rankings, not Nora’s arrangement and not Ava’s curiosity. If any of it becomes a liability, it ends. I already treated it like it didn’t matter much. I should’ve treated it like it affected you."

There was silence again, and Ethan shifted, still bad at soft landings. "I’m here. I’m not interested in being anyone’s case study more than I have to be. And I’m not asking you to compete with any of that. You shouldn’t have to."

Lila stared at him for a long second. Then the tension in her shoulders visibly eased.

She laughed. "You’re terrible at this."

"Don’t rub it in..."

She laughed openly this time, finding his efforts genuinely funny and touching. "Comme here." She closed her fingers around his, pulled him forward and kissed him.

The kiss was not hungry or filled with need like the other ones before it. It was warm, steady, the kind that had so much feeling, it made you close your eyes. Ethan’s hand settled at the side of her neck, clumsy at first, then sure enough to hold as she fisted her hand in his shirt.

When they parted, Lila rested her forehead against his.

"You’re really bad at this..." she said.

Ethan chuckled nervously. "Well, I’m trying my best."

"Yeah," she said, resting her head on his shoulder, "you are."

There was a brief moment of silence before she spoke again. "If blond lightning starts treating you like some kind of project, I’m still burning her clothes off."

"That’s assault, and she’ll probably whoop your ass by then."

Her mouth twitched, something like a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She pulled him down onto the couch beside her, not for another round. She just contact... she just needed to be close to him....

Of all the things that had happened within the past two days, Ethan still came back.

And she was happy that he did...