The Legendary Sword Saint Is Not Dead! (Re:Zero Parody)
(19) Beware of Librarians: 04
The garden was serene under the warm afternoon sun, a stark contrast to Subaru's life, which had been anything but serene since arriving at this manor of mysteries and mayhem. She was sitting on a stone bench, her crimson hair flowing over her shoulder as she stretched her arms, enjoying the rare moment of peace. Emilia, sitting beside her, tilted her head with a small smile.
"Subaru, I've been meaning to ask," Emilia started, her tone hesitant. "Why is Beatrice always lurking around you?"
Subaru groaned, running a hand through her vibrant locks. "Oh, Betty? Yeah, she's been... uh, let's say persistent."
"Persistent?" Emilia echoed, confusion evident in her wide violet eyes.
Subaru leaned back, resting her hands on the bench's edge. "It's like this: Betty keeps calling me 'that person,' whatever that means, and she's got this weird obsession with touching me. She tried it once—fainted like a damsel in distress—and then woke up demanding more touching, like some overgrown toddler."
Before Emilia could respond, a soft chuckle echoed through the garden. Puck materialised on Emilia's lap, curling up with an amused expression. His silvery fur shimmered in the sunlight as his tail swished lazily.
"Hero Girl," Puck said, his tone teasing. "You've got it all wrong. Beako isn't just being weird—well, not entirely. She's addicted to your mana."
Subaru blinked, her blue eyes narrowing as she processed the information. "Wait. Addicted? To my mana? What does that even mean?"
Puck stretched, yawning dramatically before answering, "You're like a walking mana buffet for her. It's not every day someone stumbles in here with mana that powerful and—" He paused, smirking. "—tasty."
"T-tasty?" Subaru sputtered, horrified. "I'm not some snack!"
Before Puck could elaborate, the air shifted. Emilia turned, sensing the presence behind them, just as Subaru tensed. Out of the corner of her eye, Subaru spotted a small blonde figure pretending to read a book, her pigtails swaying as she peeked over the pages.
It was Beatrice, as stealthy as a thunderstorm. Subaru's eye twitched.
"Betty," she warned, standing up. "What do you think you're doing?"
The blonde librarian lowered her book ever so slightly, her sceptical eyes meeting Subaru's. "I was merely reading, I suppose," she said, her voice dripping with indignation. "Not everything revolves around you, I suppose."
"Sure," Subaru deadpanned. "And I'm the Emperor of the Moon."
Beatrice's book slammed shut. For a second, the garden was still. Then, like a spring uncoiling, Beatrice leapt toward Subaru, her hands outstretched.
"Give me your mana, I suppose!" she cried.
"Not again!" Subaru yelled, her reflexes kicking in. In a flash, she was up a tree, her agility putting even squirrels to shame. Leaves rustled and branches shook as she perched on a sturdy limb, glaring down at the diminutive menace below.
Beatrice skidded to a halt beneath the tree, pouting fiercely. "You're being unreasonable, I suppose! Just a little mana won't kill you!"
"Betty, you're acting like a toddler who didn't get their candy," Subaru shot back, her arms crossed. "This isn't healthy!"
From the ground, Emilia looked between the two, utterly perplexed. "I... don't understand. What's happening?"
"Welcome to my life," Subaru muttered. She shifted her weight, attempting to get comfortable, but her red hair had other plans. The long strands had tangled themselves in the branches, trapping her. She sighed in exasperation, tugging gently but only managing to make the knot worse.
As if that wasn't bad enough, she caught sight of her armour shifting awkwardly as she moved. Her breasts—unmistakably there—were getting in her line of sight again. Subaru groaned internally.
"Being a girl sucks," she muttered, glaring at the offending anatomy. "Almost."
"Are you stuck, I suppose?" Beatrice called up, a sly grin spreading across her face.
"No," Subaru snapped, trying and failing to free her hair. "I'm just... surveying the area. Hero stuff."
Beatrice rolled her eyes, clearly unconvinced. "You're hopeless, I suppose."
Meanwhile, Puck floated up to Subaru's level, smirking. "Need a hand, oh mighty hero?"
"Not from you," Subaru grumbled, swatting at him half-heartedly.
From below, Emilia cupped her hands around her mouth. "Subaru, do you need help?"
"Nope!" Subaru replied quickly, though her struggles with the branches told a different story. "I've got this! Totally under control!"
Beatrice crossed her arms, watching the spectacle with growing amusement. "For someone so insistent on being a hero, you're rather pathetic, I suppose."
"Betty, I swear, if you say 'I suppose' one more time—" Subaru growled, finally managing to yank her hair free. She sighed in relief, only to realise too late that she was losing her balance.
"Ah, crap—"
With a loud thud, Subaru landed flat on her back, her cape fanning out around her like a crimson pool. Beatrice winced, though she quickly masked her concern with a haughty expression.
"Graceful, I suppose," she said dryly.
Subaru groaned, staring up at the sky. "Why is it always me?"
Emilia hurried over, offering a hand to help her up. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just my pride that's bruised," Subaru muttered, accepting the help. She dusted herself off, glaring at Beatrice, who was still smirking.
"This isn't over, Betty," Subaru warned.
Beatrice raised an eyebrow, unbothered. "It never is, I suppose."
From the sidelines, Puck chuckled. "I'm starting to like this dynamic."
Subaru rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath about mana-addicted lolis and their overly smug cat accomplices. Somewhere deep down, though, she couldn't deny that life in the manor was never boring.
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