Chapter 42: Unable to Forgive Myself

Chapter 42: Chapter 42: Unable to Forgive Myself

The more Ji Huan thought about it, the more frantic she became. She didn’t want to waste any more time. Taking advantage of a moment when the wet nurse wasn’t looking, she turned and barged into the back courtyard.

The wet nurse tried to stop her, but she was so fat that even taking a step was an effort, let alone running. She had no hope of catching up.

Once inside, Ji Huan realized those two men hadn’t been exaggerating in the slightest. You had to see it with your own eyes to understand that this place wasn’t heaven, but a spitting image of hell.

The back courtyard was laid out in a square, and it was even more dilapidated than the Orphanage’s exterior. Ji Huan called out for Dabao as she pushed open the door to each room.

Each room was crammed with at least a dozen children. They were small, dark, and utterly filthy. Even though winter was setting in, you could still see flies buzzing around.

And the children... they were all sallow and emaciated. When they saw someone burst in, their faces showed no surprise, curiosity, or confusion. Their eyes were vacant, like soulless puppets.

In this cold weather, they wore padded jackets covered in patches that clearly hadn’t been washed in a long time, emitting a pungent odor. Many of the children didn’t even have shoes, their hands and feet already covered in frostbite.

Ji Huan’s heart was burning with anxiety, and she had no time to feel pity for anyone else. But she searched room after room, pulling each child forward to get a good look, and still, there was no Dabao.

The wet nurse had already come shouting and puffing into the back courtyard. Ji Huan pushed open the last door. Still no sign of him.

Leaning against the wall, the wet nurse finally caught her breath and started cursing, "How dare you force your way into the Orphanage! I think you’re tired of living! Don’t you know we have connections?!"

Ji Huan slowly turned her head, struggling to control her emotions. "I’ll ask you one more time. Where did you hide Dabao?"

"Are you deaf or something? I already told you, he’s not here!"

Ji Huan pressed her lips together and walked toward her, the last shred of her composure about to snap.

The wet nurse was a paper tiger with no claws. Seeing Ji Huan’s expression grow more and more terrifying, her stare chilling to the bone, she couldn’t help but feel a tremor of fear. "Y-you... he ran away right after you left! He even bit one of our people... He’s a little madman!"

Ji Huan stopped and frowned.

When Dabao got stressed, he did bite people. He had even bitten Hu Dacheng before.

’Could it be...’

"That’s not what happened!" a seven- or eight-year-old girl suddenly piped up.

The children in this room were all gathered around a round table in the middle, their heads down as they folded paper funeral offerings. Even the two- and three-year-olds had to help by brushing on paste and sticking paper together.

"You again, you little brat! You dare spout nonsense, see if I don’t tear your mouth off!"

In response to the wet nurse’s threat, the little girl simply made a face.

"You’re looking for that strange kid who just arrived, right? Is he your brother? The wet nurse tried to snatch his candied haws for her own son, but your brother wouldn’t let go. The wet nurse slapped him several times, and then he bit her. She kicked him so hard he went flying. He lay on the ground for a long time and couldn’t get up, and nobody cared... The supervisor happened to go out and forgot to close the door, so he ran away."

The little girl rattled off the whole story in one breath, like beans pouring from a bamboo tube.

Hearing that Dabao had been beaten, Ji Huan’s nails dug into her own flesh.

The rage that had been choking her heart instantly shattered her reason. She spun around without warning and viciously kicked the wet nurse right in her bloated stomach!

The wet nurse staggered back, tripped over the threshold behind her, and tumbled out the door. There were stairs right outside, and she rolled down them one by one like a giant, round ball.

"How many times did she slap Dabao?"

The little girl, who had been watching the wet nurse’s miserable state with an excited look on her face, heard the question and held up one hand. "Five... no, ten!"

She shot out her other hand as well, shaking both of them vigorously as if afraid Ji Huan wouldn’t see.

Ji Huan snatched a pair of scissors from the table, stepped over the threshold, and walked over to the wet nurse, who was still lying on the ground groaning, "OW, OW." Ji Huan grabbed her by the collar, hauled her halfway up, and, without pausing, delivered ten sharp slaps across her face.

The wet nurse clutched her face, now swollen like a pig’s head, and lisped, "You dare hit me... Believe it or not, I’ll make you regret the day you were born! I have people..."

"You have people in high places? You already said that."

Ji Huan’s face was grim, her tone even colder. "The ’people’ you’re talking about can only be in the county government. I believe you have connections there, but surely not everyone in the county government is on your side. The County Magistrate, at least, is not. The people of Yeyang all praise him as a good official. I’m guessing he’s just been temporarily blinded and deafened by people like you. If he were to find out that the orphanage, which was founded for the purpose of charity and relief, has been turned into a money-making tool for you people, what do you think he would do?"

The wet nurse flinched, her gaze flickering guiltily, which only confirmed Ji Huan’s suspicions.

The people at the Orphanage were in cahoots with the government, but their backers were minor demons at best, not King Yan himself.

"You’d better pray that nothing happens to Dabao. Otherwise..." The scissors twirled expertly in her hand twice before Ji Huan reverse-gripped them and stabbed them into the ground less than a finger’s width from the woman’s head. "I’ll send you to your next life."

The wet nurse shuddered violently and wet herself in terror.

"Oh my, a grown-up wetting her pants! How shameful! HAHAHAHAHA..."

The little girl was doubled over with laughter. Seeing Ji Huan about to leave, she quickly ran up and tugged on her sleeve. "I know where your brother’s things are! I’ll take you!"

"Qu, you little wretch! How dare you..." the wet nurse’s furious roar came from behind them.

The other children were trembling in fear, but the girl called Qu acted as if she hadn’t heard a thing. She led Ji Huan to the front courtyard, pushed open a door, and pointed inside.

"This is that pig-woman’s room. She’s the only wet nurse on duty today. She stomped your brother’s candied haws flat and hid this bundle... Wow, such nice clothes! They’re even made of cotton..."

Dabao’s bundle was indeed there, and it had been opened. Its contents were laid out on the kang bed. Qu stroked one of the cotton-padded jackets, sniffled back a runny nose from the cold, and looked on with envy.

It was a pity the clothes were too small for her.

Ji Huan wrapped the things back up. She felt inside the inner pocket of the cotton jacket. Thankfully, the money pouch was still there.

She opened the pouch, took out half of the Silver, and handed it to the little girl.

"Thank you for today. Take this. Buy some food and share it with the other children."

Qu’s eyes went wide. In all her life, this was the first time she had ever been so close to Silver.

"This... is really for me?" ’I just wanted to use her to teach that fat pig a lesson, and I’m even getting money for it! Is she an idiot or something?’

Seeing Ji Huan nod, she hastily snatched the Silver, turning it over and over in her hands before putting it in her mouth to bite it.

She had seen other people do this, though she didn’t know why they would bite something so precious. She thought it was to mark it, to prove that this Silver was hers from now on! It would even have her teeth marks on it.

Ji Huan had another concern.

"You openly defied the wet nurse just now. After I leave, will she give you trouble?"

But Qu didn’t seem worried in the least. "She wouldn’t dare hit me. She’s all talk. I know about her and the supervisor’s ’little secret’... Hee hee."

’To be able to protect herself in an environment like this, she must have her own methods for survival.’

Ji Huan still had to find Dabao, so she couldn’t delay any longer. She picked up the bundle and left the Orphanage.

She searched all the main streets in the city and ran through every alley. She even borrowed a brush and paper from a letter-writer’s stall to draw a portrait of Dabao. Holding the picture, she went up to person after person on the street, asking, "Have you seen my little brother?"

But without exception, the response was always a shake of the head.

"I don’t know." "Haven’t seen him." ...Ji Huan was on the verge of going mad.

’What if Dabao has really just vanished? What if Dabao was sold by traffickers? What if they deliberately broke his arms and legs and threw him on the street to beg...’

Countless terrible thoughts scrambled to the forefront of her mind. Guilt and panic flooded her heart. Never before had she hated and loathed herself as much as she did in this moment.

It was her. She was the one who had abandoned Dabao.

If she couldn’t find Dabao, or if anything happened to him, she would never be able to forgive herself for the rest of her life.