CHAPTER 114 — GROWING UP WITH YOU

THE FALLEN LIGHT — SEASON III

CHAPTER 114 — GROWING UP WITH YOU

Clara climbed the stairs without letting go of Percy's hand.

Galahad's laughter still drifted up from downstairs.

Holar said something.

Eleanor answered.

Percy was about to turn and reply.

Clara didn't stop.

Percy didn't turn, either.

When they entered their room, the celebrations outside could be heard through the window.

The city was learning Galahad's name. Percy

stood beside the door for a moment, listening.

A tired smile rested on his face.

“My brother.”

Clara nodded.

“Yes.”

She squeezed Percy's fingers a little.

Then she closed the door.

Percy looked at the two desks in the room. On his desk

lay an open notebook, beside a stack

of notes.

He reached for it.

Clara said nothing.

Percy looked at the open page.

Then he closed the notebook.

He set the pen on top.

He turned his Shiri facedown, too.

Clara was watching him.

“Did you think of something new?”

“Yes.”

Clara's shoulders dropped a little.

Percy turned to her.

“I kept you waiting.”

Clara didn't answer.

Percy took her hand again.

“I asked for a week. Then I kept getting things done for everyone.

With you, it was always a little later.”

“I know.”

“Are you angry?”

Clara thought about it.

“A little.”

Percy nodded.

Clara continued.

“But I saw Galahad's face. Grandpa's, too.

And Mom's. It wasn't that I didn't want those things for them, Perc.”

“I know.”

“I wanted you, too.”

Percy's expression changed.

Clara looked at their hands.

“Not just you being in the same room. You sitting here without looking

like you might jump up and go save someone any second.”

Percy was quiet for a while.

Then he gently drew her toward him.

Clara came closer.

Percy rested his forehead against hers.

“I'm here.”

Clara closed her eyes.

“Really be here tonight.”

Instead of answering, Percy hugged her.

Tightly.

But without haste.

When Clara's head settled on his shoulder, the tension in Percy's back

slowly eased. The exhaustion he'd fought

to stay on his feet a few hours earlier was no longer something

he had to hide.

Clara felt it.

She put a hand on his back.

“You're tired.”

“Very.”

“Should we go to bed?”

“Let's talk for a bit.”

Clara lifted her head.

Percy looked into her eyes.

“I don't want to leave it unfinished this time.”

They opened the balcony door.

The air outside was cool.

Clara put two chairs side by side. Percy fetched

the blanket from inside. When he sat down, he draped half over Clara's

knees.

Clara looked at him.

“I'm not cold.”

“I know.”

Percy pulled the other end over his own knees.

“I'm a little cold.”

Clara moved closer without a word.

The gap in the middle of the blanket closed.

For a while, they watched the city.

There were lights in the windows. Applause rose a few streets away,

answered by another square.

The towers stood against the night.

Clara rested her head on Percy's shoulder.

Percy took her hand in his.

He spread her fingers.

Then laced them through his own.

Clara lifted her head.

“What are you doing?”

“Your hand's grown.”

Clara looked at her hand.

“So has yours.”

“I know.”

Percy smiled.

“Sometimes I don't notice. Then I look like this...”

He didn't finish.

Clara brushed her thumb over his hand.

“We're thirteen.”

“Yes.”

“Sometimes that feels so old.”

Percy turned his head toward her.

“And sometimes so young.”

Clara nodded slowly.

“Everyone was looking at my brother today,” Percy said. “When they said he was

seventeen, I thought about it. In four years, I'll be

seventeen, too.”

Clara's hand tightened a little.

“So will I.”

Percy smiled.

“That's what I was thinking about.”

“What?”

“You being there, too.”

Clara's face softened.

“What will we be like?”

“I don't know.”

This time, the answer didn't bother Percy.

“I want to find out.”

Clara moved a little closer.

“Me too.”

Percy didn't take his eyes off her face.

“I can see you growing up. Your face has changed. Your voice... When you're

explaining something, you look different. But sometimes you raise

an eyebrow, and I see you at three.”

Clara's eyebrow rose involuntarily.

Percy smiled.

“There.”

Clara gave a small laugh.

Then she fell silent.

“Sometimes when I see you, I still feel the way I did

on the first day.”

“The day I called you ugly?”

“Yes.”

Percy grimaced.

“I got off to a terrible start.”

“A little.”

Clara lifted his hand.

She pressed it to her cheek.

“Now?”

Percy's smile stilled.

His fingers moved lightly against her cheek.

“Now I don't want to stop looking.”

Clara lowered her eyes.

Then looked back at him.

“And I don't want you hiding your face.”

Percy said nothing.

Clara kept his hand against her cheek.

“You always look away when you're embarrassed. You either start

explaining something or try to annoy me.”

Percy let out a small breath.

“Sometimes the way you look at me is so beautiful.”

Clara's lips parted.

“I forget what to say.”

“Then forget.”

Percy blinked.

Clara leaned closer.

“You don't have to say anything.”

She kissed him on the lips.

Percy kept his hand on her cheek.

When Clara pulled back, neither of them spoke for a while.

Percy wore a smile he didn't hide.

Clara smiled, too.

This time, nobody called from downstairs.

“I didn't want to share my grandpa.”

Clara lifted her head from his shoulder.

Percy was looking at the city.

“I know.”

“I really didn't, back then.”

“I know that, too.”

Percy nodded.

“It felt like he was the only thing I had. When you called him

Grandpa... It was like you were taking a little of him away from me.”

Clara's fingers slowed.

“I loved him, too.”

“I know that now.”

Percy turned to her.

“Then one day, we had a mom. We had Galahad as our big brother.

We had friends. I had you.”

Clara smiled faintly.

“I was already there.”

“You were.”

Percy held her hand in both of his.

“But sometimes it takes me far too long to understand.”

Clara watched him for a while.

Then she looked inside.

“Want to look at the photo?”

Percy nodded.

They went inside.

Clara picked up the frame. She sat on the edge of the bed. Percy

sat beside her.

They looked at the faces in the photograph for a long time.

Holar.

Eleanor.

The two of them.

People standing close together.

Percy rested a finger at the edge of the glass.

“When I was little, if someone asked about my family, I'd point to Grandpa.”

Clara kept her eyes on him.

“Now there are so many people.”

“Yes.”

Clara lowered the frame to her knees.

“I see your face when Mom calls you her son.”

Percy smiled.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Very.”

Percy ducked his head, embarrassed.

Clara leaned her shoulder against his.

“I love that face.”

“Which face?”

“The one you have when you're not trying to earn something. When you're happy

just because someone loves you.”

Percy's smile slowly faded.

Clara didn't go on.

She put the frame on the desk.

Then she held Percy's hand in both of hers.

“Be like that with me, too.”

Percy looked at her.

“You don't have to give me anything today.”

Percy's eyes drifted to the notes on the desk.

Clara lightly touched his chin.

“Look at me.”

Percy looked.

“I love you today.”

She paused.

“Even without you fixing anything.”

Percy's eyes filled with tears.

Clara immediately took him in her arms.

This time, Percy didn't try to hold himself upright.

He rested his head on her shoulder.

A little later, Clara got up.

Percy looked at her as he let go of her hand.

“Where are you going?”

“To get water.”

Percy nodded.

Clara walked to the door.

Then she turned back.

“I'm here.”

Percy's face softened.

“I know.”

Clara returned with two glasses and a small plate.

There was an apple on the plate.

Percy smiled when he saw it.

“Are you asking for peace?”

Clara sat beside him.

“We didn't fight.”

She offered him a slice.

“Let's just eat together this time.”

Percy took the apple.

For a while, he looked at the slices on the plate.

“We've always given these too many jobs.”

Clara smiled.

“You do that to everyone.”

Percy laughed quietly.

For the author's benefit, use the page where they publish this chapter; the copy here was made without permission.

Then he ate half the slice.

Clara took one, too.

“Do you remember my first staff?”

Percy immediately turned to her.

“I remember.”

“The one in the window.”

“Yes.”

“You said it was pretty.”

Percy's lips curved.

“I said it was long, too.”

Clara nodded.

“Like you didn't care at all.”

Percy looked at the slice in his hand.

“I cared.”

“I found that out later.”

Clara set the plate between them.

“How long you'd been thinking about it... That you'd been saving

money...”

Her voice slowed a little.

“I was so happy back then.”

Percy smiled.

“I know.”

“But when I think about it now, I feel something else, too.”

Percy waited.

Clara looked up.

“I thought you weren't paying attention. But you remembered me

even after I'd stopped talking.”

Percy's fingers stilled.

Clara leaned against his shoulder.

“You didn't only love me when I was beside you.”

Percy rested his head against her hair.

“You were a lot of work even when you weren't there.”

Clara laughed softly.

Then lifted her head.

“So were you.”

Their smiles slowly settled.

Percy turned the empty glass in his hand.

“Back then, I always did things instead of explaining them.”

Clara nodded.

“And sometimes I got angry if you didn't understand.”

“And I made up my mind instead of asking.”

Percy looked at her.

Clara didn't look away.

“I'm still ashamed when I think about what happened with Arthur.”

Percy's face grew serious.

“You believed it without asking me.”

“Yes.”

“That was what hurt the most.”

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

“Even after you slapped me, I could have explained. But I thought

you wouldn't listen.”

Clara drew in her lower lip.

Then released it.

“I should have listened.”

Percy nodded.

Clara continued.

“I'm not going to turn it into something else now. Loving you

didn't make me right.”

Percy put his hand over hers.

“I know.”

Clara took a breath.

“It can still upset me when you tell me I'm wrong.

Even now. But I don't want to make up my mind without hearing you anymore.”

Percy studied her face for a while.

“And I don't want to stay quiet and wait for you to understand.”

Clara smiled faintly.

“Sometimes I can tell from your face.”

“Sometimes even I can't tell from my face.”

Clara's laugh was small.

Percy wiped the tear from her cheek.

“We're not talking about this today to fight.”

“I know.”

“And I'm not bringing it up because I haven't forgiven you.”

Clara moved a little closer.

“I know that, too.”

Percy lowered his head.

“I want you to stay beside me. Close enough to answer me

when I say something hurtful, too.”

Clara squeezed his hand.

“I will.”

She paused.

“But I'll tell you it was hurtful, too.”

Percy smiled.

“You tell me.”

The bracelet beside the photograph caught Clara's attention.

It wasn't on Percy's wrist.

He'd taken it off while washing his face that evening.

Clara reached over and picked it up.

Life's Echo.

Percy watched her.

Clara turned the bracelet in her palm.

“I remember what I was thinking when I bought this.”

Percy held out his hand.

Clara fastened the bracelet around his wrist.

Her fingers lingered there for a moment.

“You wanted to know if my heart was beating.”

Clara nodded.

“Sometimes I still do.”

Percy didn't answer.

Clara looked at his face.

“Even when you're sleeping beside me.”

Percy's gaze softened.

“You can wake me.”

“I know.”

“Really.”

Clara lowered her eyes.

“I don't want to take you back to that day every time, too.”

Percy looked at the bracelet for a while.

Then he placed Clara's hand on his chest.

“We're here right now.”

Clara felt his heartbeat beneath her hand.

Percy was breathing.

Looking at her.

Answering her.

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

“I said your part that day, too.”

Percy frowned slightly.

Clara managed a strained smile.

“I said, ‘Even more.’”

Her voice grew small.

“You didn't say it.”

Percy's jaw tightened.

Clara waited a little before continuing.

“Everyone was there. They knew what had happened. I

knew, too, Perc. But if you'd answered just once...”

The sentence broke off.

Percy pulled her close.

Clara rested her forehead on his shoulder.

Percy's hand was on her back.

They didn't speak for a long time.

As Clara cried, Percy didn't try to quiet her. He made no new

promise. He didn't say it would never happen again.

He simply stayed beside her.

When Clara had calmed a little, Percy spoke.

“I was coming to you.”

Clara lifted her head.

“I know.”

“I want you to remember that.”

Percy wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I didn't decide after I came back. I wanted

to come to you before I died, too. I was still angry. But I wanted

to see you.”

Clara pressed her lips together.

“Sometimes all I can remember is the bad part.”

“Me too.”

Percy rested his forehead against hers.

“So let's say the good part, too.”

Clara closed her eyes.

After a while, she whispered.

“You came.”

Percy nodded slightly.

“I came.”

“Then we talked.”

“Yes.”

Clara let out a breath.

“Then we celebrated our birthdays.”

A small smile formed on Percy's face.

“We both planned the same thing.”

“William didn't tell us.”

“He was working for both sides.”

Clara smiled through her tears.

Seeing her smile, Percy relaxed a little.

“But it wasn't only those days,” Clara said.

“No.”

“There are six years in between.”

Percy nodded.

Clara ran her fingers through his hair.

“I don't love you just because you came back.”

Percy looked at her.

“I got to know you all over again every morning.”

The night was wearing on.

Clara dimmed the lamp a little.

She sat cross-legged on the bed and turned to Percy.

Percy sat across from her.

The plate of apple slices was no longer between them.

But their hands still were.

“Do you know when you annoyed me most

at camp?”

Percy's lips curved slightly.

“There are a lot of options.”

Clara smiled.

“The times I looked at your face after saying I could do it.”

Percy's smile faded.

“You didn't think I couldn't.”

“No.”

“But you didn't want me to because I might get hurt.”

Percy lowered his head.

“Yes.”

Clara stroked his hand with her thumb.

“I watched you helping Galahad today. Part of

me still wanted to tell you to stop. But I knew the idea of building

the walls was mine.”

Percy looked at her face.

“I couldn't have thought of it without you.”

“Maybe you would have later.”

“Not today.”

A small, proud smile formed on Clara's face.

Percy saw it.

“You don't just want me to protect you.”

Clara shook her head.

“I want to protect you, too.”

She paused.

“And I want to achieve things with you. Not watching

from behind you.”

Percy held her hand a little tighter.

“We did that.”

“Yes.”

Clara smiled.

“We did today.”

Percy watched her.

Then he seemed to smile to himself.

“You had that look the day you beat me, too.”

Clara's eyes lit up.

“Which day?”

Percy let out a short breath.

“At the tournament.”

Clara looked at his face.

Percy smiled.

“I really was happy.”

“I know.”

“Then sometimes the things I said...”

Clara waited.

“It was like I was making what you'd done seem smaller.”

“It was.”

Percy nodded.

Clara didn't let go of his hand.

“I'd worked hard for the matches I won without you in them, too,

Perc.”

“I know.”

“You know now.”

Percy closed his eyes and opened them.

“I understand better now.”

Clara's smile returned.

Percy moved a little closer.

“I love competing with you. But I'm not going to start talking about myself

when you're the one who's won anymore.”

Clara looked at him.

“Really?”

“I'll try.”

Clara nodded.

“That's more believable.”

Percy smiled.

“You'll remind me, too.”

“I will.”

They were quiet for a while.

Then Clara lifted a hand and touched Percy's cheek.

“But don't give up on surpassing me.”

Percy's eyes widened.

Clara was smiling.

“I'm not going to.”

Percy gave her a small kiss on the forehead.

“I know.”

Clara put the pink pillow behind her.

Percy looked at it.

For a while, he said nothing.

Clara noticed.

“Still going to dye it?”

Percy shook his head.

“Not now.”

Clara laughed softly.

Then her expression changed.

“I thought that room was so big.”

Percy turned to her.

“When we set it up together?”

Clara shook her head.

“When you left.”

Percy looked away from the pillow.

Clara looked at the wall.

“Your things were there. You'd left some of your books. Your desk

was still there. But wherever I sat, there was too much empty space.”

Percy listened quietly.

“First I got angry. Then I got angry with myself. It felt like I wasn't leaving

you any room to say you needed space.”

“You were.”

Clara looked at him.

Percy continued.

“I didn't explain it properly, either.”

He thought for a moment.

“I didn't want you any less. I was noticing everything

more. I'd look at your face and feel like I should act

the way I used to. But it didn't feel the same anymore.”

Clara's eyes softened.

“Was it bad?”

“No.”

Percy said it immediately.

“It was nice. That's why I sometimes got even more embarrassed.”

Clara tilted her head a little.

“And when you looked at me, I'd ask

why you were looking.”

“I know.”

“But I didn't want you to stop.”

Percy smiled.

“I didn't know that.”

Clara blushed.

“Now you do.”

Percy held out his hand.

Clara took it at once.

“When you called me your friend...”

Clara closed her eyes.

“I didn't say it to push you away.”

“I know.”

Percy nodded.

“But in that moment, it felt like you'd already made up your mind

while I was thinking something else.”

Clara looked at his fingers for a while.

“The word felt so small when I said it, too.”

Percy lifted his face.

“Calling you my friend wasn't a bad thing. You're my best

friend. But only saying that... I ended up

hiding the rest.”

Percy slowly smiled.

Clara moved a little closer.

“My boyfriend.”

She watched his face change.

She said it again.

“My boyfriend.”

Percy's ears went red.

Clara didn't laugh this time.

“That's what I wanted to say.”

Percy lifted her hand.

He kissed the back of it.

“And I wanted to hear it.”

Clara touched his cheek with her other hand.

“I'm not hiding it anymore.”

Percy closed his eyes and leaned into her palm.

He stayed that way for a while.

Then he opened his eyes.

“I used to have to think before holding your hand.”

Clara nodded.

“I remember.”

“Like I was doing something wrong.”

“And I wondered if reaching for your hand would

make you uncomfortable.”

Percy spread his fingers a little.

Clara took his hand again.

“I thought about it just now, too,” Percy said.

Clara looked at his face.

Percy smiled.

“But not about whether it was wrong.”

“Why, then?”

“Because I wanted to stay like this.”

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

She set the pillow aside.

She hugged Percy.

“Was there really a wall on your left?”

Percy was looking at Clara's hair.

“Yes.”

Clara lifted her head.

“I laughed when Galahad told me.”

“I wasn't doing much laughing at the time.”

Clara's smile faded a little.

Percy immediately put a hand on her cheek.

“I wasn't upset with you for laughing.”

Clara nodded.

Percy thought for a while.

“Something would happen. Something silly. I'd put a book in the wrong

place. Blaze would fall down. Then I'd look

at you.”

Clara grew quiet.

“You weren't there.”

Percy lowered his eyes to their hands.

“Not to tell you something important. Not because I needed someone

to understand me, either. Sometimes I'd just look

to see if you'd seen it, too.”

A tear rolled from Clara's eye.

“And I listened for the door.”

Percy lifted his head.

“I knew you'd come in the evening. But whenever I heard something in the hallway,

I'd still look.”

They didn't speak for a while.

Then Clara slowly breathed out through her nose.

“We're going to be apart this time, too.”

Percy nodded.

“Helen.”

“Amelia.”

Clara turned her hand over his.

“I want to go.”

Percy looked at her immediately.

Clara didn't look away.

“I really do. I want to prove myself. I want to learn

about my light. My darkness, too. Before I stand beside someone,

I want to know what I can do on my own.”

A smile slowly formed on Percy's face.

“You're going to be amazing.”

Clara returned his smile.

“You're going to miss me.”

Percy lifted his eyes from her hand.

“I already do.”

Clara's face changed.

“I'm here.”

“I know.”

Percy moved a little closer.

“That's why I won't ask you to stay.”

Clara's throat tightened.

Percy continued.

“But I'll tell you I miss you. I won't hide it.”

Clara held his face in both hands.

“Me too.”

She kissed his forehead.

“This time I won't wait by the door and never tell you.”

Percy smiled.

“You can scold me over Shiri.”

Clara gave a small laugh.

“I'll say I miss you first.”

Percy's smile had settled as he looked at her.

“I'll answer first.”

The Phoenix at Clara's neck caught the lamplight.

Percy's hand paused when he saw it.

Clara followed his gaze.

She touched the necklace.

“When you gave me this, you said you'd come even if it was a trap.”

Percy nodded.

Clara held the necklace in her palm.

“You came.”

Percy's expression changed.

“It wasn't enough.”

Clara looked at him.

Percy closed his eyes.

“I know. You'll think I shouldn't

say that to myself. But it still feels that way inside.”

Clara shook her head.

“I wasn't thinking you shouldn't say it.”

Percy opened his eyes.

“I saw them, too, Perc.”

Her voice was very low.

“Them.”

Nathaniel's name didn't come immediately.

Neither did the others'.

For a while, all they could hear was the faint sound of the lamp in the room.

Percy brought a hand to his face.

Clara waited.

“I laughed today,” Percy said.

Clara nodded.

“I looked at my brother. I teased Grandpa. With you...”

His sentence fell apart.

“Then for a moment, I thought, if Nathaniel were here.”

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

“Me too.”

“I thought about what he'd say.”

Clara let out a faint breath.

“He'd still look at the food first.”

A tiny smile appeared on Percy's face.

Immediately afterward, his eyes filled with tears.

“I can hear his voice in my head.”

Clara hugged him.

“I can hear it, too.”

Percy rested his head on her shoulder.

This time, he didn't apologize as he cried.

Clara didn't try to finish the conversation, either.

After a while, Percy's hands relaxed against her back.

“Sometimes I feel bad when I'm happy.”

Clara touched his hair.

“I was happy for Galahad today.”

Percy lifted his head.

“I didn't forget them.”

Percy nodded slowly.

“Both happened at once,” Clara said. “I don't know how

to explain it. Part of me was so happy. Part of me wanted to turn

and look at them.”

Percy placed his palm on her cheek.

Clara closed her eyes.

“That's how I feel, too.”

They stayed that way for a long time.

Then Clara opened her eyes.

“We can talk about them.”

“Yes.”

“Without always starting from the last place we saw them.”

Percy's hand slowed.

Clara continued.

“About camp. Class. The days they got angry with you. The good

things they did.”

Percy nodded.

“Let's talk.”

That night, some names were spoken through tears.

Others with smiles.

No one's place was filled.

But neither of them held the silence left behind alone.

After a while, Clara let go of her necklace.

Percy was still holding her hand.

“I don't want to talk about the cave tonight.”

Percy nodded at once.

“Okay.”

Clara looked at his face.

Percy didn't ask questions.

He didn't ask where she wanted to start, either.

He only turned his hand so she could hold it

a little more comfortably.

Clara's shoulders relaxed.

“But there's something I want to say.”

Percy waited.

“After I came out of there, everyone looked at my wounds.”

Percy stopped his eyes before they could drift to her arms.

Clara saw it.

“You, too.”

“Yes.”

“I know. You were checking if I was okay.”

Percy nodded.

Clara moved a little closer.

“But when I look at you now, I don't want fear

to be the only thing I see on your face.”

Percy's throat tightened.

“Fear isn't all I feel.”

“I know.”

Clara put her hand on his chest.

“I want to see the rest, too.”

Percy looked at her for a long time.

Then he touched her cheek with his thumb.

“When I see you...”

He stopped.

Clara waited.

“Sometimes I think it's going to be a good day. Before anything

has even happened.”

Clara's lips curved slightly.

“You're explaining something. I already know about it. But I still

want you to finish. Because you're the one telling it.”

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

Percy continued.

“When you figure something out, your brows lift. First you

understand it yourself. Then you look at me. You did it today with Galahad's

walls, too.”

Clara put her hand over his.

“And when you laugh... Sometimes I don't understand why you're laughing. I

laugh, too.”

Percy's voice grew very soft.

“I'm not beside you just because I'm afraid of losing you,

Clara.”

Clara was crying as she smiled now.

“Being with you makes me happy.”

Clara leaned forward.

She held Percy's face in both hands.

She kissed him.

Percy wrapped his arms around her.

When Clara broke the kiss, she didn't move away immediately.

She rested her forehead against his.

“That's what I wanted to hear.”

Percy closed his eyes.

“I'll say it more often.”

Clara nodded slightly.

“Me too.”

Percy leaned back a little without letting go of Clara's hand.

“When I say you're my light...”

Clara looked at him.

“Does it sometimes feel like I'm giving you a job, too?”

Clara didn't answer immediately.

Percy waited.

“Sometimes,” she said at last.

Percy's face grew serious.

Clara squeezed his fingers.

“But I love being your light.”

Percy lifted his head.

“I just can't shine all the time.”

Percy's eyes lowered to her hands.

Clara continued.

“I get scared, too. Sometimes I don't know anything. Sometimes

I want you to understand before I do.”

Percy nodded slowly.

“I was so scared when my darkness came out.”

“I know.”

“Because of what I did to you.”

Percy opened Clara's palm.

He placed his own against it.

“I'm not afraid of you.”

Clara looked up.

“But we need to work on it.”

“Yes.”

“And you'll tell me. When you feel something. Without

hiding it from me.”

Clara nodded.

Then she looked at his hand.

“And you, when it hurts.”

Percy was quiet for a while.

Clara didn't raise her voice.

“You took my hand while you were saving Galahad. I was terrified,

but I felt like I was there with you, too.”

Percy looked at her.

“Don't shut me out once it's over, either.”

Percy's eyes filled with tears.

“How?”

“Say you're tired. Like you did today. Say it hurts.

Don't make me figure it out from your face every time.”

Percy lowered his head.

Then he looked at their hands in Clara's lap.

“It hurt so much.”

Clara fell quiet.

“I was scared when my ears started bleeding. And when I took the walls down...

I looked at my brother. I realized what I'd done.”

Percy took a breath.

“I told you to come then. You came.”

Clara leaned a little toward him.

“I came.”

Percy's voice broke.

“I'm so glad you did.”

Clara took him in her arms.

Percy hid his face against her shoulder.

“Be my light,” he whispered.

Clara put a hand in his hair.

“I will.”

Percy paused.

“But tell me when you go dark, too.”

Tears rolled from Clara's eyes.

“Okay.”

“Let me sit beside you, too.”

Clara hugged him a little tighter.

“Okay, Perc.”

By the time they closed the balcony door, the city had quieted a little.

Percy didn't draw the curtain.

Clara came to the window.

Their reflections stood side by side in the glass.

Clara watched them.

So did Percy.

“We've changed so much,” Clara said.

Percy nodded.

“Sometimes it's like we're not the same children.”

Percy turned to her.

“Do we have to be?”

Clara thought about it.

“No.”

Percy looked at their reflections in the glass.

“I want to remember three-year-old Clara. But I don't want

to keep you there forever.”

Clara looked at his face.

“You at seven, too. And you today.”

Percy moved a little closer.

“I'm curious about who comes next, too.”

Clara's eyes softened.

“What if something about me changes in a way you don't like?”

Percy didn't answer immediately.

Clara waited.

“I'll tell you,” Percy said.

Clara nodded slightly.

“You tell me, too.”

“I will.”

Percy took her hand.

“I don't want to stop hearing the new things you say

just because I think I know you.”

Clara moved a little closer.

“And I don't want to hold the way you used to be

over you.”

Percy's lips curved.

“I used to be a lot smaller.”

Clara lifted a hand and held it above his head.

“A little.”

They both laughed softly.

Then Clara's hand stayed in his hair.

Percy didn't move his head away.

Clara watched him.

“I love this.”

“What?”

“The times you don't run from me.”

Percy's smile settled.

“And I love you staying here.”

Clara kissed his cheek.

Then she rested her head on his shoulder.

For a while, they looked at the two people in the glass.

They weren't the children in the photograph.

But they knew each other.

“What if there were no Perfect Match?”

Percy turned his head.

Clara was still looking at the window.

The question had come suddenly.

But there was no hint of a joke on her face.

Percy waited a little.

“Do you think about that?”

“Sometimes.”

Clara turned to him.

“The Universe told us something. Then our power changed.

We felt each other's flow. Sometimes it feels like that's

the first thing everyone sees when they look at us.”

Percy nodded slowly.

“The Universe hadn't said anything when I started liking you.”

Clara smiled.

“I know.”

“It hadn't said anything when I pulled your hair, either.”

“Don't defend that.”

The corner of Percy's mouth curved.

Then he grew serious again.

“Or when I bought your first staff. Or when I didn't want

to share Grandpa. Or when I watched you leave after you got angry with me.”

Clara kept her eyes on him.

Percy put a hand on his own chest.

“I didn't always understand what was happening here.”

Then he took Clara's hand.

“But I knew who I wanted to see.”

Tears rolled silently from Clara's eyes.

“And I wanted to see you.”

Percy moved a little closer.

“Our bond can do a lot. But it doesn't tell you

everything.”

Clara nodded.

“Today, you told me you were tired.”

“Yes.”

“And I told you I was scared.”

Percy smiled.

“Let's keep doing that.”

Clara looked at his face.

“Talking?”

“Not saying, ‘I already know you.’”

The smile on Clara's face slowly grew.

“You never stop learning.”

“I don't want to stop learning about you.”

Clara hugged him.

This time, Percy laughed.

But his voice was very soft.

Clara lifted her head.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Clara raised an eyebrow.

Percy answered.

“I'm happy.”

Clara leaned against his shoulder again.

“Me too.”

When they returned to the bed, Percy sat beside the lamp.

Clara straightened the pillows.

Percy watched her for a while.

Clara noticed.

“What is it?”

Percy shook his head.

“There's something I want to say.”

Clara stopped what she was doing.

She sat across from him.

Percy looked at his hands.

“You asked me to dare to live.”

Clara's face grew serious.

“Yes.”

“I can't get that sentence out of my head.”

Clara held out her hand.

Percy took it.

“At first, I thought it meant fighting more carefully. Coming back. Not using myself

up until the very last moment.”

Clara nodded.

“Those things are part of it.”

“I know.”

Percy looked at the notebook he'd closed.

“Then today, when you said you had time, too...”

His voice softened.

“Sometimes I'm alive, but I keep putting living off.”

Clara looked at him.

“Sitting with you. Doing something just because I want to.

I think it'll happen when everything's fixed.”

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

Percy lifted his head.

“I don't want to wait for everything to be fixed.”

Clara moved a little closer.

“I don't want to wait, either.”

Percy's voice trembled.

“I want to spend more days with you. Days when nobody

congratulates us, too. Ordinary ones.”

Clara held his hand in both of hers.

“What should we do?”

Percy thought about it.

“Let's take a walk tomorrow.”

“Where?”

“You choose.”

Clara smiled.

“Then?”

“Let's eat something.”

“Then?”

Percy's smile grew.

“Let's decide that later.”

Clara nodded.

“Sounds good.”

Percy looked at her face for a while.

Then he spoke slowly.

“What you said about the future earlier...”

Clara's face immediately went red.

“Which part?”

Percy's ears were red, too.

“When I called you my soulmate.”

Clara lowered her eyes for a moment.

Then raised them again.

“I remember.”

Percy nodded.

“I ran away from it by saying we should hug.”

“Yes.”

“I don't want to run away now.”

Clara didn't move at all.

Percy chose his words.

“I don't know how it'll happen. Or what we'll do at what age.

I can't talk like I already know everything.”

Clara nodded slowly.

“But when I think about the future, I see you.”

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

Percy held her hand a little tighter.

“I'm not embarrassed to say that anymore.”

A trembling smile formed on Clara's face.

“You're a little embarrassed.”

Percy smiled.

“A little.”

Clara put a hand on his cheek.

“I see you, too.”

Percy's breathing slowed.

Clara continued.

“But I don't want to rush growing up.”

“Neither do I.”

“I want to know fourteen-year-old you, too. And

fifteen. And seventeen.”

Percy closed his eyes and opened them.

Clara's voice softened.

“Without skipping the days in between.”

Percy pulled her close.

Clara wrapped her arms around his neck.

They kissed.

Then Clara rested her head on his chest.

Percy kissed her hair.

After a while, he spoke very quietly.

“I love thirteen-year-old you so much, too.”

Clara closed her eyes.

“And I love thirteen-year-old you.”

They were still talking when the lamp went out.

Clara lay down beside Percy.

Percy pulled the blanket over them.

He held out his hand.

Clara took it.

“Perc.”

“Hm?”

“There are still things we didn't talk about today.”

“I know.”

“We didn't finish everything.”

Percy turned his head toward her.

“Let's not finish it in one night.”

Clara smiled.

So did Percy.

The sounds outside had faded further.

A door closed.

Footsteps passed through the house.

Then came silence.

Clara's fingers slowly relaxed in Percy's hand.

Percy closed his eyes.

After a while, he opened them again.

“Clara.”

Clara answered sleepily.

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

Clara moved a little closer.

“Even more.”

A small smile formed on Percy's face.

“Even more.”

Clara opened her eyes.

She looked at his face in the dark.

Percy could see her.

He was waiting for her answer.

Clara squeezed his hand a little tighter.

This time, she didn't say the word through tears.

“Me.”

Percy kissed her forehead.

“Me.”

Percy was the first to wake in the morning.

For a while, he looked at the ceiling.

Then he turned his head to the left.

Clara was asleep.

Some of her white hair lay spread across the pillow. Her hand was still

beside Percy's.

Percy started to sit up.

His eyes went to his desk.

To the closed notebook.

To the Shiri.

Then back to Clara.

He didn't get out of bed.

Clara opened her eyes a little later.

A sleepy smile formed on her face when she saw Percy.

“You didn't leave.”

Percy shook his head.

“I waited.”

Clara put her hand over his.

“For me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Percy moved a little closer.

“To say good morning.”

Clara's eyes softened.

She put a hand on Percy's cheek.

“Good morning, my love.”

Percy smiled.

“Good morning.”

After breakfast, they went out together.

Holar knew where they'd be going.

Eleanor had told them there would be food when they came home.

No one had given them a task.

Percy had no list in his hand.

Neither did Clara.

They walked side by side for a while.

People in the street were talking about Galahad. A few

recognized Percy and greeted him.

Percy greeted them back.

Then he turned to Clara again.

Clara noticed.

She said nothing.

She held his hand a little tighter.

Along one stretch of the street, lines ran between the paving stones.

Clara shortened her step before one of them.

Percy saw.

Clara looked at him.

The same smile appeared on both their faces.

“Remember?”

Percy nodded.

Clara chose the next stone.

Percy stepped with her.

This time, neither pushed the other onto a line.

A few steps later, Clara stopped.

Percy stopped, too.

“I used to want to win,” Clara said.

Percy raised an eyebrow.

“Don't you anymore?”

Clara smiled.

“I do.”

Then she raised her hand.

Her fingers were laced through his.

“But without letting go of this.”

Percy's face softened.

“Okay.”

They kept walking together.

At the place where they sat that afternoon, there were two glasses

and a plate to share.

Clara had taken the window seat.

Percy sat beside her, not across from her.

They ate without speaking for a while.

Then Clara started telling a story from school.

Percy didn't interrupt when she reached the part he knew.

When Clara finished, he told her what he remembered.

A different piece of the same day.

Sometimes they corrected each other.

Sometimes neither remembered exactly.

Some memories lasted only a sentence.

Others kept them smiling for a long time.

The academy gate.

Galahad's voice.

The tournament grounds.

The water at camp.

The first times they'd acted while trusting each other's

magic.

The days they'd searched for each other.

And the things they hadn't needed to describe because they'd been

side by side.

At one point, Clara went quiet.

Percy looked at her.

“What is it?”

Clara shook her head.

“I've been through so much with you.”

Percy smiled.

“Yes.”

Clara found his hand beneath the table.

“I want to live through more.”

This time, Percy didn't immediately lay out a plan.

He took her hand.

“Me too.”

It was beginning to get dark when they came home.

Percy opened the door to their room.

Clara went inside.

She stopped in front of the window.

A little later, Percy joined her.

“How was today?”

Clara turned her head toward him.

She looked at his face for a while.

Then smiled.

“I didn't miss you today.”

Percy's eyebrow rose slightly.

Clara took his hand.

“You were with me.”

Percy's face slowly softened.

Clara moved a little closer.

“Really with me.”

Percy pulled her close.

Clara rested her head on his shoulder.

Eleanor's voice came from downstairs.

Dinner was ready.

They didn't pull apart immediately.

Percy lightly touched her hair.

“Clara.”

“Hm?”

“Let's have breakfast together tomorrow, too.”

Clara lifted her head.

There was a small sparkle in her eyes.

“Let's.”

Percy kissed her on the lips.

Clara smiled.

Then she took his hand and walked toward the door.

This time, Percy didn't fall behind.

They hadn't changed their entire past.

They hadn't run out of things to talk about, either.

But the closed notebook sat on the desk.

The two chairs stood side by side on the balcony.

And as Percy went downstairs, he was thinking about tomorrow.

Not a battle.

Not a farewell.

Breakfast with Clara.

CHAPTER 114 — GROWING UP WITH YOU

END