CHAPTER 106 — CLOSE

The first thing Percy noticed when he woke...

Was that his arm had gone numb.

He didn't open his eyes.

For a while, he preferred looking at nothing to looking at the ceiling.

Because there was a weight on his chest.

Warm.

Breathing steadily.

And with some of its hair in his mouth.

Percy moved his lips.

The hair slipped out.

A second passed.

It came back.

This time, Percy blew.

The hair lifted.

Fell back down.

Percy opened his eyes.

Clara.

They'd been sleeping in almost the same position for four days.

Clara's head rested on his chest.

One of her legs lay across his.

Her hand held his shirt.

And not lightly, either.

As if Percy might get up in the night and run away...

She'd bunched the fabric in her fist.

Percy looked at that hand for a long time.

Then at the ceiling.

Four days.

"Am I dead?"

No sound from Clara.

Percy thought for a moment.

"If I am, heaven's a bit heavy."

Clara's hand gripped his shirt harder.

Percy looked down.

"You're not asleep."

Silence.

"Clara."

"...I am."

Percy's eyebrow rose.

"You're talking."

"I talk in my sleep."

"You're arguing with me."

"I do that too."

Percy's lips curved.

"All right."

He looked at the ceiling again.

Then...

Tried to move the arm trapped just beneath Clara's head.

Mistake.

It was completely numb.

Percy grimaced.

"You mother—"

Clara's eyes opened.

Percy quickly corrected himself.

"Ow."

Clara lifted her head.

"What's wrong?"

"My arm's gone."

Clara looked down.

She'd been lying on Percy's arm for four days.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

Clara sat up a little.

Percy tried to lift his arm.

It dropped.

Percy looked at it.

"Can Absolute Heal fix this?"

Clara laughed.

"Blood circulation, Percy."

"Absolute Circulation?"

"There's no such ability."

"I'll make one."

"Don't."

Percy laughed.

So did Clara.

Then...

They fell silent.

Because once the laughter was over...

What remained was still there.

Percy's gaze drifted to Clara's lip.

It had healed.

But...

He remembered how it had looked.

Blood.

A bruised face.

A thin line running from her ear.

Leon.

Percy's smile slowly faded.

Clara saw it.

"Perc."

Percy immediately looked elsewhere.

"Hm?"

"You did it again."

"Did what?"

"Looked."

Percy didn't answer.

Clara sat up.

"At my face."

Percy:

"Am I not allowed to look at your face?"

"Not like that."

Percy said nothing.

Clara raised her hand.

Reached for Percy's cheek.

The moment her fingers touched his skin...

Clara's hand paused.

Very briefly.

Maybe half a second.

But Percy saw.

His eyes immediately dropped to her hand.

Clara noticed too.

Percy's expression changed.

He gently moved her hand away.

Clara:

"Percy."

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"Okay."

"What do you mean, okay?"

Percy tried to get out of bed.

Clara didn't release his shirt.

Percy stopped.

Looked down.

"Clara."

"Where are you going?"

"To get some water."

"You're lying."

Percy looked at her.

Clara:

"My hand trembled just now."

Percy said nothing.

"You noticed."

Still nothing.

"And you're running away."

Percy frowned.

"I'm not running away."

"You're getting out of bed."

"I'm thirsty."

"Percy."

"I really am thirsty."

"Perc."

That name.

Percy stopped.

The first time Clara had called him that...

There had still been distance between them.

Now...

He couldn't get out of bed because she wouldn't let go of his shirt.

Percy sat back down.

Clara loosened her grip.

But didn't let go.

Percy finally asked.

"Were you afraid of me?"

Clara's expression changed.

"What?"

"When you reached out."

Percy didn't meet her eyes.

"You stopped for a second."

Clara understood at once.

"Percy..."

"Were you afraid of me?"

"No."

Percy:

"Tell me the truth."

Clara's voice hardened.

"No."

Percy finally looked at her.

Clara continued.

"It wasn't you."

Percy's face fell.

For a few seconds, Clara couldn't speak.

Then she touched her own wrist.

Where Leon had grabbed her.

There was no wound there.

Absolute Heal hadn't left one.

But Clara looked.

"My body..."

She paused.

"Remembered."

Percy said nothing.

Clara:

"I didn't want it to."

"It didn't happen because you came close."

"When I touched you..."

"For a moment, I remembered something else."

Percy lowered his head.

"Okay."

Clara frowned.

"That same okay again."

Percy:

"What do you want me to say?"

"Something."

Percy stayed silent.

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

"You used to do this too."

Percy lifted his head.

"You were hurting."

"You'd say okay."

"Then you'd pull a little farther away."

Percy's breathing changed.

Clara continued.

"And I wouldn't understand any of it."

"Then one day..."

"You'd leave for twenty-five days."

Percy closed his eyes.

Clara's voice broke.

"Don't do it again."

Percy answered immediately:

"I won't."

"How will I know?"

Percy couldn't answer.

That was the wound.

Clara remembered Leon.

Percy remembered Clara going silent.

Neither was afraid of the other.

But...

They were afraid of the people they'd been, the ones who'd led them to lose each other.

Percy thought for a long time.

Then reached out.

Took Clara's hand.

The trembling one.

Placed it against his chest.

Over his heart.

Clara looked.

Percy:

"I wanted to run away."

Clara's eyes turned to him.

Percy continued.

"Just now."

"It wasn't about going out to get water."

"I wanted to be alone for a bit."

Clara's eyes filled with tears.

Percy:

"Because when your hand trembled..."

"I thought I'd done that to you."

Clara was about to shake her head.

Percy:

"Let me finish."

Clara stopped.

Percy drew a breath.

"Then I thought..."

"If I pull away, you won't know why. Again."

"And I won't know what you're thinking."

He paused.

"Then we'll lose each other like a pair of idiots again."

Clara's lips curved.

Through her tears...

She smiled.

"Like a pair of idiots?"

Percy:

"Technical term."

Clara sniffled.

"I see."

Percy pressed her hand a little more firmly to his chest.

"I'm here."

Clara could feel his heartbeat.

Percy:

"If you're scared, tell me."

"If you're angry, tell me."

"If you remember Leon, tell me."

"If you remember something I did, tell me that too."

Tears ran from Clara's eyes.

Percy continued.

"And I'll tell you."

"If I'm hurting."

"If I'm jealous."

"If I'm scared."

"If I want to run away."

Clara:

"Before you run?"

Percy:

"Especially before I run."

Clara nodded.

"Okay."

Percy:

"Is that a good okay?"

Clara:

"A good okay."

Percy smiled.

Clara didn't take her hand from his heart.

After a while...

Percy got out of bed.

This time, he really did get some water.

Clara followed him.

Percy filled a glass.

Turned.

Clara stood behind him.

"Why'd you come?"

"I'm thirsty."

Percy looked at her.

Clara:

"Really."

Percy filled a second glass.

Clara took it.

They drank side by side.

Then Percy looked around the kitchen.

It was quiet.

Clara looked too.

Percy:

"I'm hungry."

The moment he said it...

They both stopped.

Nathaniel.

Percy's grip tightened on his glass.

Clara noticed at once.

Before...

Maybe she would have changed the subject.

And Percy would have pretended to laugh.

This time, Clara only asked.

"Nathaniel?"

Percy closed his eyes.

"Yes."

Clara came to his side.

"Me too."

Percy's eyes filled with tears.

"I think of food, and there he is."

Clara:

"Same for me."

Percy:

"It's annoying."

Clara sniffled.

"Very."

Percy laughed.

A bitter laugh.

"The man's dead, and he still won't let us eat in peace."

A small laugh escaped Clara before she could help it.

Then she began to cry.

So did Percy.

In the kitchen...

They held each other and cried.

And this time...

Neither told the other:

"It'll pass."

Neither said it.

Because they knew it wouldn't.

It would only...

Become something they could carry.

Together.

They tried to make breakfast.

Percy burned the egg.

Clara looked at it.

"You're a fire mage."

Percy:

"That's unrelated."

"YOU'RE A FIRE MAGE."

"This pan's different."

"Percy."

"Clara."

Clara took the pan from his hand.

"Move."

Percy:

"I was going to do it."

"You did."

She pointed at the charred egg.

"Even Nathaniel wouldn't eat this."

They both fell silent.

Then...

Percy smiled faintly.

"He would."

Clara thought about it.

"True."

They laughed again.

This time, they didn't cry.

They sat at the table.

Clara's foot touched Percy's.

Before, she might have pulled it away at once.

Now she didn't.

Neither did Percy.

They stayed that way for a while.

Then Clara moved her foot a little closer.

Percy looked at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting closer."

Percy's eyebrow rose.

"At the table?"

"Practice."

Percy put his foot on top of hers.

Clara:

"That's not getting closer."

Percy:

"Progress."

Clara smiled.

The door opened.

Galahad came in.

Looked at them.

They were sitting side by side at the table.

He didn't see their feet.

But he saw their faces.

"Are you two okay?"

Percy and Clara answered together:

"No."

Galahad stopped.

Before, both would have answered:

"We're fine."

That's what they would have said.

A small smile formed on Galahad's face.

"Good."

Percy:

"Bro?"

"What?"

"We said no."

"I know."

Galahad sat down.

"That's why it's good."

Percy looked at him for a while.

Then understood.

That afternoon...

Percy went to the training room.

Clara stayed in the doorway.

Percy looked at the punching bag.

It wasn't the same bag.

But...

He remembered that month when he'd hit it whenever he thought of Clara.

Clara knew it too.

Percy raised his hand.

Then lowered it.

"I don't want to."

Clara:

"You don't want to train?"

"No."

Percy looked at the bag.

"I don't want to be angry in here."

Clara came to his side.

Percy:

"For a while..."

"Whenever I got angry at you, I'd hit this."

Clara's face fell.

Percy continued.

"Then..."

"I thought my feelings for you had faded."

Clara's breathing changed.

Percy touched the bag.

"Maybe they really had."

Clara said nothing.

Percy turned to her.

"But if I deny it now..."

"I'd be lying again."

Clara lowered her eyes.

"I hurt you a lot."

Percy:

"Yes."

Tears spilled from Clara's eyes.

Percy didn't immediately take it back.

Clara sniffled.

"You hurt me too."

Percy nodded.

"I know."

Percy:

"Now?"

He stepped closer.

"Now we're here."

Clara nodded.

Percy:

"The past hasn't changed."

"We have."

Clara held out her hand.

Percy took it.

This time...

It didn't tremble.

That evening...

They returned to their room.

Clara was putting her clothes in the wardrobe.

Percy sat on the edge of the bed.

He watched for a while.

Clara turned.

"What?"

Percy:

"Nothing."

"You're looking."

"I am."

Clara raised an eyebrow.

Percy:

"You said it last time."

Clara laughed.

Then took off her cardigan.

Percy looked away instinctively.

Clara stopped.

"Perc."

"Hm?"

"You can look."

Percy's ears reddened.

"We talked about that, but..."

Clara came closer.

"You can be embarrassed."

Percy looked at her.

Clara:

"You don't have to run away."

Percy thought for a few seconds.

Then didn't turn his head.

"Okay."

Clara smiled.

But...

Percy looked again at the invisible wound on her wrist.

Clara noticed.

This time, her hand didn't tremble.

She took Percy's hand.

Placed it on her wrist.

Percy's breath stopped.

"Clara."

"This is where he held me."

Percy tried to pull his hand away.

Clara didn't let him.

"But now..."

She looked at Percy.

"You're holding me."

Percy's eyes filled with tears.

Clara:

"They're not the same thing."

Percy nodded.

Closed his fingers very gently around her wrist.

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Are you scared?"

Clara thought.

"Less."

Percy:

"Okay."

Clara smiled.

"A good okay."

Percy smiled too.

When they got into bed that night...

Clara didn't automatically settle on his chest this time.

She lay beside him.

Percy noticed.

But didn't ask.

Five minutes passed.

Clara stared at the ceiling.

So did Percy.

Ten minutes.

Then Clara:

"Perc."

"Hm?"

"I want a hug."

Percy didn't turn immediately.

"You want one?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

Clara turned to him.

"Percy."

"Okay."

He opened his arm.

Clara moved closer.

Rested her head on his chest.

Percy wrapped his arm around her.

Clara tensed for a moment.

Percy loosened his hold at once.

Clara:

"No."

Percy stopped.

"Tighter."

Percy's eyes filled with tears.

He tightened his arm again.

Clara exhaled.

Relaxed.

Percy kissed her hair.

Silence held for a while.

Then Clara:

"Today was nice."

Percy:

"We cried."

"Yes."

"We talked about our dead friend."

"Yes."

"We talked about how we hurt each other in the past."

"Yes."

"You remembered Leon."

"Yes."

Percy raised an eyebrow.

"What's nice about any of that?"

Clara lifted her head a little.

"You told me."

Percy fell silent.

Clara looked into his eyes.

"And I told you."

"Can't say we did a great job of it."

"That's okay."

Clara rested her head on his chest again.

"I didn't have to guess what you were thinking today. You told me."

Percy ran his fingers through her hair.

That morning, he hadn't known why Clara's hand had trembled.

If he hadn't asked...

He'd probably still be angry at an answer he wasn't even sure of himself.

"What if I'd gone to get water?"

Clara's hand stilled on his shirt.

"Really gone to get water?"

"No."

Clara didn't answer for a while.

"I'd have followed you."

Percy looked down.

"Then what?"

"I don't know."

Clara lifted her head.

"I'm glad you didn't go."

Percy's eyes filled with tears.

This time, he couldn't find anything to say.

Clara wiped his cheek with her thumb.

"Are you crying now?"

"You started it."

"I was talking."

"Your talking is dangerous."

A small laugh escaped Clara.

Percy laughed too.

Then sniffled.

"I might do something stupid again tomorrow."

"You will."

Percy's eyebrow rose.

"You could've thought about it a little."

"I know you."

"And you won't?"

Clara paused.

"I will."

Percy smiled.

"I'll tell you, then."

"Tell me."

Clara rested her head on his chest again.

Percy kept his arm around her.

For a while, they only listened to each other breathe.

Then Percy shifted.

Clara immediately lifted her head.

"What's wrong?"

Percy grimaced.

"There's something I need to say."

Clara sat up.

"Say it."

Percy looked at his arm.

"The other one's going too."

Clara stared at him for a second.

Then started laughing.

"Why'd you wait, then?"

"We weren't done talking."

Clara moved back a little and rested her head on the pillow.

Percy freed his arm.

Opened and closed his fingers.

Clara was still laughing.

"Absolute Circulation?"

"Don't laugh. I'm making it."

"Don't."

Percy turned to her.

Clara reached out across the space between them.

Percy took her hand.

"Is this okay?" Clara asked.

Percy nodded.

"It's good."

A little later, Clara's breathing evened out.

Before falling asleep, Percy looked at his hand one last time.

He could feel his arm.

And Clara was still beside him.