The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 73: Misunderstanding

“Are you Lord Roland, Lord Wumianzhe, small Rolo or all three of them?”

In a tent at midnight, the interaction between a male and female often brings about an intimate atmosphere. But, following Diana’s question, that sliver of an intimate atmosphere instantly scatters in the air and somehow, feelings of weakness and depression cause me to lower my head silently.

“As expected, I knew that for my entire life, my only luck with women is one that would bring catastrophe rather than romance. Sometimes, there would be those whose eyes get clouded as they fall in love with me, but they were all either Bone Dragons or perverted serial murderers. I will probably remain like this for the rest of my life, destined to never obtain the favor of a normal female.”

TL: Peach blossom is often used to describe luck with women.

Alright, her noticing it is within my expectations, what made me depressed was the fact I was cursed to a fate where women would only bring catastrophe and not romance.

However, I only expected that I would be exposed as Lich Roland. I didn’t expect that my identity as Wumianzhe would be found out as well.

The reason why I was sure I would be exposed? That day, when Xiao Hong rolled around the floor laughing right after seeing me, she shouted out my name in the midst of her taunting. In the den, the loudness of a giant Dragon’s voice isn’t that far off from thunder. Back then, Diana, who brought me to her, didn’t have time to move that far away. Unless she was deaf, it would be weird if she didn’t come to a realization.

“Then, Lord, what should I address you as?”

“Rolande, Roland, anything will do. Since the pronunciation is the same. However, how did you tie this look of mine with Rolo and the rest?”

Now, I am in need of a reliable helper. Even if she hadn’t approached me, it would have only been a matter of time before I sought her out instead. However, I am indeed curious on what exactly gave me away.

“Your ring and that little cat.”

Alright, I smacked my head. I finally understood what the problem was. On my right hand is Elisa’s ring. Also, the Queen of Banshees’ cat form had once appeared in front of Diana. To a Legend-rank Knight, being sharp-sighted isn’t a difficult task. It is natural that she would notice it.

“Alright, the reason why you avoided the crowd to look for me tonight definitely can’t be just to expose my identity. Or rather, there is some private matter you need to talk to me about.”

The Gray Elf who was still valiant a second ago, suddenly lowers her head and nods, flushed with embarrassment. The redness extends all the way to her ears. I widen my mouth and accidentally knock over my cup, causing it to fall to the floor.

“Could it be that spring is coming? She is actually into me?”

The Dark Elf in front of me is one of the very few who has a conscience within the Town Security Army. She possesses moral integrity, something that probably couldn’t be found within one in ten thousand Elves, making her an anomaly. She is known to be conservative and traditional and because of this, she is even nicknamed as a Dark Elf-skinned Dwarf. In the entire city, she is quite well respected.

Due to her Legend-rank strength and her identity as the Captain of the Town Security, along with such legendary events where she brought her tribesman to flee for a thousand miles, there are already people who put her side by side with the legendary Gray Elf Adventurer Zuich. The only reason why she remains single even to this day, is because she makes those going after her feel ashamed of themselves. But now, her heart is starting to flutter because of a stranger like me?

I pinch my own face and it hurts. It probably isn’t a dream.

“The omnipotent System, I won’t talk bad about you anymore. I am thankful for the +19 Charm that you blessed me with! May the System bless me so that the next stats raised will also be Charm! Haha, living off one’s face is the way to go. A Holy Knight is a job that depends on his face, and so my Roland era has finally arrived.”

Finally, Diana, whose head was lowered and was playing with her fingers, musters her courage.

“Lord!!”

“Un, I’m here!”

“I have something I want to consult with you, but I am embarrassed to talk about.”

“I love matters which people are embarrassed to talk about!”

“You won’t mock me? Even though I am a Holy Knight, I have acted so shamefully.”

“No, of course not. Shameful or whatsoever, I like them the most.”

“That’s great, Lord! I knew I could trust you. Please guide the path for my wayward self. I am currently lost in the pursuit of my faith in the Holy Light.”

“WHAT!?”

Seemingly realizing that what she said was too concise, Diana immediately fills me in on the details.

It seems that the shameful matter that Diana was talking about is that, despite being a Holy Knight, without realizing it, she had somehow abandoned her faith.

Initially, just like most of the Dark Elves, she worshipped Lorci. However, as she hated vying with others, she determinedly chose to worship the Holy Light. But the Holy Light views Undead and Demons as its mortal enemy. In that previous battle, the Undead who turned into Heroic Spirits, weren’t as chaotic and evil as preached by the teachings of the Holy Light. Thus, she started to have doubts once again towards her faith in the Holy Light.

What started as a small crack, became a gaping hole due to my appearance. With the physical body of an Undead, I Ascended to Godhood and now, the avatar that I sent down is actually capable of using Holy Light. Does this mean that Undead aren’t evil? Could it be that the God of Law and the God of Holy Light are the same God? All of my actions were overthrowing the basic teachings of the Holy Light faith. This kind of fact which would normally crush one’s perception of matters caused her faith to waver, so she hoped for me to clear up her confusion.

It seems that she views me as an avatar sent down by the God of Law, which explains why she was bizarrely solemn throughout the journey. At this moment, she is trying to consult me about her faith.

Hearing this, I suddenly feel my blood pressure rising and blood veins start appearing around my pupils. I feel like I suddenly understand the principle behind the Berserk skill of Beastmen. So, this fellow is trying to use me as a Priest!

What about the romance we were promised? What about the night assault by the beauty we agreed on? What about the instincts of Dark Elves and their variety of techniques that we spoke about? Darn System, a beauty actually coming in the middle of the night to consult me about her faith? I am not a Priest of Holy Light, why did you look for me! I am a male, you know, a beast! I will transform at midnight!

Alright, I know that my little fellow can’t do anything, but it’s fine to have some idle chat for our relationship to progress in future, right!

As a wizard with strong credentials, an inconceivable flame starts burning in my chest. I secretly make up my mind. Since you are consulting me, then I will teach you what Gods really are and what faith is about.

“Firstly, I am not an avatar of the God of Law. I am a living mortal. Let me tell you the secrets of the Gods. Firstly, all of the teachings of true Gods are bullshit…”

Activating my magic ring and the Detection Barrier it came with, I disrespectfully exposed the secrets of the Gods, despite being an existence just one step away from becoming a true God.

“True Gods are just a unique existence. They live off and evolve through faith. You can view them as a portion of the world. Un, thinking of them as leeches of the World System wouldn’t be wrong as well.”

Thus, under the prerogative of that inconceivable flame, I tried my best to talk the worst about Gods.

I believe that after this night is over, the supposed wavering in faith will just turn out to be a joke. I can assure her that she will become like me. After thoroughly understanding what Gods really are, she will treat faith and true Gods as something laughable.

“…All in all, the Gods of the Order Faction are all pitiful worms who are mixed together with the Concept of Order. Even more so, the God of Holy Light is an ultimate pitiful worm who doesn’t even possess a self. Regardless of whether it is my clone, the God of Law Wumianzhe or that nameless God of Holy Light, they are just God Power Regulation Systems who work by following guidelines. Un, they are just like another type of machine similar to Roland No.2. They are inflexible and will lend their powers to anyone who obeys their laws.”

“The teachings of the God of Law was written by a mortal like myself. As the God of Law is the very Concept of Justice, even if I am unable to leave a backdoor for him, even if he has lost his self-awareness, he can still be fair and treat all prayers and salvations from the mortal world with fairness. As for the teachings of the Holy Light, it was made up by a bunch of people from the Holy Church. Using the idea of ‘Purification’ as its basis, they added many additional ideas to it. I doubt even the God of Holy Light would be able to comprehend them, so there is no need for you to be bothered over those messed up teachings.”

Some words don’t have to be finished. If the God of Holy Light is the incarnation of the Concept of Purification, then the God of Law is indeed the incarnation of the Concept of Justice. The Incantation of Law【Equality of Lifeforms】is the most obvious example.

However, if it was possible to leave a backdoor for the God of Law and if there were to be exceptions to the law for some people, then he would be a failure as a God of Justice. However, sometimes a backdoor isn’t the only requirement to cheat. The fact that Wumianzhe, as one of my clones, Ascended to Godhood remains an important ace that I prepared.

Of course, I won’t divulge such important secrets to Diana. However, the words I had actually said were sufficient enough to crumble the faith of the Legend Holy Knight’s world. And this is the exact result that I wanted.

The situations that I will face in the future will be too difficult to overcome. In the Surface where I have no friends or kindred, I will require a helper. A helper who is willing to devote their entire soul and all thoughts into helping me. A powerful ace at hand, before I grow strong once again, one whom I can truly trust.

However, what left me puzzled was that even in Liu Huang Mountain City, where experts could be found everywhere, there was basically no one at all who could serve as my trump card, while still being able to move freely in the human society.

We can exclude the guys from the Undead District and the Xiluo Royal Faction right from the very start. If they were to head towards the Human kingdoms on the Surface, it would be equivalent to a declaration of war between the Undead and the living. It is the same for the Four Heavenly Kings of Law under my command. Kale.Diya lacks stamina and mobility but more importantly, it is too striking for a High Elf to be in human society. As an ex-Senator of Huanfa Country, his appearance would stir up much trouble.

It is the same for the other Heavenly Kings of Law as well. Well, Lily is from the Blood Tribe, so there’s nothing more to elaborate on. Kevin is a human, but he is shackled by work and his family. Besides, as a Gold-rank Justice Knight, he might not be effective enough to serve as a trump card able to reverse a bad situation.

As for the strongest candidate for my helper, the hidden Heavenly King Elisa, even if she still remains in Liu Huang Mountain City, there is not a single possibility for me to bring her around.

After all, it is an impossible mission to find another race with a reputation worse than the Demons. The traits of the Demons are very obvious and the Power of Chaos that fills their body equally as striking, so just about any Holy Knight would be able to notice it.

As for the Naked King… Even if I was willing to bring him along, and the Liu Huang Mountain City Supreme Court was willing to let him out, we would have to place a collar on his neck to disguise him as a Tauren slave. After all, the humans on the Surface view most of the Beastmen as either enemies or slaves.

As for the Town Security group, unless they’re willing to endure that excruciating Moonlight Ritual, and also considering the Dark Elves’ horrendous reputation on the Surface that would lead to them being burnt on a stake, bringing them along would definitely end in trouble.

In the end, there are many experts among my underlings, but in order not to be branded as a heretic, there is no one suitable to accompany me.

After much consideration, this ‘innocent’ Gray Elf Legend Holy Knight became the ideal candidate. Not only is she trustworthy, her fighting prowess is up to par, her potential is limitless, as proven in the ‘history’, and more importantly, she is naive and easy to fool. This is also why I said that even if she didn’t come knocking, I would have taken the initiative to look for her.

“Naive, strong and beautiful, such an ideal bodyguard.”

Alright, after confirming the target, a certain unscrupulous fellow continued to coax Diana.

In order to attract the other party to come under my command, I vaguely revealed my large plan, making her struggle between the dilemma of following her heart and taking action.

In the end, at daybreak, Diana tells me that she wants to return to her tent to consider it. When she stands up to leave, I can see that her beautiful eyes are bloodshot from the lack of sleep. The valiant female knight seen on previous days was mentally drained. She looked so fragile, as though she was just pulled into an alley by a dozen Beastmen to spend the night.

When I saw the hesitation in her eyes, I nodded my head in satisfaction. From my understanding of her, I reckon that her reply would most probably gratify me.

Looking at the sky, gradually turning lighter, I too felt a little tired from staying up the night. I decided to make use of this time to slip in an hour or two of sleep to refresh myself.

But ten minutes after shutting my eyes, in my semi-conscious state, I was assaulted by a violent dog.

“You bastard! What did you do to our Big Sister!!”

The angry female Elf rushed into my tent with a sword. Without saying anything else, she flipped my bed with a kick.

“…What?”

“Momo has never seen Big Sister so fragile before. She was crying while walking back into her tent. You bastard, what did you do to Big Sister! Could it be that you forced yourself on her despite having lousy techniques? Big Sister is so pitiful. Even though it was her first time, she met someone like you, a person only good for their looks, leaving her with tragic memories.”

TL: Momo describes him as a 银样蜡枪头, silver-like solder spear. Solder looks like silver, but is actually quite a weak alloy, meaning that it looks strong and pretty but is actually useless.

What the hell is she talking about! Looking at this fellow’s messy clothes and her bloodshot eyes, she might have even been eavesdropping outside all night. Secretly, I felt thankful that I activated a barrier to keep away any eavesdroppers earlier on since I was going to talk about the secrets of Gods.

However, Momo was getting more and more agitated as she spoke on.

“I told her that she shouldn’t just look at the outer appearance of men. There are many of them who have the looks but can’t be used. If I knew that it would end up like this, I should have stopped her before Big Sister walked into your tent. That way Momo could have taught you some techniques first. Although Momo doesn’t have much experience as well, Momo has read a lot of books and interacted with the sisters often. By combining theory with the practical and practicing it on the spot, I could have guaranteed that the both of you will ￥@#@, giving you two a perfect and pleasurable first time.”

Every time I think that the darned System and I lack restraint, whenever I look at these tough females speaking words that should be censored, I always feel like I am still a person with morals, a noble man, a man who has transcended beyond cheap interests.

Alright, having my limited sleeping time interrupted, I, who was lacking in sleep from the start, was quite pissed off. What happens next is, of course, the reenactment of the duel between Knights that happened yesterday.

When this ridiculous fight ended, I went to fetch a bucket of water but unexpectedly, I realized that everyone was looking at me differently.

Seeing how the two Flower Guardians made the obscene hand sign of a finger passing through a hole, as a man, I immediately understood.

Even with the cover of the night sky, the concealment techniques of a Knight dressed in armor is definitely not going to work. The way she walked into my tent, with the clanging of her armor, had ensured it. When everyone saw that Diana had stayed in my tent for an entire night and then had come out with bloodshot eyes and a drained expression, I doubt that I would be able to clear myself of suspicion even if I were to jump into the Yellow River.

This time even Harloys, who was closer to me than the rest, kept her distance, gazing at me as though I were something dirty. After all, in her perspective, for such a thing to happen between Diana and me, when we were barely acquainted, would mean that I am a playboy.

Alright, if something happened, I would have confessed to it at this point. But, I really am innocent. Yet, if I were to say that Diana and I stayed up all night just to talk about faith and Gods and that it was a pure relationship between a guy and a girl, even I wouldn’t be able to convince myself.

Taking into the consideration that Harloys may be able to contribute to my future plans, I can only thicken my skin and try to explain the situation to her. But, seeing in her eyes how guarded she is towards me, it seems that it wasn’t very effective. Furthermore, what happened next would condemn me to a fate of being unable to clear up this misunderstanding.

From not too far away, Diana removes her heavy armor. Dressed in light garments, with the Silver Avenger in her hand, Diana walks slowly towards me with a solemn expression.

It is an expression of realization, like a Priestess walking to the altar to sacrifice herself.

Right after she walks up to me, she suddenly kneels on both knees in front of me, and with a serious face, she slowly raises her arms, presenting her own Sacred Sword to me.

“My Lord, I vow to follow your teachings my entire life and become your most reliable support. Your enemy will be the target of my longsword. Your happiness will be my greatest honor and my life’s greatest aim is to become someone you can be proud of.”

Alright, I instantly understood the situation. Kneeling with one knee is how knights show their loyalty to their master, whereas one only kneels with both knees to one’s elders and Gods. She is treating me like a real God by bowing to me. The seemingly intimate vows at the start is just a prayer that one says to declare your faith and allegiance to a true God.

I might be able to understand it, but the others don’t.

“Big Sister!! Rolande! What kind of voodoo did you cast on Big Sister to seduce her, you’re going to die today.”

Alright, the violent dog immediately turns into a mad dog. This blatant killing intent and the crazed swings that bring wind pressure with it, seems that she’s serious about this.

“Ah, I knew that those Elves and Humans were unreasonable. Look, they hooked up together within just a few days. Look at the human male, there’s always a lecherous smile on his face. He is obviously not a good person.”

Yingou.Beyar, you actually dare to smear my reputation, I will definitely get my revenge! Furthermore, exactly what part of my smile looks lecherous to you? It is obviously the 59th Style Holy Knight Standard Smile, a sharp weapon used to earn the donations of rich ladies, a secret technique that I spent quite a period of time to master.

“There is yet another talented one from my generation, rejoice, rejoice.” Alright, if this wasn’t praise from a degenerate Dwarf who engages in drugs, pornographic materials, and gambling, I would have accepted the praise happily.

“Tsk, a male without any hair on his face, what is so good-looking about him.” This… Alright, a person with such a unique sense of beauty, everyone should know who he is.

“Misfortune!! Stop chasing me, I really only spoke with your Big Sister for the entire night.”

In the end, the one who screamed so pathetically was me, who left my sword in the tent and is currently trying my best to escape the pursuit of the mad dog.

“Hmph, talking for an entire night and not doing it even when you’re losing sleep. Unless you’re sexually impotent or a little brat who has yet to develop, is that even possible?”

“You’re too much, I… I will kill you.”

Alright, a certain someone just got stabbed in his fatal point and started brawling with Momo.