The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 372: New Calamity

Translator: imperfectluck Editor: Pranav

“…Those sticky Slimes running rampant everywhere haven’t yet been taken care of?”

Dragon Knight Archduke Halent was well-known in the Bardi capital for being cautious, serious, and strict. Although he usually treated others coldly, he had an excellent reputation within Bardi. His reputation further improved because while the Bardi princes sunk into all-out internal conflict amongst each other, Halent voluntarily went out on the frontlines to fight against the undead. He became famous and respected among the young warriors in Bardi, with plenty of followers and admirers voluntarily joining to serve under him.

However, Halent’s current appearance was in no way respectable.

His well-toned six pack of abdominal muscles were being pointed and gossiped at by nearby maids, but he maintained his serious expression as always. However, everyone knew that he was only trying his best to maintain his dignity. After all, the tree leaves covering his crotch were all he was wearing. With only such makeshift underwear, maintaining his dignity would be nothing more than a farce.

But nobody else had the time to make fun of him because his tree leaf underwear situation was better than the others who had it worse.

Halent’s head steward directly drilled two holes into a large vase and simply wore that. Some people put on wooden barrels over themselves. Walking around in a wooden barrel made it seem like such individuals were unlucky fools who had lost even the clothes on their backs in gambling dens.

What most people discovered as a still-viable method of covering themselves was, surprisingly, rope. As a result, all sorts of new discoveries were made. Such as wrapping two ropes around one’s body, one for the bottom part, one around the chest to cover the nipples, then tying another rope circle around one’s crotch… Looking at it from a different angle, human imagination was limitless, and wearing certain types of “clothing” was actually worse than being naked.

Many streetside artists were finding inspiration every day—all sorts of naked sculptures appeared as their products. If it weren’t for the fact that the Slimes also ate paper, perhaps all sorts of a certain type of “art” would also appear and enrich the Bardi people’s spiritual lives.

Perhaps my readers understand what happened. This incident wasn’t all that special. It was simply that a Slime Calamity suddenly enveloped the entire Bardi capital. These soft and sticky creatures rushed out of every gutter, waterway, and alley, attacking every person they saw.

The Bardi capital’s defenses would have been quite high against any ordinary monster invasion. But people found, to their astonishment, that these soft Slimes had ridiculously high defense and magic resistance. No ordinary person would be capable of damaging them. Luckily, these Slimes had zero attack power. The only dangerous thing about them was the fact that their digestive fluids could corrode all clothing fibers and metals.

First of all, these Slimes were incredibly tough, to the point where they could ignore attacks from ordinary swords. Anyone caught by a Slime would be instantly stripped naked. As for powerful individuals, it was still simple enough for them to slay a Slime with a single hit. However, these Slimes would immediately self-destruct upon receiving a fatal injury. And the force of their corrosive fluid’s blast was swift and far-reaching. Touching a little of this fluid would cause all of one’s clothing to vanish. If someone was wearing expensive defensive equipment such as metal armor or an enchanted magic robe, this equipment would be transformed by the Slime fluid into a dark brown mud which had a disgusting smell… alright then, all of us know just what the first thing that would come to mind is. Actually, the color and smell were identical to what you’re probably thinking of. I didn’t even intend to conceal my evil intentions.

The most evil part of it was that this stink was incredibly difficult to wash off, even if it only got on one’s equipment and weapons. Even Halent had to wash off an entire layer of his own skin in order to wash away the stink. His skin was currently bright red because of it.

Even the prideful dragons absolutely loathed the Slimes. For instance, Halent’s Blue Dragon half-brother descended from the skies and crushed a dozen Slimes to death like how he typically would. But the end result was that the Blue Dragon was still crouching out in the plaza, making Halent’s servants wash his body. All the water splashing off the Blue Dragon’s body would be filled with a disgusting stench. All the servants were wearing clothespins on their noses, making the Blue Dragon feel quite awkward.

The most disgusting part about the Slimes was that they had outstanding reproductive abilities. Slimes splitting into two were a common sight on the streets.

Actually, the dragons’ dragonbreath and large AOE magic spells were still effective on the Slimes. However, the Bardi capital was tightly packed with residents, so not only would such attacks kill the Slimes, but many citizens would be killed in the process as well.

If it weren’t for the fact that the Bardi capital learned from a certain source that the Slimes wouldn’t live for very long and would all die off naturally within one week, and that this information source told the entire city, the Bardi capital would have surely been mired in complete panic by now.

As Halent looked at the letter written to him on a shell, he could only sigh at how Roland successfully caused culture to take several steps backwards all by himself. Not only that, Roland caused the shell business in the Bardi capital to suddenly become massively popular.

“…This is truly naked revenge, in the literal sense of the word. Still, it truly is his style.”

Alright, you want my subordinates to suffer having rotten food tossed at them? Fine, I shall make all the Bardi capital citizens enjoy the feeling of running around naked, stinking. Halent could even imagine my vicious smile of satisfaction in the shadows.

“Perhaps this is his way of showing off his power.”

From a certain standpoint, diplomacy was just a game of compromise, threats, and benefits. The result of a diplomatic agreement would often be privately agreed upon before any actual formal, on-the-surface discussions. Any results unobtainable through war would also be unobtainable on the discussion table… Let us ignore a certain kingdom that successfully broke all boundaries on shamelessness. The diplomats from this country were, in a way, nothing more than pitiful messengers.

Although the final result was decided on, the weaker side wouldn’t take things lying down. Over the past few days, the “gossip” regarding how Orloss had been toying with the Mage Country’s ambassador had already spread throughout the entire Bardi capital. In fact, the Bardi nobles were even betting on what day the pitiful Cher would finally lose her temper in public and stop acting like a lady.

In fact, every day, youngsters in salons would describe in great detail how pitiful the ambassador was as she was forced to run and cover her head due to the angry citizens’ attacks. In fact, some among the nobles even personally took part. From a certain standpoint, despite the fact that Cher was originally from the Bardi Empire, she had no positive feelings towards Bardi whatsoever. Not only that, her reputation in Bardi was ruined, and she couldn’t do anything about her situation. This all the more made it seem that she lacked skill as an ambassador.

If this continued, perhaps the Cloud Tower would need to change their official ambassador.

Doubtlessly, the Bardi nobles were laughing from their positions up above at their neighboring country across the sea. Also, this would help relieve the pressure on the Bardi royalty. However, since Halent was in the know about many things, he didn’t view the Bardi citizens’ treatment of Cher as a good thing at all.

While the pitiful Ambassador Cher became nothing more than a clown to amuse the crowds, the emperor didn’t even consider what would happen after antagonizing the subordinate and causing the big boss who always had an evil reputation to be angered. After all, I was quite famous for forever holding a grudge.

And now, my revenge struck as Halent had expected. While everyone else didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this incident, a military expert like Halent was currently assessing the threat level and consequences of such a calamity if it was used for military purposes, instead.

“Use a forbidden spell to cleanse everything? Toss a forbidden spell on our own country’s lands? They can’t come up with anything better?”

Was Halent worrying about nothing? If Roland was capable of making Slimes emit a corrosive digestive fluid which only affected clothing, then wouldn’t it be easy for him to modify the Slimes to emit toxic poison? If that sticky Slime fluid was capable of swiftly changing metals into a sticky, stinky substance, then wouldn’t it be easy to change the chemical reaction to an explosive one?

From what Halent learned from the Bardi Empire’s highest-level alchemists, this special Slime digestive fluid which only worked on clothing was far more difficult to create than a regular poison or explosive. Since Roland was capable of such high difficulty chemistry, of course it would be even easier for him to create instant death poisons. Meanwhile, just about every alchemist in the Bardi capital was now researching how to create a Slime digestive fluid which only worked on clothing fibers and paper but ignored wood.

In fact, all Roland had to do would be to make it so that these Slimes were carnivorous. If that was the case, perhaps everyone in the Bardi capital would be dead.

And so Halent directly decided to plan for the worst with these two possibilities: “What should our Bardi Empire do if we face a poisonous, explosive, or carnivorous Slime attack?”

Halent himself had no ideas, so he tossed this question to the Bardi military’s strategist department as well as the Bardi royal mage association. However, both groups came to the same conclusion of using forbidden spells to cleanse the capital city. This made Halent rather disappointed. Neither group had any new methods and could only deal with this hypothetical situation with the way they’d deal against the Undead Calamity. Either the problem would need to be cut off at the source directly before it started, or a large area of land would need to be abandoned and completely cleansed with a forbidden spell.

Without a doubt, Roland of East Mist had used his own method to give a lesson to the people of Bardi right after arriving. Those who knew he was ranked in the top 30 of the Calamity Rankings now had a much better understanding of just why he was in it.

With this huge incident, Roland’s planned meeting with Orloss was delayed. Perhaps the emperor himself had fallen victim to the clothes-devouring Slimes as he shut himself in his room and refused to see a single visitor. For the time being, Orloss’ adopted princes stopped their useless internal conflicts. After all, very few of their subordinates would be willing to fight while naked. Even the streets were almost empty as nobody wanted to go out and return with the stench of Slime filth.

As a result, the Bardi capital that had been so lively just yesterday had transformed into an eerily silent ghost town. Slimes roamed around the streets. Once the Bardi royal palace announced to the entire city that “All the Slimes will automatically die off in one week,” not a single person was willing to antagonize these disgusting Slimes anymore.

Of course, not everyone fell victim to the Slimes’ clothes-devouring antics. At the very least, the Mage Country’s envoy group didn’t fall victim. In fact, some interesting conversations even arose about this topic.

“What exactly are these Slimes? How did you all know that these Slimes have a phobia of wood so all that’s needed is to seal up all the cracks with wood?”

Everyone looked at each other but maintained an abnormal silence. Finally, Eaglestorm was the one that replied.

“…Ah, those days were so nostalgic. Last time, our Wild Bull Alliance increased its numbers by more than ten times. Unfortunately, the Slimes this time have an additional disgusting smell added to them. Else we could have taken this opportunity to spread our teachings. Should we try to contact His Highness and have him remove the stinky smell modification to the Slimes?”

“I feel like you won’t be able to find him, at least until Her Ladyship Little Red’s temper fades…”

From a certain standpoint, dragons and cats were similar. For instance, if they got angry, they would immediately jump on and bite whatever they saw in order to vent. And anything that they jumped on would typically explode just like a balloon…

The day Little Red and Molly arrived, they went to look for a volcano to take warm dips in. They both currently had bright red skin, but who knew if it was because they had stayed in the volcano for too long or if it was due to anger? Yet judging how the black-haired Little Red was muttering “Damned Roland, you bastard…” at all times, always peeking out the window as if she was looking for her target to take revenge upon, it seemed that she was still holding a grudge.

After learning about Roland’s astonishing past deeds, the Bardi royalty’s messenger used polite and diplomatic speech to express how the royalty “had made a mistake, and we can’t take this anymore, so please have your boss retract his punishment.” Cher finally felt like she had achieved some revenge. She was also secretly astonished at that “irresponsible Roland” and his astonishing talent in creature modification. She also felt somewhat pleased for some reason.

“He actually… for me… no, for us, he took revenge. Now that the people of Bardi are acting more sincerely, it’ll be much easier for me to do the work I’m supposed to do. His powerful act upon returning will also make our negotiations much easier. Perhaps he isn’t as irresponsible as I thought.”

Cher stated this out loud. However, not a single person replied. Even Lilith, who was relatively nicer to Roland, was mentally retorting.

“You’re definitely reading too much into things. He’s unreliable—completely, utterly unreliable! He’s even more irresponsible that you think he is. He’s far from being as good as you believe!”

In the Bardi royal mage association, a certain white-robed archmage sneezed for no apparent reason before shaking his head. I then continued to discuss my new potion with my head alchemist.

“Mutated Slime species X-19 has already begun decaying. However, its mutated children are far more active compared to the original. It would seem that the great Slime family has a new species yet again. This time, the Slimes’ target shall be to transform all high-quality refined metals to poop. Yep, next up will be our 108th round of Slime experiments. I hope these Slimes can live for two extra days.”

“…I recommend we increase our Slimes’ lifespans. Previously, my naked Slimes didn’t even find many targets before dying a natural death. I didn’t obtain enough experimental data.”

What Cher didn’t notice was that head alchemist Olivia from the envoy group had imperceptibly disappeared. Currently, Olivia, who was also wearing the disguise of a Bardi royal alchemist, was one of the important members of this three-person research group.

Roland’s undead construction, Miracle Alchemist Olivia’s potion skills, and Harloys The All-Knowing’s accumulated magical knowledge. This combination was probably the worst, most terrifying combination in the world.

Even the confident Halent didn’t expect that his calculations regarding the Slime Calamity were off. It was simply that I had tossed out some Slimes and done nothing to follow it up, rather than me no longer possessing the power to summon more Slimes.

This time, not only were other experts helping me, I was getting enthusiastic about experimenting. How long this Slime Calamity would last depended on when I got bored of it.

Soon, people learned that a new mutation appeared amid these stinky Slimes. Perhaps even more unlucky individuals would appear. That so-called wood phobia the Slimes possessed might disappear together with Roland’s nonexistent sense of shame.

Even Harloys, who typically tried to rein him in, didn’t have any intentions of stopping him. This was because every single mutated Slime was a part of her and a new ability she could use. As I improved in power level, Harloys’ true power would also be gradually unlocked. “Greed,” a walking Calamity capable of acting against entire cities, was slowly showing the world the true power she was capable of.

As for diplomacy and negotiation? Would three crazy mages who were overly passionate about research remember anything about this? They were only celebrating the fact that they had several million experimental subjects and were overjoyed about each new idea they helped come to fruition.