The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 273: Resident Evil

Translator: imperfectluck Editor: Pranav

“Young man, I think highly of you. Continue working hard.”

When the young (compared to me) Baron Matt welcomed us, the sycophantic smile that he did his best to show me made me feel incredibly unnatural. It was as if a muscular gorilla was doing his best to imitate the faint smile of a young woman.

Alright then. I just exposed this Baron Matt’s physical characteristics. Apart from the fact that he wasn’t black and hairy, he basically resembled a muscular gorilla.

We followed the planned route of the original imperial envoy of inspection, and we only stayed at Baron Matt’s residence for a single night. However, that was enough for plenty of things, such as receiving kickbacks, receiving bribes, and extorting Baron Matt.

Since we weren’t scheduled to stay here for long, the young Baron Matt was quite nice to us and immediately brought up the main topic he was interested in. There was currently a large stack of paper currency printed by the Bardi National Bank in front of me. Due to the overly strong centralization of power, the money system in the Bardi Empire had gradually been replaced from gold coins to the more convenient paper currency. As for this small present in front of me, it was two full stacks of the largest value of paper currency, equal in worth to at least 50,000 or 60,000 gold coins, an amount sufficient enough to purchase a medium-sized residence.

“…You’re insulting my moral boundaries.”

Although I was saying so, my tone was quite indifferent, and I was looking elsewhere. I was making it obvious by averting my gaze that what I really said was: “You think that’s enough? You think I’m a beggar?”

Baron Matt grit his teeth. He thought about how his application to rise in noble rank to an Earl had been obstructed by the House of Elders in the Bardi Empire for the past three years, and this was despite the fact that his territory was the size of an Earl’s.

Unless a major personage from the capital helped him out, he would probably only be a Baron for the rest of his life. If anything happened, he might not even be able to keep his own domain or secure his children’s rights to succeed his peerage.

Matt, who was once an adventurer, could be described as someone who had lived the dream of creating everything he had from nothing. His power level was halfway in the Legend rank, and he was one of the strongest well-known warriors in a one-hundred-kilometer radius. He and his companions earned quite a significant amount of money in their adventures, and Matt used his status as a frontier development knight to even gain a territory for himself. He was definitely a classical example of an ordinary person who had managed to make it big and become successful in life.

However, it was a pity that nobles had deep traditions of valuing bloodlines and illustrious families. “Bumpkin” Baron Matt had never been able to get rid of that nickname attached to him by the other nobles, and the Baron noble title that he purchased using money didn’t even come with inheritance rights for his children. His domain was also exceedingly well off and large, so the other nearby domain lords all wanted a slice. There had always been endless amounts of trouble for him, and the fact that he didn’t have a noble title equaling that of his domain’s status had always been his greatest weak spot.

After Orloss completed a reorganization of noble law, all noble titles of Baron and higher required the capital’s Noble House of Elders to approve a promotion. However, Matt had never received any military achievements in the army nor did he have any background. It was impossible for his request to be approved. As he was a former adventurer who had witnessed the cruelty of battle, he didn’t want to give up on his comfortable life that he was able to obtain after so much hard work nor did he want to gamble his life in the military, and so, he could only wait and spend his days as a Baron.

Matt even hired a scholar to teach him about noble ways and learned that his only hope was to rely on some powerful noble that had influence in the capital. But, if any of those major nobles were interested enough to take even a second look at him, then he wouldn’t have had the derisive nickname of “Bumpkin.”

He was quite satisfied with simply being a rich domain lord. After all, he had excellent personal combat strength and a powerful heavy hammer, so none of the nearby domain lords dared to touch him. However, his son was growing up quickly. Unless he was able to somehow succeed in getting his son rights to succeed his noble peerage, this domain would be returned to the country as the Bardi Empire’s property and his son wouldn’t have any noble title or domain to his name. How could Matt possibly stand for this after working so hard for what he obtained?

However, Matt finally met a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity today. The lich Rex, who was the imperial envoy, and a duke’s eldest daughter, Carolyn, had arrived. This helped reignite Baron Matt’s ambitions for the possibility of becoming Earl Matt in the future.

He had already heard that the high-level undead had greater influence with Emperor Orloss than even archdukes. He figured that as long as this lich was willing to help him say a few words, this matter would be such a small thing to the major nobles from the capital and will be easily resolved.

When Matt saw that the imperial envoy lich Rex actually felt like this wasn’t enough money, Matt, who was typically stingy, felt a great heartache. He would really have to pay up a lot of money. But more than the heartache, however, he was delighted; t this was one of the few times someone was willing to accept a present from him, meaning that what he wanted would finally be possible.

“…How have I gotten to this level that I’m so happy that someone’s willing to accept my money?”

Of course, he wasn’t going to talk about his regrets. He knew that he had to bury his delight in his heart. Matt even intentionally displayed an expression of pain and regret so that he wouldn’t be taken for all he was worth; he even added an expression of hesitation.

However, I laughed. This Matt fellow was to be expected as a musclehead cannon fodder—he was a terrible actor. If he really felt pained or hesitant at giving me more money, he would have just left. His facial muscles were almost about to twitch; that was how fake his anger was.

Of course, I didn’t intend to reveal that I saw through him already. Otherwise, how would I obtain what I really wanted?

“…Sincerity is the most important.”

I said so in a deep tone as I gazed at the silver-colored Epic-ranked hammer attached to Matt’s waist. I smiled meaningfully. This time, Matt didn’t have to act as he really did have a bitter expression now.

[Epic-Ranked Weapon: Slayer of the Undying.]

[Attack Power: 30-30]

[Special effect 1, Undead Slayer: Any undead that comes into contact with this weapon has a probability of being instantly destroyed.]

[Special effect 2, Divine Protection: Summon a golden divine protective field which can resist against the invasion of evil. Lasts for thirty seconds. Any that forcibly invades the field shall receive 5 Holy Light damage per second.]

[Special effects 3 and 4: Since the user of this hammer is not in a divine job class, currently not activated.]

[There is crooked line of silver words on the hammer’s handle: This war hammer once belonged to a true Holy Knight. Only those that are truly holy will be able to utilize the full power of this hammer. System Reminder: You’re a Sword Saint, but you’d rather become a Hammer Saint? Comrade Rolo Big Hammer.]

To my surprise, I also saw on Matt’s bookshelf all the books in “Graverobbing Handbook” and “Eighteen Ways to Use Luoyang Shovels”. That helped me to understand how this adventurer, who had only been an ordinary person, obtained this holy war hammer. At this moment, I even hesitated whether or not I should sign an autograph for this loyal fan of my books.

But, the moment my System informed me of this hammer’s name, I decided that I absolutely had to obtain it.

“…I’m called an undying, and this hammer is named Slayer of the Undying? That’s just too unlucky for me. I can feel evil intentions coming from the world. Yep, I should obtain it and make Harloys eat it. These abilities seem quite useful.”

As for whether or not Harloys, who used to be undead, would have stomach troubles upon eating such a thing was something I didn’t consider at all. At the very least, in the past, Harloys was unable to eat that holy sword named “Pale White Justice” which contained the power of Holy Light. This would be a perfect opportunity to see if she became stronger after rejoining the living. I also hoped for her to be able to continuously combine and evolve, surpassing even true God-tier Equipment.

But then I suddenly thought of how using a loli to slice at other people made me mysteriously seem like a lolicon. Then I recalled that she was actually a fake loli who was thousands of years old, which instantly made me feel better.

“Tremble in fear, mortals, for the Pink Bunny shall now have new abilities. Undead, tremble in fear at your impending doom. Death is nothing to be afraid of, but dying at the hands of this weapon will be a true humiliation. Yep, I should tie two butterfly knots at the top of this club and draw a smiley face. I should add a pink stuffed rabbit on the club as well!”

Thinking about how embarrassed and unwilling my enemies would be to be beaten to death by such a weapon, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. My soul voice’s laughter from the lich form I was in echoed throughout the room, causing Matt to instinctively shiver. However, Harloys was the first to be displeased.

“…If you dare to toy with me like that then I’ll dare to cancel my weapon transformation at a time when you’re fighting with some powerful enemy. Who cares? At most I’ll just show everyone my naked body one time and make sure that your name as a lolicon pervert gets known far and wide in the mortal plane!”

Alright then, thinking about how my pink and fluffy club that I was attacking with would suddenly transform into a naked loli… that sounded rather interesting—I meant awkward! It would seem like the silly cat still needed more proper training. I temporarily gave up on this idea of mine, as what I first needed to do right now was to scam Matt and obtain this excellent hammer weapon of his.

Making a warrior give up his personal weapon, not to mention that this warrior was a top-level warrior halfway in Legend rank, would seem quite difficult. However, the current Matt was no longer the same warrior from five years ago. His peaceful and luxurious daily life had decreased his fighting spirit. The only thing he now looked forward to in life was pretty much his own territory and noble rank. Plus…

“He really was here for this after all. I was wondering why an imperial envoy and a duke’s daughter would come visit a far-out domain like mine. It seems like I’m going to have to give this hammer up in order to protect what I have.”

Matt had already realized this long ago. More than half of his reputation as the “Undead Slayer” had been earned by this hammer of his. And due to his well-known reputation, since undead were now one of the main factions in this country, it was only natural that he would attract a lot of unwanted attention and trouble due to his nickname.

This was no different from wearing a set of dragonslaying equipment and dragonhide armor in front of a huge dragon. It would definitely be at the extent of being able to attract aggro simply with one’s face. If that person didn’t die, then that would be really strange.

“Looks like I can’t escape this after all? Perhaps giving it up now will even be good for me! At the very least, I can express my friendly attitude.”

Matt looked at the excellent hammer on his waist nostalgically one more time as he carefully placed it on the ground. Since I was disguised as a lich, it was only natural that I wouldn’t dare to touch this holy hammer, so the female knight behind me picked up this heavy hammer in my stead.

She lovingly caressed the hammer all over. And, when the silver hammer came into contact with her, it began glowing with a silver light, emanating a mysterious aura of fighting spirit. Perhaps it felt like its old master had made it lonely for too long already, and it thirsted for being able to reenter the battlefield.

“A Holy Knight? No, how could a Holy Knight who believes in the Holy Light possibly be together with a lich? She’s probably in a divine job class for some other God.”

Matt soon let go of his doubts, as the most important to him right now was whether or not the lich in front of him would be satisfied with his sincerity, and whether or not he would successfully be able to obtain a promotion to an Earl.

In a way, this was the tragedy of a former hero in his later years. As someone who created everything he had from nothing, perhaps he was fearless in his youthful and young adult years, but once he truly possessed a warm and loving family as well as a sufficient amount of wealth, he lost his courage and daring spirit.

If he had still been an adventurer and a noble dared to try to steal or extort his wealth and weapon from him, then he would have instantly responded with a swing from his hammer. As for those greedy, lawbreaking, moral-lacking, evil nobles that abused the commoners, he would kill any that he came across. If he met any that were too strong for him to take on, he could at least beat them up and then run away.

It was the same for this Legend-ranked lich Rex before him. If Matt had been at his strongest, he would have dared to summon his adventuring friends to come slay the lich. Unfortunately, he now had to suck up to this lich and even bribe him.

Sometimes, life was truly ironic. Now that Matt was in the prime of his life, not only did he become a noble himself, he even voluntarily gave this lich his wealth—all in order to obtain a higher noble rank to benefit his wife and son.

Matt shook his head as he put all his thoughts behind him, as he knew he wouldn’t have another chance like this if he missed this opportunity. This former hot-blooded hero did his best to recall how the evil merchants that he looked down upon so much would suck up to others. Then, he did his best to smile sycophantically, and he even kneeled on one knee with his good knee, the knee that hadn’t taken an arrow before.

As for me, I merely smiled, and was too lazy to care about what he thought. I simply indicated to Yawen that she should put the hammer away.

“…It’s good that you understand. After you die, I’m willing to help you become one of us undead. Right, did you know that Lady Carolyn is a huge fan of adventuring stories? She’s especially interested in adventurers’ personal journals and hand-drawn maps. These are all precious treasures to her. If she can obtain anything like this, it’ll be quite easy for her to speak up for your case as well.”

Adventurers’ personal journals were both records of their adventures as well as evidence of their glory. But since Matt was already willing to give me his weapon, which was his life and blood, these memorabilia of past glorious achievements didn’t count for much. Soon, I returned quite satisfactorily with a cart filled with handwritten journals and geographical information.

Actually, this information here—especially the hand-drawn maps from a veteran adventurer like Matt—was the true goal that I was here for. That hammer of his was something I simply decided to scam from him since I could. Of course, if a real lich like Rex had visited Matt, the first thought a lich would probably have upon seeing this hammer would be to kill Matt immediately.

I immediately sent Matt’s servants back with the excuse that we didn’t need their assistance. This would obviously help prevent us from exposing our real identities, although it would also cause us to have nobody to guide our way. Of course, it wouldn’t be a big problem as long as we stuck to the main road, but that was far from satisfactory. After all, nobody would be able to stick to the main road when running for their life.

As a “proper” noble daughter, it would have been quite strange if Carolyn knew anything about geography or had a map on her. In this generation, maps and locations of cities counted as military secrets. Anyone who understood cartography and how to draw maps would be a professional. It would be quite rare to find a cartographer that was an ordinary civilian.

However, I knew that there was a special profession whose practitioners would always think of a method to get the most complete map of all, which would even include secret passages and shortcuts not shown on official governmental maps. Their maps would even be labeled with threat levels for each area and important things to watch out for, which were quite convenient.

Yep, it was quite easy to guess. Naturally, I was talking about the profession known as ‘adventurer,’ as they were typically wandering vagabonds. There were perhaps incredibly few professions that moved about as often as adventurers did. Forget about not taking maps, compasses, or not having any informational backup, but if an adventurer didn’t even take enough food and clean water with him on an adventure, then it wasn’t called an adventure anymore—it would be called suicide.

A veteran adventurer’s personal journal and map collection would have more detailed information than any information I could obtain from the government. In order to prepare for the possibility of being chased and needing to escape, I absolutely wanted to obtain a copy of such information for myself.

By the way, I should mention that due to the differing personalities of individual adventurers, their personal journals focused on completely different areas. For example, a certain dragon’s adventuring journal focused only on the best foods and alcohols available in each location, as well as including maps and timetables of each location’s times when they would receive new stocks of food and alcohol reserves. This particular journal would be highly treasured by any alcoholic.

And due to some special reasons, my personal adventuring journal typically—and intentionally—reduced my personal feelings as much as possible. Although there was a huge amount of information in it, it was quite boring and would put most people to sleep.

Gnome adventurers’ journals could typically be viewed as guides for local businesses, while beastmen adventurers’ journals typically contained stories about fighting. As for Adam… how could a musclehead like him have the brains to write a journal?

Although Matt was a musclehead as well, his wife was apparently one of his adventuring companions back in the day, and she had excellent attention to detail. Her adventuring journal was incredibly detailed and even contained many comments about legends and historical records, which just happened to be what I wanted.

Alright then. I didn’t exactly lie to this former adventurer who was at the beginning of approaching elderly age. At the very least, I didn’t promise him a single thing and simply accepted his presents. He was the one who misunderstood of his own volition… Fine then, seeing how kind he was and how much he had helped me out, I indeed told Carolyn about what he needed. For this type of small matter, she could take care of it with a single message. The only thing was that she would be able to return to the capital… As for why I was uncertain if she would return, that was because based on the current situation, I felt like she was likely to elope with Lilith.

Now that I had profited hugely, and while I was making our plans for future paths to take, the silly cat suddenly came looking for me. She looked incredibly serious, which was quite rare for her.

“Roland, there’s something that you have to come take a look at. This time, they’ve really gone overboard. I’d say that they went even more overboard than you did as Yongye.”

There was a large amount of empty space in Baron Matt’s residence’s backyard. There was also a large amount of grains stored here, and in one of the warehouses, Harloys showed me a pile of grains that could be commonly found anywhere.

The golden wheat still contained some of the chill of winter and was quite cold to the touch. However, I could not notice anything out of the ordinary with this wheat.

“What’s the matter? What’s wrong?”

“Haven’t you felt something odd about eating the grains here while we’ve been in the Bardi Empire? It tastes especially sweet. At first, I thought that it was a unique situation caused by the local earth and water, so I decided to come check out the grains stored here, but…”

I opened up the stack of grains and tore apart a stalk of wheat. I put some in my mouth and chewed slowly, carefully tasting them…

“…They do taste rather sweet and it’s even a little familiar. It’s just like… it’s just like…”

Even though it was at the tip of my tongue, I couldn’t recall what it was that seemed so familiar about the taste.

“Kasolan’s Tears?”

“Yeah! That’s the flavor… wait a moment, Kasolan’s Tears? That’s the best magical ingredient catalyst undead magic is capable of creating!”

Harloys transformed into her humanoid form and twisted some stalks of wheat in her hand, grinding it into a golden dust. Then, she used some filtering devices to increase the purity and added supplemental medicines to it as she stirred. What finally remained at the bottom of her beaker was a gray-black fluid.

Then, she handed it to me, and I drank it all in an instant. When I felt the power of death getting slightly excited within my body, I came to an instant conclusion.

“There’s no mistaking it. This is the taste of Kasolan’s Tears. It just replenished all the mana I spent on maintaining the skeletons today. This bottle of Kasolan’s Blessing is definitely at the minimum at an elite potion’s tier. These Kasolan’s Tears are of rather high quality.”

Kasolan’s Tears by itself was something harmless and non-poisonous. However, it was one of the main ingredients in another potion that was a favorite for undead mages: Kasolan’s Blessing. This was an excellent potion which had the ability to restore death magic mana, and it also possessed the ability to slowly change the drinker’s physical characteristics and help improve the drinker’s ability to control undead magic. This was literally the most desired potion by all undead mages.

Pure Kasolan’s Tears had long since become a forbidden product by the Holy Church, not to mention that they weren’t easy to cultivate. If all these grains had been tainted by Kasolan’s Tears, this couldn’t possibly be a coincidence. I was faintly detecting the presence of an astonishingly huge plot.

Perhaps Kasolan’s Tears by itself was harmless and non-poisonous, but as the best undead magic ingredient catalyst of all, it was incredibly common in many large-scale spells and forbidden spells. I refused to believe that whoever plotted all this would use such a large amount of Kasolan’s Tears simply to improve the taste of the wheat.

“All of the grains here have been tainted? Damn it, which undead mage is so insane? Just what does he intend to do?”

However, Harloys shook her head.

“I already asked. These grains were just harvested from the local fields. From start to finish, nobody touched them apart from the local farmers. And they were just harvested and stored here yesterday…”

“How is that possible? Wait a moment, could it be the source…?”

I had an expression of astonishment and disbelief. If this was true, then this was a truly monumental plot that was underway.

“Yes, you’re right. I already asked. All of the seeds for these grains were excellent quality seeds received from the capital and have a twenty percent harvesting rate better than average. And these seeds have already spread throughout the entire Bardi Empire, and many people have been eating these grains for ten years or more.”

Eating Kasolan’s Tears for over ten years? Were the plotters intending on creating a large number of undead mages by increasing the average citizen’s affinity for undead magic? No, wait, there was still one other possibility: a certain little trick popular among high-level undead mages.

Harloys obviously guessed at this possibility as well, but she appeared quite hesitant. After all, such a conclusion was far too insane to even think about.

“…You should know that undead mages that consume Kasolan’s tears for a long period of time are more than twice as likely to turn into high-level undead that maintain their intelligence after dying.”

“Damn it! Which maniac came up with such a large-scale plot?”

“…I heard before that all Undead Emperors are insane. I didn’t believe it before, but now I believe it.”

The game’s scenario only mentioned that the Bardi Empire would soon be sunk into an Undead Calamity, but I never expected that there would be so many unexpected curveballs involved. If the Undead Calamity was activated here in such a fashion, the entire Bardi Empire would become a land of undead. Just how maniacal would one have to be to do such a thing?

[Congratulations to Host for triggering the hidden Epic-ranked side quest: Why does the game, Resident Evil, exist in another world as well?]

[You have unlocked the “Anti-zombie” series of achievements. You can now exchange for specialized anti-zombie firearms. Go ahead and enjoy your fun playing the Resident Evil series in a magical fantasy world.]

[System Notification: I’m really impressed with you. Instead of activating the next portion of your main storyline quest, you went and triggered a hidden side quest. If you don’t want to have your mystical fantasy adventure turn into Resident Evil in an Armageddon, hurry up and continue your main storyline quest at the Cloud Tower!]