Chapter 389: Change who you are

Xenia studied his face for a moment, trying to determine whether he genuinely meant what he said.

"Your Highness, may I ask you something?" she said hesitantly.

"Go ahead."

"Why don’t you want to marry someone of your own standing?" Xenia asked, carefully choosing her words. "I mean, marrying a noblewoman from an influential family could strengthen your position at court. It might also help you gain the support of people who could be useful to you."

August turned his head towards her. The amusement that had lingered in his expression disappeared, replaced by a look she found difficult to interpret.

"I’m the son of the King’s mistress," he replied bluntly. "Do you honestly believe a woman from one of the most influential families in the kingdom would love me without eventually bringing up my past?"

Xenia fell silent, caught off guard by his answer.

August looked away and rested his head against the seat. He had heard enough remarks about his birth throughout his life to know that even a noblewoman who accepted him would not necessarily respect him.

"I’m not a good person, Xenia. When I was young, I once tried to kill the Crown Prince. I was consumed by resentment and became so obsessed with destroying that family that I was willing to go to such lengths." August spoke without trying to excuse his actions.

"Afterward, I was banished to a remote place and kept confined for years, with hardly anyone around me. That was the life I lived, and many people in the capital know about it."

He paused, his expression hardening slightly.

"Do you think a woman from a respectable noble family would willingly marry someone like me? Whatever the King has in mind, I doubt his choice is without a purpose. The woman he has selected must have her own reasons for accepting this arrangement, even if she hasn’t revealed them yet."

Xenia blinked, taken aback by the frankness with which he spoke about himself. She had known that August’s past was complicated, but hearing him speak so openly about it made her realize how little she understood what he had endured.

"What if that woman is actually kind?" she asked after a moment. "You can’t always assume the worst about everyone. What if she genuinely wants to be with you?"

August turned his gaze towards her, looking almost amused by her question.

Xenia held his gaze, though she felt slightly uneasy under his scrutiny.

"Not everything in this world is good, Xenia. When will you learn that?" August arched an eyebrow, questioning her persistent optimism.

Before Xenia could respond, a loud rumble of thunder shook the sky. Moments later, rain began pouring down, striking the carriage roof so heavily that their conversation was nearly drowned out by the noise.

Xenia glanced towards the window, growing concerned as the rain quickly turned into a downpour. "Your Highness, shouldn’t we find somewhere to take shelter? Samir and the coachman will be drenched if they continue travelling in this weather."

"They’ll be fine. They’re trained for this kind of work," August replied without much concern. He glanced towards the window, watching the rainwater stream down the glass.

"Besides, stopping here would be unwise. We’re surrounded by forest, and we have no idea what might be lurking among the trees. A wild animal could attack us if we remain here."

Xenia fell silent, hoping they would reach the palace soon. The rain continued to beat against the carriage roof, and she occasionally glanced towards the window, watching the water trickle down the glass.

However, her thoughts kept returning to their earlier conversation.

After a while, she turned towards August again.

"There’s nothing wrong with being the son of the King’s mistress," she began carefully. "You’re still your mother’s son, and no matter what people say about your birth, that doesn’t change who you are. A mother loves her child more than anything in the world. Why should you be ashamed of the circumstances you were born into?"

August remained quiet, his gaze resting on her.

"You shouldn’t assume that everyone judges you because of your origins," Xenia continued. "I don’t. I never have. Neither do my brothers or the people around me. They don’t look at you and see only the King’s mistress’s son."

She paused briefly, gathering her thoughts before continuing.

"Do you remember the day you helped that girl’s family obtain justice? You have no idea how much respect you earned from the people who witnessed what you did. They saw a prince who was willing to stand up for those who had no power to defend themselves. That mattered to them far more than the circumstances of your birth."

Xenia looked directly at him, hoping he would understand that she wasn’t merely trying to comfort him.

"Prince August, you do have a special place in people’s hearts. Perhaps there aren’t many who openly stand by you, but they exist. You may not notice them, and you may not believe they matter, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there."

August stared at Xenia, momentarily unable to look away.

She was the first woman, no, the only woman, who had ever spoken about his birth without treating it as something shameful.

Rather than pitying him or offering empty words of consolation, she had told him that he deserved respect for the person he was.

Even Liliana had never spoken to him that way. She had always pitied him, as though his birth had made him someone deserving of sympathy rather than respect. And when he had asked her to marry him, she had left him behind because he was a mistress’ son.

For the first time in years, an unfamiliar feeling stirred within him. He could not understand why her words had affected him so deeply, and the realization made him uncomfortable. He quickly averted his gaze, pretending to be interested in the rain outside.

’Did I say too much?’ Xenia wondered when he failed to respond.

"Forgive me, Your Highness, if I have spoken out of turn," she said, lowering her gaze. "I only wanted to tell you what I genuinely believe about you. I didn’t mean to offend you, and I’ll be more careful with my words from now on."