Chapter 442 - Before He Comes Back

Chapter 442: Chapter 442 - Before He Comes Back

Zac’s phone started ringing while Roxie was still standing in his arms.

Neither of them moved at first.

He had just finished telling her he was going to fix things. For the first time in days, Roxie had finally managed to kiss him without pulling away, and she wanted to stay exactly where she was for a little longer.

The ringing stopped.

Zac glanced toward the bedside table before looking back at her. He gave her waist a gentle squeeze and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

Then his phone rang again.

Roxie felt something unpleasant stir in her stomach.

Zac reached for it, and she saw Dylan’s name on the screen.

Of course.

He stared at the name for a moment before looking at her. Roxie could see the hesitation in his face, and she hated that she already knew what he was thinking.

He let the call end.

A message appeared almost immediately.

Zac read it, and his expression changed.

"What?" Roxie asked.

He looked at the message again. "He says he needs me to answer."

Another message came through before Roxie could respond.

Zac went still.

"What did he say?"

His eyes lifted to hers.

"He says he’s scared he’s gonna do something to himself."

Roxie stared at him.

For a moment she couldn’t think of anything to say.

Then Dylan’s voice from the coffee shop came back to her.

Then ask him to stay away from me. See what he says.

The timing was so fucking perfect.

She hated herself for thinking that because a second later she imagined Dylan actually hurting himself. She remembered his father screaming outside the house, the way Dylan had been crying when Zac tried to comfort him and how exhausted he looked at the coffee shop.

What if he meant it?

What if something actually happened tonight?

Zac was already looking at her.

"Can I answer?"

Roxie nodded.

He picked up immediately.

"Dylan?"

Roxie sat on the edge of the bed while Zac listened. She couldn’t make out most of what Dylan was saying, but his voice sounded unsteady through the phone.

"Where are you?" Zac asked.

He listened for a moment.

"Okay. Stay there. Is your cousin home?"

Another pause.

"Then call him. Dylan, listen to me. I need you to call him right now."

Zac started pacing.

Roxie watched him move between the bed and the doorway, one hand pressed against the back of his neck while he kept talking.

He asked Dylan whether he was alone, whether his cousin could get there and whether he could stay on the phone until someone arrived.

At one point, Zac stopped walking completely.

"Dylan, I’m serious. I need you to tell me you’re staying there."

Roxie looked down at her hands.

She knew that voice.

She had heard it when Zac was frightened for someone he loved. She had been the person on the receiving end of it more times than she could count.

Tonight it was Dylan.

And there was nothing wrong with that.

That was what made everything so fucking difficult.

Zac stayed on the call until he managed to reach Dylan’s cousin. Even after learning someone was heading over, he kept Dylan talking for several more minutes.

When the call finally ended, Zac stood beside the bed with his phone in his hand.

Roxie looked up.

"His cousin’s going over," he said.

"That’s good."

"He sounds really bad."

Roxie nodded.

Zac glanced toward the door.

Her stomach sank.

He looked back at her almost immediately, but she had already seen it.

"I know what I just said to you," he began.

Roxie swallowed. "Yeah."

"I know I told you I was gonna fix things. I meant that, babe."

"I know."

Zac rubbed the back of his neck. "But he’s saying he doesn’t trust himself right now. His cousin’s coming, but I don’t know how long it’ll take."

Roxie stared at him.

She wanted to ask whether Dylan knew exactly when to call.

She wanted to tell Zac about the coffee shop, about Dylan’s challenge and the way he had smiled when he told her to see whom Zac would choose.

But what if Dylan really was in danger?

She couldn’t take that chance.

"If I ask you to stay, are you going to?" she asked quietly.

Zac looked at her for a few seconds.

"If you tell me you need me here, I’ll stay."

Roxie laughed.

She couldn’t help it.

Zac frowned. "What?"

"You’re doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Making me decide."

"I’m trying to tell you that I’ll stay if that’s what you need."

"And then what, Zac?"

He stared at her.

"You’re gonna sit here checking your phone every five minutes, worrying whether Dylan’s okay. And I’m supposed to feel better because you stayed when I asked you to?"

"That’s not what I mean."

"But that’s what would happen."

Zac dragged a hand over his face. He looked frightened and exhausted, and Roxie could see he was struggling to figure out how to handle both situations.

"Then tell me what I’m supposed to do, Rox."

Her chest tightened.

There it was again.

Another decision she had to make.

If she asked him to stay and something happened to Dylan, she would never forgive herself.

If she told him to go, she would spend another night waiting for him to come home.

And Zac would have an explanation that made perfect sense because someone might genuinely be in danger.

Roxie looked at him for a long moment.

"I’m not choosing for you."

"Roxie, please."

She closed her eyes.

God, she was tired.

She was tired of thinking about Dylan, tired of feeling guilty, tired of wondering where she belonged among all the people and responsibilities in Zac’s life.

But right now, Zac was standing in front of her genuinely terrified that something could happen to his best friend.

Roxie knew what she would do if she were him.

That was what hurt.

She opened her eyes.

"Go."

Zac stared at her.

"Go make sure he’s okay."

"I can wait until his cousin gets there."

"You want to go, Zac."

He looked at her without answering.

Roxie nodded.

"Then go."

Zac came closer. "I’ll come back as soon as I know he’s safe."

"Okay."

"I mean it."

"I heard you."

He touched her cheek, and Roxie let him. She could see the worry in his face, the way his eyes kept searching hers as though he knew something was wrong but couldn’t figure out how to fix it.

"I love you," he said.

Roxie swallowed against the tightness in her throat.

"I know."

Zac kissed her forehead before grabbing his clothes. He pulled on his shirt, found his shoes and checked his phone again.

Roxie stayed on the bed while he got ready.

At the doorway, he stopped.

"I’ll be back."

She nodded.

Zac looked like he wanted to say something else, but another glance at his phone made him turn away.

Roxie listened to him moving through the apartment.

His shoes against the floor.

The sound of his keys.

The front door opening.

Then closing.

She kept staring at the doorway after he left.

For several seconds, she felt absolutely nothing.

That was almost worse than crying.

She had spent days so upset that she could barely think straight. She had cried until her eyes hurt, questioned everything she knew about Zac and finally managed to tell him how badly his silence had hurt her.

He had apologized.

He had held her.

He had promised things would change.

And now he was gone again.

Roxie knew why.

She understood why.

That was the fucking problem.

She bent forward, resting her elbows against her knees, and tried to breathe.

Then a thought came so suddenly that she lifted her head.

I need to leave.

Roxie stared toward the closet.

The thought frightened her enough that she almost laughed.

Leave?

Where the hell was she supposed to go?

They lived together. Her clothes were here. Her classes would be starting soon. She had cheer evaluations coming up, and she had spent weeks trying to convince herself Tennessee could become home.

She loved Zac.

Jesus Christ, she loved him so much that even imagining leaving made her stomach hurt.

And he was coming back.

He had promised.

Roxie looked toward the front door.

What would happen when he came home?

She knew.

He would be exhausted. He would tell her what happened with Dylan. She would ask whether everything was okay. Zac would apologize for leaving, and Roxie would tell him she understood because she did.

Then he would climb into bed beside her.

He would reach for her, and she would let him.

Tomorrow he would try harder.

He always tried.

And Roxie would stay because she loved him.

She pressed her hands over her face.

"Fuck."

She could already imagine the conversation if she tried to leave while he was home.

Zac would ask what was wrong.

She would explain.

He would tell her he loved her, that he was trying, that things would get better once football settled down and Dylan’s family stopped tearing him apart.

He would probably cry.

That thought almost destroyed her.

Zac crying because she wanted to leave?

She would never manage it.

She would end up holding him, telling him she was sorry and promising they could figure something out.

They would kiss.

And she would stay.

Roxie slowly lowered her hands.

That was when the thought stopped feeling ridiculous.

She knew herself.

She knew exactly how easily Zac could convince her to give them another chance because she wanted to give them another chance.

She wanted it so badly that she could already feel herself preparing the excuses.

Football would calm down eventually.

Dylan would get better.

Zac would have more time.

They could make another schedule.

They could try again.

Maybe this time everything would work.

Roxie stood so quickly that she nearly stepped on the blanket hanging off the bed.

"No."

Her own voice startled her.

She walked toward the closet before she could think about it anymore.

Their suitcases were stored at the bottom.

She pulled hers out.

For a moment she just stared at it.

Was she actually doing this?

Her hands moved before she answered herself.

Roxie dragged the suitcase toward the bed, opened it and started pulling clothes from the closet.

She grabbed three shirts, a pair of jeans and whatever underwear she could find in the drawer.

Then she stopped.

Her hands were shaking.

She looked down at the clothes piled inside the suitcase and felt a sudden urge to put everything back.

This was insane.

They had just reconciled.

Zac had literally promised to fix things less than an hour ago.

And now she was packing because he went to check on a friend who might hurt himself?

Roxie sat on the edge of the bed.

For a second she hated herself.

What kind of girlfriend did that?

Then she looked at the clothes inside her suitcase.

It had been weeks.

Weeks of waiting, crying, apologizing and trying to convince herself she was being unreasonable for wanting Zac home.

The kiss had made everything worse, but the loneliness had started long before Dylan crossed that line.

And even tonight, Roxie knew Zac was doing something she would normally love him for.

He was helping someone who needed him.

She had always loved that about him.

She still did.

But she was beginning to hate what happened to her every time she had to stand aside and wait.

She thought about Claire.

About how many times she had waited for her mother to come home, promising herself she would say something when she finally did.

Then Claire would appear, exhausted or sick or full of apologies, and Roxie would lose the courage to ask why she had been left waiting again.

There had always been reasons.

Sometimes those reasons were real.

Roxie understood them.

She had become so fucking good at understanding that she had learned to keep her disappointment to herself.

She looked toward the open suitcase.

She was doing it again.

And if she let Zac come home before she made up her mind, she would probably keep doing it.

Roxie wiped at her eyes and stood.

She started packing again.

This time she moved faster.

Her hands were clumsy, and she kept grabbing things she didn’t need. She threw in two sweaters even though it was still warm outside, then pulled one back out because the suitcase was filling too quickly.

She opened another drawer.

Socks.

Bras.

The shirt she wore when she slept.

Her charger.

She walked to the bathroom and grabbed her toothbrush, face wash and the little bag where she kept her makeup.

Then she returned to the bedroom.

Zac’s hoodie was lying across the chair.

Roxie stopped.

She had worn it two nights ago when the apartment got cold. Zac had complained that she kept stealing his clothes while somehow owning twice as many as he did.

She had told him to stop buying comfortable hoodies if he wanted them to stay in his closet.

He had laughed and kissed her.

Roxie picked up the hoodie.

For a moment, she held it against her chest.

Then she started crying.

"Fuck, Zac."

She sat down on the bed with the hoodie in her hands, crying harder than she had since he left.

She wanted him.

That was the worst part.

She wanted him to come home, find her sitting there and ask what the hell she was doing.

She wanted him to take the suitcase away.

She wanted him to tell her they were going to figure everything out.

And she knew that if he walked through that door right now, she would let him.

Roxie looked at the time.

He had only been gone a little while.

She had no idea how long he would stay with Dylan.

An hour?

Three?

Until morning?

She couldn’t count on any of those.

He might come home early.

The possibility sent another wave of panic through her.

Roxie put his hoodie back on the chair and stood.

She needed to finish.

She grabbed her laptop from the table, pushed it into her bag and checked the bathroom one more time.

When she returned to the bedroom, she looked around.

Their clothes were still mixed together inside the closet.

His socks were in her drawer because Zac never bothered remembering which one belonged to him.

One of her hair ties was sitting beside his watch.

The bed was unmade.

They had bought those sheets together.

Roxie remembered Zac complaining about the price before choosing the more expensive ones because she liked them.

A sob escaped her.

She zipped the suitcase before she could start remembering anything else.

Then she picked up her phone.

Her hands were shaking badly enough that she entered the wrong destination when she opened the ride app.

She corrected it and stared at the screen.

The airport.

She hadn’t even booked a ticket.

She had no idea where she was going to sleep tomorrow.

Virginia came to mind first.

She still had somewhere she could go back there. She could figure out the rest once she was away from Tennessee.

Roxie swallowed.

She could call Karen.

Or Angela.

But telling them meant explaining everything, and she couldn’t handle somebody asking whether she had really thought this through.

Because she hadn’t.

She knew that.

She was packing her entire life into one suitcase because she was afraid that if she waited until morning, she would never leave.

Her thumb hovered over the button to confirm the ride.

What if this was the biggest mistake of her life?

What if Zac came home and they could have fixed everything?

What if he actually meant every promise he had made?

Roxie’s eyes filled again.

She believed he meant them.

That was what made this so difficult.

Zac wasn’t lying when he told her he loved her.

He wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to make things better.

And Roxie was leaving him anyway.

She pressed the button.

The ride was confirmed.

Roxie stared at the screen.

Eleven minutes.

She had eleven minutes before a driver came to take her away from the apartment she had been so excited to move into.

A shaky laugh escaped her.

Eleven minutes.

She had once walked across campus just to get twenty minutes with Zac.

Now she was counting how many minutes she had left to leave before he came home.

Roxie covered her mouth as another sob escaped.

She wanted to cancel.

God, she wanted to cancel.

She could put the suitcase away, wash her face and crawl into bed. When Zac came home, she could tell him she’d had another terrible night and let him hold her.

He would.

She knew he would.

Roxie wiped her face with the back of her hand.

Then she picked up her suitcase.

She pulled it toward the bedroom door, but the wheels caught on the edge of the rug.

"Come on."

Her voice cracked.

She tugged harder, and the suitcase finally rolled free.

Roxie stopped in the doorway and looked back.

The room was still theirs.

Zac’s clothes were hanging in the closet. His charger was plugged into the wall. The shirt he had worn earlier was still lying on the chair.

Everything looked exactly the same.

She wondered what he would do when he came home and found her gone.

Would he call immediately?

Would he be angry?

Would he think she was punishing him for going to Dylan?

That possibility made her feel sick.

She needed to explain.

She could leave him a message.

But if Zac read it while she was still here, he might call.

And if he called, Roxie would answer.

She would hear his voice.

And she would probably tell him to come home.

Roxie gripped the suitcase handle harder.

She could explain when she was somewhere he couldn’t reach in a few minutes.

She would tell him she was safe.

She would tell him this wasn’t because she thought he had cheated.

She would tell him she loved him.

She just needed to get out first.

Her phone vibrated.

Roxie almost dropped the suitcase.

She pulled it out so quickly that her heart started hammering.

The driver.

Arriving in three minutes.

She laughed through her tears.

"Jesus Christ."

For one horrible second she’d thought it was Zac.

She walked toward the front door.

His shoes were beside hers.

Roxie stopped to put on her sneakers and nearly sat down crying again when she saw the pair of shoes Zac had complained about her buying.

He had called them ugly.

She had worn them on purpose every time they went out afterward.

He always laughed when he noticed.

Roxie pressed her lips together and stood.

She looked around the apartment one last time.

Zac’s favorite mug was sitting in the kitchen.

There were groceries in the refrigerator that she’d bought because he barely had time to eat.

His protein bars were still on the counter.

She had planned to cook for him tomorrow.

That thought nearly made her turn around.

Tomorrow.

There had been so many tomorrows with Zac.

She had imagined years of them.

Roxie swallowed painfully.

Then she opened the front door.

The hallway was empty.

She pulled her suitcase through and turned toward the apartment.

Her fingers rested against the door for a moment.

She could still go back inside.

Take off her shoes.

Put the suitcase away.

Wait for him.

Roxie knew exactly how easy it would be.

And she knew exactly why she couldn’t give herself that chance.

She closed the door.

By the time she reached the ground floor, her phone was vibrating again. The driver was outside.

Roxie walked toward the waiting car with her suitcase dragging behind her.

The driver got out to help with her bag.

"Airport?"

Roxie nodded.

He loaded the suitcase into the trunk while she climbed into the back seat.

Her chest was hurting so badly that she had to press one hand against it.

The driver started the car.

Roxie turned toward the apartment building.

Somewhere upstairs was the home she and Zac had made together.

She imagined him coming back later, calling her name from the doorway and wondering why she hadn’t answered.

The image made her reach for her phone.

She opened their messages.

The last thing Zac had sent her was a reminder to eat before cheer practice.

Roxie stared at it until another tear fell onto the screen.

She wanted to type that she loved him.

She wanted to apologize.

She wanted to tell him to come get her.

Instead she locked her phone and pressed it against her chest.

She would message him when she was safely away.

When there was enough distance between them that hearing his voice wouldn’t be enough to bring her straight back.

The car pulled away from the building.

Roxie looked through the rear window until she couldn’t see it anymore.

Then she bent forward and started crying.

She had no idea whether she was doing the right thing.

She didn’t even know if she could go through with breaking up with Zac once he found her.

All she knew was that if she had stayed in that apartment until he came home, she would have forgiven everything again.

She would have let him kiss her.

She would have listened to every promise.

And she would have stayed because she loved him.

Roxie wiped her face and looked toward the dark road ahead.

She still loved him.

That hadn’t changed.

She had simply left before he could ask her to stay.