Chapter 436 - Words He Didn’t Say

Chapter 436: Chapter 436 - Words He Didn’t Say

Roxie heard the front door sometime after four.

She had stopped checking the time a while ago because every time she looked, only a few minutes had passed and it made the waiting worse. She was lying on her side facing the wall, blanket pulled up around her waist, her eyes swollen and burning from crying until there was barely anything left.

The apartment had been quiet for so long that every sound Zac made carried into the bedroom.

The soft click of the door closing. His keys hitting the small table near the entrance. The slow movement of his shoes against the floor.

Then silence.

Roxie stayed exactly where she was.

She had spent hours waiting for this.

At some point, she had convinced herself she would ask him immediately. The second Zac walked through the door, she would sit up and ask what happened after she left Dylan’s house.

Did Dylan kiss you?

Simple.

Four words.

She had repeated them so many times in her head that they barely sounded like words anymore.

Now Zac was actually home, and Roxie couldn’t even turn around. She heard him move through the apartment slowly, probably trying to stay quiet because he thought she was asleep. A few seconds later the bathroom light came on beneath the bedroom door.

Water ran.

Roxie stared at the wall.

Her stomach still felt sore from throwing up earlier, and her throat was raw enough that every swallow hurt a little. She could feel the dried tightness around her eyes from crying, but she had stopped wiping them a long time ago.

The bathroom door opened and Zac came into the bedroom.

Roxie closed her eyes immediately, pretending to sleep. She hated herself for that. She wasn’t asleep. She knew he would know eventually. She just couldn’t look at him yet.

The mattress shifted when Zac sat on his side of the bed.

He was quiet for a while.

Roxie could hear him breathing. Then the soft sound of fabric as he pulled his shirt over his head.

She wondered if his lip was worse now. The thought came before she could stop it. She teared up again hating herself for caring too much about him.

The memory came back - Zac standing outside Dylan’s house, taking a punch because he wouldn’t let Dylan’s father get near him.

Then later, Dylan’s face against his.

Roxie squeezed her eyes tighter.

She still hated that she had left before seeing what happened next.

Every time she remembered it, she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. One second. That was all she needed. One more second and maybe she would have known whether she was being completely insane or whether something had actually changed between them.

The mattress shifted again as Zac lay down.

He stayed on his back at first.

Usually, he would turn toward her almost immediately. Pull her closer. Complain that she was taking all the blanket. Put his freezing feet against her legs just to make her mad then kiss her.

Tonight he didn’t and Roxie knew why.

They had fought before he left. Yeah. As far as Zac knew, that was still the problem between them.

The thought almost made her laugh.

He had no idea she followed him.

He had no idea she saw Dylan’s father get dragged away by relatives.

He had no idea she stood outside Dylan’s door.

He had no idea she had spent the last few hours vomiting, crying and trying to figure out whether she had watched her boyfriend kiss his best friend.

For several minutes, neither of them spoke.

Roxie stared at the wall until her vision blurred again.

Then Zac shifted.

"You awake?"

His voice was tired.

Roxie swallowed.

"Yeah."

There was another small silence before Zac moved closer.

"How long?"

"I don’t know."

That was true enough.

His hand touched the blanket near her hip, then stopped.

The hesitation made her chest tighten.

Was he giving her space because of the fight?

Or guilt?

Roxie bit her trembling lips then finally asked the safest thing she could think of.

"How’s Dylan?"

Zac let out a long breath behind her.

"Bad."

Roxie stared harder at the wall.

"What happened?"

"His dad showed up drunk as hell. Started yelling outside. His family came too, then everybody was arguing and the neighbors were watching the whole fucking thing."

Roxie swallowed.

Zac continued, his voice low from exhaustion.

"His dad kept saying all this fucked up shit to him. Dylan wouldn’t even come outside anymore. I think he heard enough before I got there."

Roxie’s fingers tightened around the edge of the blanket.

She could still see Dylan’s father pointing toward the house.

Still hear him saying Dylan wasn’t his son.

Still see Zac standing in front of the walkway.

"He hit you?" Roxie asked.

There was a pause behind her.

"Yeah."

Her heart kicked once.

Zac shifted again. "How’d you know?"

Fuck.

Roxie’s mouth went dry.

She had asked too quickly.

"I figured," she said after a second. "You said his dad was there. You sound like you got punched."

Zac gave a tired little laugh. "Do I?"

"Your lip."

Another pause.

Roxie realized he probably thought she had seen it when he came into the bedroom.

"Yeah. He got one in before everybody pulled him off."

Roxie pressed her lips together.

She wanted to turn around.

She wanted to touch his face and see how bad it was.

She also wanted to ask why Dylan’s mouth had been on his.

Both feelings sat inside her at the same time until she felt sick again.

"How long were you there?" she asked.

Zac sighed. "A while."

"I know."

The words slipped out.

Roxie immediately wished she could take them back.

Zac was quiet behind her.

She corrected herself before he could ask. "I mean, obviously. It’s already morning."

"Yeah."

The mattress moved as he adjusted his pillow.

"His family made such a fucking mess out there. Took forever before everybody left. Dylan was completely wrecked after."

Roxie waited.

She didn’t know what she expected.

Maybe Zac would keep talking.

Maybe this was where he would say it.

Then Dylan kissed me.

Her heart started beating harder.

Zac said nothing.

Roxie stared at the wall until her eyes burned. "And you stayed?"

The question came out quieter than she meant it to.

"Yeah."

Something inside her tightened.

"Why?"

Zac took a second before answering, probably surprised she even asked.

"Because I couldn’t leave him like that."

Roxie closed her eyes.

After he kissed you. The thought came so fast and so clearly that it almost felt like somebody whispered it beside her.

After he kissed you, you fucking stayed.

She knew that wasn’t fair.

She knew exactly what Dylan had been dealing with. She had stood outside and watched the whole thing. She had seen his father humiliate him in front of neighbors and family. She had heard Dylan crying from the porch.

Even if Dylan had kissed Zac, maybe Zac had pushed him away and stayed because leaving someone alone after something like that felt cruel.

But Dylan had crossed a line.

She had spent weeks trying to stop looking at him like competition. She had felt guilty every time jealousy got in the way of their friendship. She had even been embarrassed tonight after seeing what Dylan was going through because she had followed Zac there carrying all that stupid suspicion with her.

Then she looked through the door.

Now Zac was lying beside her saying he stayed because Dylan needed him, and he still hadn’t mentioned what happened inside.

Roxie’s eyes started burning again.

She blinked hard.

"Is he okay now?"

"I don’t know if okay is the word." Zac sounded exhausted. "He finally calmed down. One of his cousins stayed with him, so I left."

Roxie went still.

A cousin stayed.

So Zac could leave then.

Her mind immediately started counting backward even though she had no idea what time any of it happened.

How long after the kiss?

Ten minutes?

An hour?

Two hours?

Had Zac stayed sitting beside Dylan after that?

Had they talked about it?

Had Dylan apologized?

Had Zac told him it meant nothing?

Had there been another one?

Roxie’s stomach tightened. Another tear fell on her cheek tickling her on the way down.

Stop.

She had promised herself she wouldn’t do this.

She didn’t know enough.

Her brain was already trying to build an entire night out of the part she hadn’t seen.

But Zac was right there.

She could ask him.

Roxie’s mouth opened.

"Zac..."

"Hmm?"

The question reached the back of her throat.

Did Dylan kiss you?

She could say it.

She had thought about it for hours. She had imagined every version of Zac’s answer while waiting for him to come home. It should have been easier now that he was right beside her.

It wasn’t.

Because asking meant whatever happened became real.

If Zac said yes and told her Dylan kissed him first and he pushed him away, Roxie could breathe again.

If Zac said no, she would have to decide whether she trusted his answer more than what she saw with her own eyes.

And if Zac hesitated...

Roxie felt her throat close.

She couldn’t.

Not yet.

"What?" Zac asked.

Roxie swallowed the question.

"Nothing."

He was quiet for a moment.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

She hated how weak her voice sounded.

Zac shifted closer, and this time his hand touched her waist.

Roxie stiffened before she could stop herself.

His hand immediately loosened.

"Sorry."

That hurt too.

Roxie stared at the wall while tears started gathering in her eyes again.

She wanted him.

That was the worst part of all of this.

She wanted Zac to pull her against him. She wanted him to hold her until the image in her head disappeared. She wanted him to tell her she had misunderstood everything.

But he couldn’t fix something he didn’t know she had seen.

And Roxie was too scared to tell him.

She slowly moved her hand back until her fingers touched his wrist.

Zac understood.

He moved closer again and wrapped his arm around her waist.

Roxie closed her eyes.

His chest pressed against her back. His breath touched the back of her hair.

Everything about it was familiar.

This was how they had slept together so many times that Roxie could probably recognize Zac’s body beside her half asleep.

Tonight, even that felt different. She wondered whether Dylan had been this close to him. The thought came before she could stop it, and Roxie immediately hated herself.

She didn’t know what happened.

She didn’t know.

Zac pressed his face against the back of her head. "I’m sorry about earlier."

Roxie’s throat tightened. Her heart thudded.

"For what?" The words was barely audible at how scared she was to ask.

"For how I handled it."

She didn’t answer.

"I got pissed." His thumb moved slowly against her stomach. "You kept asking me about that girl and the phone and I felt like nothing I said mattered anymore."

Roxie blinked, and a tear slipped across the bridge of her nose into the pillow. He’s talking about their earlier fight.

Another tear followed the first.

Zac pulled her closer and she let him. "But I meant what I said about everything else."

Roxie’s body went still.

"What?"

"There’s nobody else."

Her chest tightened.

Zac continued before she could answer.

"I’m not cheating on you, Roxie. I’m never gonna cheat on you."

The tears came faster.

Roxie stared at the wall while Zac held her, completely unaware of what those words were doing to her.

A few hours ago, she would have believed him without hesitation.

She wanted to believe him now.

God, she wanted to.

Maybe he was telling the absolute truth. Truth about other girls. In a sense, Dylan isn’t one of those girls right?

Why hadn’t he told her?

Roxie bit the inside of her cheek.

Maybe he would.

Maybe he was exhausted.

Maybe he was waiting until morning.

Maybe it had meant so little to him that he was still trying to process it himself.

She hated how quickly she started making excuses for him.

She hated even more that she wanted one of them to be true.

Zac’s arm tightened around her.

"You’re the only person I want."

Roxie’s face crumpled.

She pressed her lips together before any sound came out.

"You hear me?"

She nodded.

It was easier than speaking.

Zac kissed the back of her head.

The gesture almost broke her. She turned before she could think about it and buried her face against his chest.

Zac immediately wrapped both arms around her.

Roxie started crying.

She hated how relieved her body felt the second he held her. She hated that after spending hours terrified of him, he was still the person she wanted when everything hurt.

Zac rubbed her back slowly.

"Hey."

Roxie only pressed her face harder against him.

His hand moved into her hair.

"Were you crying?"

That made her cry harder.

Zac sighed and held her tighter.

"Fuck, baby. I’m sorry."

Roxie couldn’t answer.

He had no idea she had followed him. No idea she had watched his father punch him. No idea she had stood outside that door and seen Dylan’s face against his. No idea that she had spent hours waiting for him to come home and tell her.

Roxie wrapped her fingers into the front of his shirt and let him hold her.

She couldn’t ask tonight.

She was too tired, too scared and too desperate for his words to be true.

Zac kept rubbing her back until her crying finally slowed, and eventually his breathing changed against her hair. He was exhausted enough that sleep took him quickly.

Roxie stayed awake inside his arms.

She listened to his heartbeat while his hand rested heavily against her back.

He came home.

He told her about Dylan’s father.

He told her why he stayed.

He apologized for their fight.

He told her there was nobody else.

He told her he would never cheat on her.

But he never told her about the kiss.