Chapter 1000 - 999: A Reason To Trust

’How did she find out?’

Simon kept his eyes on the table.

Lilith hadn’t merely accused him of being human. She had given his name. Simon Carter.

Had she searched his memories?

He remembered surrendering control of his body so she could fight Sunless. Had giving her control opened his memories to her as well? Perhaps she had taken the opportunity to examine more than he had allowed.

But he couldn’t be certain.

She might have guessed and decided to test his reaction. The Hero of Earth’s name was hardly a secret. A Demon King could have known it too.

He could explain that.

[Why would you think I was the Hero of Earth?]

[Don’t bother, Blackmoon. I already know.]

[Knowing a dead human’s name doesn’t-]

[Your friends betrayed you. The people you fought beside for decades. Even your wife.]

Simon’s expression turned cold.

[That’s why you expect everyone to do the same,] Lilith continued.

He no longer considered another lie.

[When did you go through my memories?]

She remained silent.

[Was it when I let you take over my body against Sunless?]

[Yes.]

Lilith did not bother trying to hide the truth. Why should a being like her lie?

[Besides, your lie was not particularly the best and there were times where you slipped up and exposed your hatred for demons.]

His attention shifted toward the Chaos Blade within his heart.

He had allowed her to fight because they would have died otherwise. Apparently, she had found time for something else.

[I gave you control of my body. Not permission to search my memories.]

[I know.]

There was no hesitation in her answer.

Simon sat motionless, considering what he could do. Driving her out might not be possible, but perhaps he could isolate her. Restrict what she could do until he found a better solution.

[Are you thinking of killing me now?] Lilith asked teasingly. [Or waiting for a chance to stab me in the back?]

[I was, and I’m still considering it.]

She sighed.

[At least you’re being honest.]

[You wanted honesty.]

[Unfortunately, you can’t kill me. We’re linked through the Chaos Blade, and you aren’t strong enough to deal with that connection, much less destroy me.]

He offered no reply.

He had felt her strength when she fought Sunless. His recent advancement hadn’t made him forget it.

Even now, Simon could still not say for certain that he could defeat the Lilith that fought Sunless.

And he also knew that she was stronger than before because of his recent advancements and changes.

[But that isn’t why you should keep working with me,] Lilith added.

Simon looked toward the empty chair opposite him.

[You searched my memories, and now you’re going to explain why I should trust you?]

[Yes, I went through your memories. But have I ever used what I learned against you? Have I tried to hurt you with it?]

His fingers pressed against the edge of the table.

[Distrust is useful, Blackmoon. It makes you question an offer before accepting it. It makes you look for what someone gains by helping you. Keep doing that.]

[Then we agree.]

[No, we do not. You are different because you’ve already convinced yourself that everyone will betray you.]

Simon frowned.

[What?]

[When you’ve decided everyone will betray you, what are you investigating? You’ve already chosen your answer.]

He considered her words without responding.

[You asked what I wanted. That’s a useful question. Whether helping you serves that desire is another. But you keep returning to whether I’m someone you can trust, as though you must either give me everything or give me nothing.]

[People change.]

[Yes. So judge them again when they do.]

Lilith’s voice had become matter-of-fact.

[You can trust someone to guard a door without telling them where you keep your treasures.]

[And sometimes the person guarding the door lets your murderer in.]

[Then choose carefully, keep another way out, and consider what would make him open it. Refusing a guard won’t help if you fall asleep and the murderer walks in unopposed.]

Simon leaned back.

He understood the argument. He had used people, paid informants, accepted instruction. He had never expected to accomplish everything alone.

But there was a difference between buying information and allowing someone close enough to see what could hurt him.

Lilith had already crossed that distance without asking.

[You’re making this sound simple.]

[The choices aren’t simple. That’s why you need to keep making them instead of letting one betrayal answer every question.]

He glanced toward the door. His companions were still nearby.

[You already rely on others,] she continued. [You let me fight Sunless. You trusted me to hold the ritual together. Not because you’d forgotten I might have my own intentions. Because you judged that accepting my help gave you a better chance.]

[And you used the first opportunity to look inside my head.]

[Yes. That should affect what you allow next time. It doesn’t mean you would have been better off dying before I could do it.]

The answer irritated him because he couldn’t dismiss it.

Nor did it excuse her.

He rose and went to the window. Fire fell beyond the buildings, briefly illuminating a street below.

[No more searching my memories without asking.]

[Agreed.]

Although he said these, he still had many questions about how she saw his memories.

[Knowing the truth also means I can help you without you inventing explanations for everything,] she said.

[Such as?]

[Your former companions. Their abilities, their habits, the things you believe they can do. You know them. I understand powers you still know very little about.]

[You know those people better than I do. But I know things you don’t. If we work together, we might find a way to deal with them.]

Simon rested a hand against the window frame.

He had spent so long concealing his interest in his old life that discussing it plainly felt almost reckless.

[You want to help me kill them?]

[I want you alive and strong enough to accomplish what I need. Helping you deal with enemies you refuse to forget serves that.]

She paused.

[And you aren’t the only one who wants revenge.]

[You haven’t told me who yours is against.]

[No. You don’t have to promise to kill them for me. Start with what we can actually discuss.]

Simon watched someone close a window across the street.

[You haven’t said much about returning for your former companions,] Lilith continued. [But when I entered your body, I felt what you wanted. Whatever you’ve told yourself since dying, you haven’t forgiven them.]

His eyes flashed with a cold light.

He remembered faces he had once been relieved to see after a battle. Voices he would have recognised through any crowd.

He had stopped speaking about them and he had stopped thinking about them everyday.

But that wasn’t forgiveness.

[I don’t need to think about them every day.]

[Of course you don’t. Wanting revenge doesn’t oblige you to waste your life rehearsing it. Get strong. Learn what they have become. Decide what to do when you can make that decision properly.]

[And tell you enough to help?]

[Of course. I might notice something you’ve missed. And you know I won’t hesitate to tell you when you’re being an idiot.]

Simon turned from the window.

[My friends helped me survive plenty of battles before they killed me.]

[I know. I’m not asking you to believe that past help makes betrayal impossible.]

She let him consider that before continuing.

[I’m asking you not to pretend it means nothing. You need reasons to trust someone and reasons to stop. Otherwise, you’re making decisions without considering half of what you know.]

He returned to the table but remained standing.

She had given him reasons. She had also given him a new one to remain cautious.

Both would matter.

[I haven’t decided to trust you.]

[Then keep your precautions. We can still work together.]

Simon looked down at the cup he had moved aside before their conversation changed.

He had wanted to understand what they were to each other. He hadn’t expected to finish with his own life exposed.

Lilith spoke again.

[Trust can get you killed, Blackmoon. So can refusing it.]