The 99th Divorce

Shen Zhilie exaggeratedly yelped and quickly reached out to touch her forehead. He asked, “Do you have a fever?”

Ye Qianqian pushed his hand away and yelled, “You’re the one who’s in heat! Get lost!”

Shen Zhilie was speechless for a moment before he retorted, “Hey, don’t distort my words! I clearly said ‘fever, not ‘in heat[1]!’

Ye Qianqian harrumphed but didn’t have the strength to continue the conversation with him. She didn’t feel like walking either. Her whole body ached too badly for her to move at all.

She was completely leaning on Shen Zhilie. She looked up at him and asked, “What is heaven punishing me for? This feels so horrible.”

Shen Zhilie looked down at her in disdain and said, “You’re probably the only one who can still be so snarky while having a fever.”

With that, he held her up and headed outside, saying, “Put your shoes on. I’ll take you to get an injection.”

“No… I don’t want to get an injection. Don’t bother about me. Just continue watching your soccer match!” Ye Qianqian waved him away and sprawled herself across the couch. “Eh… It’s warm!”

That was the place Shen Zhilie had been lying moments before, so it was still warm.

When Shen Zhilie saw her sprawled across the couch, he pulled a blanket over and covered her with it. He said, “The soccer match is over. Come, I’m taking you to get an injection.”

“Go away! I don’t need you to take me for an injection! My body can recover on its own!” Ye Qianqian yelled.

Shen Zhilie scoffed at her and said, “That’s a new one! I’ve never heard of idiots possessing this bodily function.”

The only thing Ye Qianqian could say was, “Scram!”

Lying horizontally on the couch, she had absolutely no intention of getting up to go for an injection.

Shen Zhilie scratched his head and thought for a moment before saying, “I’ll go get you some medication. Let’s take your temperature first. Do you have a thermometer?”

“No, I don’t!” Ye Qianqian defensively declared.

“What about cold medication?” he asked.

“I don’t have that either!” Ye Qianqian didn’t even look contrite as she said, “I don’t usually fall ill. That stuff is normally useless here.”

“You’re shameless,” Shen Zhilie said. “Why are you running a fever now?”

“You’re the one with the fever! Your diagnosis is wrong! Wrong!” Ye Qianqian was suddenly very energetic. She sat up and declared, “I’m hungry now.”

“What would you like to eat?” Shen Zhilie asked.

“Braised pork chops, spicy chicken, pork in hot sauce…” As Ye Qianqian rambled on, she suddenly realized that the taste buds in her mouth were numb. “Do you have any sweets?”

“No, I don’t!” Shen Zhilie repeated Ye Qianqian’s words back at her as he answered in the negative.

Ye Qianqian looked at him in disdain and replied, “You’re useless. You don’t even have sweet with you. Why am I bothering to keep you here at all?”

Shen Zhilie was speechless for a second before responding, “Will you please behave yourself? Stop with your smart mouth. I’ll take you to see a doctor, alright?”

“No! Get lost!” Ye Qianqian was annoyed. “Can’t you just go and get me some medication? Why do you have so much bullsh*t to spout?”

“You can’t just take any random medication! Your fever is burning up. We don’t even have a thermometer. How am I supposed to buy you medication?” Shen Zhilie had been utterly defeated by her. In a cajoling tone, he asked, “Which pair of shoes would you like to wear?”

Ye Qianqian ignored him. She closed her eyes and fell asleep on the couch.

Shen Zhilie was about to lose it. He put his hands around her neck. He wanted to just strangle her.

This woman is so stubborn and vexing!

Shen Zhilie couldn’t bring himself to actually strangle her. Instead, he walked over to the shoe cabinet and randomly picked a pair of shoes that would be easy for her to wear before putting them on for her.

Ye Qianqian had already fallen asleep. When she felt him holding her legs, she jerked them back. She instantly turned over to continue sleeping.

Shen Zhilie held on to her feet steadily and admonished in a low voice, “Behave yourself!”

Ye Qianqian’s brows shot together as she jerked her feet back again and asked, “What are you doing?”

Shen Zhilie didn’t answer her. He simply slipped the shoes onto her feet and carried her over his shoulder.

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[1] In Mandarin, the words “fever” and “in heat” are the same sound but different intonations.