Chapter 70 - Trust
ELRETH
Throat. He had her by the throat!
Every hair on her body stood up. Every muscle went rigid.
She grabbed at him, to push him away, her heart thudding against her chest, but in the same moment he pulled her hips against him and opened his mouth on her, he flattened his tongue there, and her skin pebbled, the tingling washing down her arm.
He huffed the mating call against her skin and she felt it echo in her chest.
But she still hadn't relaxed.
"Elreth," he rasped, still tasting her skin. "Do you trust me?"
"Y-yes, but—" she gasped. She clapped a hand to his neck, uncertain if she was about to push him away, or hold him there.
He had her throat!
He kissed her collarbone, dipped his tongue into the hollow of her throat. When he spoke, hoarse and needy, his voice was deeper than she'd ever heard it. "No buts, Elreth. Either you trust me with your life, or you don't. Either you trust me with your heart, or you don't. So which is it?"
"I… I do…" But she didn't relax. "We aren't talking about us, we're talking about the dis—"
"If you don't trust me with you, Elreth, you aren't going to trust me with anybody," he rasped, then latched on to her throat and sucked. Her breath caught. She shivered as she felt his teeth graze the column of her neck.
"I love you, Elreth," he said, his breath fluttering on her skin. "You're my mate. You own me. I'm tired of pretending that I'm not at your mercy. And I'm tired of waiting to find out if you're at mine."
"I can't be at anyone's mercy. I'm the Queen!"
There was a silent moment where he didn't move, and neither did she. Then, with no warning, he let her go, completely. Took his hands from her, straightened to stand over her, left inches between them, and locked eyes on her again.
Her chest was heaving and she blinked, struggling to keep up. "What are you… Why did you—"
"Miss me?" he growled, a wicked smile breaking on his face.
"No! I mean, yes, but…"
His smile grew and he took a step toward her, but she put her hands up and backed up. "Wait, just, wait."
But he kept walking, and she kept backing up, matching him step for step, until she came up hard against the trunk of the tree. Aaryn didn't stop until their stomachs almost touched and they were nearly nose-to-nose. He got so close she put a hand to his chest and he leaned into it, pulling it to the center of his chest. "Do you feel that, El?" he said breathlessly. "Feel what you do to me?"
She did. His heart thudded in his chest in double-time. She could feel it against her palm and it made her breathe easier to know he was scared too. Or at least nervous. Something.
"Do you know what that means, El?" he asked her quietly, his smile suddenly gone.
"It means y-you're nervous too."
He shook his head. "I'm not scared of you. At all. I'm scared for you. Every day. Every stinking day I have to stand behind you. Watch you walk into whatever it is you'll face. I have to let you meet enemies without me, make decisions that affect me, choose things, choose people… every day I'm terrified of losing you. But I trust you. I know how strong you are. I know how smart you are. And I know you were made to do this… But don't ever believe I couldn't do it, El. Don't ever believe I'm less than you."
"I don't!"
He leaned on the tree behind her, leaned over her, and they stared at each other.
"Make your choice, El. This has to be all or nothing."
"What?! What are you talking about?"
"Do you trust me? Not just to love you, but to do the best by you—for anyone around you. Do you trust me to think like you need me to? Do you trust me to… to lead people toward you, not away?" He pressed a knee between hers, pressing his long, hard thigh against her and her jaw went slack. "Do you trust yourself to me?" he whispered.
Yes. Her mind—her heart—screamed, yes!
There was something earnest and fearful in his eyes. His beautiful eyes that she always looked for when she was scared, or something was funny. So, why didn't she make the word? Why was he still staring at her, his brow furrowed, his strong jaw hard?
Because she was still afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of failing. Afraid of failing him.
But then she saw the light in his eyes start to go out, felt his weight shift like he might pull away and she was scared of that more.
"Yes!" she gasped, grabbing at him so he wouldn't leave. "Yes. I do. I trust you, Aaryn. With everything."
"Are you sure?" he whispered, and there was none of the crackling energy he'd had moments before. None of the cocky surety when he was walking towards her.
But then, her courage seemed to have left her as well.
"Yes." She swallowed hard. "I'm just really scared."
"Don't you get it, El?" he murmured. "You don't need to be scared when I'm here. That's the whole point. Here, with me, that's where you can relax. Because I'll take care of everything." He brought the other hand up to cup her jaw and searched her eyes. "Relax."
She blinked, but let her eyes flutter closed as he leaned in, his lips tracing hers so softly they tingled, reaching for him, wanting more.
"Where I am, that's where you're safe, El," he whispered, then took her mouth, deep and searing, tilting his head. "Do you believe me?"
"Yes," she sighed into his mouth and felt his breath rush out to mingle with her own. "Yes. It's yes, Aaryn. To all of it."
"Fuck, I love you, Elreth," he growled and took her mouth.
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