Chapter 469: I Want

On the morning of the third day, Eir discovered another unpleasant thing.

Fatigue.

She was sitting at the table with a slice of bread in her hands when she simply stopped chewing.

Damon noticed.

"You froze."

Eir raised her eyes.

"No."

"You were completely still for almost ten seconds."

"I was thinking."

"With bread in your mouth."

She finished chewing.

"I’m also tired."

Ester, sitting on the other side, immediately paid attention.

"How much?"

Eir thought.

"More than yesterday."

"Any pain?"

"No."

"Dizziness?"

"A little when I got up."

Damon pointed.

"That sounds like information that should’ve come up earlier."

"I sat down again."

"That doesn’t solve the part about telling us."

Eir looked at him.

"You do that."

Damon fell silent.

Ester smiled.

"She learns fast."

"Everyone is very pleased about that."

Ester checked the manifestation’s pulse.

The rhythm was slower.

Not dangerously.

But the difference compared to the first day was clear.

"You still have reserves," Ester said. "But the body is reducing activity on its own."

Eir nodded.

"To last."

"Yes."

"I’ll go back tomorrow."

Damon had expected that answer.

Even so, he asked:

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Don’t you want to try one more day?"

Eir turned toward him.

"You said not to stay until I need to."

Damon stopped.

"I did."

"Then I’ll go back before that."

"Fair."

Liora appeared carrying a plate.

"After cake."

Eir looked at her daughter.

"After cake."

Damon ran a hand over his face.

"I completely lost this battle."

Neria laughed.

She looked better that morning.

Still thin.

Still recovering her strength.

But the constant need for support had diminished. She could already walk through the corridors without help for a few minutes, as long as she respected the breaks established by Ester.

The important detail was exactly that.

She was respecting them.

Almost always.

Ester noticed that too.

"Neria."

"Yes?"

"Your examination after breakfast."

Neria nodded.

"All right."

Damon looked over.

"No argument?"

She gave him a look.

"I can learn."

"I’ve been surrounded by that lately."

Eir observed the two of them.

Then asked:

"Does Neria go back with me?"

The table fell silent.

Neria did not answer immediately.

Damon realized it before Eir.

She still had not decided.

Eir noticed too.

She did not repeat the question.

She simply waited.

Neria placed the cup on the table.

"I want to stay."

Liora stopped eating.

Eir became completely still.

Neria continued:

"A few more days."

Nothing changed in the manifestation’s expression.

But Damon saw her hand tighten slightly around the edge of the table.

"Why?" Eir asked.

"I want to know how long I can stay away from you now."

"We can test that in the Valley."

"Not the same way."

Eir remained silent.

Neria explained:

"There, even far from the core, I can still feel you. Here I can’t."

"I can’t feel you either."

"I know."

"It’s bad."

"A little."

Eir looked at her daughter.

"Then why do you want it?"

Neria took a deep breath.

"Because I want to know that I can."

The answer was simple.

Maybe too simple.

Damon immediately understood its weight.

Neria had spent one hundred and seventeen years away from Eir without a choice.

Now she was asking to remain away by her own will.

It was not the same thing.

But for Eir, it was probably impossible not to feel the similarity.

"How long?" she asked.

"Three days."

"Long."

"For you."

"Yes."

Neria smiled a little.

"For me too."

Liora looked from one to the other.

"Do I stay?"

Neria asked:

"Do you want to?"

Liora thought.

A lot.

Damon suspected she was taking the question more seriously than she usually took anything that did not involve food.

"I want to go back with Mom."

Eir looked at her.

"Why?"

"You’ll still be small until you return."

Damon understood.

Liora wanted to accompany Eir during the return while she was still in that manifestation.

Eir held her hand.

"Yes."

Then she looked back at Neria.

"You stay."

Neria waited.

Eir completed:

"Because you chose."

Neria smiled.

"Yes."

Eir’s hand continued gripping the edge of the table.

Damon did not comment.

Neria’s examination that morning brought better results than Ester expected.

The plant-like circulation remained stable.

The structures Neria had chosen to keep were functioning without direct feeding from Eir.

The modifications responsible for controlling energy absorption also remained functional even outside the territory.

Ester finished examining an area on her back.

"You’re sustaining yourself better than in Vermillion."

Neria became serious.

"Because I’m not connected to the machines?"

"In part. And because Eir fed some weakened structures before the trip."

"Then we still don’t know how much of this is mine."

Ester raised her eyes.

"It’s yours now."

Neria fell silent.

Damon, leaning near the door, recognized the phrase.

Eir had reached a similar conclusion days earlier.

Ester continued:

"The question is how much your body can sustain on its own without external support."

Neria nodded.

"That’s what I want to test."

"Then we’ll test it."

Damon raised an eyebrow.

"Without forbidding it?"

Ester looked at him.

"This is medicine. Not prison."

Neria smiled.

"I’m going to remember that phrase."

"Don’t abuse it."

"No promises."

Ester closed her eyes.

"I knew it."

Damon started laughing.

"Now you understand."

"You’re the last person authorized to comment."

Eir spent part of the morning with Aria.

By her own choice.

Damon discovered that when he entered the records room and found the two sitting side by side.

Aria was writing.

Eir was too.

Eir’s handwriting was still bad.

Very bad.

Damon looked at the page.

"Is that a word?"

Eir covered it with her hand.

"Yes."

"Which one?"

"Mine."

"Are you hiding it?"

"Yes."

Damon stood still.

Aria was smiling.

"She discovered written privacy."

"Did you teach her that?"

"No."

Eir pointed to a small pile of papers.

"Aria asked if she could read."

"And you said no?"

"Yes."

"And she accepted?"

Eir looked at Aria.

"After suffering."

Aria looked offended.

"I only showed interest."

"You asked three questions."

"And respected the answer."

Damon nodded.

"Progress everywhere."

Aria returned to her own notebook.

Damon observed the page Eir kept hidden.

"Then why are you writing?"

Eir thought.

"To remember."

"You already remember everything."

"Not the same."

Damon became attentive.

Eir raised the sheet.

"In the forest, remembering is big."

"Big how?"

"Smell. Soil. Root. Water. Movement. Everything together."

"And here?"

She pointed to the writing.

"Small."

Damon understood.

A personal record.

Not a memory distributed across kilometers of territory.

Something that fit on a sheet of paper.

"Do you like it?"

"I don’t know yet."

"Good answer."

Eir looked at him.

"I’m taking it."

"To the forest?"

"Yes."

"Will you be able to read it when you return?"

"Yes."

"Then it’s yours."

She stared at the sheet.

"Mine."

Aria slid a small empty notebook toward her.

"You can take this too."

Eir looked.

"A gift?"

"Yes."

"Do I need to give something?"

"No."

Eir became serious.

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

She remained still.

Then took the notebook.

"Thank you."

Damon smiled.

Aria looked at him.

"Your face."

"Don’t start."

Shortly before lunch, Eir returned to the market.

This time without Damon.

He only found out because Jian Li asked whether he had given her money.

"No."

"Then why did she leave with a coin?"

Damon looked over.

"What coin?"

Jian Li pointed to the table.

The small pouch he normally carried was open.

Damon fell silent.

"Did she steal from you?" Jian Li asked.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"She probably took it."

"That’s stealing."

"She may have interpreted it as a shared resource."

"That’s still stealing."

Damon closed the pouch.

"Let’s wait."

Eir returned twenty minutes later.

Alone.

Carrying something wrapped in paper.

Damon crossed his arms.

"You took one of my coins."

"Yes."

"Without asking."

Eir stopped.

She understood immediately.

"Wrong."

"A little."

She placed the package on the table.

"I’ll return it."

"What did you buy?"

Eir opened it.

It was a small individual cake.

Damon stared.

"Naturally."

"It was for you."

He fell silent.

Jian Li began to smile.

Eir continued:

"You gave money to Liora."

"Yes."

"And she bought something."

"Yes."

"So I thought money could be used to give food."

"It can."

"I wanted to give."

Damon looked at the cake.

Then at Eir.

"The problem was taking it without asking."

"Yes."

"But you don’t need to return the coin."

"Why?"

"Because now I’m accepting that you used it."

Eir thought.

"Permission afterward."

"Exceptionally."

"It’s not the same as before."

"No."

She pushed the cake toward him.

"Then take it."

Damon took it.

"Thank you."

Eir seemed satisfied.

Jian Li was still smiling.

Damon pointed at her.

"Nothing."

"I didn’t say anything."

"Your face."

During the afternoon, Eir decided she wanted to hear music again.

This time, Jian Li found someone inside Mirath who played a simple string instrument.

There was no audience.

Just a small group in the courtyard.

Eir sat on the ground.

Liora sat beside her.

Neria stayed in a chair.

Damon remained leaning against a column.

The music began.

Eir did not ask what it was for.

That caught Damon’s attention.

She simply listened.

When it ended, she did not applaud immediately.

She looked at the musician.

"Again?"

The woman smiled.

"Of course."

Damon realized that this might be the first thing Eir had asked for in Mirath simply because she wanted to feel it again.

Not learn.

Not understand.

Not analyze.

Feel.

The second song was slower.

Eir closed her eyes.

Damon noticed the small green fibers at the ends of her hair move slightly.

There was no wind.

Aurelia noticed too.

"Bodily response," she said quietly.

Damon looked at her.

"Don’t analyze."

"I wasn’t."

"You were."

She smiled.

The music ended.

Eir opened her eyes.

"I liked that one more."

Liora asked:

"Why?"

Eir thought.

"I don’t know."

Damon smiled.

"Even better."

She looked at him.

This time she did not ask.

That night, Eir did not want much dinner.

Ester considered that another sign that the manifestation was reducing functions to preserve energy.

"You can go back today," Neria said.

Eir looked at her daughter.

"Do you want me to go back?"

"I want you not to force the body because of me."

Eir fell silent.

"I said tomorrow."

"You can change your mind."

That visibly affected Eir.

She looked at Damon.

"You can?"

"Of course."

"Even after deciding?"

"Yes."

"That doesn’t make the decision false?"

"No. It just means the conditions changed."

Eir thought.

Then looked at her own hands.

"Body is tired."

"Yes."

"I have reserves."

Ester replied:

"You do. But less than yesterday."

Eir turned toward Neria.

"I want to stay tonight."

Neria nodded.

"Then stay."

"I’ll go back in the morning."

"All right."

"You remain."

"Yes."

Eir looked at her for several seconds.

"I’ll miss you."

Neria became still.

So did Liora.

Damon was not sure whether Eir had ever used that expression before.

Neria extended her hand.

Eir held it.

"Me too."

"That’s bad."

"A little."

"But I want it."

Neria smiled.

"Me too."

Damon looked away.

Some conversations did not need an audience.

The next morning, Eir woke before everyone else.

This time she had not slept under the bed.

She had slept near the window.

On the floor.

With Aria’s notebook beside her.

And the stone drake on her legs.

Damon found the two like that.

Eir was already awake.

"He came back."

"He likes you."

"Yes."

"Traitor."

"You repeat that."

"Because it remains true."

Eir slowly stroked the animal’s head.

"I’m leaving."

Damon nodded.

"I know."

"He can’t come."

"Probably not."

"Why?"

"Because he lives here."

Eir looked at the drake.

"Does he choose?"

Damon thought.

"He probably chooses to stay where there’s food and warmth."

"Then he stays."

"Yes."

She placed the animal on the floor.

The drake immediately climbed onto the bed.

Damon pointed.

"See? Zero loyalty."

Eir smiled.

Then picked up the notebook.

"I want to come back."

"To Mirath?"

"Yes."

"You can."

"Even without a reason?"

Damon looked at her.

"You still think you need one?"

Eir remained quiet.

Then:

"No."

"Then that’s settled."

The farewell happened in the same room where she had arrived.

Aria prepared Transfer to the edge of the territory.

Liora was ready to accompany her mother.

Neria remained beside Ester.

Eir looked at her several times.

On the third, Neria noticed.

"I’m staying."

"I know."

"I’m safe."

"I know."

"I’ll send a message."

"I know."

Neria smiled.

"You keep looking."

Eir fell silent.

"Yes."

Neria approached.

She hugged her mother.

This time Eir did not need instructions.

She hugged her back immediately.

With the right amount of strength.

Damon noticed.

So did Liora.

When they separated, Eir lightly touched her daughter’s face.

"Three days."

"Three."

"If you want to come back earlier—"

"I’ll tell you."

Eir nodded.

She did not try to convince her.

Did not offer roots.

Did not suggest supervision.

She simply accepted.

Damon opened the passage with Aria.

On the other side, trees.

Eir stared.

Her body seemed to respond before she even crossed.

The green lines beneath her skin became more visible.

"Home," she said.

Liora held her hand.

"Let’s go."

Eir took one step.

Then stopped and looked at Damon.

"One thing."

"Naturally."

She handed him a sheet torn from the notebook.

Damon took it.

There was only one word written.

Crooked.

Uneven.

But readable.

I WANT.

He raised his eyes.

Eir explained:

"First word I wrote without copying."

Damon looked again.

"Good choice."

"I know."

She crossed.

Liora went with her.

As soon as they reached the other side, the nearby roots began to react.

They did not touch immediately.

They waited.

Eir observed.

Then extended her hand.

The roots approached.

The manifestation slowly began to lose form.

Without violence.

Without collapse.

The green lines spread first.

Then the fingers turned into pale fibers.

Liora remained beside her.

Eir looked at Mirath one last time.

"See you later."

Damon replied:

"See you."

The body dissolved into plant particles and small fibers that were absorbed into the soil.

For a few seconds, nothing happened.

Then the entire forest on the other side seemed to breathe.

The leaves moved.

The roots spread.

Eir’s presence returned in full.

"Big," came the voice among the trees.

Damon smiled.

"Better?"

Eir took a while.

"Familiar."

He understood.

Not better.

Familiar.

Aria closed the Transfer.

Stone once again occupied the space in front of them.

Neria remained staring.

Ester approached.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes."

"Want to rest?"

Neria thought.

"No."

Ester raised an eyebrow.

"I want to walk a little."

"How long?"

"Twenty minutes."

"Fifteen."

"Eighteen."

"Seventeen."

Neria smiled.

"Deal."

Damon stared.

"You negotiated with Ester."

"I learned at the market."

He ran a hand over his face.

"It’s spreading."

Neria began walking toward the courtyard.

Alone.

Without roots.

Without machines.

Without her mother beside her.

Eir had gone home.

Neria had chosen not to return yet.

And neither of them needed to turn that distance into loss.

Damon looked at the sheet he was still holding.

I WANT.

A small phrase.

For someone who had spent thousands of years existing mainly in response to what happened within herself, maybe it was enormous.

He folded the sheet and put it away.

Not as a record.

Not as proof.

Just because he wanted to.