Chapter 536: Rules For Conflict

Jamal nodded thoughtfully.

"So, feeling attacked or offended when you’re being criticized by a loved one shows you think you are perfect. And that is pride in itself. Love is not proud. You stop growing when you stop learning. And you stop learning when you think you’re perfect. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. I still do reviews with Lucy monthly and some months I flop, other months I do better."

Jamal absorbed his words.

Tom sat back. "Now, this doesn’t mean you accept every criticism blindly. A customer can give a bad review because they misunderstood the product. A customer can have an unreasonable expectation. Sometimes the problem is not the product at all."

Jamal smiled. "So you’re saying Dawn can be wrong?"

"Of course she can. She’s human. And so can you."

Jamal laughed softly. "I know."

Tom pointed at him.

"That is the part I need you to remember. When Dawn tells you something you don’t agree with, don’t immediately think, ’She’s attacking me.’ Ask yourself, ’Is there something here I need to learn?’ And if after listening you still believe she’s wrong, then you can explain your perspective."

Jamal nodded thoughtfully.

Tom leaned back. "So, my advice to you, is not just to communicate more, but to communicate right. If you truly love Dawn, prove it by letting go of your ego and learning to be the partner she needs. Do not be the partner you think you should be, rather be the partner she wants needs to be."

"Hmm. I should not be the partner I think I should be?" Jamal asked thoughtfully.

"Yes. Loving her is only the beginning. You have to learn how Dawn receives love. What makes her feel secure. What makes her feel appreciated. What makes her feel desired. What makes her feel heard. Ask her what her relationship needs are and how you can meet them. And you can also let her know the kind of partner you need her to be for you. No assumptions. You can be a good person yet a bad partner without meaning to."

Jamal’s expression became serious. "I’ve never thought about it that way. Relationship is a lot of work."

"You see why we keep telling the men at the Gentlemen Club that relationships require maintenance?"

Jamal chuckled. "Yeah."

"You should actually take them more seriously." Tom’s expression became thoughtful. "Think about it this way. You don’t wait for a machine to break down completely before servicing it."

"You service it regularly."

"Exactly. Your relationship should be the same. Don’t wait until you are both exhausted, resentful and threatening divorce before you ask, ’How are we doing?’"

Jamal nodded.

"You should be able to sit down with your partner and ask, ’Are you happy with us? Is there anything you’re missing? Is there anything I am doing that is hurting you? Is there something you need more of from me?’"

Jamal took a deep breath. "I think I still have a lot to learn."

"You do."

Jamal smiled. "You really don’t sugar-coat anything."

"No. You didn’t make me your mentor because you wanted sugar."

Jamal laughed. "Thanks for the good advice."

"I’m not finished."

Jamal sighed dramatically. "Of course."

Tom ignored him. "You need rules for conflict."

Jamal’s expression became serious again.

Tom looked directly at him. "No threats of break up or silent treatment or walking away for days to punish each other. No abandoning your duties and responsibilities to your partner because you’re upset. Like abandoning Dawn at the spa."

Jamal lowered his eyes.

Tom softened slightly. "I’m not saying this to criticize you. I’m telling you because I’ve seen good marriages break because conflict was not handled properly."

Jamal looked at him.

"Love is important," Tom continued. "But love is a feeling. Marriage is a responsibility. There will be days when you are tired, angry, disappointed or simply not feeling romantic. On those days, you have to remain kind to your partner."

Jamal nodded.

There was a brief silence.

Then Tom asked, "So, after everything I’ve said, do you still think you’re ready to get married now?"

Jamal didn’t answer immediately. He looked toward the hallway, then he smiled.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I’m certain you didn’t learn all of these before you married Lucy. And you said it yourself that you are not perfect. So, what is most important is that I’m willing to do the work required to protect our relationship. I don’t expect marriage to be perfect. I don’t expect Dawn to be perfect. And I certainly don’t expect myself to be perfect. But I’m sure that as long as we have you and Lucy to guide us, we will do well."

Tom smiled faintly. "Good answer. But will you really listen to us? You didn’t want me to interfere in this case, remember?"

"I’m sorry about that. I was in my emotions. I promise to do better."

Tom studied him for several seconds. "If you’ve heard all I’ve said tonight, then don’t just tell me you’re ready. Go and have this conversation with Dawn. Talk about everything we discussed. Make sure she wants the same things you do."

Jamal nodded. "I will. Thank you, Tom."

Tom waved him off.

"Don’t thank me yet. Come back after you’ve survived your first year of marriage."

Jamal laughed.

Both men turned when they heard Lucy and Dawn approaching.

"So, what have you boys been talking about?" Lucy asked, dropping on the couch beside Tom.

"Tom has been berating me for not being a good representative of the Gentlemen Club," Jamal said, making Tom chuckle.

"Are you ready to leave? I believe I’m done here for today. I’m feeling exhausted," Tom said, looking at Lucy.

Lucy’s expression softened. "You must be jet lagged," she said, then scowled at Jamal and Dawn, "You are both the reason my husband is so stressed. Make sure this doesn’t repeat itself," she warned as she rose.

"It won’t," they promised in unison.

"What about the incident at Westend? Did you handle it?" Jamal asked Tom as he rose.

"If you’re so curious about that, come over tomorrow to hear about it. I didn’t come all this way to give you a situation report," Tom said dryly.

They all laughed as Jamal and Dawn escorted Tom and Lucy outside to their car.

Jamal wrapped his arm around Dawn’s shoulder as they watched Tom and Lucy drive away.

After the car disappeared, Jamal smiled at Dawn. "Since Josh is asleep why don’t we have a midnight date?"

Dawn grinned. "Really?"

"Yeah. We need to talk too."

Dawn nodded. "Alright. Let’s do that."