Chapter 101: Aperture

Pre-Author Note: I will forever die on the hill that Irisby Goo Goo Dolls is one of the best songs that has ever being made. It’s a song I think every music lover will eventually stumble upon at some point or the other in their lives. It’s also the song I drew inspiration from to pen down Niall’s [Aperture].

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The evening breeze cascaded into and across the entirety of the Mojave Tent, tousling Niall’s dirty-blonde hair alongside several others, both onstage and off-stage.

Niall allowed the moment to linger, giving nature its due.

Yet, to the crowd and those backstage, it only served to fuel their growing curiosity and intrigue.

As the breeze settled a while after, the tent having gone dead silent, Niall tapped the mic once for a check and then spoke;

"Life often has a way of reminding us of our greatest faults and our past mistakes,"

"So much that it veils and stunts us from being the best version of ourselves," he continued, the audience listening attentively.

Carmen especially felt like those words were laser guided towards her, one that was driven home further by Niall’s next words;

"The fear of vulnerability, the question of identity, and the constant fights we have with not just other people, but within ourselves about our misunderstandings and being misunderstood..."

"That’s a universal language we all tend to speak. It’s all baked into us as humans. And over the course of our lives, we’ll have to confront it, whether we like it or not." he explained and then said;

"That’s why I wrote [Aperture]. To touch on those themes... and perhaps, to offer some sense of catharsis, and most importantly, a resolution to it."

No sooner had Niall concluded that sentence, he strummed his guitar and simultaneously pulled on his Gift of Bestowal, sending it over to and encompassing Sam, Archie and Lucas.

The audience hadn’t even gotten the chance to come to grips with the fact that they would be the very first to listen to a song that Niall hadn’t released just yet live before they were hit with this.

A tune so deeply hypnotic and a drone so evocatively mesmerizing, it spilled out of the amps and speakers situated around the tent in cascading waves.

Carrying with it was a gentle, almost fragile sense of solitude and introspection as Midnight Avenue ’s instrument slipped in to accompany its deeply affecting tune in a relatively low thrum.

Then, Niall’s vocals, purposely withheld and strained in rasp, almost as if he was trying not to break under the weight of something immensely heavy, merged into the song;

And I’ve been wearing out these borrowed names,

Trying to outrun my yesterday,

Every scar I’ve learnt to tuck and hide away,

Still somehow finds its way to the light.

And they remember every time I fell,

Like my story’s ended there,

But they never heard the resolve,

The voice that kept me gasping for air...

Pupils practically dilated in utter disbelief as they listened to Niall sing, his voice taking on a completely different feel that was unlike its previous giving.

More than that, the lyrics... the lyrics felt like an almost conversational moment between someone and themself.

One where they were trying to hide the scars of their past while fearing that the world has reduced them to nothing but their failures, yet so deeply unaware of the inner resolve that has allowed them to thrive nonetheless.

By now, the arrangement and melody had begun to climb, and with it, Niall’s vocals, as he voiced out like a man bearing a weight that was all on its own in a powerfully high register;

So if all you see is who I used to be,

Then you never knew me at all...

I’m more than all the moments I got wrong,

More than all the silence I’ve held on to...

Carmen didn’t know when she had begun crying, the tears spilling from her eyes like gushing waterfalls as she felt her chest constrict yet again whilst practically clutching at it.

Afterall, the chorus was a declaration. The kind of declaration she’d been trying to will herself to scream out for so, so long to everyone in her life.

A declaration that rejected being defined by other people’s perceptions.

A declaration that asserted that her mistakes, her silence, and her past self are only fragments of her identity and cannot encompass the person she could become.

Like a wave, the melody had returned to its trough... allowing for the arrangement to return once more to that conversational intimacy as Niall’s purposely imperfect vocals reinforced it for the second verse;

Funny how a frozen sheet of ice,

Can hold more than a thousand ghosts,

So if I break beneath the weight tonight,

Don’t mistake the cracks for giving up the fight...

By now, the audience had found themselves utterly arrested.

Phones had lowered down, hands had stopped waving, and people just watched, almost as if they wanted to burn the performance into their minds.

And though none of them would understand this just yet, the ice was a metaphor for Elias’ emotional history. Of a man holding memories of his greatest triumphs and deepest failures.

Despite it, despite all the cracks that represented his vulnerability and the possibility that he could’ve broken down at any point... it never necessarily meant that he was surrendering or giving up the fight.

Yet, that very same thing, applied to not just the fictional Elias, but to anyone struggling with their vulnerabilities and identity.

That was what had left Murray completely awestruck when he had listened to it.

And now, the audience was much the same for completely different reasons.

Yet, amidst it all, Carmen was practically bawling, her eyes refusing to listen to her as Niall repeated the powerful chorus again, right as the arrangement swelled;

So if all you see is who I used to be,

Then you never knew me at all...

I’m more than all the moments I got wrong,

More than all the silence I’ve held on to...

The crowd had been expecting the song to continue its arrangements of highs and lows as Niall moved into the bridge or outro.

If that had been the case, they would have practically blown the roof off the tent with their roars and cheers when the performance finally ended.

Which was why, the sort of thrills that ran up their spines when Niall and Midnight Avenue transitioned into a powerful instrumental solo instead, left them utterly spellbound, goosebumps breaking all over their skins.

And even then, it only continued to heighten with every strum from Niall, he, Sam, Archie and Lucas banging their heads as the evening breeze swept through the venue once more at that very moment.

To say it added so much more frequency to an already high frequency song and performance was an abject understatement.

Hearts were beating so fast, dopamine surges were released in continuous bursts, people’s bloods were practically thrumming underneath their skins, compelling them to want to roar in that very moment at the top of their lungs as the arrangement reached a crescendo.

But then, the tune gradually lowered once more, lingering at its trough for a moment as the breeze settled.

Then, in one final surge of its instrumentals, Niall’s vocals reached its crest with yet another powerful declaration in the form of its final chorus;

So leave the light on if I lose my way,

Don’t close the door because I couldn’t stay...

I’m more than all the moments I got wrong,

More than all the silence I’ve held on to...

As Carmen watched on with blurry eyes, her heart hanging in her throat, same as so many other in the venue like her, Niall delivered the outro in similar fashion, this time with an even more powerful declaration;

So leave the light on if I fade from view,

’Cause hope looks different when it’s finally true...

I don’t need the world to understand...

Just enough to see me where I stand...!

Just enough to see me where I stand...!

Just enough to see me where I stand...!

As the tune lingered a while and slowly came to a gradual close, Niall then looked to Sam, Archie and Lucas as he retracted the Gift of Bestowal slowly.

For a moment, they simply shared a look of thrilled exhilaration and genuine appreciation.

Then, after a brief while, all four nodded to one another in pride.

No sooner had that happened... the tent detonated!

The screams, cheers and applauds were so loud, one might have assumed they were really trying to blow off the entire roof with their noise!

This was further exacerbated by the crowd that had been watching outside, their roars of rapturous exhilaration booming so far across the festival grounds, heads practically whipped from all over in their direction at what could trigger such commotion even at a festival that was well-known for roaring and cheering crowds.

Even Tyler, alongside the other artists had long subconsciously stood up from their seats somewhere between the performance, they alongside the backline crew and stage mangers equally thunderstruck.

The sort of performance they had witnessed... they knew for a fact that nothing would ever touch on its heights, much less come close to it for the foreseeable future!

It had been more than just a revelation to them. It had been transcendent, profound and most certainly, inimitable.

Which was why, even as Niall walked over to the mic and said...

"Thank you all! You’ve been a most sublime audience and we couldn’t have been more honored to have performed before you! Goodnight!"

...people still continued screaming like there was no tomorrow as he and Midnight Avenue gave a sweeping bow of appreciation.

Yet, amidst it all, amidst all the furor, the din and the growing noise... Carmen had long burst into another round of tears.

For her, [Aperture] had been more than everything else prior stated.

Rather, it had been epochal.

A marked turning point in her life where she had finally, finally, found the courage to become the person that she wanted to be.

Afterall, the last act of the song had represented a final acceptance of one’s vulnerability and identity.

One that wouldn’t beg the world to understand her, but would simply ask to be seen as she truly was, with all her failures and scars.

But most importantly, she had finally come to the realization that being misunderstood by others did not mean that she ever, for one more moment in her life, had to misunderstand or reject herself.

She never had to compromise for anyone if they were not worth the hassle, and she certainly didn’t owe anyone any dues anymore.

Carmen, simply put, was done being everyone’s rag.

Now, she was going to go on with her life, and she sure as hell was dead set on becoming the best possible version of herself.

The kind that could sing [Aperture] at the top of her lungs on full blast with her whole chest whilst beating it in pride.

Advance Chapters are available on Patreon!

/Caer07