Chapter 62. A Hand Pulled Her Up from the Grass, and Nobody Mentioned the Tears

Chapter 62: 62. A Hand Pulled Her Up from the Grass, and Nobody Mentioned the Tears

I coughed.

It was the worst fake cough in the history of the world... like a dry, scraping bark that sounded exactly like a man pretending to cough.

"Ravenshield," said Sharon, flatly. "Come out!"

I flinched and then stepped out from the trees with my hands raised. Sharon was sitting on a flat rock in the middle of the little clearing, with her sword leaning against her knee and her arms folded.

Eveline sat on the grass beside her, with her knees drawn up and her face blotchy and wet. Her ears were pressed flat against her skull.

She looked up at me, and for a moment I thought she was going to bolt.

"Sorry... uh... it’s just that I was just going to check the wagon," I said with an awkward smile.

"You were eavesdropping."

"Nope... I was not intentionally eavesdropping!"

"You were doing it with great enthusiasm; I see it."

"It was an accident that went on for a long time!"

Sharon looked at me for a moment longer, with her eyes narrowed. Then, to my surprise, she snorted, and some of the stiffness left her shoulders.

"Fine... Sit down! You may as well hear the rest."

I lowered myself onto the grass, a few feet from Eveline, and for a moment nobody spoke.

A cricket chirps nearby. And I saw a faint breeze stir the leaves.

"I’m not going to give a speech or anything," I said. "Might as well go on with it."

"Good," said Sharon.

"But I’d like to say one thing, though." I rested my arms on my knees, then looked at Eveline. "Talent isn’t your problem, Eveline."

"I’ve seen your notebook, and I’ve seen you run... and maybe you’re the fastest person... even for a knight that I’ve ever met!" I smiled. "You can count wagons from two hundred yards away, in the dark, and even in a hurry!"

"You’re not short on talent, you know that, right?"

"Then... what’s wrong with me?"

"It’s probably the panic... That’s all," I said. "The panic lies... It tells you that you have no time, that one mistake will end everything, and that everyone’s watching."

"Well, none of that is true... It’s just loud." I giggled.

She stared at me.

"Well... I know that because I did it for fifteen years," I said. "Back in my village, when I was a kid..."

"I had a dead awakening... which is the sort of thing that gets you a lot of attention in a very small place."

"Every day... somebody would come up to me and ask me what it felt like to be useless."

"And I got so scared of failing that I stopped trying anything at all... like I wouldn’t lift a sword in public." I sighed. "It’s to the point that I wouldn’t even join the training drills."

"I wouldn’t even try to talk to girls... because I was sure I’d say something stupid."

"You...?" said Eveline.

"It’s true... You should’ve seen me back then. "I lowered my head for a bit. "I once tried to give a flower to a girl and hid behind a barn for three hours because I was afraid that she’d laugh."

"She didn’t even know I existed! I spent a whole afternoon behind a barn with a flower, like an idiot."

"That’s... awful," said Eveline, with a damp little sniff that might have been the beginning of a smile.

"It was horrible! The flower even died, and I was devastated. "I shrugged and cleared my throat. "Ehem! Well... The point is, I was so scared of the one failure that I never stopped failing."

"I lost fifteen years that way... Fear doesn’t protect you; it just makes you smaller." I raised a finger. "And the worst part is... it feels like caution!"

"It feels like you’re being careful and responsible and smart as well... But it’s just fear in a nice coat."

Eveline wiped her nose with her sleeve. "How did you... stop?"

"I didn’t... Eh. Not really."

"I’m still scared of almost everything! I just got into a situation where I didn’t have a choice, and I found out that the thing I feared was less terrible than I’d imagined." I gave her a crooked smile.

"And there were a few people who stood next to me while I was doing it... That helped."

Sharon was looking at me with a curious expression. It wasn’t quite approval, but it was close.

"So," I said. "That’s all from me."

"You’re not defective... You’re a very good knight who got hurt in a very bad way, and you’re trying to heal." I raised my thumb now. "That takes time! And you don’t have to do it all alone."

For a moment, Eveline said nothing. Her amber eyes glimmered in the starlight.

Then, with great solemnity, she scrambled to her feet, bowed to me from the waist, and said, in a clear, trembling voice:

"Thank you for existing near me...!"

There was a very long pause.

I blinked. And even Sharon blinked.

’Existing near me...?’ Isn’t that quite of an excessive word?

Somewhere in the dark... an owl hooted.

"I... I mean," Eveline said, and her face turned crimson from the collar to the tips of her ears. "I mean, thank you for... for saying that."

"And not for... existing—Ahh! I mean, I’m glad you exist!" She gestured weirdly with her hands to hide her embarrassment. "I-I know that probably... sounded wrong."

"I meant that your existing is useful... near me. Ahh! Well, uh... Not near me! T-to me! Gahh!!! I mean...!!!"

Her ears, which had been standing straight up, slowly folded forward over her face like a pair of curtains.

Sharon burst out laughing.

"HAHAHA~!"

It wasn’t her usual snort or her booming bark. It was a full, helpless, wheezing howl, the kind that makes a person double over and clutch their ribs, and it went on for a good thirty seconds.

She had to put her sword down so she wouldn’t drop it. And I can see tears running down her face.

"Thank you," Sharon gasped, "for existing near me!"

"Oh, gods~! Oh, that’s a good one indeed!" She slapped her thighs. "I’m going to remember that for the rest of my life!"

"L-l-lady Sanford, p-p-please...!" said Eveline, from behind her ears.

"I’m sorry...! Ahahaha~! I can’t help it!"

"It was a very sincere thing to say!"

"It was! It’s the most sincere nonsense I’ve ever heard!"

I was laughing too, trying very hard to be quiet about it. And I wasn’t being mean or anything.

It was the kind of laughter that comes when something awful has finally been said aloud and the whole weight of it has lifted.

I looked at Eveline, a rabbit in a uniform, hiding behind her own ears, and I felt a swell of affection so strong that it startled me.

I stood up and offered her a hand... After a second, her fingers emerged from the curtain of fur and took mine, and I pulled her to her feet.

"You’re welcome, Eveline," I said gravely. "Any time... I’ll make sure that I exist near you whenever you need."

"Please don’t..." she whispered.

"I’m very reliable at that, you know?"

"Noooooo... I’m going to die of embarrassment...!"

"Not tonight, though. There’s a watch rotation."

She let out a hiccuping giggle, and I saw her shoulders loosen.

Then she gave me a small, shy, watery smile, and for a moment I was struck by how pretty she looked in the starlight... especially with her tousled hair and her damp amber eyes, and I felt the panel flicker at the corner of my vision.

I opened it... because there was no way around it.

[Eveline Whitehare: Trust Level Increasing.]

That was all.

No commentary, no smug little remark, and no reminder about consent.

Just the plain line, glowing quietly in the dark.

I didn’t answer it.

It wasn’t the time for sarcasm, and I knew... with a sudden, uncomfortable clarity, that the system had probably known that when it chose to say so little.

I closed the panel and thought about my promise to Alicia and about a girl who had cried in the dark because she was afraid of hurting the people she loved.

’Slow,’ I told myself. ’Slow and honest... and nothing that she doesn’t ask for.’

"Go to bed, both of you," said Sharon, wiping her eyes. "We’ve got a long road tomorrow!"

"Yes, ma’am," said Eveline.

"And don’t trip on the way."

"I-I won’t."

She tripped on the second step.

"Guuhhh...!"