Spirit Cultivation

"I want you…"

After finally putting out there those three words that she wanted to say this whole time during their last few days together, Xiao Wen finally felt relaxed, feeling like all of her stress was gone. At the start, she wanted to find a perfect opportunity, getting into his heart with one arrow but she realised she wouldn't find a better moment than this. ​​

'I finally did it… Please… Say something… Say you want me too… Say you will take care of me… Hug me… Kiss me…' Xiao Wen thought, patiently waiting for his response but with each second that passed, her mind was going astray, imagining all scenarios that could happen. Her arms hugged him tighter, seeking more assurance and warmth to calm her mind.

His hands were on her back, gently rubbing it up and down as if he was cheering her up. Did that mean he will reject her? 'No!' Xiao Wen screamed in her mind, rejecting this thought, pushing it as far away as she could. She wanted to whisper more, but only her mind listened, begging him with love emanating from her words, 'Say that you want me and I will be yours… Please…'

After all those seconds that were like hours for her, Xuefeng finally spoke to her, his words far from what she wanted to hear right now. He patted her on the back and whispered back to her, "Don't worry, I'm here for you. Just tell me what you want and I will give it to you."

Just after his words, Xiao Wen felt like her brain stopped working. Her body froze momentarily and she started losing her strength, staying in Xuefeng's embrace only thanks to his support.

'How did he not get it? I clearly said it to him… Did he think I am going to say something else after that? Idiot… I want you! Your body, your mind, your heart…' Xiao Wen cried out in her mind, not understanding how Xuefeng didn't get her.

With her heartbeat increasing, she began regaining her strength and uttered the same words once again, this time properly, saying that straight into his ear, "I want you." This time she was sure she made a correct accent, putting a dot at the end of her plea.

Unfortunately, Xuefeng still was focused on the same thing, continuing to ask, "Yes? What is it? Don't keep me hanging this long. You are making me anxious."

This time she wasn't as shocked as the first time and reacted differently, pulling away from him, staring at him weirdly. Xiao Wen was certain he was doing it on purpose, but looking at his curious expression, she realised didn't know for real. She measured his temperature with her hand, testing if maybe alcohol didn't cause him to have a fever or something, but knew that it was impossible.

With her looking at him weirdly and her cheeks getting even more crimson with each second, Xuefeng rubbed them gently, asking with worry, "Are you okay? You seem to have too much redness on your cheeks… Do you want to lay down for a bit?"

"No! I'm okay…" Xiao Wen cried out, pouting as she grabbed the hands which held her face. She wanted to push them away, but with the way he looked at her, she couldn't get herself to do it. His eyes filled with care and kindness. She knew he didn't mean it.

'He doesn't even think that I can love him so his mind didn't even take that into consideration... Dummy…' Xiao Wen finally realised what could be happening inside of Xuefeng's mind, but that didn't make her feel better. She had to make him understand her feelings today and only her actions could move this blockhead.

Knowing that she was okay, Xuefeng continued asking, "Then what is it? It seemed like you wanted to say—", but Xiao Wen couldn't handle it anymore, deciding to go with the plan she thought of, placing everything on one card.

Before he could end talking, she suddenly pushed his hands away, quickly covering his eyes with her hand before finally leaning over and pressing her lips onto his. No matter how she acted, it has been years since the last time she came this close to another male's lips.

Their lips connected and she held on with her kiss as long as she could. She knew this could be their first but also the last kiss they had together, so she wanted to make the best use of it. Just as she thought of pulling away, the initial shock inside Xuefeng's mind ended and his lips responded on instinct, returning the kiss with some interest.

Xiao Wen kissed him on impulse, irritated that he didn't understand her, but then she didn't know what to do next. When Xuefeng lips moved, closing on her bottom lip, she thought it would end like that, but something pushed him for more. She repeated the motion, planting another kiss before he pulled away, leaving with a sweet taste on her lips.

She wanted to be the one in control, creating a mess in his mind as punishment for making her like this. He just had to say that he wanted her too, but instead, he pushed her to move a step ahead, breaking her boundaries. As Xiao Wen pulled her hand away, uncovering his eyes, she could see his shocked expression fully. Some satisfaction filled her mind.

Looking at him with a warm smile, she said gently, once again repeating her confession, this time making sure he understood, "I said I want you, dummy. I want your body, your mind and your heart to love me, take care of me while allowing me to stay by your side for the years to come… I know you have others, but I couldn't lie to myself anymore. You said you will give me what I want, and I want you…"

Xuefeng was even more shocked after Xiao Wen's confession compared to her kiss, that he could somehow explain. After this, they couldn't be the same anymore and both of them knew that. Not knowing where to start, he called out to her, thinking words will come to him, "Wen—"

Worried that he will say something she didn't want to hear, Xiao Wen stopped him, closing his mouth once again and said sweetly, "You don't need to answer me now… You can think about it overnight and tell me tomorrow… If you want to find out if there can be something between us, hold my hand when I reach out to you tomorrow… If you don't want to, I will understand."

As she said so, Xiao Wen stood up and left, running towards the bedroom, not looking back at him anymore. Xuefeng raised his arm, wanting to grab her but stopped himself in the last moment. He realised that even if he did, he wouldn't have anything to say. His mind suddenly became really cloudy, not pushing any ideas forward.

It was also the very first time where Xiao Wen couldn't handle the pressure and simply escaped from her troubles, pushing them into another day. Xiao Wen knew she wouldn't be able to sleep that night, but Xuefeng was the same.

She lay down on the bed next to Yiren who already fell asleep and especially left some space for Xuefeng, hoping that maybe he will come after a while, but that didn't happen. Both of them spend the whole night thinking of the other and the future they could potentially share together.