Chapter 164: Can I Touch You Now? Please?

"I was going to tell you. When I was healed enough that you wouldn’t panic...."

"I’m panicking now! Because I walked in on you bleeding instead of hearing it from you!" Eve crossed her arms, hugging herself. "We’re supposed to be partners, Dimitri. Partners don’t lie. Partners don’t hide. Partners trust each other enough to handle the truth."

"I do trust you....."

"No, you don’t." The words were quiet. Final. "You trust me to love you. To support you. To stand by you. But you don’t trust me to be strong enough to handle your reality. You still think I’m fragile. That I need to be protected."

"You’re not fragile," Dimitri said immediately. "That’s not why...."

"Then why?" Eve looked at him, her eyes red and swollen. "Why do you keep shutting me out of the parts that matter?"

Dimitri opened his mouth. Closed it.

Because she was right.

He had been shutting her out.

Protecting her from the darkness because he was terrified of losing her to it.

"Because I’m scared," he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. "I’m scared that if you really see all of it...the violence, the danger, the blood.....you’ll leave. You’ll decide it’s too much. That I’m too much. And I can’t....." His voice cracked. "I can’t lose you, Eve. I can’t."

Eve stared at him.

And then she crossed the room in three strides and slapped him.

Not hard. But hard enough.

"You idiot," she said, her voice shaking. "I’m not going to leave you because you got shot. I’m going to leave you if you keep lying to me."

Dimitri’s hand came up to his cheek, more from shock than pain.

"I chose you," Eve continued, her voice fierce. "I chose this life. I chose the danger and the violence and the blood. I chose all of it because I love you. But I can’t choose a partnership where you decide what I’m strong enough to handle. Where you lie to protect me. Where you shut me out every time things get dangerous."

"I’m sorry," Dimitri said, and meant it with everything he had. "You’re right. You’re completely right. I shouldn’t have hidden this. Shouldn’t have lied. I just.....I didn’t know how to tell you I almost died without making you terrified every time I leave."

"By trusting me to handle it." Eve’s voice softened slightly. "By believing that I’m strong enough to love you and be scared for you at the same time. By letting me be your partner instead of something you have to protect."

They stood there, three feet apart, the weight of the conversation settling between them.

"No more secrets," Eve said. "No more hiding injuries or danger or near-death experiences. If you’re shot, you tell me. If you’re ambushed, you tell me. If you’re planning something dangerous, you tell me before you go. Not after. Not when I walk in on bloody bandages. Before."

"Okay," Dimitri said.

"I mean it, Dimitri. No more secrets."

"I promise. No more secrets." He took a careful step toward her. "Can I touch you now? Please?"

Eve looked at him....really looked at him and saw the exhaustion in his face. The pain he was trying to hide. The fear that she was going to leave.

And despite the anger, despite the terror, despite everything.....

She loved him.

"Come here," she said softly.

Dimitri closed the distance, pulled her carefully into his arms with his good arm.

Eve buried her face in his chest, felt his heart pounding against her cheek.

"You scared me," she whispered. "When I saw all that blood, I thought...."

"I know. I’m sorry."

"Don’t do it again."

"I won’t. I promise."

They stood like that for a long moment, holding each other, both shaking slightly.

Finally, Eve pulled back.

"Let me see," she said.

"Eve...."

"Let me see the wounds. All of them."

Dimitri hesitated, then turned slightly so she could see his back.

The bandage wrapped around his lower back was fresh....Nonna must have just changed it before Eve walked in.

But the shoulder...

Eve carefully peeled back the edge of the gauze.

The wound was ugly. Stitched with black thread, the surrounding skin angry and red.

But clean. Nonna had done good work.

"It’s healing," Eve said, more to herself than to him.

"Yes."

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes."

At least he was being honest now.

Eve moved around to face him, looked at the shoulder wound.

Through and through, he’d said. Bullet entered the front, exited the back.

She touched the skin around the stitches gently.

Dimitri inhaled sharply.

"Sorry," Eve murmured.

"It’s okay. Just tender."

"Nonna was changing the bandages when I came in," Eve said. "We should finish. Before they get infected."

"Eve, you don’t have to...."

"I want to." She looked up at him. "Let me take care of you. Please."

Something in Dimitri’s expression cracked.

"Okay," he said quietly.

***

Eve found Nonna in the kitchen, sitting with espresso, waiting.

"He told you everything?" Nonna asked.

"Yes."

"And you are still here?"

"Of course I’m still here." Eve sat down. "I’m furious and terrified, but I’m not leaving."

"Good. He needs you." Nonna stood. "Come. I will show you how to change the bandages. From now on, you will help him. It is better this way."

They went back to the bedroom.

Dimitri was sitting on the bed exactly where they’d left him, looking exhausted and vulnerable in a way Eve had never seen.

"Nonna’s going to teach me how to do this," Eve said. "So I can help you."

Dimitri nodded.

For the next twenty minutes, Nonna walked Eve through it.

How to clean the wounds with antiseptic. How to apply antibiotic ointment. How to wrap the gauze tight enough to protect but not so tight it cut off circulation.

Eve’s hands shook the first time she touched the stitches.

"Steady, cara," Nonna murmured. "He will not break."

"I might," Dimitri said, trying for humor.

Eve didn’t laugh.

Just focused on being gentle. Being careful.

Taking care of the man she loved even though she wanted to shake him.

When they finished, Nonna gathered the supplies.

"I will make dinner," she announced. "You two....rest. Talk. Heal." She pointed at Dimitri. "And nipote, no more lying to this girl. Or I will shoot you myself."