She's My Sleeping Pill

"Miss Marian, don't leave me yet." Veronica cried while holding onto Marian's hand. "Young mistress, I'll call miss Cayenne, okay? I'll let her know of your current situation. She will be devastated if you won't tell her the truth."

"No, you can't." Marian gripped Veronica's hand tightly to stop her. "She will have her final exam soon. We cannot afford to distract her from the examination. I'd feel bad if she fails."

"What about John? He's been visiting you here but none of you really talked and settle your past. Are you just leaving without saying anything to him?"

"He'll understand."

"No, he won't."

Veronica knew she was being selfish but she didn't really want Marian to die yet. She's still young and could accomplish a lot of things but her illness robbed her off of her bright future.

Outside the hospital room, John was standing with a bouquet of pink carnations. It was Marian's favorite flower and it was also his message to her. He took several deep breaths before knocking on the door to get inside the room.

Veronica picked up the blood-stained tissues as quick as she could and threw them to the bathroom. They knew that John already had a faint idea of Marian's current health status but they still acted as if she was fine.

"Flowers for you."

"Thanks." She accepted it and handed it over to Veronica who just came out of the bathroom. "Get me a flower vase for these."

"I thought you'd be able to get out of the hospital again."

"I thought so but the doctor said I need constant monitoring." Marian spoke without looking at the man in front of her. "How about your business? You kept coming here and neglected your work. You don't really have to come here everyday."

"I want to come and see you."

"Oh."

The room sank into a deafening silence after her perfunctory reply. She couldn't find the words she wanted to say and John was worried if it was appropriate for him to say something about his feelings in her current situation.

"I'll go out for a bit." Veronica stated which broke the silence in the room. "Please call me if you need something."

"O-okay." Marian answered in which John just nodded. As soon as Veronica left and closed the door, she raised her head to look at the man in front of her, only to find that he was looking at her as well. "Uh…uhm…if you don't have anything else to say…you can actually go home or go back to work."

"Do you really want me to leave?"

"Y-yeah."

"Really?"

"Hn."

"Why?"

"Ha? What do you mean why? Isn't it the normal thing to do?"

John didn't look away from her. Ever since he came inside, he has been looking at her. She looked pale with patches of bruises on her arms. Her legs have bruises, too but it wasn't exposed because she's covering them with the blanket. John stood up and walked to the other side where the boxes of tissues lay. Without saying anything, he lifted her chin and wiped the blood off of her face.

"I'm dying." Marian muttered while watching him wipe the blood from her face.

"I know and I have no way to stop it. And I won't say you're not because that would be lying to you and giving you false hope."

Marian chuckled at his response. "You're so annoying. Do you know that patients love to her lies instead of the truth?"

"But I promised I'd never lie to you again even if it hurts."

She held his hand and took the tissues from him. "I'll do it myself. It will take a long time for the bleeding to stop and you'll get tired."

"I won't."

"Whatever. Just give them to me."

John took the tissues back and put them away from her. "I'll do it."

She stopped moving and just let him do what he wants. Memories of them together since high school flashed across her mind and she couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Hey, John."

"Mm?"

"I'm giving you something." She moved a little away from him and picked a small box from the bedside drawer. "I'm giving it back to you." It was none other than the ring that he gave her several years ago. "Well, we can no longer keep our promise so, I don't want to keep holding that. Also, you still have a long way to go. You should enjoy yourself and find someone better than me."

"I don't want to take this back." He placed it back in her hand and stood up. "I don't want you to return that ring."

"Why not? It's yours to begin with."

"But I still want to keep my promise."

"Huh? Are you an idiot? Why would you do that? I'm a dying person. Don't be stupid."

"So, what? What if I'm stupid? Who cares?" John clenched his hands into fists while looking at her. "Marian, I've regretted the times that I didn't spend with you. I regretted the moments that you tried to talk to me but I ignored you. I regretted not stopping you when you left my dorm. I don't want to regret not being with you for the rest of my life."

Marian was silent for a while. She just looked at him with an expressionless face. It was hard to discern what she really felt as he said those words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you a hard time during those times. In fact, I also regretted showing in your life again. I could've left after knowing that you're studying there and had a girlfriend. I could've just moved on with my life without you. And I regretted that I didn't do it. John, what you are feeling must be guilt. It's not love. And – "

"You can't decide my emotions for me." He stated which cut her off from saying the rest of her words. "I've never once forgotten you. I tried. I thought that what I felt for you was just a puppy love which will go away in the passage of time. But it didn't. I kept remembering you. I –"

"It's really too late to say it now." She told him and smiled. "I don't really mind that you found someone else and I won't mind if you will find someone in the future. What we had will forever stay in my memory and I will treasure them. However, things must come to an end. You have a bright future ahead of you and I don't want to ruin it. So, please accept this ring once again and leave. Let's pretend that we've never met in our life."

"No, I don't want to." John kneeled on the floor and held her hand tightly. "Please don't do this to me. I don't want to lose you again. I can make it up for the rest of my life. Just don't send me away this time. Please I'm begging you."

Marian pulled her hand from him and turned away.. "I want to sleep."