She's My Sleeping Pill

During lunch, Cayenne was very boastful with Stefan's cooking skills. She was smiling proudly in front of them and while Stefan kept placing food on her plate. Since she wasn't allowed to eat so much this time, Stefan gave her little amount of each food so that she can taste all of them.

His actions earned another point from Cayenne's siblings but they never said anything. They complimented his cooking skills and the dishes that they made.

While eating, Kyle remembered something that he talked with their mother at the hospital. "Yen, mom said she wanted to go home."

Cayenne was about to eat another spoonful of food but her hand paused midair upon hearing his words before she finally put down her spoon on her plate. "Why?" she questioned them while pressing her finger on her left temple. "We've talked about this already."

"But sis, we know that you want her to survive. We have seen how much effort you've put up for us, in order to send us to school and to pay for her medication." Kyle started to explain this matter to her again. "This is not even about money anymore. You know that her condition is hopeless, right? The doctors have been telling you about her health status but you refused to give up. We are not really against with your decision but, mama is no longer fighting for us. She didn't want to live in the hospital anymore."

"Sis, if worse comes to worst, our mother will commit suicide if you keep her there any longer. You were so busy ever since she got hospitalized and we rarely visit her. You might not have noticed it but, she already tried to kill herself several times." Luiz added something that only he and Kyle knew about. Arthur didn't notice it as well.

Cayenne's face turned pale and her eyes went wide from the shock she received. They were right, she never knew about this. Stefan looked at her and placed his hand on her back, lightly caressing her to calm her a little.

"How did you know about this when I didn't?"

"Remember when we visited her four months ago? That was before your birthday. Last time, there was still this basket of fruits on her bedside table and a small knife to peel the skin of the fruits. It was allowed for her because she can still help herself with the fruits. However, she used it to make a big slash on her wrist. The nurse fount it on time because someone passed by and saw what she did. The doctor called you that time but you just came home from work and was sleeping. Instead of waking you up, we asked the doctor for more details. After knowing that she was fine, we decided to keep it from you. And we visited her on our own without your knowledge."

Cayenne closed her eyes without saying anything. She didn't know what to say and she was lost for words. Contrary to her quiet appearance, she had been screaming in her mind. 'I am a useless daughter! I am selfish! I almost caused my own mother to die! I am not a god daughter! I am not helping her but I am pushing her to her deathbed! I am so foolish!' Her words echoed in her mind but she was still mute outwardly.

Stefan was worried because this was the first time that he saw her with different expressions crisscrossing on her face. He had no idea what do. Just like him, her siblings had no idea what to do either. They have never seen her with turbulent expressions on her face and it was a little troubling in their heart and mind.

Cayenne opened and closed her mouth like a fish trying to suck in its food. She was still having a hard time on how she can respond to this news to her. Her mind was still a mess and she her hand was trembling under the table. "Let me think about this thing. Don't say another word or I'll go crazy about it." She finally said in a very small voice. All of a sudden, she felt so tired.

It wasn't just a physical exhaustion. It was the kind of tiredness which made her want to give up on life. She just wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth. She felt so ashamed.

"Ayen, you need to eat more food. Thinking requires energy and energy comes from food. Finish what you have so that you can think properly later."

"Okay." She said 'okay' but she didn't sound okay.

Kyle and Luiz knew that they said something difficult to deal with but their sister needed to deal with it sooner or later. They wouldn't want her to be following their lead blindly while they knew of the truth. It was also to wake her up from her impossible dream.

No matter how much she works for their mother's medication, no matter how many times she'd take her medicine, her case was hopeless. Sooner or later, she will die. Their mother wanted to die with them on her side, instead of dying without anyone beside her in the hospital.

But her death was something that Cayenne would never want to accept. She didn't want her mother to die. She doesn't have a father anymore and losing her mother means losing her reason to live.

"You still have your brother. Don't think too much. Talk to your mother once you're well enough to walk and make sure to understand what she wanted. Don't close your senses in front of her and don't just follow what you want. She's the patience and you should understand her point."

Stefan's words brought her back to reality and she nodded her head. "I'll try my best to get well soon, first. Then, I'll come and visit her."

"That's my girl." Stefan rubbed her head which made her happy. Someone was finally petting her head. She had been longing to experience this kind of gesture.