Chapter 172: Trapped in This Perfect Shell

Xiao Li got up and left, leaving Song Junzhan alone in the library.

Outside, the spring day was radiant. The courtyard was filled with fresh flowers brought in for the banquet, a magnificent scene of blossoming spring beauty as far as the eye could see. Yet, what came to Song Junzhan’s mind was her smile as she looked back at him under the ginkgo tree at the Song Family estate that day.

She had said, "Me? I’m a simple person. There are indeed things about the Young Master that I find appealing. This face, for example. It’s unparalleled in this world."

She was taken with his looks, but what she truly wanted in the end were his skills.

Ever since that day, his mind had not been at peace. He would often find himself lost in thought because of her. When he learned he would see her again, he could hardly suppress the joy and excitement in his heart.

Now, he could calmly watch Cen An, who had fallen for Miss Wang at first sight, be tormented by lovesickness. But back then, wasn’t he the same?

It was just that the obsession in his heart was too strong, forcing him to bury all his fluttering feelings deep down.

She had said, "Get close to me, and you’ll die."

’But what does it matter if I die following her?’

He raised a hand and poured himself a cup of wine. He truly wasn’t much of a drinker, but its flavor was intense and scorching, just like her.

It smelled mellow and sweet, but tasted sharp and spicy. It was clearly painful, yet the aftertaste was sweet. A thousand flavors were all contained within.

He had no intention of marrying, and he knew he shouldn’t indulge in wishful thinking. And yet, she had said she would never have a Prince Consort.

It was just her decision. She didn’t even know of his foolish fantasies. Yet, that single sentence had thrown his world into chaos.

He filled the cup again, raised it to his lips, but stopped at the last second. He slowly set the cup down, rose, and walked to a nearby table. He picked up a brush and continued writing on the exam paper.

He didn’t have the right to drink to excess. ’At least... not now.’

---

SPLASH~~

Xiao Li rose from the bathtub, took a towel, and began to dry herself. As she slowly draped a nightgown over her shoulders, on a sudden whim, she found herself studying her body. A nineteen-year-old body, at its most delicate. A slender waist, long legs, fair skin, and perfectly formed curves, both front and back.

Xiao Li’s current face was the same as her original one, but this body was still different.

Although it had been injured, it had been left with almost no scars.

Her original body had suffered several gunshot wounds, leaving five or six hideous scars. The doctors said they could be removed, but she insisted on keeping them. They were marks of her survival, of cheating death.

There were also countless needle marks on her arms and knees from medication and bone marrow aspirations. They were tiny, almost invisible unless you looked closely, but she remembered every single one.

Because of all the drugs and surgeries, her chest had not developed fully.

She had loved her neat short hair. When she wore a suit, she was androgynous.

But this current body was unbelievably flawless, like a shattered porcelain doll that had suddenly been encased in a perfect shell.

Waist-length hair, an hourglass figure... her entire being exuded a woman’s delicate charm and allure.

So beautiful, so lovely.

’But this isn’t me! It’s not myself!’

’That body, however broken, was hers. That life, however difficult, was one she had walked through step by step.’

’No matter what anyone else thought, that was her life—Xiao Li’s life!’

’She didn’t need anyone to care, nor did she need anyone to love her, because she, Xiao Li, was the person who loved herself most.’

’Whether in pain or imperfection, that was her.’

’Not stuck in this damn place, trapped inside this perfect shell!’

Negative emotions that had long been dormant resurfaced without warning, engulfing her in an instant with devastating force.

BANG!

Xiao Li swept everything off the nearby table.

"Princess, Princess, what’s wrong?"

"Princess, please calm your anger."

Hong Yue and Lan Yue were terrified. They tried to approach Xiao Li to see what was wrong, but she shoved them both away.

"Get out!"

Her rage was uncontrollable. The mere thought of being trapped in this body made her feel a suffocating agony she couldn’t suppress.

It felt as if she would go completely mad in the next moment.

"Princess..."

The two maids stepped forward, but Xiao Li turned and went into the bedroom. "No one is to come in."

The door to the inner chamber closed, and Hong Yue and Lan Yue were frantic with worry.

"What’s wrong with the Princess?"

"She was fine just a moment ago. Why did she suddenly fly into such a rage?"

Recalling the scene from just now, both of them were still shaken, their faces pale.

Hong Yue forced herself to calm down and said, "You stand guard here. I’ll go find Brother Yang Jun and see what we can do."

Lan Yue nodded. "Then hurry."

Hong Yue rushed out in a panic, only then remembering that Rong Qing was on night watch. Just as she was wondering if Rong Qing could help, she suddenly saw him in a standoff with someone.

Seeing that the two were about to come to blows, Hong Yue quickly ran over. "Don’t fight! Something’s happened to the Princess."

After watching the person go inside, Rong Qing glanced at Hong Yue. "You’re disobeying the Princess’s orders."

’And she dragged me into it.’

Hong Yue clutched her sleeves tightly, her lips pale with tension as she stared worriedly at the room. "I know. But the Princess wasn’t herself just now, and I didn’t know what to do. If neither of us does anything, are we just going to let the Princess suffer?"

The Princess had erupted in anger suddenly, but Hong Yue felt she wasn’t angry at them. It was more like she was being tormented by something, as if she were possessed.

Rong Qing asked, "And what makes you so sure he can help?"

Hong Yue shook her head. "I don’t know. But he’s different to the Princess, and he would never hurt her."

She turned and gave Rong Qing a deep bow. "Thank you for your help tonight, Brother Rong. If the Princess punishes me, I, Hong Yue, will take full responsibility. If you still end up implicated, Brother Rong, I will be sure to repay you."

With that, she quickly ran back. She had to go watch over the Princess.

Watching Hong Yue run off into the distance, Rong Qing slammed the hilt of his long saber heavily onto the ground.

’What kind of mess is this?’

----

Xiao Li was not a madwoman.

But this overwhelming sense of despair and suffocation was driving her to the brink of collapse.

’There’s no struggle, no escape!’

She still had her reason. She knew she couldn’t lose control like this, but the sensations of her body were beyond her spirit’s command.

She loathed this body, loathed this appearance. She wished she could take a knife and carve away this flesh and blood, piece by piece.

’If only I could die, it would all be over...’

’Death...’

"Princess!"

A figure in dark purple burst anxiously through the door, his entrance accompanied by Lan Yue’s terrified scream.

The first thing he saw was Xiao Li, a bizarre, crazed smile on her face. She held a dagger in one hand, slicing it through the air and splattering drops of blood.

A patch of her white nightgown was already stained red with blood.

Lou Yan’s pupils trembled violently as he lunged forward to snatch the dagger from her.

Xiao Li didn’t resist. She let him take the dagger, suddenly so calm it was as if the crazed person from moments ago wasn’t her at all.

Lan Yue, who had collapsed to the floor in terror, had no strength to get up. She cried out, "Get the medicine, Hong Yue! Get the medicine!"

Startled by the scream, Hong Yue rushed in and was shocked by the scene. She snapped back to her senses and hurried to find the medicine box.

Xiao Li sat there with her eyes closed, letting them bandage her wounds.

’Death? She could die, but she wouldn’t die from an emotional breakdown. She would never allow herself to go mad.’

’Since this body was too perfect, she would just have to make it imperfect. Once it had seen blood, things would quiet down.’