Chapter 271 - 269

Chapter 271: Chapter 269

Shen Yue looked at him, taking in his current emotional turmoil and his cautiousness.

"Then do you know how to love me? How to love someone?"

This quiet question forced Bai Chaosi to confront a problem to which he had no answer.

He recalled what A Cheng had said. He knew he had been doing nothing but bring Shen Yue harm and pain.

’His selfishness, his arrogance...’

’The truth was, he never knew how to love anyone...’

He stopped trying to hide his flaws. Gazing deeply at Shen Yue, he spoke.

"I don’t know."

"Shen Yue, I know the way I love you is wrong. I’m always so arrogant, and I end up hurting you. I’ve put you through so much. It’s my fault. I’m sorry."

The moment those three words left his lips, Bai Chaosi seemed to find his courage, his fear dissipating.

His goal was simply to clear up the misunderstanding between him and Shen Yue, to explain everything to her.

’He didn’t want this extreme tension to define their relationship...’

’He really couldn’t take it anymore. The pain was unbearable!’

He looked at Shen Yue, deciding to lay everything bare:

"I know. From what happened with Jie Ying to the situation with Xiao Ya, I never once considered your feelings. I selfishly made so many decisions based on my own ideas, making you suffer and causing you pain... I failed to do what a Beast Husband should do!"

When he finished, Shen Yue looked at him, her expression terrifyingly calm.

"How are you any different now from how you were after the incident with Jie Ying?"

Bai Chaosi’s expression froze.

His mind flashed back to the day he had explained the Symbiotic Life Technique to Shen Yue...

"Do you even remember last time? You apologized to me then, too. You said you’d messed up. You said you couldn’t live without me, that you couldn’t lose me and Liu Bao. You told me about your predicament, your suffering. You told me you had a Symbiotic Life Technique with Jie Ying. You begged me to give you another chance. You swore you’d never let me get hurt again... not even a little!"

The color drained from Bai Chaosi’s face...

Shen Yue stared at him, her gaze unwavering.

"Are you planning on repeating all of that now?"

Bai Chaosi froze, a sharp pain piercing his heart as if he’d been stabbed.

He didn’t know what to say.

It was as if Shen Yue had cut off every word he wanted to say, blocked every path he might take.

Shen Yue continued, "Last time, it was because you and Jie Ying were bound by the Symbiotic Life Technique, your lives linked. You wanted to hide that secret, to bear all your past suffering and painful experiences alone. You were unwilling to show me the scars from your childhood. I understood all of that. I sympathized. We’re all human, after all. Who doesn’t have parts of their past, secrets they want to keep hidden and never speak of?"

"So, when you took that blow for me and fell from the cliff, I was frantic. I was worried about you, and I had to admit I’d developed feelings for you. Because of that, I even convinced myself to overlook how you had sided with Jie Ying and hurt our Liu Bao. Because of the hardships you suffered as a child, I chose to forgive your character flaws. I forgave you for the misunderstandings and the hurt you caused me and Liu Bao, all because you don’t know how to love or how to communicate!"

As Bai Chaosi listened, his face turned deathly pale, and the rims of his eyes went completely red...

With just a few words, she had peeled back his facade and exposed a side of him no one else knew.

’So she did understand him. She saw right through him. And even after seeing everything, she had still been willing to embrace him.’

’That’s right. He was broken. Not just in character—before he met Shen Yue, his body had been broken, too.’

’Everyone called Young Master Chaoxi unparalleled under the heavens?’

’He was far from unparalleled.’

’He was just a boy who’d lost his parents young, a boy raised in a cowshed, beaten with a whip time and time again.’

’He was the boy who lay in the snow, beaten bloody, so cold that he developed a chronic condition, a condition that robbed him of all the natural urges a male should have!’

’While he watched other children eat their fill and be doted on by their female mothers and Fathers, he could only gnaw on dry grass in the snow. Who could possibly know what that was like?’

’After being bound by the Symbiotic Life Technique, he not only had to live in constant fear, but he was forced to protect his own enemy’s daughter just to survive. Who could possibly understand how that felt?’

’He was insecure. He was starved for love. His paranoia was almost pathological...’

’Yes, he didn’t know how to love. He had no idea how, because he had never once been loved himself!’

’That’s why he always got it wrong. He couldn’t seem to learn. He would only realize his mistakes after he had already done them, after he had already hurt Shen Yue.’

"But you? After I managed to survive the men in black, I didn’t even take the time to be with our children. I rushed to find you without a moment’s rest. I was afraid you’d die. I was afraid you would die for me without ever having felt warmth, without ever having been loved. I would have blamed myself. I would have been devastated. And I was even more terrified that my children would grow up without their Father and end up just like you!"

Her words struck Bai Chaosi’s heart like a sledgehammer.

An agonizing pain made his chest tremble.

He was consumed by shame and self-reproach.

He was ashamed that Shen Yue understood him better than he understood himself. Ashamed that even after seeing what a terrible person he was, she still hadn’t given up on him.

He reproached himself for never once considering her feelings or the children’s, for never handling a single situation correctly.

Shen Yue watched him, noting his bloodshot eyes and his silence.

’To be honest, saying she hadn’t been suffering these past few days would be a lie. How could she not be?’

She gave a soft laugh.

"And yet, after I went through hell and back to find you, after I fought desperately to save your life, you and your damn arrogance made me see your selfish side all over again. The situation with Xiao Ya... even if you were doing it for your people, for all of Snow Ridge, you should have learned your lesson from what happened with Jie Ying. The moment you decided to disregard my feelings and pretend to have amnesia to get close to Xiao Ya, you should have stopped and considered if hurting me was truly the only way, or if there might have been another option."

"Not only did you not even consider it, but out of all the available options, you always pick the one that requires hurting me and making me suffer. What is it? Can you not accomplish anything unless you sacrifice my feelings, hurt me, and make me miserable? Or do you just have to inject difficulty and hardship into our relationship, turning it into some kind of tear-jerking melodrama?"

’She really wanted to ask him, is this how a relationship is supposed to work?’

’Is this how you’re supposed to love someone?’

’Does it not count as love unless there’s suffering involved?’

Bai Chaosi’s face burned red with unbearable shame at her questions.

He was filled with immense regret and a deep-seated guilt towards Shen Yue.

’He really wanted to slap himself across the face.’

’Why did I have to do it that way?’

’Would it have killed me not to do it that way?’

’Why do I always have to hurt Shen Yue? Why do I always have to make her suffer?’

He asked himself again and again.

Shen Yue took a deep breath.

"But as it turns out, your method was completely useless. I was the one who uncovered the truth about Xiao Ya, step by step. I was the one who woke her up and subdued her. All you did was create a rift and more suffering between us. At best, you were just an accelerant for the conflict between two women!"

’Of course, even if Bai Chaosi hadn’t done what he did, the person in black would have been secretly fomenting conflict between her and Xiao Ya anyway. So what was the point of his decision and his actions this time?’

’Sometimes, she really couldn’t understand him. Why, just why, did he have to do things this way?’

’Did he simply not want to live a peaceful life?’

Bai Chaosi stood before her, rendered speechless.

Her words had struck at the very root of the problem, laying bare the uselessness and stupidity of his actions.