Chapter 5: Did I Have Great Ambitions?
As a man in his twenties from a well-off Imperial family, of course I almost had a fiancee. Quite an active marriage discussion went on between the families. But she was a woman who, in many ways, didn’t suit me. In fact, she didn’t have the kind of personality that would work well with any man.
“How was it? Your first kill.”
Her name was Ezell. Her facial features were sharp like a cat’s, and her hair carried the characteristic ash-grey hue of her family. She was the eldest daughter of the Runsellot Family, a lineage that rivaled the Ebenholtz.
“Well. I don’t really know.”
There was a time when I liked her. And she too, could have ‘liked me’.
You can believe it, because it’s something Ezell herself said.
But the paths we walked were different.
“But Max. Do you really want to marry me?”
Ezell asked, sounding fed up. I let out a brief laugh.
She was like this back then too. I used to always feel anxious, overly alert to her every word, but not anymore.
“Do you not want to?”
“Of course not. You’re not even manly. Your personality is too soft. And that hair, what the hell is that? It’s too long. You should trim it short.”
Ezell was an Imperial citizen, but the balance in her heart had already tipped toward the revolution.
That meant she was a good person.
I asked her in return.
“How was it, my kill?”
“……Well. I don’t know.”
At the time, I thought she was a woman whose thoughts I couldn’t read. I thought it was a typical push-and-pull.
That’s how little experience I had.
“I do wonder if there was really a need to kill him…… But then again, he was a demi-human, so I guess it makes sense?”
Now, the trembling corners of her mouth and her shaking voice were revealing her true feelings.
“Ezell. To be honest.”
I leaned toward her. I whispered the truth.
“That bastard turned into a monster first and tried to kill me. All Ezenheim are monsters.”
“……Huh?”
Ezell’s face went dumb.
Probably everyone else in the world would make that expression too. Unless they were a totally deranged racist, it’d be hard to agree.
I raised my eyebrows.
“Kidding.”
“Wow…… Hey, go see a doctor.”
“I said I’m kidding. I was just pissed that he tricked me, so I killed him.”
“Yeah, you still need to go. You’ve got anger management issues.”
“…….”
The words “anger management issues” lightly touched my heart. My pulse suddenly spiked, quite roughly.
I picked up the knife.
“It’s not about anger management.”
Rage welled up from the bottom of my chest. Days from a distant future flashed before my eyes like a revolving lantern.
The Empire had already fallen, Father was executed and his head hung for months in the center of the Capital, you became part of the revolutionary core and formed the Parliament, and all the while I kept running like a madman, then got caught and was imprisoned for decades, though it felt like only a few years, and I watched Edmon grow old in real time, and in the end, I witnessed the world perish……
“……Just.”
Even if I told you all of that, you wouldn’t believe me.
Honestly, if it weren’t for the virus inside me, I wouldn’t have believed it either.
So no one understands how I feel. I shouldn’t even expect anyone to.
“Just eat your damn food.”
I pointed at her plate with the knife. Ezell gave a sly smile.
“Ah~ You’re so obvious? I say I like macho types, and you act like this right away?”
“Before I smash your mouth in.”
Ezell chuckled lightly and turned her attention to her food.
In truth, if we got into a real fight, I’d lose a hundred times out of a hundred. Even so, she never once boasted or showed it. Probably because she understood my inferiority complex.
Ezell was always, to me, a good friend who could never bring herself to beat me.
It was Ezell who let me escape when the Empire fell. Probably Ezell who kept me alive in the Underground prison too.
If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even have gotten a chance to regress.
So.
“Today’s meal is on me.”
“……Am I really that transparent?”
“Then you pay.”
“Thanks for the food~”
I casually added, pretending indifference, as she sliced up her steak with a knife.
This was today’s main topic.
“Let’s not get married. I’ll tell our families that too.”
Ezell’s hand trembled slightly, but she soon looked at me with a serious gaze.
“Yeah. I think that’s the right choice for us.”
I think that’s the right choice for us.
Only now did I finally understand the true meaning behind the words you once said.
***
After returning home, I sluggishly threw off my clothes. I tossed aside the cumbersome suits and stood in the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
In the end, the essence is strength.
Today, thanks to Ezell, that became even clearer.
I must become stronger. Both in body and mind.
Edmon once said that if the Empire had survived, humanity would have lasted longer.
That was because the Empire never sought to be understood. Because the Empire was made of iron and blood.
Even if its insides were rotten and crumbling, the bonds and glue of the Empire were stronger than any external force on this continent. They became weapons meant to crush the outside while being crushed themselves from within. The Empire was a chimera golem created for that very purpose from the beginning. I was born near the top of the pyramid that formed such an Empire. Ebenholtz stood at such a height.
If I, as an Imperial, had to exterminate an entire race, I had a status that made it entirely possible.
There is more than enough justification.
‘To prevent the end of the world.’
An ending that only I know. A perfectly noble purpose, like something out of a hero’s tale.
To achieve that, I must grow stronger.
But, am I ready?
Back in the Empire’s final years, I was weak. As the Empire declined, I was afraid. After its collapse, I was always running.
Am I ready?
“I’m asking you, Maximilian.”
I asked the me in the mirror.
“Are you ready?”
If I am ready.
Then it’s time for a change.
***
The next morning, I began running. I ran until I coughed up blood, trying to persuade the virus inside my body. It was a plea for it to be of use to me.
This way benefits you too. If I die, you die too.
After running about twenty laps.
“……Enzi?”
Enzi was standing at the starting point. He smiled brightly and held out a towel to me.
“What’s going on?”
“The head of the house wishes to give you a gift. He says it’s rare to see you doing something truly Imperial.”
The family head, Sebestian. Though he’s my father, calling him that still feels awkward.
He praised me for killing a 15-year-old cadet.
“What’s the gift?”
“He says he’ll tell you himself. Apparently, he’ll give you whatever you want.”
“……Figures.”
That stiff middle-aged man likes to evaluate everything. He used to judge all my actions however he pleased, crushing me under endlessly high standards.
This time, the gift I want is clear.
“A swordsmanship instructor.”
“But swordsmanship…… The Ebenholtz are a family famous for swordsmanship.”
“It doesn’t seem to suit me.”
Ebenholtz’s base was long swordsmanship. I didn’t use a long sword.
On the contrary, I found that using a light sword in one hand suited me more.
In many ways, the Ebenholtz family didn’t match me.
“Father’s not exactly by the book either, is he? Also, follow up on the three remaining cadets.”
The three cadets left after killing Jacob. I only remembered Hannah’s name, but I didn’t want their futures to be ruined.
The Empire fell because it was too cruel.
“I hope they don’t suffer any consequences.”
“And the reason?”
Enzi’s tone sharpened. I had already prepared an answer. Enzi was a loyal Imperial after all.
“Gaps appear when people feel at ease. If you tie them down too tightly, they won’t reveal themselves even if they are traitors or demi-humans.”
My answer must have been reasonably convincing, because Enzi smiled.
“Yes. I’ll do as you say. Then, please rest well.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Enzi bowed his head and left. Even his butler-like posture and steps were perfectly refined.
“Phew.”
I let out a sigh of relief.
“……I got lucky.”
Jacob Mac. It was a huge relief that the opponent was sloppy. If he had been even slightly stronger, I would’ve been the one to fall.
Let’s not forget.
The Ezenheim are strong.
And right now, I am weak.
Therefore, I must not let it be known that I understand them, that I can interpret their language.
The enemy of humanity is the Ezenheim. That alone is what I need to remember.
The worst and the lesser evil.
The worst would be the destruction of the world, and the lesser evil would be the continuation of the Empire.
‘The Empire was right. The Empire labeled them as mutated demons and thoroughly isolated them. We… we considered them beings to liberate and protect.’
Edmon of the distant future regretted not choosing the lesser evil.
I decided to trust his regret.
I now had great ambition, too.
Novel Full