Chapter 373: Are You Scared?

Nicholas waited until evening to visit Lilith.

He had spent the day doing what Alphas did, leading. Organizing. Making decisions that kept the pack functional while his entire world was falling apart.

He had met with Callum about the funerals scheduled for tomorrow. Had reviewed the estate repairs with the construction teams. Had coordinated with the remaining Moon Temple Guardians about maintaining what defenses they could without Selene’s help.

He had done everything an Alpha was supposed to do.

And all of it felt hollow.

Because in two days, Lilith would attempt something that might kill her. And there was nothing Nicholas could do to stop it or help or protect her from what was coming.

He stood outside her door for a full minute before knocking.

"Come in," Lilith’s voice called.

Nicholas entered and found her sitting up in bed with a book in her lap that she clearly was not reading. Sebastian and Lucian had both visited earlier, he had felt their presences through the bond, and now they had given him space to be alone with her.

The room was dim. Someone had lit candles instead of the overhead lights. The flickering shadows made everything feel softer. More intimate.

"Hey," Lilith said, setting the book aside.

"Hey," Nicholas replied.

He closed the door behind him and crossed to sit in the chair beside her bed. The same chair Sebastian had occupied for hours. The same chair all three of them had rotated through during her coma.

For a moment they just looked at each other.

Lilith looked better than she had this morning. Some color had returned to her face. Her eyes were clearer. But Nicholas could see the exhaustion underneath. Could see the fear she was trying to hide.

"How are you feeling?" Nicholas asked.

"Everyone keeps asking me that," Lilith said with a slight smile. "Like the answer is going to change if you ask enough times."

"Humor me," Nicholas said.

Lilith considered. "Tired. Scared. Trying very hard not to think about what happens in two days."

"Are you succeeding?" Nicholas asked.

"Not even a little bit," Lilith admitted.

Nicholas felt something twist in his chest. "Do you want to talk about it? Or would you rather talk about something else entirely?"

"I don’t know," Lilith said quietly. "Part of me wants to pretend the transformation isn’t real. That we have all the time in the world. But the other part..." She stopped. "The other part knows we don’t. And if something goes wrong, I don’t want there to be things left unsaid."

Nicholas understood that feeling. Had been wrestling with it all day.

"Then let’s not leave things unsaid," Nicholas said.

Lilith looked at him with eyes that saw too much. "Are you scared?"

The question was so direct it took Nicholas off guard.

Most people did not ask Alphas if they were scared. Alphas were supposed to be strong. Certain. Unshakeable.

But Lilith had never treated him like an untouchable Alpha. She had always seen him as just Nicholas. Flawed and complicated and human despite the wolf inside him.

"Yes," Nicholas said honestly. "I’m terrified."

"Of what?" Lilith asked.

"Of losing you," Nicholas said. "Of watching you attempt this transformation and failing. Of feeling you die through the bond and being unable to stop it. Of..." He stopped and looked away. "Of having to live in a world where you don’t exist anymore."

The admission hung in the air between them.

Nicholas had spent his entire life being the strong one. The one who held everything together. The one who made impossible decisions and lived with the consequences.

But sitting here with Lilith in the candlelight, he could not maintain that facade.

"I’m supposed to be able to protect you," Nicholas continued. "That’s what Alphas do. We protect our mates. We keep them safe. But this...." He gestured helplessly. "I can’t protect you from a divine curse. Can’t fight something that’s literally woven into fate. And it’s destroying me."

"You’re not failing me," Lilith said gently.

"Aren’t I?" Nicholas challenged. "You’re dying because of bonds my family forced on you. Because of a curse that should never have transferred to you. Because we were too selfish to let you go when we should have."

"I didn’t want you to let me go," Lilith said.

"You should have," Nicholas said. "You should have run the moment you found out what we were. What loving us would cost. But you stayed. And now...."

"Now I’m exactly where I choose to be," Lilith interrupted firmly. "Nicholas, I’m not some helpless victim who got trapped by circumstances. I knew what I was getting into. Maybe not all the details. Maybe not how bad it would get. But I knew loving three cursed Alphas was dangerous and I chose it anyway."

"Why?" Nicholas asked. "Why would you choose this?"

Lilith was quiet for a moment. "Because you’re worth it. All three of you. Even with the curse and the prophecy and the impossible choices. You’re still worth loving."

Nicholas felt something crack in his carefully maintained control.

"I don’t deserve that," he said quietly.

"Maybe not," Lilith agreed. "But you have it anyway."

She reached out and took his hand. Her fingers were still too cold but her grip was steady.

"Can I tell you something?" Lilith asked.

"Anything," Nicholas said.

"I’m glad it’s you," Lilith said. "I’m glad it’s the three of you. I know the bonds make everything more complicated. I know the curse transferred because of them. But Nicholas....I can’t imagine loving anyone else the way I love you."

Nicholas felt his throat tighten. "Even knowing what it’s cost you?"

"Even then," Lilith confirmed. "Because loving you, loving all three of you has also given me things I never had before. Family. Belonging. People who would burn the world down to keep me safe. That’s worth something. Even if it ends badly."

"It’s not going to end badly," Nicholas said, even though he had no way to guarantee that.

"You don’t know that," Lilith said.

"No," Nicholas admitted. "But I have to believe it. Have to believe that fate wouldn’t give us something this important just to destroy it."

"What if fate doesn’t care?" Lilith asked quietly. "What if the Moon Goddess just wants her pound of flesh and it doesn’t matter how much we love each other?"

Nicholas had wondered the same thing. Had spent hours staring at the ceiling asking why the goddess would curse his bloodline so absolutely. Why she would demand such brutal payment for crimes committed generations ago.

"Then we fight anyway," Nicholas said. "We try the transformation. We hope it works. And if it doesn’t...." He stopped.

"If it doesn’t?" Lilith prompted.

Nicholas looked at her directly. "Then we find another way. I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care what we have to sacrifice. We will find a way to keep you alive."