Chapter 308: He Feels Bad Because He Hurt You

Lucian’s jaw tightened and she saw gold bleed into his eyes. "Because I was terrified. Because you kept saying you didn’t know if you’d stay. Because it felt like you were going to leave with Victoria when she comes for you and I couldn’t..." His voice broke. "I couldn’t lose you. So I made sure you couldn’t leave. And I hate myself for it."

Lilith felt the bond surge between them, felt his absolute sincerity through the connection, and it made her even angrier because she could not even hate him properly when she could feel everything he was feeling.

"Where are Nicholas and Sebastian?" she asked.

"At the border. Dealing with Victoria."

The name made Lilith’s chest tighten. "Aunt Victoria came here?"

"She felt the bonds complete," Lucian said. "The power surge when I marked you....she felt it across the territory. She came to the border immediately demanding we hand you over."

"And?" She asked.

"And Nicholas told her no."

Lilith laughed bitterly. "Of course he did. Can’t let the sacrificial lamb escape, can you?"

Lucian went very still. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing," Lilith said quickly. Too quickly.

But Lucian was staring at her now with an expression she could not read. "Lilith. What did you mean by sacrificial lamb?"

"I don’t know. It’s just....Aunt Victoria said...." Lilith stopped and pressed her hands to her head. Had Victoria said that? Or had she just thought it? Everything from the hospital was jumbled in her memory, fragments and emotions and accusations that might or might not be real.

"What did Victoria say?" Lucian asked, moving closer.

"Nothing. Forget it. I’m just....I’m confused and angry and I need you to leave."

"Lilith...."

"LEAVE!" Lilith’s power flared and the remaining glass in the window frames shattered, raining down onto the grounds below. "Get out! Get out get out GET OUT!"

Lucian held up his hands and backed toward the door. "Okay. Okay. I’m going. But Nicholas and Sebastian will be back soon and they need to talk to you...."

"I don’t want to talk to any of you...."

"Too bad," Lucian said, and there was steel in his voice now. "Because Victoria told them something at the border. Something about the curse, although i don’t know what she said, But i know that you and i need to hear it whether you want to or not."

He left before she could respond, closing the door quietly behind him.

Lilith sat alone in the destroyed bedroom and felt the three bonds humming beneath her skin...Nicholas’s steady presence somewhere in the distance, Sebastian’s warmth right beside him, and Lucian’s guilty aching just on the other side of the door.

All three complete. All three permanent. All three binding her to men who had lied to her about her father’s death and claimed her anyway.

She should feel trapped. Should feel violated and angry and desperate to escape.

But underneath all of that, threaded through the rage and betrayal and hurt, was a terrible bone-deep certainty that she belonged exactly where she was.

And she hated herself for feeling it.

***

*An hour later*

Nicholas found Lilith sitting on the edge of the broken bed wrapped in one of his shirts, staring out at the empty window frame where glass used to be. She did not turn when he entered, did not acknowledge his presence at all, but he felt her awareness of him through the bond.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"How do you think I’m feeling?" Lilith’s voice was flat, emotionless. "I woke up with a bond mark I didn’t consent to. I’m trapped in a house with men who lied to me about my father’s death. And apparently Aunt Victoria has information about your curse that you’re desperate to tell me. So no, Nicholas. I’m not feeling great."

Nicholas moved to sit on the bed beside her, not close enough to touch, just close enough to be present. "Lucian told us what happened when you woke up. What you said."

"Good. Then you know I want him to stay the fuck away from me."

"He feels terrible..."

"He should," Lilith interrupted. "He marked me without consent. He violated me. And I don’t care how guilty he feels. It doesn’t change what he did."

Nicholas was quiet for a moment. "You’re right. What Lucian did was wrong. He should have waited. Should have given you time to choose. And he knows that."

"Does he?" Lilith finally turned to look at him and her eyes were red from crying. "Or does he just feel bad because I’m angry? Because there’s a difference."

"He feels bad because he hurt you," Nicholas said. "Because he took your choice away. And because he knows he might have destroyed any chance we had of you forgiving us."

"You never had a chance," Lilith said quietly. "You lied to me about my father. You kept the truth from me while you punished me, marked me and claimed me. You made me fall for you before I knew what you’d done. So no, Nicholas. You never had a chance at forgiveness. You just didn’t know it yet."

The words hit Nicholas like a physical blow but he did not let it show on his face. "Then why did you stay? After we told you the truth about your father, you could have walked away. You could have gone with Victoria at the hospital. Why didn’t you?"

Lilith looked away. "Because I’m an idiot. Because the bonds won’t let me leave even when I know I should. Because some pathetic part of me still wants you despite everything you’ve done."

"That’s not pathetic," Nicholas said gently. "That’s the bonds. That’s fate. That’s...."

"That’s a CURSE," Lilith interrupted, and when she looked at him again her eyes were blazing. "Don’t you get it? These bonds aren’t some beautiful gift from the Moon Goddess. They’re chains. They’re trapping me here with you when every rational part of me knows I should run."

"Then run," Nicholas said, and he made himself mean it. "If that’s what you really want, then go. We won’t stop you."