“This Tragic Pizza of Exam Humiliations” (49.4)

Like the last chamber, the one for lit class looked like an arena-fied version of Soleri’s class. I was ready for us to have to take on six Soleris, but only one waited for us. A giant lady with glistening, glowing skin looked bored as she waited for us, filing her nails.

“You again?” Oka asked, her head tilting to the side.

The giant lady sighed. “Yes, I am the one called Queceilitrex. Normally, I would be granting you a wish if you found me, but alas…”

“Why are you here?” I asked.

We had last encountered Queceilitrex, it was on our quest to rescue Kalei from Ovie and her group. The tall woman had an incredible power that for some reason she used to give Chumbler a casino and to hypnotize a bunch of my fellow students into being employees there.

“Trust me, I would rather be anywhere else right now.” Queceilitrex said. “But I got in trouble for that last wish, and this is my community service of sorts. It’s incredibly boring.” She yawned. She didn’t have the elegant dance wear she had when we last saw her on, instead opting for more businesslike clothes. A suit fit for office work looked a bit odd on such a regal, ethereal being.

“Are our teachers influential enough to get a giant magic lady to do community service?” Oka sked.

“Your teachers aren’t the ones I answer to,” Queceilitrex said.

“What…is going on here?” Iris asked. “Since when do you know a giant rainbow lady?”

“It’s a long story,” I said. “It happened after, er, you and Maia left the group when we were going after Kalei.”

“You guys got horses and you met a giant magic chick?” Kalei asked. “I’m never getting kidnapped again. I miss all the cool stuff.”

“It wasn’t that cool,” Oka said.

“Hey, can we give you a nickname that’s shorter and easier to pronounce? Please?” Kalei said.

The half of the group that had met Queceilitrex was a lot less enthused to see her than the half that hadn’t.

“Sure,” Queceilitrex said. “Any suggestions? I reserve the right to deny them if they’re terrible, though.”

“Hmm,” Kalei said. “I’m thinking maybe Queceil, but that’s a bit boring. Oh! What about t-rex? That’d be pretty sick. She’s tall and cool like a real t-rex.”

“Hmmm,” Queceilitrex said. “Acceptable.”

“Sweet! Diast, give me points for winning this one already.” Kalei said.

“You don’t get points for giving a nickname,” Diast said. “And it’s time you start the challenge.”

“We have to fight her?” I asked.

“Maia, get behind me,” Iris said, holding her arm out as she conjured energy ribbons and made a bubble around herself and her bestie.

“You just wanted to show off your shield.” Maia said.

“Heheh, am I that obvious?” Iris asked.

“Yep.”

“Not that kind of challenge,” Diast said. “Your hint is that not every monster has to be defeated with your powers or your bloodsabers. To match literature class, this is a challenge of wits.”

“But this whole deal is a power challenge!” Iris said, sadly dropping her shield.

Lillia scowled. “I hate getting hints.”

“So what’s the challenge of wits then, T-rex?” Kalei asked.

“Oh. Right.” Queceilitrex checked her pockets, going through a few before finding a folded sheet of paper. She yawned again before reading it. “What do you call a t-shirt with a book on it?”

“…what?” Oka asked.

“It’s a riddle.” Queceilitrex said.

“Ah.” I said. “It kind of sounds like the setup for a joke.”

“Riddles can be jokes,” Queceilitrex said. “Just figure it out or I’ll send you to insanely difficult challenges in my realm and destroy you or something.”

“She’s not allowed to do that,” Diast said.

“You don’t have to tell them that,” Queceilitrex said. “The last group squirmed so much at the threat of their demise if they couldn’t solve this.”

“Yeah, and we kind of don’t want that vibe here,” Diast said. “But I digress. Good luck with this riddle, gang.”

“Lillia, I feel like you should take the lead.” Oka said.

“I already know the answer,” Lillia said. “If anyone would like to guess, I am open to letting you try.”

“How cocky,” Queceilitrex said. “Are you sure you know?”

“Very.” Lillia said.

“I genuinely have nothing for this one,” Oka said.

“Same here,” I said.

“I still can’t even pronounce this chick and her nickname.” Iris said.

“You can’t pronounce ‘T-rex?’” Kalei asked.

“It’s hard for me to say words sometimes!” Iris said.

“The actual speaking of it I’m not gonna touch,” Kalei said. “But we said it out loud, so you have to know how to pronounce it at least.”

“She just forgot what pronounce means, move on.” Maia said.

“Yeah!” Iris said, putting her hands on her hips.

“Right, the answer is, ‘a novelty.’” Lillia said. “Is there another riddle?”

Oka and I squinted at each other, thinking about it before we said “Ohhhh” in unison.

“I don’t get it.” Iris said.

“Yep, that’s it,” Queceilitrex said.

“Is there another riddle?” I asked.

“Nope.” Queceilitrex said. She got up and left the way we came. “I’m taking my lunch.”

“Nice to meet you, T-rex!” Kalei said, waving. “That was cool. She's awesome.”

“Dr. Diast, are we gonna learn exactly what that giant powerful lady was about? Is she a Cani?” I asked.

“That’s…something for next semester. Probably.” Diast said.

“Can’t you just give us a blurb so it doesn’t sound like you’re making this up?” Kalei asked.

“It’s hard to tell what void regions are exactly given the constantly moving on a scale we can barely comprehend sort of way, but generally speaking, void regions tend to have security systems of sorts. Wardens that make sure things run correctly. Queceilitrex is one of the wardens.”

“Huh,” I said.

“That was a pretty weak challenge, honestly.” Oka said. “But a breather is nice.”

“I dunno, that was probably the best part of finals so far,” Kalei said. “Did you see how impressive that hongas fonongus situation was with her?”

“Kalei!” Oka said. “Oh my god!”

“What! Don’t tell me you didn’t notice!”

“Sure, but it’s rude.”

“She can’t hear us, we’re far away.”

“Even if she could, she wouldn’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” Maia said. “I can’t follow you, at least.”

“I’d explain, but I’d rather we keep moving,” Lillia said.

“Now for the rest of this dungeon crawl, you get to dwell on my riddle,” Kalei said, putting on a voice like an old witch. “What is a hongus fonongus, and why were T-rex’s so good?”

“I hope we don’t dwell on that.” I said.

“The only hongus fononguses you should dwell on are mine, got it?” Oka said. She blushed when she realized she said that out loud, and I matched her reddened hue.

“Oh, I think I just figured it out!” Iris said. “The t-shirt riddle, I mean.”