“This Tragic Pizza of Exam Humiliations” (49.3)

Kalei had a theory about our next challenge room. “They’re gonna make us fight books. Because we all hated the books we had to write about. I bet you five bucks that’s what happens.”

“I think you hated yours the most.” I said.

“I would’ve hated mine if I actually read it,” Iris said. “Oops, I probably wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. Dr. Diast, if you heard that, strike it from the record.”

“I’m gonna pretend I missed that one.” Diast said.

“Thank you!” Iris said.

“You rambled for so long I think Soleri even lost interest.” Maia said.

“But it was still really obvious you didn’t read it.” Oka said.

“Frick, I really hope I don’t fail that class.” Iris said. “Well, if my math is right—”

“It probably isn’t.” Lillia said.

“Well, if my math is right,” Iris said more forcefully. “Then I can flunk one and a half of my classes and still be alright. So Soleri’s probably the one, or maybe the half. I dunno what his problem with me was…”

“You mean what’s his problem in general?” Kalei asked.

“He went in on everyone, but he really had it out for Oka…” I said. 

“Thanks,” Oka said, pouting at the memory.

At the start of the semester, I figured Mr. Soleri had it out for me in particular. He’d always talk smack about Raina Starlight, he’d pick on me for reading Raina Starlight, and he favored Ovie and her crew, who were decidedly not on team Zeta Faleur. But as classes went on, I started to wonder if he just didn’t like any of us. The way he talked to me wasn’t any different than the way he talked to my friends. Maybe something was going on in his personal life (though one would think his big promotion to vice principal would brighten his spirits even a little bit overall), but that didn’t give him the right to be so rude to us all the time and constantly threaten to flunk us out of school.

2nd Period: Literature 9A B3E4 SOLERI

“And so, I thiiiink-” I cleared my throat after my voice cracked. My hands holding my notecards were shaking. I blinked, worrying I was about to pass out from the stress of speaking in front of class. “That this book, uh, heh…”

My thrilling report on an autobiography of an old singer was mostly met with glazed eyes from those who had gone already and apathy from those who were in anxiety mode before giving their own speeches. 

“It was weird that all of the text in the book was underlined, I didn’t really get that…” I said.

“I’m not surprised you missed the meaning there.” Soleri said.

“Er, yeah,” I said. “I also really related to the protagonist having a tail. O-otherwise, they weren’t really like me. My type, I guess.”

On my notecards, that joke was way funnier, but I blew the execution. I got some sympathetic polite smiles from Oka, but nobody mustered up even the fakest of chuckles. I missed a card and skipped right to the ending, but given my performance it wasn’t too noticeable.

“And…” Stella’s lessons about speech giving blared in my head. Don’t say ‘and yeah’ don’t say ‘and yeah’ don’t say ‘and yeah.’ “The…end…?”

Some applause was given once people realized I was done (I thought ‘the end’ would have made that clear but my delivery might have made it seem like I had more). 

“You did great,” Oka said when I sat down. “I could tell you were really anxious.”

“I definitely was…” I said, still in the throes of anxiousness.

“Your tail was low that whole time!” Oka said.

“It was pretty obvious from the shaking and constant voice cracks, too.” Kalei said.

“I’d really love if you removed making fun of crying or anxiousness from your lineup.” Oka said.

“Same here.” I said.

“I wasn’t making fun of her, I was just pointing out that there was more than just the tail that signified her nervousness." Kalei said.

“So? Why am I even arguing about this?” Oka asked.

“Ohri, if you’d like to keep chattering, I think you can approach the front of class and chatter out your assuredly wonderful book report, yes?” Soleri said, his voice oozing sarcasm. But since he was really mean about it and being mean to my girlfriend, it wasn’t funny in the slightest. I wasn’t great at glaring like Lillia, but I definitely shot him an angry look when he said that.

Oka rushed to the front of class, clacking her notecards on the podium like they were playing cards. “Alright, here goes!”

“Tone down the theatrics and get to it, we have plenty of presentations to complete today.” Soleri said.

Soleri sat leaned back in his chair and poked around papers on his desk. Even his body language made me angry.

“She said three words…” I whispered.

“The interruptions are so friggin’ obnoxious…” Kalei said. “He thinks he’s a game show judge or something…”

“The book I read was called Artsy Schedules, and it sure was a ride.” Oka said. “From the main character, the professor who got in a bunch of schemes—”

“Did you read the book?” Soleri asked.

“Yes!” Oka said.

“Did you actually?”

“I really did!”

I would have been so flustered if Soleri talked to me like that right out of the gate. Oka used her natural performing skills to power through it though, but every other line Soleri interrupted with a stern question or some dumb joke nobody but him laughed at. Oka was more and more rattled, and she looked like how I felt by the time she finished. I began to wonder if we’d been collectively cursed to be thoroughly humiliated during our finals. 

I made sure to applaud as loudly as I could when Oka finished, and Kalei and a few others joined in as well, our bit of support for Oka and a bit of revolt on Soleri being such a bad teacher. 

Soleri didn’t get much better for the rest of the book reports, leaving us all a bit rattled afterwards. Some of us talked about telling someone about how bad that went. Lillia informed us that her prior attempts to tell faculty members how Soleri acted around us was generally ignored.

I think we all got back in that nervous state before as we waited to enter the next room of the challenge.

“So we can expect to fight a bunch of monsters that look like Soleri next, maybe?” Oka said.

“If we do, I’m gonna beat them up extra good to defend how mean he was to to you,” I said.

“Heh, I’m doing better now,” Oka said. “I think he was just mad because I’m filled with love and he’s filled with spite and loserdom.” 

“You better put that on your teacher review,” Kalei said. “We get to do those, don’t we?”

“If we do, I’m gonna talk about his stupid jackets with the dumb elbow patches.” Iris said. “And how he smells like my grandpa. Diast, make sure you strike all this from the record too, got it?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not hearing any of this.” Diast said. I could have just been imagining it, but it sounded to me like Diast was trying not to laugh at our Soleri roasting.