“Theater Kid Dusk|Gamer Girlie Dawn” (64.7) (Lillia)

"And this! This is the culmination of everything I've worked so unbelievably hard to attain!" The lead actor in the play held up a vial of a glowing substance before setting it down so she could scribble away on a parchment. Her desk was cluttered and her castle home was covered in cobwebs.

"I see that, but how do you now this junk will even work?" One of the main character's friends said.

Most of Meet Me in Your Castle is about the main character, Elizaisabel, descending into madness as she inherits a castle that has a stockpile of a rare element that she hopes to use to make a magical potion that can cure all ailments. She gradually closes herself off from everyone who cares about her in pursuit of something she ultimately fails to create, a deliciously tragic tale.

When all the lights were out and the play was in full swing, I was able to tune out the devils, Octa Kathron, Clover, and Naomi. It didn't even matter that they were watching nearby, I could just enjoy the show, enjoy the story, the performances, the impressive stages, the live music, I hoped once the theater club at school was running again that we'd get to perform this. I remarked to myself that I would love to take on the lead role as she had another deranged monologue about needing to kill thirty people to make her potion work was for the greater good.

"Elizaisabel, dearest?" A chill ran down my spine at the voice. I forgot about this sequence. The main character has a husband who is scarcely mentioned in the first act, but in the middle of the second he appears just to divorce the lead. I (and many others in the fanbase for this show) find the lead so queer coded that her husband is a non-entity even without his limited stage time, so I never thought much of the breakup scene.

But now it felt different. My parents might have selected this play hoping it would help me cope, but it just put a pit in my stomach. I didn't see the lead and her mostly absent husband on stage, I saw myself and Ko. I tried to keep a straight face, but I couldn't make it through the scene, and excused myself to the restroom.

I could still hear the muffled sounds of the play as I wiped my eyes, feeling like I was entirely alone in a cold wasteland. It was such a simple thing, I missed Ko. But the hurt felt so much deeper, so much more complicated than just that. I wished I could confide in her, talk to her about this. Even at our worst, I could talk to her about things I couldn't tell anyone else.

I thought my hands would shake as I washed them, but they remained still. My expression in the mirror didn't match the devastation I felt.

"Oh my god, Lillia?"

I expected Oka to come check on me despite me asking her not to worry too much about me. What I didn't expect was for Naomi to stop in. Going by her reaction, she didn't notice I had fled to the bathroom because of a scene that rang too painful to me.

"Hello, Naomi," I said.

I had been so obsessed with Naomi, it felt like a lifetime ago. I couldn't deny I still had some fluttery feelings seeing her, even if I had been long past the deepest parts of my crush.

"I'm not surprised you're here," Naomi said. "Isn't this fantastic?"

My past self would be so disappointed in me if I told her this would happen and my reaction wasn't pure elation.

"Yes, it's a wonderful show," I said. "Terrific performances all around."

"Exactly," Naomi said. "I told Clover she'd love it, and I was right."

"Mhm..." I wasn't sure how to respond.

As Naomi talked about her favorite elements of the show, an idea popped into my head, as though a nebulous figure crept up behind me. An image of just grabbing Naomi and kissing her, not caring that she was with Clover, not caring that I was still heartbroken. Maybe that was exactly why.

I couldn't deny it once the thought popped into my head; I did crave a rebound. Perhaps some additional poor life choices to cope such as turning in an assignment after its due date. But the one right in front of me, maybe I wouldn't be alone if I made a massive, stupid decision. Maybe Naomi had been harboring secret feelings for me, and the only way I'd find out is if I put it all out there right in this moment.

Just as the thought got a little too real, one I could feel my muscles instinctively preparing for, my wrists tightening, I stopped myself. I couldn't do that to Naomi. I wasn't a fan of Clover, but I didn't want to hurt her, either.

"I should get back to it, then," I said. "Excuse me."

"Right, enjoy the rest of the show!" Naomi said.

I had to summon strength I didn't know I had to maintain composure, to walk out like nothing was wrong. The scene was over by the time I made it back, but now we were in intermission.

"I tried to stop her," Oka said, grimacing as I approached. "But she just took off like a second before you got here."

Oka gestured ahead, where Lilith approached the devils excitedly.