Chapter 179: From now on, I will never let you be alone!

Even blushing, Emilia showed no sign of pulling away. If anything, she tilted her neck up ever so slightly, waiting for their first kiss to arrive.

But her hope went unanswered.

She waited and waited, and still Natsuki Subaru's lips never came down to meet hers.

Instead, when Emilia opened her eyes, she found that Natsuki Subaru had abandoned her entirely, tangled up instead with Petra on the bed!

And she—like some helpless, useless wife—could only watch from the side, her heart twisting like a blade had been driven through it, not even daring to speak up and interrupt. Why, Subaru? Is someone going to take you from me? Are you going to abandon me again?

Lia's been such a good girl!

Emilia couldn't stop herself from trembling all over, her mind starting to blur, as though she'd slipped free of her own body in that instant.

But the moment Natsuki Subaru turned his head and their eyes met, her sanity came rushing back all at once.

Subaru remembered me. Subaru won't forget me.

Emilia crossed her trembling hands behind her back and clenched them into fists, doing everything she could to calm herself, to talk herself down.

She couldn't lose it—not now, not yet!

Because Subaru wouldn't like it if she did. This Subaru didn't yet share all those wonderful memories with her, hadn't fully fallen for her yet.

No one falls for a woman who might snap into a jealous rage at any moment.

Do you understand, Emilia?

If she started losing favor with him now, there'd be no taking it back.

Emilia kept up this silent argument with herself, all while forcing her face into what she hoped was a sweet smile for Natsuki Subaru.

Smile. Yes—she had to smile.

She was certain of one thing: Subaru liked her face, liked this body of hers—after all, that much was obvious from the details she'd picked up watching those past screenings.

Even back when they'd first met, his affection for her had run high—high enough that he'd been willing to lay down his life to save her.

So—so if she just smiled, surely that would win his favor?

Clinging to that thought, Emilia let her sweetest smile bloom for Natsuki Subaru without reservation.

But behind her back, out of sight, her nails dug deep into the soft skin of her hands, drawing a steady trickle of blood.

And yet, strangely—why don't you look happy about it, Subaru?

Watching him across from her, Emilia saw an expression cross his face that mixed shock with something like worry, and suddenly she couldn't quite hold her smile in place.

Why was he making that face again?

Something inside her was slowly starting to crack.

Because the way he was looking at her, brow faintly furrowed, felt achingly familiar…

Emilia went blank for a moment.

Subaru's face, his expression—they seemed to overlap perfectly with a version of herself from the past.

A flash of insight sparked through her mind, and she remembered.

Wasn't that exact expression—worried, helpless—the very one she used to wear back at the manor, whenever she noticed Subaru pushing himself too hard?!

"Emilia-tan?"

Natsuki Subaru's expression had shifted through several changes before he finally spoke.

He looked straight into Emilia's dazed, unfocused eyes and called her name, gentle but serious.

"...Mm?" Emilia answered on reflex, though her face was still clouded with unease.

Natsuki Subaru drew a deep breath, then, as though he'd steeled himself to something, bent forward sharply in an apologetic bow.

"I'm sorry! This is all on me!"

Natsuki Subaru stayed seated in his chair, holding himself bent at a stiff ninety degrees.

The pose was awkward and tiring to hold, but it was something he had to do—for Emilia's sake.

"I really am sorry!"

He said it again, without once explaining what exactly he was apologizing for.

That part, the two of them understood without needing words. What mattered right now was showing where he stood.

A mature man has to learn to recognize his mistakes, own up to them—and never actually fix them! (Good boys, don't try this at home.)

Then Natsuki Subaru slowly lifted his head and looked straight at Emilia, who stood there with her mouth slightly open, at a loss for what to do.

As far as he was concerned, his own business was settled. Now it was Emilia's turn to be dealt with.

"Emilia-tan—are you forcing yourself?"

The very first thing out of his mouth cut straight through the smile she'd faked a moment ago, without an ounce of mercy.

"Wh-what?" Emilia blurted, denying it on reflex, caught off guard.

But Natsuki Subaru wouldn't let it go. He leaned in closer, until their faces were near enough to feel each other's breath, and spoke again.

"That smile just now—I could tell right away. It was cute, but it broke my heart a little too."

Natsuki Subaru gave a rueful laugh, but instead of dwelling on it, he shifted the subject.

"Emilia-tan—are you scared?"

"Scared that I'll abandon you, that I'll stop liking you—so scared you can't stop second-guessing yourself?"

At his words, Emilia's whole body went rigid, as though he'd struck straight at the heart of the matter; her face crumpled into open panic—which, somehow, made her look all the more delicious.

Natsuki Subaru spent a moment savoring her reaction with quiet amusement.

Then he reached out and pulled forward the hands she'd been hiding behind her back, holding them up in front of himself.

"If that's what you were thinking, then you're wrong, you know?"

The wound on the back of Emilia's hand was still dripping blood. Natsuki Subaru lowered his head, laid his hand over the injury, and channeled healing magic through his contract with Betty.

As he focused on tending the wound, he kept talking without pause, dismantling piece by piece the idea that she'd been about to be abandoned.

"S-sorry, Subaru, I was wrong…"

The instant Emilia realized Subaru had spotted her injured hand, her first reaction was to blurt out an anxious apology.

Because the very last thing she wanted was for Subaru to see her like this—so unsightly.

Then she tried to pull her hands back, but by then Subaru already had them locked firmly in his grip, and there was no wriggling free.

It took Natsuki Subaru only a few seconds to heal the small wounds on Emilia's hands.

He checked them over carefully once more before lifting his head again, smiling at Emilia, who kept hers bowed as though she'd done something wrong.

"Instead of an apology, I'd rather hear a thank-you, you know?"

"Because when I say that, it's not that I want you to apologize—it's that I want to do something for you."

"Oh, and by the way—that's actually something you told me once, a while back. Ah… though the you standing here right now probably doesn't remember it happening at all…"

Natsuki Subaru scratched the back of his head, embarrassed at his own slip.

After all, he knew the Emilia in front of him was the Emilia of the Wrath line, branching off after the third death at the manor.

So naturally, she had no memory of the exchange between the two of them from the loop he'd cleared.

Thinking about it, a flicker of regret crossed his eyes—this was exactly the downside of Return by Death.

Once a loop reset, every memory shared together simply vanished. It really was… lonely, in its own way.

"No, I know… I know!"

Emilia, who'd been silently staring down at the floor a moment ago, suddenly lifted her head, a strange new light kindling in her eyes.

She repeated the words twice, as though desperate to make sure Natsuki Subaru understood.

That precious memory between the two of them—she still held onto it, treasured and intact!

Natsuki Subaru, in this loop, and in every one of the countless loops still to come—would never again be alone.

____

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