The Confession

(Akane's PoV)

—

I pressed the side of my face against his chest for a few more seconds, listening to the lighthouse scream on the TV, before I began to talk.

"Well, after school I went to Kurone's house, and I bought three pregnancy tests from the pharmacy."

I could feel Shin's body responding beneath me; there was a slight tension that ran through his chest and onto the arm which was around my waist.

He didn't interrupt.

"I took three, just to be certain—different brands—and if one of them was faulty, the third one would settle the matter," I drew a slow circle on the fabric of his shirt with my index finger. "When I got there, she was in a terrible condition, Shin—I'm serious. Her skin was pale, she had no makeup, and she couldn't even rise to greet me. She hadn't eaten at all since the day before, so I went down to the kitchen and prepared her rice porridge before doing anything else."

Shin gently bit his lower lip.

"...I see," he said in a low voice, "and how is she feeling now?"

"I got all three test results back, and they were negative," I said. "At least we can rest assured about that. However, she's still in a physically weak condition. Her body is just... breaking down on its own." I stopped tracing with my finger. "It's the trauma. That's exactly what it is. Her body is responding to what Kenji did, even though the worst has passed. It doesn't realize it's over."

"I hope she recovers," Shin said quietly. His hand kept moving through my hair, but I could feel the tension still sitting in his shoulders. "I remember how she could barely stand on her own feet."

"Yeah. I told her that she should see someone professionally. Since she doesn't want to tell her mother, I offered to help her find a clinic that she could go to on her own. She'll be away from school for the entire week. I'll check up on her again when I have the opportunity."

Shin nodded at the top of my head.

There was a brief silence between us. The film about the lighthouse carried on as usual, and the woman in high heels had discovered a basement and, as one would expect, was heading into it.

"There's more," I said.

"I know," he said in a gentle tone, "just talk if you feel like it."

I took a deep breath.

And then… the hardest part started.

I reached for the fabric of Shin's sweatpants at the thigh without thinking and held on to it. I didn't grip it tightly, just enough to have something solid to grasp.

"When I came out of Kurone's room, Kurone's mother was waiting for me downstairs," I kept my voice even. "She had prepared two cups of coffee and was sitting there as if she had been waiting for me for hours."

My toes automatically curled against the couch cushion, and then straightened them out, but they immediately curled once more.

"We talked…" A small breath. "…She knows a lot of things about me that she shouldn't know, and she knows things about you too, and she was... polite. Dangerously polite. The kind where you can't tell if someone is being kind or if they're just very good at getting what they want."

I grasped his thigh more firmly.

"And then… she told me there was someone she wanted me to meet." 

I stopped talking for a few instants.

The movie kept playing in the background while my toes curled and uncurled against the cushion like they had somewhere to be.

"And then a door opened behind her," I said. "And my mother walked in."

Shin's hand stopped in my hair. I could feel his body stiffening.

"All she did was be there, standing in someone else's living room, looking at me." My voice stayed flat, but my fingers were gripping his thigh hard enough now that I could feel my own nails through the fabric. "And the first thing she said was... 'Did you miss your mother?'"

I gave a short, shaky laugh.

Shin kept listening, very carefully.

"And in that moment… I was three different people at the same time." My toes pressed hard into the cushion and then released. "I was the little girl who used to run to her mother and hug her and tell her everything would be fine. I was the girl who got told she wasn't a daughter anymore. And I was the lone wolf that exists right now, standing in a doorway, trying to figure out which one of those people was supposed to handle the situation."

I took my hand from his thigh and placed it on his shirt, then held onto the fabric there and pulled myself closer to him.

"She held her arms out, Shin. Open. Like she wanted to hug me…" A pause. "…And she was crying, and saying 'my precious baby' and 'I'm sorry' and all the things that... that a part of me has wanted to hear for four years."

My voice wavered… but I swallowed it back.

"And the worst part? My body almost went to her… My arms moved just a little before I could stop them." I pressed my forehead into his collarbone. "That scared me more than anything she said."

I inhaled again. My fingers were restlessly moving from his shirt to his sleeve to his wrist and then back, and couldn't manage to stop.

"But… in the end, I didn't go. I stayed where I was, and told her to stop." A pause. "And then she told me why she was there."

My toes went still.

"She said it was probably the last time we'd see each other."

I felt Shin's whole body change under me. A shift, subtle but total, like something had gone cold inside him.

"Kurone's mother had planned everything. The coffee, the meeting, my mother behind that door. All of it." My fingers found his palm and held on. "My mother will testify against that monster, and she also told me that when he finds out she betrayed him..." I pressed my fingers into his hand. "He'll kill her. She said it as she'd already accepted it."

I closed my eyes.

"And in that moment, even though I hated her, even though everything she did and said to me was still burning inside me like acid... I watched her collapse on the floor of that living room and cry the way she used to cry when I was six years old. Nothing had changed."

My hand was shaking. I squeezed his fingers tighter.

"I really wanted to go to her. The little girl in me was crying out to run, to take her in my arms and say 'don't cry, Mama, I'm here, I'll protect you', just as I always did." I bit my lip. "But I couldn't because if I had gone to her at that time, if I had hugged her then, everything I am now and all that I've built would have been a lie."

I opened my eyes.

"So I just told her that she wasn't going to die. And that we'd talk again when that man was behind bars."

Shin understood immediately.

I sensed it in the way his body became rigid, in the sharp breath he drew, and in the way his arms tightened around me before he spoke.

"Akane..." His voice was almost panicked. "Don't tell me that you..."

I pulled my head away from his chest and looked at him, gently and without crying this time.

"If the situation calls for it, I will testify against him." I held his gaze. "But until I'm actually called to do it, I won't have any contact with them. Not with Kenji. Not with my mother. Problems would still chase me anyway."

Then, I leaned forward and kissed him. Slowly, letting my lips stay against his for a long moment before pulling back.

"You're my family now, Shin. I've told you this more than once. You're the only person I love, and I know you'll stand with me through this too." I smiled at him.

Shin's eyes were wet. He bit his lower lip, and I saw him trying to hold it together, trying not to let the fear come through, but it was there. I could see it sitting behind his face like a shadow.

"Akane..." His voice cracked slightly. "Whatever happens, I'll always be beside you. Always. Even though I hate this idea. And even though I wouldn't be able to have a normal conversation with Kenji without feeling the urge to beat him, especially after everything he's done."

"I know." I rested my forehead against his. "I hate him too with everything I have. But... if what he says is true, then that man will get what he deserves. And if that happens..." I closed my eyes for a second. "I might reconsider my mother's words. Because despite everything, she did protect me when I was little. The part of me that loved her never really left. It just hid behind my armor. Like she used to do after every time she cried."

I let out a small laugh. It came out shaky, but it was genuine.

Then I pulled back, settled myself against his chest again, with my voice returning to its normal 'Akane' tone.

"And that's everything, Ishikawa. The full report. Every detail. Now give me my required dose of cuddles so I can recover all the energy I lost from holding back tears. Be a man and support your girlfriend properly." I said, snuggling even more into him.

Shin let out a breath that had a lot packed into it. Relief, fear, tenderness, frustration… all of it compressed into one slow exhale.

"Fine," he said. His voice was still a little rough. "But you have to promise me something."

"What?" I said, curious.

"You must tell me everything from now on. Whatever happens. I don't want to be sitting around worrying, Akane. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I couldn't hear your daily insults anymore." His hand returned to my hair, stroking slowly. "I've become dangerously addicted on them."

I snuggled deeper into him, and I managed to giggle a little.

"Oh, don't worry about that," I said. "I'll always find a way to insult you. Even from prison. Even from another country. Even from the afterlife. You're stuck with me forever and ever, Ghost Boy."

"Terrifying." But his voice was warm.

I stayed completely quiet for a moment, allowing his hand to go through my hair, letting the horrible film fill the silence between us, and letting my breathing sync with his as it always had.

I then raised my head so that my eyes were on the same level as his.

"And... sorry if I'm saying this again." My voice dropped softer. "But I love you. A lot. Almost as much as food."

I kissed him again.

And this time Shin kissed me back with something behind it that hadn't been there before. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me in, and I could feel his fear in the way he held on, in the pressure of his hands against my back, in the way he wouldn't let any space exist between us.

He was scared. Not of the trial, not of Kenji, not of my father. He was afraid of losing me.

And I understood that, because I would feel the same things in his situation.

I held him back just as tightly, and for a long time we remained like that, entangled together on the couch, breathing into one another.

Then I pulled back again just enough to look at his face.

"Hey," I said.

"Mm?"

"Let's go sleep in your room. Like this." I poked his chest. "I want to use you as my pillow again. That's my right as your girlfriend and future wife. No objections."

Shin let out a small, tired laugh. The kind that comes after a long day when there's nothing left to do but give in.

"Alright," he said. His smile was gentle, a little broken, and completely mine. "Let's go."

Then, I climbed off him and held out both hands, and he took them and let me pull him up off the couch, and we stood there for a second in the dim living room with the lighthouse still screaming on the TV behind us, and neither of us reached for the remote.

We went upstairs together, hand in hand.

His room was dark and quiet and smelled like clean sheets and the faint ghost of piano wood, and I immediately undressed right in front of him. And then, I crawled under the covers and waited for him with my arms already open.

"Come to me, Darling," I said, smiling.

After staring at me for a few instants, he rapidly undressed, turned off the light, and climbed in.

I claimed him almost immediately. My head was on his chest, my arm across his ribs, and my leg hooked over his.

"Shin," I whispered, tracing little circles on his chest.

"Mm?" 

"Thank you. For listening… For just... being here." I said.

"Where else would I be?" He asked, his hand gently caressing my curves.

"Somewhere smarter. With a girl who doesn't bring home a new family disaster every 48 hours." I said.

"Sounds boring. I need a little chaos in my life." His voice was soft.

"Well… we're a good match, then…" I said.

I smiled against his chest, warmly.

And then I closed my eyes, and his hand found my hair one last time.

The room was warm, his heartbeat was slow, and the day was finally, finally over.

Tomorrow there would be school, Tsubame, rehearsals, and a hundred small battles waiting at the door.

But tonight there was this. There is just boy who said 'our home' and meant it, and a girl who said 'I love you, almost as much as food' and meant it too, and the quiet of a house that used to be a tomb and was learning, slowly, room by room, to be something else.

I fell asleep between one breath and the next.

And for the first time since opening that door and seeing my mother's face, I felt safe...