Chapter 40. Not dum enough to hurt you

Chapter 40: 40. Not dum enough to hurt you

As I became conscious of my surroundings, fitting back into my skull, my head felt twice as heavy. Then all at once, everything became functional, and pain hit like a rocket to my core.

I curled up and held it, trying to relieve myself, and surprisingly it worked. The Starving Hour is brutal, I think I prefer normal sex now.

Opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was Seraphine, nude, sleeping beside me. I sat up straight and found Dr. Rhiannon beside me too, also nude. Of course I was nude as well.

I tried to ignore them and took a breath, holding my back, stiff from sleeping on solid brick and stone.

Then vines of calla lilies grew in front of me, dry, with no flower buds on them, their movement slow. The vines formed a frame and stayed empty where the panel should be.

I became alert, eyes glued to the empty frame, a fear rising in me at not seeing the panel. I messed up, didn’t I?

Before I could talk myself out of it, the panel appeared, still empty at first, then entirely red instead of blue. My breathing stopped at that. I didn’t want to look at it. I didn’t want this to exist. My eyes refused to focus on the words on the crimson red panel.

No matter how much I tried to ignore it, I couldn’t run from it. It was the result of my own recklessness. I curled up toward the panel to hold it. My heart was practically begging my eyes not to look, but that wasn’t possible.

? Lilathea’s Blade Harem System! ?

? Evolution state: Mortal human. ?

? Rank: E. ?

? Compatibility rate: 34. ?

? Casllay mana points: Negative 90908. ?

? Lifespan remaining: 4 hours 56 minutes. ?

"......."

? Lifespan remaining: 4 hours 47 minutes. ?

"........."

? Lifespan remaining: 4 hours 39 minutes. ?

Wait, am I alive? It said 59 before... did I really just spend 17 minutes blanked out? Or... there is no "or" here. The Casllay is in the negative, how is that even possible?

Where are you, Lilathea? Can’t you see I need you? Where are you? But what could she even do?

"I fucked up... I fucked up so bad. No. No. No."

I stared blankly at my own palms for a moment, but staring was useless. I should do something. But what? I had 4 hours of lifespan left.

Tears didn’t come. What else was there to lose, anyway? This was my second life, most people never even get a second chance.

"TOO BAD I SCREWED UP MY SECOND CHANCE AS WELL!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

A jaw-cracking scream escaped my mouth, air flowing out like it was fleeing me. I didn’t stop until I couldn’t scream anymore.

No one has the peace of mind to stay asleep after hearing a scream like that. Both Seraphine and Dr. Rhiannon jolted awake, their sleep vanishing in an instant.

Dr. Rhiannon reached for me first, hugging me from behind and holding my head, carefully petting it.

"There, there, muffin, what happened."

She wasn’t her usual joking self, genuinely concerned, her voice carrying real weight. Her actions said it too, she didn’t ask first, she acted.

And that’s exactly what pissed me off. Acting this way after ruining everything?

"Why? Just get away from me!"

I pushed her and stood up, a little unbalanced but not losing my footing. Grinding my teeth at her.

"Elias... please calm down. Whatever it is, share it with us. We can–"

"Fuck you! Fuck both of you. I don’t want to talk, it’s not like you’d ever understand!"

Dr. Rhiannon had nothing to say, but she didn’t need to, still trying to figure out how to calm me down. Seraphine rested her back against the wall, keeping one knee up, resting her arm on it.

"Okay, phunk, shut up. I’m guessing you’re mad about us having intimacy together. Which is really out of place coming from a horndog."

"Maybe I’m a horndog, but I have limits and boundaries too!"

I pointed a finger at her, screaming, and she kept her face flat, like my point was invalid and she didn’t care.

"Hm. Still your fault. You shouldn’t carry a potion like The Starving Hour around like a casual beverage. Besides, I drank it thinking it was a healing potion."

I backed down, because her point did make sense, anyone who drank that potion would lose control, no matter who they were.

No, none of this would have happened if Dr. Rhiannon hadn’t made me drink the potion in the first place. I looked at her, she looked down, knowing it was her fault too.

Then is it our fault? No, that doesn’t sound right. But it does.

Come on, Seraphine clearly has a higher compatibility rate, if she hadn’t been here... why is my thinking so messed up. I scratched my head, hard enough to make my headache worse.

"Calm down, alright. You shouldn’t act this way after begging me to fuck you. You were so drunk on lust you kept going even after Rhiannon passed out. You expect us to keep our heads while you lost yourself completely? Hypocrite."

I ground my teeth again, fists clenching. Even if her statement was right, they had no idea what they’d done to me. My second chance at life was completely gone, I had 4 hours left to live, and the only way to extend it was gone too.

These two would live on and I would die? It’s happening again, I never get the justice, and the people who ruin my life get away with it. What about the damage they’d done!?

It’s not like I could say my secrets out loud. It pissed me off.

"That still doesn’t change the fact that I absolutely hated having sex with you. Maybe I wouldn’t have regretted it as much if you weren’t the way you are, Seraphine. Always angry, no actual thought behind anything. I still remember when you first came into my dorm room, and just look at the first thing you did. Seriously, you–"

My mouth moved faster, words flooding out like water breaking a dam, shocking Dr. Rhiannon, who tried to step in. But Seraphine, who had been listening with her head down, decided she’d had enough.

Seraphine stood up with force, and in one step she closed the distance, grabbed my shoulder, and lifted me up to meet her furious eyes.

"Let me tell you this, asshole. You regretting having sex with me is your problem, not mine. You wanted it too. And if you don’t understand those two points, I have ways to make you understand."

Seraphine raised her fist as a warning. Dr. Rhiannon rushed over and grabbed her fist, pushing her shoulder down to make her keep her cool.

"You know, you just proved my point, that you only think through violence. Go ahead, punch me. Be yourself."

I didn’t blink, and I smiled, the satisfaction hitting me with a strange pleasure. Dr. Rhiannon’s mouth fell open, she hadn’t expected that from me.

"Elias, please keep your mouth sealed for a moment. Both of you, please stop it–"

"No. I won’t. Why should I? Hit me, Seraphine. Be confident in your violence."

Seraphine hissed at me, her fist tightening. She isn’t the type who cares what others say about her. Kind of like me, but two similar puzzle pieces can’t always fit together.

"Why do you have to say that? Do you hate me that much? What did I do–"

My eyes widened as if I were witnessing a wonder. Because I was, Seraphine was crying. Her eyes focused anywhere but my face, a steady stream of tears running down, her words trembling, her rough voice turning feminine, the weakest I’d ever heard it.

Soon her lips crumpled, her grip loosened on my shoulder, and I dropped to the ground. From down there I looked up at her, she must have... no, she actually was crying, and not stopping at all.

Seraphine covered her face, her powerful, straight posture faltering, her balanced stance now unsteady. Dr. Rhiannon understood it before I did. She held Seraphine’s head, comforting her.

"It’s fine, Silver. Just cry it out. But don’t overthink what Elias said."

Seraphine pushed Dr. Rhiannon away, the push barely carrying any power, then turned around, grabbed her clothes, covered herself and left the room.

Dr. Rhiannon stepped forward to follow her, but stopped. She turned to me, anger in her eyebrows, her mouth tight, and closed the distance with that same energy, looking straight into my eyes. Then her hand connected with my cheek, she slapped me, hard.

"I have a feeling you’re mad about something else entirely, and you took it out on her. If there’s a different, hidden reason for you to be upset, you could also use your brain to understand that other people have their own hidden reasons for acting the way they do."

"Silver isn’t as smart as you. But she’s not dumb enough to hurt you the way you just hurt her."

I couldn’t meet her eyes. The slap, and the lecture, I deserved both. All my past words hit me like a missile. I wasn’t trying to be right, or even prove her wrong. I was just trying to win a debate I’d made up myself.

"Your silence tells me you understand, and that you feel guilty, maybe. Good. Take your time, but I want you to apologize to Silver later. Okay?"

Dr. Rhiannon turned and stepped out of the room. I still couldn’t look at her. I’d screwed up again.

But–

I promise this will be the last time.