Novel Full 405 Self blame
An Qinyan said, “It is not okay, Xiulan. He has a demanding job. You know how his work hours are. He still makes time to drop you at the office. You should not do this. He will face more problems this way. Don’t you feel bad that he had to drive extra tens of kilometers and spend an extra hour to drop you at your office and then drive to his own office? He could have slept more in that extra hour in the morning.”
An Xiulan lowered her head as she could not say anything back to her mother. She knew that her mother was right but what could she do about it? People in love do ridiculous things and both of them were just like that.
Of course she felt bad that he had to wake up early every day to drop her at office just to spend some minutes with her. But it was the only option they had.
She pondered for a long time for the nearest alternative amd suddenly an idea clicked her.
“I have an idea, “An Xiulan said.
Gu Shangyan asked, “About?”
She replied with a grin, “Me and him!”
An Qinyan asked this time, “What sort of idea?”
The intelligent An Xiulan answered with a wide smile, “It is too much for him to drop me daily at my office and pick me up too as his job is hard but I can do the same for him, right? I will drop him to his office daily and pick him up. Don’t you think it is an amazing idea?” She clapped suddenly and said, “Of course, it is an amazing idea! Sometimes, I am too intelligent. It must be breakfast cooked by Uncle that resulted in my awesome thinking session. Thank you, uncle! Love ya, all!”
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If it was up to her, she would become his shadow.
“Sometimes, I wonder how your husband will bear your relationship with your best friend?” Gu Shangyan said with a sigh.
“What about him?” An Xiulan asked, looking up.
“What kind of man would like his wife to be that close to another man?” Gu Shangyan asked.
An Xiulan looked at her step father saying that Gu Shangyan was asking nonsense questions, “Uncle!”
“Shangyan!”
“I am just asking a question, “Gu Shangyan said, raising his arms in the air in defeat.
Gu Yanxi said, “Stupid, question. Our Xiulan will never get married.”
An Xiulan panicked. “No! No! I want to one day!”
“Since when do you want to get married?” An Qinyan asked.
“Right now!” She just had a realization that she wanted to get married. Before she didn’t care about staying married or single, but now she cared a lot.
“Sit here, “An Qinyan said when she saw An Xiulan leaving.
An Xiulan knew that if she stayed there, she would end up speaking more nonsense and she had to stop herself from doing that. Or her mom would grill her with questions.
When An Xiulan left, An Qinyan asked herself, “What is wrong with her these days?”
Gu Yanxi sighed, “Only if we know.”
“Do you think she have a boyfriend?” An Qinyan asked all of a sudden.
Gu Yanxi said, “Don’t be ridiculous! Our Xiulan is too young and innocent for that.”
An Qinyan answered, “Yanxi, both the things that she can’t be. She looks innocent but trust me, she is not. She can easily fool you or more like you always let her.”
“She is our baby. What am I supposed to do?” Gu Yanxi said, clearly offended by her statement. “And don’t you pamper Xiaobao?”
An Qinyan narrowed her eyes at her husband and asked, “Are you perhaps jelaous of a kid?”
Suddenly, they looked at Gu Shangyan who was eating quietly. When they notice that those two were looking at him, he said, “Continue. Continue. I am just here to eat. And you guys are very cute when you bicker. It reminds me of the time when I was a teenager, uncle was fool for auntie but she would not give you time of the day.”
“Brat!” Gu Yanxi mumbled.
“What?” Gu Shangyan acted innocent.
“Since when did you start acting cute?” Gu Yanxi could not help but ask his nephew.
Gu Shangyan also realised this. “I am spending too much time with kids of the family. Haven’t you heard that we pick habits of people we live around? I ended up just picking habits of Xiulan and Xiabao.”
An Qinyan laughed. “I can see it.”
She really think it was very cute. Gu Shangyan was the child in the family who expressed the least. It was hard for him to form expression in the beginning but An Xiulan trained him well. Her dramatic nature rubbed on him in the end.
Gu Shangyan recalled suddenly as he said, “Auntie, when I went to drop Xiaobao, I met Mr Lu. He was at home.”
An Qinyan asked in confusion, “Wasn’t he busy with work and that was why he could not go with Xiaobao?”
Gu Shangyan sighed.
“He lied?” An Qinyan was enraged. “How can he do this to Xiaobao? His busy life already effected Xuan and Xiulan’s childhood and he is now doing it to Xiaobao too? How can he do it? Does he think Xiaobao will be as kind as Xuan and Xiulan to give him time? That boy picked the selfish nature of Lu Xuan and sharpness of An Xiulan. He will never go easy on his parents. That man makes me speechless!”
It seemed like An Qinyan was very attached to Lu Xun. She didn’t think that boy deserved such treatment from his father. Which kid deserved an absent father? No one did!
“Calm down, “Gu Yanxi tried to calm her down. But it didn’t seem to work.
“Auntie, it’s not tha matter, “Gu Shangyan informed her. “I found out that his health is not fine. And you know he will never show his weakness to his children. Aunt Yifei brought him to hospital for check up. I also met her when I dropped Lu Xun. She was glad that we were able to keep him for long otherwise he would have insisted to join his parents.”
“What happened to him?” An Qinyan asked, feeling guilty.
“He took the news of Lu Xuan leaving too hard, “Gu Shangyan said. “I heard it from Aunt Yifei. He doesn’t show many things but we all know those who don’t say and silent thinks, suffers the most. She believes that he is blaming himself for his children’s suffering.”
Initially, he was thinking about telling it to his family. But then he realised how sad An Xiulan and Lu Xuan would be if they got to know about it. So, he should talk about it with someone who could do anything about this problem.
An Qinyan sighed. “What’s his fault in this? Lu Xuan left because of his own problems that he didn’t want to face here.”
“But he doesn’t know that, “Gu Shangyan said. “He thinks he failed as a father.”
“He failed a long time ago but atleast he is working to correct his wrongs, “An Qinyan said. “What’s with people blaming themselves all the time instead for working to correct their mistakes?”
“I think you should talk to Lu Zhaolin, “Gu Yanxi said.
“You are asking me to talk to my ex-husband?” An Qinyan asked her husband.
“I am asking you to talk to Lu Xuan’s father, “Gu Yanxi said. “To put some senses to his head? Now is not the time to blame eachother or ourselves. It is the time to be with our kids and help them navigate their lives.”
He took a break and went on saying, “Twenties are hard time of one’s life. The kids are adults but they are confused. They want to wait and walk slowly but life would happen at a very fast pace that it would not give them a chance to breath. The kids will fail, fall and almost give up. We have to be here for them instead of blaming ourselves in the corner. Remember when we were in our twenties how much we wanted some one to guide us because we didn’t know how adult life is supposed to be live? We wanted someone with experience. We have similar experience of that life. We can give it to our kids.”
Hearing her husband’s words, An Qinyan nodded her head. She agreed with what he said. She should talk with Lu Zhaolin and try to make him see reality once and after that he could decide what he wanted to do. Self blaming was not going to help, instead it would ruin a lot of things. He had to see it himself how he wanted the things to turn out.
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A/N: I finished writing this chapter and looked up to find sun setting in the sky. It is a beautiful sight. Have you ever seen how beautiful everything looks wherever the light of setting sun falls? Sunsets are close to my heart. Because I found so much in sunsets, I will never forget it.
I am in euphoria. You can imagine.
Our favourite music+ sunset+ a cozy spot on balcony+ best memories in mind+ post rain winds+ view of forest.
I’m in my personal heaven!